Our Lady's Ridge
by lamina terminalis
Summary: Modern archeologists make a stunning discovery on a ridge in Tanzania. The ridge has been called by the local inhabitants "Our Lady's Ridge". Rated Mature for later chapters which involve sex, New Caprican herbal smoking, Cylon detention torture, angst and some sexual abuse. Each chapter will have its own trigger warnings, if they apply.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a very long story, which I have started writing in 2009 and worked on since. As it is, it is unfinished and currently has 92 pages. I am working on finishing it. It has Three parts. This is chapter 1 of Part I. English mistakes are completely mine as I am writing in my second language. The story involves OC, dark and angsty material, some violence and sexual abuse. Special trigger warnings will be mentioned for each chapter if they apply. Being a scientist, as best of my abilities, all scientific material presented here is correct. The story is mine only. I avoided reading stories with similar premises to prevent myself from inadvertently getting influenced.**

 **Sadly I do not own the characters of BSG. OC characters are mine only.**

 **PART ONE: The discovery**

 **Chapter 1**

It was cold and humid, when Helena arrived at the camp after a long walk up the ridge. The top of the mountain was on a sharp western ridge, easing out as a plateau sloping gently on the east. Now with the archeological dig and tents, most of the land was covered. They had called Helena from the USA to Africa under the most ultimate secrecy. Helena barely could understand why they summoned her. The regions had ancient geological layers which were interesting from an archeological point of view and this part of the world was famous for the discovery of the most prehistoric remains of humans ancestors, but Helena's competency in historical linguistics were needed in studies of much less ancient times. She would generally go to Asia or the Middle East to decipher old parchments and texts. She had worked on the Coptic manuscripts and some of the Dead Sea Scrolls and was a kind of celebrity in the field for her competency in early linguistics. She participated in translating Sutras from India from fragments of old Sanskrit texts. Pali, Urdu, Sanskrit held no mysteries from her and she had studied extensively ancient middle eastern languages, Sumerian, Akkadian, Babylonian, Assyrian, Aramaic, Cannanite, Phonecian, Samarian, Ugaritic, Syriac, Mandean, Hattic, Elamite, Hurrian, Hittite, Urartian, Lydian, Luwian, Lycian, Palaic. From Asia to Europe, Helena had traveled and studied remnants of parchment, carvings in stone tablets and on tombs, engravings in pottery. She was an expert and often called on the most difficult studies. There was nobody more knowledgeable that her in early languages and civilizations.

A couple of weeks ago, she received a phone call. The message left on her voice mail at the university was cryptic. She was called in to help with the study of a most ancient manuscript, which was eluding other researchers. Her immediate presence was required. Helena could not wait to see what this was about, tempted by the aura of mystery surrounding this message. She was stunned to receive plane tickets for Tanzania, instead of the predicted Middle East for such a discovery. All expenses were paid by the United Nations and the world heritage research foundation affiliated to the UNESCO. She had landed to Dar es Salaam and taken a small plane to Morogoro at the edge of the Eastern Arc Mountains spanning the most oriental region of Tanzania. The contrast from the lower dry plains to the high rise mountains was stunning. Morogoro was a small town with a small airfield and dusty red ground roads, but it was an attractive site of the region as it was the gate way to the mountains nearby, where several research centers were doing biodiversity research, cataloging bird species and establishing records of the many endangered species, unique to the region. At her arrival she was greeted by a guide, who said he would take her to the site of the discovery. The town, he explained, was an ancient colony town where a large German population used to live and develop farms in the rich soil surrounding the area, hence the remaining German names on houses and of villages. But the local populations, oppressed by the colonists, rebelled and during the First World War the British took the colony away from the Germans.

The geography of the region was complicated. North and west laid the volcanic chain of mountains, born from the tectonic fault running north, and included the famous Mount Kilimanjaro, culminating close to 5900 meters high. West of the volcanoes, the rift region harbored deep ravines where the first fossils of the earliest humans had been discovered in the Olduvai Gorge. The "cradle of mankind", it was called, as prehistoric remnants of past civilizations had been found in the desert landscape of the gorge. East, however, laid the Eastern Arc Mountains, a chain of ancient mounts, some of them quite elevated, which bordered Tanzania and sloped down towards the Indian Ocean. The climate was interesting, oscillating between hot and dry and cold and humid, with the east slopes of the Eastern Arc Mountains receiving heavy precipitations from the Indian Ocean, and thus harboring a wild rain forest, and the western slopes harboring a very dry micro climate with wind from the dry savanna. The trip in the truck had been slow and long. It took hours to reach the base of the Uluguru Mountains and go up along dirt roads bordering lush forests and cultivated land. There were several farms, and as they started up in the mountains, the landscape became less tropical and more alpine, with green hills and lower bushes. Then Helena, her guide and porters started a long hike along the Western ridge. The summits were lost in the clouds and by the time they reached the top, the weather had changed from hot to cold. The vegetation had morphed from forest to a high mountain sparse landscape of bushes and bare rock, beaten by the winds. This landscape seemed out of place in Africa and certainly it was not the Africa Helena has imagined or even ever visited. She was more accustomed to Middle Eastern deserts. It was distinctively different with characteristic vegetation, not tropical, yet still African in a way she could not put in words. This is where the camp had been set.

The air became suddenly breathable, cooler, with hint of flowery fragrance released from nearby bushes beaten by the breeze and clumps of African violets native of this region. The night was settling in and the wind picked up carrying fog and clouds from the eastern side of the mountain. Helena, fascinated by the change of landscape and climate, noticed how the wind carried a distinctive ocean smell.

She shook her head: "I could swear I can smell the ocean, but we must be a few hundred kilometers from it"

Her guide laughed: "About 200 kilometers actually and you are not imagining things. The Easterlies are carrying moisture from the Indian Ocean all the way up here. We are quite high up, about 1800 m high. It is one of the highest points of this chain of mountains."

The security was tight around the camp, which surprised Helena greatly as she realized that this was more than a mere archeological mission. The camp was a small fortress of tents and inflatable structures surrounded by fences, security cameras and barbed wire.

Her guide and a few porters were greeted by a Japanese researcher, who directed them to bring their bags and load of supplies to a nearby tent.

"Welcome Prof. Harper. I hope your trip was not too unpleasant" He smiled.

With a hint of sarcasm, Helena tilted her head to the barbed wire. "Afraid of something?"

"Helena, you will understand why soon enough. How have you been?"

"I am well, thanks" She chuckled "I should have known such an expedition could be only arranged by you, Dr. Inoue."

Both old friends embraced.

"It is good to see you, Helena. It has been far too long. Come on inside. But before we talk, you have to sign the paperwork"

She followed him into the nearest tent.

"You always had a sense of theatrics, Takashi."

He smiled and grabbed a brief case that he opened on the nearby table.

"Trust me, you will not be disappointed. We are dealing with quite a discovery. You are the only person I knew could help us with this. Official mission, from the UNESCO. It is quite a big thing. We have the best research facilities of the world, right here, and the best researchers"

"When can I see the dig?" Helena asked, suddenly serious, and burning with curiosity.

"We have been working around the clock. These generators, you have seen outside, are providing us with power so that we can have a number of tents with controlled atmosphere and study the remains. We have a chemistry and biology lab, with the most up-to-date equipment."

"But how?" she started.

"Helicopter"

Helena started to realize that she was not on an usual archeological dig. There was quite something stunning about the site and the amount of resources allocated to this discovery.

"Before I show you around, you have to sign the confidentiality papers and then the team will debrief you."

"Confidentiality papers?"

"You will understand why, when you see the artifacts. We do not want information to leak to the public until due time."

Helena sat at the table and read the papers carefully before signing. The legal documents swore her to complete secrecy. She signed with a growing wonder of what this was about and Dr. Inoue signed as well as a witness. Then he gave her an ID with a bar code and magnetic stripe 'to wear at all times'. She had noticed the name of the site on the paper work as written "Our Lady's Ridge".

"Is this the name of this place? A Christian reference? It seems odd"

"No actually, apparently a lot more ancient than Christianity. There is a local ethnic group living in these mountains, which is studied a lot. They have a different dialect, different religion, polytheistic, different culture, than the tribes living at the base of these mountains."

"Different? In which way?" Helena asked surprised.

"Well, they are a matriarchal society, where women own the land and pass it to their daughters. It is a very equalitarian society, which is unusual for this part of the world. Their language is also completely different than other tribes, I was hoping you would be able to help us with this as well, as it is possibly related to the discovery we have made. Their physical features are different as well, their skin is lighter and they look more Asian than African; we think they probably came from migrations from the middle east or from the south east, maybe even from Madagascar. We are still waiting on the genetic study. Also they almost exclusively carry the blood type O."

He continued.

"This mountain is called the Lady's Ridge, or the Queen's ridge, or the Grand Lady's Ridge. It depends on how you translate it. There are legends of a woman dying here, a queen of some sort, a powerful woman, and a man mourning her until the end of time. For this reason, they also called it 'The Lovers' Mountain'. Their legends talk of Gods and Goddesses coming from the skies and ruling the earth and settling down on earth to marry earth men and women. These Gods carried magic with them and they could fly. Maybe you will be able to tell us if these stories are true."

Helena looked at him, surprised.

"You can't be serious; this region of the world has a very strong oral history, but not many written documents. There are no manuscripts. Ancient texts are found way more north, they are Sumerian, for instance… what on earth have you found?"

He looked at her:

"We have found her grave, her body and a number of surprising artifacts"

She nodded, understanding suddenly why she had been summoned here.

"Of course, I will probably have to interview some individuals of this tribe. Do you think that can be arranged?"

He looked at her "Certainly. You will find their stories most interesting. Their Gods have names. She has a name."

"You know her name?"

"Yes" he replied. "Her name was Laura."

 **To be continued, please review...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"You called me here so that I can decrypt the inscriptions on the grave stone?"

"There were no inscriptions. Nothing. Just a simple grave dug in the dry ground, and surrounded by rocks" Dr. Inoue was shaking his head. "Quite surprisingly, for a woman that, according to their legend, would have been their queen, her burial site was devoid of inscriptions or ornaments." He added. "We barely understand how the body was so well preserved; it must have been excellent conditions with this dry sandy soil, cold and low humidity on this particular side of the mountain. A very dry microclimate, indeed."

Seeing the surprised look on Helena's face, he continued explaining: "We have a skeleton, quite incomplete. But enough for radiometric dating."

"Wait a minute, you said that it was in good condition. That does not seem to be very good conditions to me" Helena replied.

"Those are good conditions, for an about 150,000 years old grave"

Helena almost dropped the cup of tea she was holding in her hand.

"You said what?"

"150,000 years old skeleton in a grave"

"That is impossible. There must be a mistake"

"There is no mistake. We know that the oldest human remains come from this part of the world, here in Tanzania and northeast of here in Ethiopia. But remains have never been found in a structured grave. This skeleton is too old for radiocarbon dating and that presented us with difficulties. It is definitely Homo Sapiens Sapiens. We know without a doubt it is older than 70,000 years old, because there is not enough Carbon-14 left for an accurate measurement. We had to use traces of other elements and did five types of radiometric dating to confirm the dates, including dating some of the soil around her body. We used Uranium-Thorium dating, which have more suitable half lives."

"Look Takashi, I am not a specialist of human archeology and anthropology. I am a linguist, you know that. I cannot help you with partially incomplete humanoid remains. Humans did not have writing at that time."

"Not these humans… come with me."

A stunned Helena followed him into the cool and damp night. He directed her into a tent that was guarded by soldiers for security with the logo of the United Nation on their sleeves.

"Why the guards?"

"This is an exceptional discovery." Was all that Dr. Inoue added.

The tent was equipped with self-contained power generators and it indeed was more of a bubble, with controlled atmosphere. The two scientists entered an airlock.

"We have a slight positive pressure and we are keeping the air dry to avoid any further degradation of the specimens, while we are studying them."

Dr. Inoue passed a mask, head cover, booties and gloves to Helena and suited the same way. He unzipped the door of the plastic bubble and they both entered the clean room.

They approached a Plexiglas box, with a lid, where fragments of bones lay. Highly recognizable was a skull, with fragments of a jaw and teeth, some ribs, a pelvic bone, the spinal column and a right hand.

"Not much"

"There is enough"

He added:

"She was a woman about 60 years old, which is quite old for what we know of the life expectancy of these times."

"She died of old age?"

"Not quite. She died of cancer. There are clear signs of malignant tumors on her bones. From what we can gather, it was extensively spread."

"Of course, they would not have been able to treat her. They would not be able to do anything about it. Their medicine must have been quite primitive obviously."

Helena felt a rush of sadness for the woman in front of her.

"I would not be so sure about that". Helena turned swiftly to him, pulled out of her reverie.

"What do you mean?"

"Take a look at her teeth. They are well cared for, unlike most remains found this early in history. You see she had a cavity, but it had a filling."

"A filling?" Silence enveloped the room at the implications of this discovery.

"That is not all." He went to a folder and pulled out pictures.

"These are the pictures taken when we first uncovered her. This is a picture of her hand" He showed her a blown up picture of the slender hand still in the ground. The bones were long and slender and…

"A ring? She was wearing a ring? Like a wedding band?"

"Yes exactly, on the fourth finger. Made out of gold. No inscriptions, plain"

"Can I see it?"

Takashi led her away from the body to another specimen container. He picked up the gold ring with wooden thongs.

"It is perfect. Not bent, or hammered. To manufacture this would have required lots of skills that a population that old is not supposed to possess: the ability to melt metal, mold and polish it for instance."

"Are you sure about the dating?"

"Yes we are. We confirmed this with dating of the gold band as well. There were other artifacts by the body."

Dr. Inoue pulled out another box. He opened it and all Helena could see were long brown fibers.

"What is that?"

"Those are synthetic fibers."

"Synthetic?"

"Polyester"

"Incredible. Were those dated as well."

"Polyester is exclusively a carbon compound. It is harder to date, but we know it is older than 70,000 years old, since no trace of carbon-14 can be found. So it matches the skeleton."

She whispered in shock: "Where did they get synthetic fibers?"

"We have no answers yet." He took another box.

"We found some dark blue pieces of clothing around the body and pieces of a woven cloth that seems to have a red and green pattern."

He took another box out. "You might as well see this too."

He opened the box with a smile.

"Now Look Takashi. This is a prank? You know, a nice prank from one of your colleagues."

"Do you seriously think that the UNESCO would pour hundreds of thousands of dollars for a mere prank among scientists?"

"Are these glasses? Left by explorers or grave robbers that maybe discovered the tomb a while ago?"

Helena was staring with a stunned face at the unmistakable fragments of a pair of glasses. It took her a few minutes to collect her thoughts. Then she looked at Dr. Inoue with a questioning look. She did not even ask the obvious question.

"These glasses are as old as the skeleton, the fabric and the fibers. These glasses are about 150,000 years old. We dated them as well."

"People were not making glasses 150,000 years ago."

"These people were making glasses, then."

Her head was spinning.

"Ok, I see the need for secrecy." Helena started to pace across the room. She smiled faintly, overwhelmed by the information pouring on her.

"Where does this woman come from? Time travel? We know it is not possible." She lowered her voice. "150,000 years ago, there was no civilization with jewelers, dentists and optometrists, yet alone coherent language."

"Her glasses are corrective glasses, + 2.25 on both eyes; she was farsighted with a slight astigmatism, axis: 170 degrees; +0.5 correction. A fragment of the lens shows us the corrective prescription. It even has anti-reflective coating on the lens."

She could not even voice the shock she was experiencing.

Dr. Inoue looked at Prof. Harper, reading her thoughts.

"Yes. She is definitely human. No doubt about that. When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains however improbable must be the truth."

"Sherlock Holmes." She whispered. "She is human, but more like a modern woman, with cancer, fillings in her teeth, a wedding band and reading glasses."

Takashi added:

"The fabric we found is ancient. Blue dye is generally very unstable. It is one of the hardest colors to manufacture. Blue fades faster than anything else. But this blue color is vivid, almost like new. We had our chemists' team analyze it. It is made of oxides of Indium, Yttrium and Manganese. We do not use this compound for blue dye. We use Cobalt blue. They used Yttrium Indium Oxide, YInO3 and Yttrium Manganese Oxide, YMnO3. Incredible compounds, used also as semi-conductor in electronic components in Oxides with Tin. They are used for solar cells too. We found Indium in the amalgam in her teeth filling too. Nobody uses that here. Way too expensive, as Indium is so rare. It has a very potent blue color, very stable. Our chemists nearly passed out when they saw this."

Helena scratched her scalp nervously.

"Ok. They had modern technology, doctors, dentists, advanced chemists and metallurgists. They were as human as we are. Right? Where did she come from? Who was she? The queen of their legend? So powerful, she left a lasting impression that lasted all of this time?"

"We have a few hypotheses. Our chemistry department has been studying these fibers and they did a deep study of her bones and fragments of all of the other objects I showed you. We will have some answers soon I hope."

Helena approached the display of the dark brown fibers they found. Her gloved fingers touched them. She shook her head puzzled, almost solemn.

"I think I know what these are."

"You do?"

"Yes." Helena looked back at the body, chocked by emotion.

"Those are the remains of a wig. She had cancer. She was a powerful woman, with access to technology. She must have been treated for it. These fibers are what are left of her wig. You should ask your chemists to try and detect anti-mitotic agents in her bones. I am not sure that is possible, but you should try."

Helena walked over to the body and whispered "Who are you?"

She briefly closed her eyes. Two days ago she was in her office unaware of this and now her world had been turned upside down. She would never look at civilization the same way. She would never have imagined such findings and would have made fun of anyone presenting her with those artifacts. It had been a long trip and she was tired, but excited by these discoveries at the same time. She could imagine the headlines of papers, looking more like National Inquirer front pages. She smiled at the thought. '150,000 skeleton found with glasses and modern technology. Creationists find proof that human did not evolve from apes!'

She was by all means a modern woman, but so ancient. Helena felt connected to her by some invisible link. She wondered about her history, her life so early on the planet. Surely she was not there alone and such a technology would have left other traces. So why didn't they find anything until now? Why such a simple tomb? Helena felt a door open to an universe she never knew existed until now, an undiscovered history, forgotten from the consciousness of humanity.

"Laura" she whispered to the body.

"She is Laura, the woman buried on the ridge. Her name carried from generation to generation. Her story became legend."

She extended her hand and touched the bones of the right hand of the woman and full of emotion, she whispered; "Welcome back, Laura."


	3. Chapter 3

**A new chapter for this New Year 2016. Please leave reviews! Thanks.**

 **Chapter 3**

It was late in the night and Helena had tried to quiz Takashi Inoue about the reason for her presence here. It was very clear that they had found a lot more and she had to be called here for a translation. But he seemed to want to deliver the information little by little, maybe to avoid overwhelming her. He said they would reconvene in the morning. So Helena was assigned to a tent in the camp and she went there exhausted. The tent was practical, with a cot, pillow, and blankets. There was a small desk and chair. Helena did not even turn on the lantern. She lay down on the bed, slid into the down sleeping bag and put the heavy blanket over her body. Takashi had told her it could get quite cold during the night. Despite her tiredness, she did not fall asleep right away. The wind was blowing outside the tent and the fabric was flapping in rhythm, like a giant wing. It seemed that the mountain was singing to her, a long lullaby, telling her stories of this long lost place, telling the story of the woman on the ridge, speaking of her pain, her spirit and her love. Helena fell asleep listening to the wind telling her story. She dreamed of her, a woman with long reddish brown hair floating in the wind and smiling at her. She was whispering in the wind and calling Helena. 'Tell my story'. Her soft voice kept on resonating in Helena's mind. She woke up suddenly, gasping. The sun was high in the sky already and the wind had calm down. Birds were chirping outside. It was cold but Helena grabbed a sweater and she exited the tent rapidly, aware she had overslept, and made her way to the tent which contained the remains and the lab.

"Would you care for some coffee?" A young man was handing her a steaming cup. "I am John Evans, from the chemistry department. Dr. Inoue is expecting you in the lab."

Helena was excited to see more of these artifacts, as she was certain there was a lot more than she had been shown the night before.

She entered the lab and without preamble she asked: "When are you going to show me the writings you have found? You sent for a linguist, didn't you?"

Dr. Inoue never stopped smiling. "You did not change, didn't you?"

"Come on Takashi, show me the treasure!"

He motioned her to the side of the lab and pulled out another set of specimen bins.

"We did not find this in the grave, but a few meters down that hill. They were preserved in what I would best describe as a time capsule, a small titanium alloy crate that was not even eroded or dented. They use these alloys on the space shuttle to avoid corrosion and they are extremely heat resistant. It was completely sealed and there was very low air pressure inside, a vacuum."

"A vacuum?"

"Yes, it is as if someone really wanted this crate to keep its contents for a long time, and it did. Inside we found books."

"Books?"

"Books, yes. Several of them. A number of printed books, a small one had a hard cover that is made of brown fabric with gold lettering. The others have soft cover. One especially has a soft leather cover with a different print and some illustrations inside. It looks older than the others. We also found pads, or tablets of papers, fifteen books, filled with handwriting. There are two different types of tablets, with two different handwritings. They are in very poor condition. They disintegrate when you touch them, we had to scan page after page. They were stored in this crate under the most precise care, but they are very old, as old as the body and the grave. Oh yes, all of them, oddly, have their corners cut."

Dr. Inoue showed her the transparent display boxes holding the books.

"I cannot open them for you. They are too fragile. But everything has been carefully scanned, catalogued. We used x-rays and ct-scan and made sure we would not miss any page or hidden writing."

She looked at the books. She looked at the printed characters of the writing, immediately analyzing the writing, recognizing the characters. She studied through the transparent barrier the pads of paper with the slanted handwriting, realizing she was looking at a 150,000 years old text and tears came to her eyes.

"This is incredible"

"What is incredible is this: we found a picture."

Helena was stunned. He continued.

"A picture, which was inside the brown book. It is almost completely faded. Look."

The picture was kept in a separate small box. It was very grey and you could see only the shadows of two individuals standing side by side, clearly a man and a woman. "We scanned the picture and digitally enhanced it for contrast and color based on MR Spectroscopy analyses of the pigments found on the picture." He walked over to a computer terminal and entered his login and password and opened a folder. The digital picture loaded slowly and there it appeared in high resolution on the computer screen.

"Oh my God!"

Helena could see a man in uniform, looking stern, with peppered grey hair cut short military style, with a woman on his side. She was wearing a suit, dark, with a white shirt. Her hair was long, wavy and dark red. She had a small-restrained smile. She looked very dignified and strong, an image of power. In the background there was a flag, which she did not recognize. Helena could not detach her gaze from the green eyes of the woman. She touched the screen with the tips of her fingers.

"This is Laura."

"We can't be sure of that."

"Of course we have no evidence. But it would make perfect sense, wouldn't it? She knew she was dying, so she wrapped her belongings in that crate. Or maybe that was a ritual they had."

It could be a coincidence too."

"Did you do DNA analyses? Did you find DNA traces on the books?"

"Our molecular biology team is running the tests at this instant. We will have the results in a few days."

"Did you scan the region? Maybe the man on the picture is buried around here as well."

"We did not find a second body and we have scanned the entire plateau of this mountain. But the climate conditions on the east slopes are much more humid and the geology is different, allowing for far worse conditions to preserve remains that old. It looks like this woman was buried alone." Inoue replied.

Helena Harper continued now in full professional mode.

"I will need to have access to all of the scans of those documents. I think we will find a lot of answers in those books."

"Consider it done." Takashi Inoue replied, he continued, thinking aloud. "A civilization advanced enough to have photography, medical care, leaders in uniforms. On the background of this picture, it looks like a flag, this suggest some political organization, a nation, a government. But we never heard of them. We never found remains, buildings, and writings other than those. It is like they got wiped out from the surface of the planet."

Helena replied:

"I disagree. There are hundreds of legends of lost civilizations, semi-gods with awesome powers ruling the earth. Mythologies around the world speak of gods dominating the natives, of heaven kingdoms, of lost islands, lost cities, lost countries, lost continents. We know that no continent was lost, we have no remains of lost civilizations, but we have this now and it suggests strongly that some of these legends might have a base in some true facts. Maybe they are not just stories after all, maybe there are half remembered tales of a very distant past, distorted over generations and generations and millennia. These humans certainly had modern technology, and that would have scared off the natives, certainly they would have appeared as gods to them." She paused. "I need to work on these texts. The printed books will give me a great reference for the script found on these note pads, assuming they all are the same language. Do you have access to the international language database of the UNESCO?"

Dr. Inoue nodded and he opened the files of the scanned pages of the first book they had. It was the bound brown book. The cover of the book appeared. It was made of dark brown fabric with gold letters on the cover, which were very imprecise. It looked like the book had been burned as some scorching marks appeared on the sides.

"What do you make of it?"

"It looks like an early form of Sanskrit, maybe proto-indo-European language, which does not fit because it is not found in Africa. In this part of the world, I would have expected some Sumerian related language."

She scrolled down the pages. The first page and a hand written note, then the printed text began.

"Definitely proto-indo European, that language that gave rise to Sanskrit, India's dialects and European languages. This is fascinating. This predates Sumerian, who was until now the first written language. Proto-indo European has been reconstituted from the roots of all languages as the mother of all tongues. But it was not believed to be ever written, just spoken. This resembles Sanskrit but it is clearly more ancient. It's got the same roots. We will see how accurate the proto-indo European scholars have been in reconstituting this language. It seems we are facing the first ever written account of it."

Helena was assigned a workstation in the lab with computer access and encrypted internet access to all the necessary databases. She selected the oldest known form of Sanskrit and worked her way backwards from there to decipher the characters of the text in front of her. She cross-referenced it to the proto-indo European database. She pointed to the first sign on the title of the book.

"Assuming they are reading from left to right, which would make sense considering the roots of this language, this first sign is 'ocean' or a large body of water. This other sign is for 'travel' or 'traveler' and that one is for a bird of prey, an eagle maybe?"

Inoue tried to put it together.

"Ocean traveler eagle? It does not make sense."

"Well, that is it really. A novel, maybe, about traveling over the ocean like a bird. I can't be sure until I work an extensive vocabulary database."

"I will let you work."

Dr. Inoue left and Helena sighted at the daunting task in front of her. She looked at the picture: a time forgotten, older than old. The man in the picture stood with his hands crossed on his front. The military uniform was straight and strict. His hair was perfectly combed back, as the severe image of a military man. The woman was strong as well in her demeanor, a hint of a smile, and behind her strength, somewhere hidden, something fragile in her look. She was right next to him and there were no obvious signs of affection between them. Yet, Helena could not stop thinking of them as a couple. Behind them, luxurious flags, colorful, with signs on them she never seen before. Her hair was beautiful. "She would lose her hair later" thought Helena. She bent over to look at her hand. She was not wearing a ring, but the man was. She had a silver bracelet, a simple oval bangle opened on the inside of her wrist with two small spheres terminating its sides. She made a mental note to ask Takashi if he retrieved it with the rest of the artifacts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It took days for Helena to begin decrypting the book. She did not work linearly. Instead she identified words based on their similarities with the Sanskrit and established rudimentary grammar rules. The books were useful, their print easier to decrypt that the script. She identified numbers and, using phonics from the proto-indo European, she was able to identify syllables and reconstitute names. She was stunned to see that the names looked strangely modern and certainly were at the roots of the names used by European populations. The lighter books looked more like paperback versions. The leather-covered book remained a mystery, its print different and likely more ancient. One book was called "Dark Day" and the language on this book as easier to work with than the brown book. The story took place in a city called "Caprica City", a part of twelve colonies. One colony was called Caprica. Helena could not understand were the colonies were located. Yet, in all the books she had, the twelve colonies were referenced again and again. Their society seemed colonial with colonies nobody had heard off, their geography elusive with landscapes which corresponded to none she knew in any part of the world. But she was puzzled to see that the names of those twelve colonies corresponded strangely to the names of the twelve zodiacal constellations. Surely this could not just be a coincidence. She took the wireless phone and placed a call to Dr. Inoue.

"I have some interesting news."

"So do I. Come down for a meeting with everyone in the conference room."

Helena walked down from the lab across the field to the tent, which served as conference room. The conference room as used also as a dining hall for the team and a relaxation spot. Everyone was carrying their laptops. Dr. John Evans was here as well as Dr. Evelyne Bordes for molecular biology and Dr. Liang Hsu archeologist and paleontologist. Helena had been so busy by her research on the books that she hardly had talked to any of the scientists on the other teams.

"There were twelve colonies, each of which is named after one of the zodiac constellations. Most of the books seem to take place on a colony called Caprica, but others take place on a colony named Picon. The geographical references are obscure, they do not match anything we know or any place on earth. That is of course assuming that they are describing real places, which of course we do not know. But the descriptions of the cities and places seem to be quite really accurate and they match across the books, leading me to believe that these places were real. Also, the books were printed by a publisher. On the first pages there is a street address listing Caprica City as a town. There is also a printed phone number and a date, implying a dating system we do not know. There also several numbers, maybe copyright references you would expect from a mass produced book" Helena concluded her presentation.

Dr. Inoue continued: "The question is where they come from? If we had some kind of location, we could search for remains."

Dr. Evans interrupted:

"Well good luck with that, because those people are not from here."

Helena turned to him:

"What do you mean?"

"Our chemistry team has had a hell of time. They just finished the isotope analysis of the bones. When we live, we incorporate elements in our bodies, through the food, through the breathing. These elements become part of us. They have the isotopic composition similar to the environment around us and of course, after our death, the unstable isotopes decay. That is how we can do radiometric dating. Well, when we attempted to date these specimens, we ran into difficulties because they were so old, but also because the isotopic composition of her bones was off."

"Are you suggesting that the dating is incorrect?"

"Not actually. The dating is correct, because it is based on long half-life elements, like Uranium and Thorium, which we have in very very small minute amounts. No, I am talking about Oxygen, in particular Oxygen-18. This isotope of oxygen is too heavy to be found in rainwater. Earth 150,000 years ago had a certain isotopic composition for the oxygen in the water molecule that we have documented over several years of research with fossils and core samples of Antarctica ice. Their isotopic composition does not correspond to it at all, especially for the oxygen element. It is completely off. This woman did not live on earth. She was not breathing earth oxygen or drinking earth water. She might have come here and died soon after, but she did not live here. The isotopic evidence does not support a life on earth."

"Another planet? Are you saying that these people had space travel abilities? Do you know how far any habitable planet would be from earth?" Helena questioned.

"I know only the evidence and the evidence says that this woman did not live on earth." Dr. Evans replied.

"The simple explanation is generally the best one." Said Dr. Inoue.

"Occam's razor." Said Helena.

"I have her DNA sequence back" said Dr. Bordes. "Her DNA sequence is human without a doubt, but an extreme variant. She is not related to us. If this woman had any children, none of them would have generated the human race as we know it."

"Did you test the local population? This tribe you were telling me about, which seemed so different culturally from the rest of the local populations" Helena asked.

"Yes we did. Our tests were very preliminary. They will have to be done again to target both Mitochondrial DNA and Nuclear DNA but so far they indicate that they may not be related to her as well. As a matter of fact the local populations we mentioned before are not related to Middle East, Asian populations or South East populations. Clearly they have mixed with African populations over time, but they have some unique DNA variants. These people are unique, just like her, well, but unique in their own particular variation. We have another mystery. There seem to be two distinct populations, which are variants from each other and not related to our common earth roots. The variable regions of Laura's mitochondrial DNA are significantly different from any human DNA on record. So she has the same genes, but different variable regions in the alleles. And oh, yes, she had the BRCAI and II mutations for breast cancer. She also had a severe deficiency in Vitamin D. Lack of sunshine."

"Space travel" Helena concluded.

"I have difficulties entertaining this possibility" said Dr. Hsu.

"I unfortunately cannot think of anything else." Replied Dr. Inoue.

Dr. Bordes continued: "In her bones, we found traces of anti-mitotic agents, just as you suggested Dr. Harper."

"Chemotherapy. She was very sick. Extensive terminal cancer is likely the cause of her death."

"So they come from another solar system. They mention places unknown to us, colonies. Yet, they are human. If we had any outer space visitors, they probably would likely be alien in nature. It does not make sense that they are human. What is the likelihood of humans evolving in identical form on another planet?" Dr. Hsu interjected. "This seems like complete fantasy to me."

"Her DNA is different."

"But not that different."

"What if they are our real ancestors?" Helena added.

"Well, we have ample archeological evidence of our ancestry among fossils of early humans predating 150,000 years ago. Some of which comes from Tanzania, west of here." Dr. Hsu added.

"Her DNA does not match, she cannot be our ancestor." Dr. Bordes reminded them.

"No not this woman. But maybe another woman in her group is."

"Her group?"

"Well she did not get here alone."

"How do we know that?"

"We don't. But such extensive space travel requires advanced technology, teams of people, at least a doctor to treat her. Certainly more than one or two persons."

"Yes, they activated their warp drive and used their photon torpedoes to fight the natives. Unless it was a tachyon field" Dr. Evans laughed.

"Can we stop speculating? We do not have any evidence about space travel yet. This is just a hypothesis." The tone was rising among the group and Dr. Inoue put a stop to this discussion. "We will know more when Dr. Harper will have the translation of the handwritten notes, I am sure."

"150,000 year ago, humanity leaped forward. That has been documented. Language appeared with significant change in the culture. We always thought this was the result of a mutation in the cerebral cortex resulting in the development of the language regions, but it could be the result of interbreeding with this race."

"If we had interbreeding, why is her DNA so different? It does not make sense."

"It is different because she is from the original race, but she is not our ancestor. Her children, if she had any, were not our ancestors." Dr. Evans added. "It does not look like she had any children, from what you said, Dr. Hsu. Her hip bones do not bear any signs of child birth."

"We are missing a piece of the puzzle." Dr Inoue concluded. "She cannot be our ancestor and she did not live on earth."

"Yet, she is here." Helena pointed out. "So something had to happen to bring her here."

The team spent the rest of the meeting carefully reviewing all the references and sharing files. Helena knew it would take weeks to have a full translation of the books and even longer for the script.

And that is how it continued, day after day, learning their language, working on grammar rules, cataloguing vocabulary. Helena worked mostly in the main lab, while the other teams completed chemistry and biological studies on the body, only to confirm what they knew already. They shared meals in the commons and exchanged their information, also getting to know each other. They became close, with the real intimacy of people sharing a common adventure, and exceptional discovery. They were not allowed to go out for security reasons and the camp, weeks after weeks, became a kind of golden prison. Helena took walks in the camp to the site of the dig, looking to the ground to the grave, so plain, so little. "Not much for a queen." She thought. There were no ornaments, just an uneven hole lined with natural rocks. Then she walked to the other site down below, a few meters down the hill. Satellite pictures and careful mapping of the site revealed traces of an ancient foundation, a small house, although the satellite pictures would not allow to date the remnants precisely. There was nothing left of it, but this titanium alloy crate filled with books. The mystery of this woman remained.

She visited the body of Laura often and looked at the skeleton, growing attached to the lost woman. She whispered: "Whoever you were, I promise you to tell your story. I will learn about your life. I will learn why a long time ago you came and stayed. I do not know what happened to you and your people and the people of this earth. Laura, you must have been a goddess in their eyes." She blew a kiss in the direction of the body, feeling immediately childish and silly for doing so, and displaying affection to this ancient skeleton and hoping no one had noticed her gesture. But deeply she had connected to this ancient woman, queen of a world she did not know.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

It would take several months to establish rules of grammar and basic vocabulary. Helena had worked days at a time, using the most complete database available to her. She had the conviction, feelings and ardor of pioneers, translating the oldest written documents ever found on earth and discovering a complete new world, unknown to civilization. She progressed very slowly at first along a frustrating text. The printed books provided her with a set of reference with names and geographical descriptions of great value from a historical prospective. She translated the first book as soon as the syntax had been established. It was a novel relating the adventures of a ship captain lost at sea. It was a story depicting a strong respect for nature, with the hero finishing his life on an isolated island.

 _"The raft was not as seaworthy as I'd hoped._ _The waves repeatedly threatened to swamp it. I wasn't afraid to die."_

It was fascinating for Helena to read this ancient story and the other books as well, mystery books taking place in the lost world of Caprica or Picon. The first script Helena attempted to translate was the thin handwriting found on the first page of the brown cover book. Script took longer to decrypt, because letters were not formed as clearly, but after a few attempts, Helena was making sense of it.

" _To Laura, May the journey never end. Bill."_

Helena sighted, looking at the handwriting and thought: "It looks like the journey ended after all."

She knew it would take a lot longer before she would get a complete mastery of their language and understand the handwritten pads with dozen of pages of text. She could already recognize that the majority of the pages were written by a different hand than the dedication at the beginning of the book. The other pads of paper were written by the same hand that signed the book. At some point, she saw both handwritings on the same pad, as if Bill had taken over Laura's writing, assuming that it was Laura writing the first set. But she knew it would be the case, because Bill had written the note on the book to Laura and so it must have been her belongings in the crate. So Bill was there with her on the African ridge.

DNA evidence helped her put Bill in connection with the books. Indeed, results of more DNA testing came in and the DNA of Laura was found on the pages of the book, strongly suggesting she was the writer of the notes. Helena had scanned carefully the pads for any biological signs. She found what seemed to be a smear of blood on the paper towards the end of the pad and traces of water on the pages, as if the pages had been rained on. She checked with the molecular biologists to see if the DNA from the blood could be extracted and soon they were sampling little pieces of paper. This is how they identified another set of DNA. There was very little of it, but amplified, it revealed to be the DNA of a man, different than Laura's, as it showed the two persons were not related by family bonds, but still similar enough to hers that both persons would be from the same ethnic group. It was the biggest breakthrough in months. Identifying the note placed Laura next to the books and her DNA was clearly on the pages, then they could identify and place the man with her. Analyzing his DNA helped find that the two persons were closer to each other relatively speaking, yet still very foreign to earth human. Just like her, he was not related to modern humans, but still part of the human race. Just like her, he was not an ancestor to modern humans. Just like her, the Oxygen of his molecules contained large proportions of isotope 18, which indicated that he did not live on earth.

Of course Helena did not want to make any inferences not based on evidence, and certainly she was waiting for the complete translation to find out about the story of Laura. Clearly the man had given her the book, as the dedication on the first page proved. The book bonded them together. But she had died on this African ridge and the population then had been moved enough by her fate to name the place after her and keep her in their collective memory, in the legends that were passed from generation to generation. A great lady had died there at her lover's side. It would make sense that Bill was the man who accompanied her to her end, Bill, who lovingly put that note in the book and who was standing next to her on the ancient photograph. Laura was sick with cancer and according to the chemical analysis had received chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Yet, Helena was sure that there was nowhere to be found any remains of any hospital building, old enough and big enough to be a medical center with all of this technology. All evidence pointed to the fact that this woman had lived somewhere else, but she died here. Why? What was she doing on earth at the first place? Why did they come here? It looked like Bill was there too, since his handwriting was seen on the notes and his DNA found. Helena started to think that Laura might have gone too sick to be able to write and that he took over with the writing, while she was sick or even after she died. So maybe this lovers' tale was true like in the local legends: a queen, who died and he, who waited for his death by her grave.

More than ever Helena was determined to translate the notes she found, knowing that her suspicions would be tested, accepted or rejected by what she would find in those pages. Helena opened the folder and started to methodically go through the scanned pages of the 150,000 years old notes. The most intense and time-consuming translation of the most ancient text ever found on earth had begun.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

After strenuous months on living on the camp, the team members were on shifts so that scientists could come home and visit their families, but Helena took a vacation. Helena's intense academic career had left her without family and she never married. While she was busy traveling the world on archeological digs and burying herself in books, others had met partners, bought houses, had raised children. Helena had no regrets. She liked her life, going all over the world for months at a time, decrypting old manuscripts, and connecting with the local population. She had brief affairs; they never lasted very long. Men wanted commitment; they wanted a wife, a house, a woman to tend to their needs. She was none of this. Helena opted of a resort close to Dar es Salaam. Of course, first there was the long hike down the Uluguru Mountains with guides and a security team for protection. Helena realized she had not gone down the mountains in over four months. They had been isolated and, yet, time did not seem long, with the long work hours and the excitement of the discovery. Takashi Inoue had to force her to take a break. Helena was just about to finish the first draft of the translation of the tablets and she was very excited by what she had learned. Dr. Inoue had allowed her to take her laptop with her, with a powerful encryption program on it to prevent anyone to read the files in case it was stolen. Helena had reached the forest line and the weather changed from cool and dry, to warm and humid. They were greeted by a driver in a jeep and then began the long drive through the red soil hills, lined by farms and patches of wild forest. As they were going down in altitude, the weather turned very warm and they soon reached Morogoro. Children on bikes waved at them and they passed an old man leading a donkey covered with loads of bags, probably heading to a nearby market. The houses were often shacks covered with metallic roofs and lots of building were run down and falling apart. Morogoro remained the center of a rural agricultural region. The buildings used to have their glory in colonial times before the First World War, when this part of the land belonged to Germany. The shady politics of the region, the oppression of the native populations by the colonists, Eastern Africa slave trade and horrors committed there led eventually to the destruction and collapse of the colony. Years of war and political instability left old gorgeous buildings to disuse and the town was rebuilt after the Second World War as the center of a large and fertile agricultural region and market. While the town had lost its past brilliance and slumped into poverty, it recovered nicely when more road connections were established and the agricultural market thrived. The streets were very busy and loud, with lots of people walking, laughing, chatting, selling goods, or simply sitting on the ground playing board games, drinking or smoking. Looking at faces of unknown people in the street, searching their eyes, she came to wonder if they were the ancestors of these ancient people. It was hot and the air was filled of dry dust. In the back, near the horizon, the Uluguru Mountains were rising sharply from the ground, step, dark and covered with clouds, almost forbidding with their cooler climate and their gloomy appearance. But for Helena, the Uluguru Mountains were now her home, peaceful and quiet, swept by the wind and haunted by the memory of those who came there such a long time ago. She took a small plane with her two armed bodyguards from the airfield to Dar es Salaam, the same way she came in at the first place. And while flying low over the African landscape and watching the mountains disappearing on the horizon. Helena reflected on how much she had changed in these few months. Looking that the landscape and the people through different eyes, she realized that the world would never be the same for her, now that she knew that 150,000 years ago a technological advanced human population had come here and settled.

Helena had booked a vacation in a resort by the Indian Ocean. She wanted quiet and time to rest after the frantic schedule of the research team over the past four months. She had reserved a bungalow on the beach by the ocean and a pool nearby by the main building of the hotel near Dar es Salaam. Her security detail was housed next to her. She had to get used to this, but with the dangers of the region and the important confidential work she was doing, there was no escape. Dr. Inoue would not let anyone travel out of the research site without proper protection. She was not sure if she was protected or if her work was. And she was even more aware of her privileged status, which left her uncomfortable. She slept well on a real bed, cradled by the sounds of the ocean, dreaming again, as she had for the past months, of Laura, the mysterious woman of the ridge.

Helena dove in the water of the pool letting the cool water clear her thoughts, as she went through her swimming routine. Swimming was her favorite sport and she was practicing it daily back at the university and she had missed it dearly while being in the Uluguru Mountains. She had picked this resort for the pool and its proximity to the Indian Ocean with its white beaches and its clear water. But for her athletic swimming she preferred the pool to the ocean and she enjoyed it now fully. She had spent the day looking at the first translation of Laura's books, which she knew now were her diaries. She had no doubt that the diaries would be the subject of the most intense scrutiny of all of the academics around the world, historian, anthropologists, philosophers, graphologists, chemists, physicists, astronomers and even medical doctors. She knew it was the biggest discovery of all times and she felt privileged to have been the one allowed to translate them. She wanted to honor the woman who wrote those pages. The woman, just her! Nothing else! Helena could not reduce her to an academic discovery. Helena saw her strength, her doubts, her courage, her fears and her commitment to write down their history for all to remember. Laura, dead for 150,000 years, had inserted herself deeply emotionally under the skin of the academic professor. Laura became real, brought back to life, her voice speaking through time, more than just an archeological artifact. She had existed and her wisdom needed to be shared to the modern world.

Helena dried herself and changed. She walked in her thoughts back to her bungalow, absentmindedly, as the sun set behind the mountains and projecting red colors on the ocean. She ordered a light dinner on room service and settled on the computer. She pulled the file of the translation that she was working on, ready to start typing the final text. Of course as any translation, especially for such an ancient language, she had to make inferences and she was hoping that her writing would not betray the spirit of Laura. For the past months, she had painstakingly built a huge database of their language, cataloguing the letters, words and signs and their meanings, based on the proto-indo European language and the typed books found in the crate. The database was extensive. The work was done, the language deciphered, grammar rules established. She had more than 50,000 words of vocabulary recognized and a set of names of persons and locations. Helena was ready. She whispered: "Laura, I hope I will not betray you. If your soul and spirit hear this, please, guide me so that I relate your thoughts well." She closed her eyes for a minute, sighted and caught the look of a deity, set on a shelf as a decoration, following her, staring at her. The statue was a representation of the White Tara, a Buddhist icon of wisdom, following Helena with her seven eyes and peering into her soul. Helena did not know why a Buddhist statue would ornate a hotel room in East Africa. Why was it there? Who left it? She would never know, but the statue was here, staring at her with her bronze eyes. She looked again at the picture of Laura and Bill, digitally enhanced and started to type the final translation of Laura's diaries, under the watchful seven eyes of the White Tara.

 **End of Part I.**

 **The story continues, here, with Part II, Laura's Diaries and Part III, The Lost Tribe.**

 **Please review. It helps to know how you feel, as I am working now on Chapter 20, onwards.**

 **I tried to do some research on the region (central Tanzania and Morogoro region). Please forgive any inaccuracies, historical and/or geographical. If you do notice any, please do let me know, it would be very appreciated. I like to be accurate.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here we go. The long Part II with the translation of Laura's Diaries. Of course, we will continue our progress of Helena's story as they prepare for their expedition into the mountains.**

 **Thank you for your reviews.**

 **PART TWO: The diaries of Laura**

 **Chapter 7**

" _For months now, I have been drawn to write an account of the time spent fighting the cylons. But we were so busy trying to survive that there was no time to write. We were going from crises to the next crisis._

 _I have been president of the twelve colonies since the attacks and my days have been endlessly taken by my responsibilities. Day after day, hour after hour, running on barely enough sleep and limited food supplies, we have been in a survival mode for months now, almost two years. Normal life seems completely foreign and strange, as if it belonged to another universe, which once existed but is no more. My goal has been to protect my people. That was up until now my only responsibility and it took all I had, leaving nothing for my own self or any other considerations. To bring humanity to a safe harbor, to save what is left of our civilization, what is left of humankind."_

Helena had no idea what a cylon was and the word kept on coming back everywhere and she was hoping that she would find out later in the notes. She imagined that maybe the cylons were a different race or a different ethnic group, which they were at war with. Laura had been president and again there was mention of the twelve colonies.

" _I am frustrated that my people will not understand that our goal should be to reach Earth, not to settle on this forgotten planet that promises nothing but a mere respite. This is not the right place for us, and every fiber of my being and my soul tells me that we should not stay. The people, however, much rather listened to dream weavers, who told them promises and lies instead of the truth. I am not going to start telling them lies just to win an election. Truth is: down there is hell, not paradise. I am sure of that. I know it. I am angry that the people blindly chose promises and dreams over reality. We have been weeks without hope. People are tired, they want to breathe real fresh air, not the recycled air of those ships. They chose the easy way. Who can blame them? I blame those who chose to exploit their distress for their own agenda."_

" _I am never going to give in the easy way. Our best hope is to reach earth, our only hope. By all analyses, this planet is not fit to support us for a long time, a rest stop maybe, a brief respite, but not a permanent settlement. To suggest and imply, as some did, that I am power hungry and that preventing this settlement is just a way for me to keep power is complete non-sense. It makes my stomach churn with disgust. I have always done what was the best for the people, whether they like it or not. I have sacrificed everything for them, up to my own dead bed."_

" _I could have fixed the elections. I could have won._

 _But Bill is right. I always have done what is best for the people and in a time of war, my options were limited. We had no choice but fight and survive. I had to make decisions, which I am not proud of. We have seen what happens when the Quorum and the press have things their ways. Bill acted as my conscience. I realized that he knew me a lot more than I thought. He knew I would not survive the shame of cheating, as he said, that I would bring the cancer to my heart. I feel he is the only one who could understand perfectly what I felt. There is no one else who can."_

Helena understood that their goal was to reach earth and in less than one page had the confirmation of space travel and of her association with Bill. But now Helena was puzzled by the text describing a different planet and what it seemed a power struggle over it.

" _I have decided to go down to the planet with the others. What is left for me here anyway? Empty ships circling around in orbit endlessly? I might as well be down there and make myself useful. Gods know they will need help. After all, someone has to keep an eye on that piece of trash, Gaius Baltar, and do some kind of damage control. I am indeed the only one who can face him. He knows that I do not fall for his game. Now, of course, I am not president anymore. I am just a normal citizen. I never liked politics anyway. But I liked taking care of all of these people and I feel responsible still for them. I just failed ultimately to save them from their own illusions and deception. I long to feel real ground under my feet, not this simulated gravity that makes my stomach flutter sometimes. I cannot deny that fact and I understand that the need for normalcy was the biggest drive to the decision to move down to the planet. Nevertheless, I do still believe that it is the wrong decision. Admiral Adama will stay up here. Bill will never abandon his ship. He will keep watch. He will remain the keeper of the light house."_

" _I am packing my limited belongings today. Just the few mere clothes I had with me to that first trip to Galactica, an overnight change, some toiletries. It seems like such a long time ago. All that is what is left of my previous life on Caprica. My apartment, the books I used to read, my clothes, the paintings I made, everything dissolved in the deadly radiation and shock wave of the hundreds of nuclear weapons that destroyed our world. I touch the fabric of my clothes as I fold them in my bag and I fight tears. Colonial One is almost empty now, waiting for my successor. I cannot stay here."_

" _We have been on the run for almost two years now and this old life seems like it never existed, as if it was some kind of dream. Sometime my memory betrays me and I start forgetting how it was there, on Caprica, when we were innocent, naïve, living our lives as if it never would end, taking our nature for granted, our food for granted, our happiness for granted. Sometime, I just close my eyes and I travel back to my apartment, sit down on my coach, which I picked so carefully, flip through the pictures of my lost family. And I open my eyes to the harsh reality of our current live and it becomes unbearable. I could lose my mind thinking of the past. But the fact is, we never really were allowed to grieve for our lost world, we never had the time to grieve."_

Caprica was real and destroyed. Helena had first uncovered the story of this lost civilization, its war, its destruction. These people were fugitive, running away from their enemies on space ships.

" _With the explosion of Cloud Nine, and the on-going investigation to find out how the nuclear warhead left the Galactica, there was no time to meet with Bill. This new event of terrorism is indeed worrisome. I am not sure if the newly elected Baltar's administration will be up to the task to tackle political unrest. I leave Baltar with the problems. He wanted the presidency. Time to see what he will do with it. I was surprised to see Bill on the day I was leaving. He came to say goodbye this morning before I stepped on the raptor to take me down to the planet surface and insisted on carrying personally my bag to the shuttle. So few things really. I did not want to leave any of my personal papers on Colonial One, where Baltar without a doubt would use them against me. Official papers would stay, as they should, but not the personal notes. Baltar can have the delight to go through the heavy paperwork. But my personal notes, never. Adama agreed to have most of my belongings stored on board the Galactica. I am taking down as little as possible. I want to leave it all behind. Nothing matters much anymore. Bill carried my bag into the raptor and we stayed alone inside for a few minutes. It was a bittersweet goodbye. His eyes never left mine. There was so much unsaid. He was the one who prevented me to steal the election. He felt responsible to what was happening. He felt guilty. He was Bill, and he might never admit it, but it took only one look in his eyes to know how he felt. Our friendship had morphed into a deep affection over the past few months. I suppose it would happen to those who struggle together for such a long time. Bill Adama and I were at the top, leaders, I, president, he, admiral of the fleet, and we could understand each other because our positions were so similar._

 _He smiled and said 'Have a good trip, Madame President'._

 _I answered, my voice shaking 'Bill, I am not president anymore'._

 _Then surprisingly, he put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me into a tight embrace, so tight the emotion chocked me and built in my chest like a tidal wave, as the unreleased tears of the past few days found their way out and escaped my control. I never thought I could cry so much over a presidency, I did not want at the first place. It was imposed on me by fate and now all I wanted was to lead the people. Bill just held me for a while, not asking questions. He did not need to. He just kept on rubbing my back. Then a time frame elapsed and both of us knew that I had to go._

 _He said: 'Stay safe, Laura. Call me if you need anything. I will be always there for you.'_

 _And when I looked at him again, which what must have been a smeared face and red eyes, his fingers wiped my cheeks clear and his mouth found its way to my lips. Last time he kissed me was also a goodbye, as he thought that I was departing this life. Now, his kiss was unambiguous on his feelings. And it sealed a promise, the promise of something more, as I had become again just a normal citizen, unbound by the weight of responsibilities."_

 **Please review. It is important for me to know what you think.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Helena wrote the translation way into the night, discovery with awe the story of Laura, who left to go down to a hostile planet, out of loyalty to her people, leaving behind the man who loved her. Helena took a late night walk on the darkened beach, letting the small waves brush her feet and thinking on what it must have been like, living in constant war, running for their lives, without a world to live in, out in space. Some people on earth were living that reality of war every day, but they had real air and ground under their feet, blue sky and sun. She thought about what Laura said about finding earth. Did she mean our earth? The earth orbiting around the sun? Or did she mean another habitable planet? The translation did not allow her to differentiate between the two terms. If it was our earth, then how did they know about it? They were in space, likely very far away in another region of the universe, so how did they know about earth? If they seeded the modern human race, how come they knew about this before getting here? Helena knew there had to be more to this story. She slept uneasy that night, seeing images of war and devastation and, when the sun rose out of the Indian Ocean like a ball of red fire pulled out of the water, Helena ordered some coffee and went back to continue translating.

" _Baltar called the planet New Caprica. What a presumptuous name! Caprica, our beloved planet, was richer, warmer and more fertile than this ball of mud. Settling there proved itself a lot more difficult than expected. No surprise there! It is not a very hospitable planet. It is cold and wet. Most of the planet is too cold to be inhabited, with extensive polar caps. We settled on a place in the Northern hemisphere, but fairly low in latitude, which is warm enough. The planet's axis is titled enough to give that region a temperate climate. But it is still a lot colder than what we grew accustomed to. I'd say we arrived at the beginning of the spring. Snow and ice are melting rapidly in the valley and a large river swollen by the melting waters was running down to the sea into a delta with fertile sedimentary soil, which would probably be good for cultivation. So we settled in the valley, hoping that the river would not flood and the tides would not swipe us away. Some decided to settle in the nearby valley, where a small forest of deciduous trees is found. I imagine that with time and exploration, we will find better places to build houses, but for now it is probably better to remain together in a small city so that we can help each other with this process of rebuilding a world. It will take some time. For now our little town is just a mere camp and I hope that we will find enough raw material to erect buildings that are more solid and protect us better against the weather. The town is just rows and columns of tents with some of the fleet ships anchored nearby. Everyone seems to be relieved to be breathing fresh air and to start living to the natural rhythm of day and night."_

" _Today, I opened school for the first day. There are not many children in the fleet. We started by making an accurate census of the children by age and grade. Most teenagers are learning the work and skills directly from the adults. We are left with the younger group of children, only a few hundreds, since younger children would have been unlikely to travel with their parents at the time of the attacks. Several schools have been built up around New Caprica under my direct supervision to accommodate them. It took us a while to round up all of the supplies for the classrooms, I will be directly teaching the central school of New Caprica. We have some supplies such as tables and benches, writing supplies, a black board. All of this was installed in a tent. Chief Tyrol, on short leave from Galactica and under Bill's orders, made us wood stoves to keep our students warm, manufactured out of old steel drums, cider blocks and pipes. He made one for my tent as well, which is close by the school. Tyrol is a good man. He was so proud of setting up our schools as a project. On the opening of the school everyone came to greet the students. Tory and Maya were helping me with the school supplies, the teaching and the management. Bill did not come. I suspect that he did not get Baltar's authorization to go down on the planet. The two women will mostly help me with the teaching. They are not teachers, but we have no real teachers left in the fleet. None left with the qualifications, except for me and, in the school we set up teaching is done by anyone possessing enough skills, patience, and knowledge. They all will be multi-level classrooms, all students mixed and helping each other. It is less than ideal, but we have to adapt to our new circumstances. We are redefining our society, what to teach, how to teach it and what is important. Mostly it is important to pass our history to the younger generations, to those who will remember only space ships, because they were too young at the time of the attacks to remember anything else about who we are and where we came from. Lots of parents signed up their children, for the most part at elementary level. Older kids generally are learning jobs as apprentices. Jobs are passed by learning from those who know them best._

 _I am again a teacher. It has been a long time now, since I have been in an actual classroom. I have not taught anyone in years. I was so young then, idealistic and full of dreams. I wanted to change the world. And then I was involved in administration and then politics. I became chief of the Caprica city schools and then got involved in the campaign of mayor Adar. Then there was the presidential campaign. Adar was idealistic, just as I was. We were young both Richard and I. It was easy. His goals were to help the people and we were both attracted to the same ideals. It turned out naturally that our working relationship changed into a more personal one. We became involved with one another. He was married, not with me. But he became president and he nominated me as his Secretary of Education. That is when he began to change. Concessions made to power slowly changed his ideas, and he started to lose the ideals he was fighting for. He started to seek power for the feel of it, power as goal in itself. He became a politician, in the full sense of the term and I was dragged along with it. I hated what he became, and I hated myself for being part of it. But I still continued my relationship with him. I am not sure why. Maybe out of laziness, maybe out of lust, maybe out of comfort, maybe out of cowardice. I, then, did not comprehend love. I could not feel. I was using the words of love without really understanding their meaning. Still, we did have some good times. But lately, right before the attacks, Richard denied me the power to help the teachers' union and prevented me to intervene in a conflict that would likely have ended in bloodshed. That was the moment that changed everything between him and me."_

" _It was a simple matter really, a work strike in education, teachers not working and schools closed. Yet, it was bad, because during the time that the negotiations held up to a complete halt, students were not getting taught. Richard was ready to use force against them. I was not. Some of their demands were way over the top, but others seemed justified. I thought that with a thoughtful dialogue, we would be able to reach a compromise, for the better of the students. But for Richard, any yielding to their demands signified a sign of weakness, a loss from the government. Not for me. I felt that our strength laid in our ability to talk with one another and that there was not fault in listening to what they had to say. So when the leader of their movement came over to talk to me, I did not deny him the opportunity to present his grievances. It was the day of the attacks. It was the day I broke up with Richard. It was the day he got killed in this holocaust of universal dimensions. It was the day I discovered I had terminal cancer. It was a bad day. Richard and I had drifted apart long ago, and this was really the event that catalyzed our separation. When he fought me on this teachers' union issue, I knew our differences were too big to be reconciled. I left for the Galactica, knowing that on the next day I would be without a job and a lover. Nothing really mattered anymore. Richard did not know about my cancer. But my life already had turned upside down and had forever changed regardless of his decision about the strike. It had changed when my oncologist read me the final medical report. It just was about to change even more in the next hours."_

" _In the Colonial flight to the Galactica, I grieved my cancer spreading blindly through my body, without consideration for the life it was destroying, but I also regretted my very own stupidity. I was stupid for leaving it unchecked, in denial that I would get the same fate my mother had. I was then an empty woman, soon without a career, a love, a family and soon without a life. What was I thinking? Sleeping with a married man, who was the president and did not care about me. I always had been alone, since my family died. Having an empty relationship based on sex was not fulfilling. That is the state of mind I was in, when I stepped aboard the ship, Colonial Heavy 798. I had nothing left to loose. I had lost everything already. So I put my best smile and I did what I had to do to set up the Galactica as a museum, a tribute to the way big space ships, battlestars, used to be. Nobody had predicted the attacks. Our world would come apart and I would have to put my own self-pity aside."_

" _We faced an unprecedented destruction, a holocaust of universal dimensions. As the twelve colonies burned and vanished, each planet wiped in thousands of thermonuclear bombs, we realized that the handful of people on the ships would be the only survivors of the human race. And by a twist of fate, I was the only surviving member of the government. By some absurd rule of legal succession of power, I was the 43_ _rd_ _person in the chain of command, the only one alive. Nobody asked me if I was capable of ruling, or if I had been trained for such a responsibility. I just became president, because there was no one else left. It was overwhelming to think that everyone I once knew, neighbors, colleagues, acquaintances, the waiter of the little restaurant I used to go once in a while, the girls who would sell me coffee every morning at the shop around the corner of my office, my secretary, our beloved custodian, all were dead, burned in the most horrible manner. Richard and I had parted on a fight. I would never see him again. There was no time to make amends, or ask for forgiveness for the words said, and all the wrong doings we had done. The world had just ended and there was only one thing left to do, run away and try to survive as long as possible. It was just a matter of survival, not about big future plan, just survival."_

" _I knew I was dying. Chamalla would take me so far. It might slow things down and dull the pain. I knew it would not stop it. Visions were granted to me through the action of the Chamalla. Lots of priests elicit those by taking the drug, but none ever had the visions I had. I am their so-called 'dying leader', but I was cured by the blood transfusion from the cylon fetus, against my will, may I add. I was ready to die. Bill made that decision for me. I would never have accepted the blood of a cylon. I thought I would be finding the way to Earth. The prophecies of Pythia are not clear, and I am not sure what is real and not anymore. We have found this planet and this is not Earth. But people relax and they are happy to find a life that seems more normal. And I am not a leader anymore, just a normal woman among others and a teacher. Cancer is gone. It seems that Pythia might have been wrong. Or it never was meant to be me."_

Helena stared at the text in disbelief. A cylon fetus, what on earth was that? How could the blood of a fetus cure Laura's cancer? Laura seemed to hate them. Nothing made any sense and she started to wonder if she had translated the text correctly. Then obviously, it had not cured it, since she ended up dying from the cancer ravaging her body. A mere respite and remission, that is all it was. She had no idea what the cylons were and she immediately assumed that they were some kind of alien specie, another ethnic group, or maybe an animal. And who was Pythia? Why did Pythia think she was a dying leader? Again Helena was stunned to see Greek mythology come back in these texts. Pythia was an oracle of Delphi, one of the priestesses of that temple who predicted the future. Did the oracle of Delphi exist in their world? Was this tradition continued in the Greek ancient world and mythology, with visions elicited by drug-induced hallucinations? It was incredible to find such reference in this text.

" _Some people still call me 'Madame President'. It makes me laugh. I really never was elected. I was put there by fate. Gaius Baltar was elected. In many respects, he is more legitimate that I ever was. That goes to say something about our constituents, who were manipulated by the oldest trick in time, promises. They fell right for it. Fairy dust thrown in their eyes and they just wanted to be happy. They have suffered so much, gone through so much hopelessness, that they cannot take anymore any crude dose of reality. I was not going to lie to them to win an election."_

 **Thank you for reading, please keep the reviews coming. I really appreciate them.**

 **As school starts again tomorrow and I have to go back in real life and dedicate my time to my students, I will be posting a little less frequently to give myself time to continue Laura's story and go into Season 4 events, while working on the modern story of Helena _._**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Helena returned to the camp up the Uluguru Mountain after one week on the shore and when she arrived on top of the foggy summit, she felt right at home. She did not miss the comfort of a hotel. Her tent was where she was happy. Besides, Helena felt that this particular way of life resembled what she was reading and translating in Laura's diaries. She was gathering tremendous information from the translation on the way of life of these people, their political system and their civilization. Some of the script was in very bad condition and she felt she was missing some of the pages. It was now summer and the mountains were oscillating between a very hot and dry climate and more cool and humid days. She reveled in the lines written by this woman such a long time ago.

" _I walk around the grounds and I wonder if we will ever be able to make a decent life here. When we arrived, it seemed to be the spring. The first few weeks were chaotic, with, of course, the government doing nothing to provide the people with food and drinkable water. No surprise there. The military, thanks to Bill Adama, organized rations to be distributed among the people and the Pegasus engineers set up a water filtration system to filter water from the river. Seeds, held in storage on board of a few fleet ships, were brought down on the planet and planted on the sides of the alluvial valley, out of the potential flooding zone, where the soil was believed to be the richest. Still the weather was cold and when seedlings started to grow, we lost them due to a couple of nights below freezing. Food shortage became an every day problem and we began foraging for edible fruits and roots. We learned to stay away from certain plants, as some people got sick eating anything in sight. I do not know how we would have survived these early months without the care of Admiral Adama and his crew, constantly shuttling supplies and food down from the ships still in orbit. It was hard, but despite the hardship, more people wanted to move down on the planet, and very soon most of the ships in orbit were almost completely deserted except for skeleton crews maintaining the equipment and rotating on the planet surface. The axis of the planet was slightly more tilted than Caprica, and despite our fairly low latitude, one would expect brutal variations between winters and summers. The higher latitudes unfortunately would be unsuitable for permanent settlement, too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter. These extreme variations in temperature would create massive storms, not the best choice for a planet to start civilization again. But maybe this was a respite, a break from life on the space ships, a way to learn to be human again."_

" _Weeks have gone by. We harvested our first crop of wheat. People have learned to use every little scrap of supplies and recycle everything. People have to use the hay and fibers of local plants for variety of uses. They have harvested plant fibers and made some linen fabrics. There are a few animals here, little rodents, which bear no resemblance to the animals we were used to on Caprica. There are little birds too. I call them birds because they fly, but they are definitely alien in appearance. I suppose some species will evolve and end up looking alike in similar environments. We are reminded every day how foreign this planet is. This is not our home. It is just a rest stop along the way. Calling this place 'New Caprica' is an offense to the memory of our destroyed planet, with its luscious fields, forests and wild life, and agreeable climate. But people needed the fresh air and needed to feel real sunshine. So did I. I had forgotten everything about real life, a life spent on living instead of surviving. For now, the people are happy, despite the hardship. They are content to be down here and more are settling here as every day passes. With wheat available, we are now eating real food, as opposed to these extracted algae nutrients, which have been sustaining us for the past months. Real bread, baked in a makeshift brick wood oven. People would just give anything for that. They are happy."_

Helena took her laptop on the hill overlooking the African plain. She sat down, on a big rock over the ledge looking down at the valley. Clouds, coming from the east, were drifting rapidly by, projecting on the bright green hills a show of light spots and alternating shadows. The light was strong and it made the colors glow as in an impressionist painting. 'Cezanne would have been happy in Africa', she mused, 'he would have loved the colors'. She wondered how the planet of Laura looked like and if it had such a beautiful landscape. As Helena felt the sun warm her skin and listened to the birds around her she continued with the translation.

" _It is the summer now, a revival, with renewed spirits, a new birth. School is filling up, as people bring in more and more children and we are quite busy. I have trained Maya and she is almost completely independent in her teaching. We take turns taking care of her baby Isis, who is very dear to me. I swore to protect this baby, a new life full of promises. I love her like my own child._

 _I get paid in clothes, supplies and food. Life is getting easier now that we can harvest crops and the weather is nicer. Some people have moved farther inland, where the game is more abundant and the tents are sheltered by taller trees. I have lots of time to myself. I cannot remember the last time I had so much free time, certainly not when I was president. Still I have to take care of myself, make sure that I have roots and plants to make myself something to eat. Often parents bring me some fresh baked bread and those who hunt bring in meat. I have set my private space in the tent with a stove to cook, a place to eat and sleep, a mere mattress on top of a rather small cot, a leather chair salvaged from colonial one, many rugs and a place to wash. We obviously do not have running water and I gather clean water from the pump each morning in a big jug that weights a ton. I keep some to drink and some to wash. There are no showers or bathrooms here. People wash in the river and bring their clothes there. The men have dug a hole away from the camp, where people dump their latrine buckets, which they cover up when it gets filled up. It reminds me of those old paintings I have seen of ancient times on Caprica, before our civilization had acquired technology that would bring comfort to everyone. Engineers of Pegasus are building showers, because they want to make sure that we would be comfortable when the weather turns cold and nobody can bathe in the river anymore. Some are manufacturing soap from animal fat and lime water, they have extracted from ashes. I got myself a block of soap. It is more precious than gold to me. Someone purified it and put fragrances extracted from flowers in it. It is delightful. It was a gift from one parent to take care of her child's who could not learn to read: Our very first educational success. There is so much joy in seeing the light in the eyes when a child finally read his first sentence. Some persons have set farms on the slopes, cultivating the land. Others have found a nice big forest on the east and got some wood to build more permanent dwellings. For months, we never stopped fighting and despite all of the hard work, it feels like a vacation. We never stopped trying to survive and now it is the summer and the weather is warmer, the wind is soft and the water on the shore refreshing. I started enjoy life again, like a human being, like the woman I once was before everything happened, before the cancer, before the attacks, before the death of my family. That woman, I thought, had stopped existing and I had kept her buried deep inside me, unreachable, because life just became too tough. But now, with the sun and the breeze, with the warm bread and honey, with the cool water of the river splashing on my body, tanned by the sun, I felt that I was coming back to life. After school, in the afternoon, I often retreat to my tent and read over and over again the same two books, which Bill gave me. I have started to write more too. At night, I often sit outside and look at the stars, trying to find the little point of light that is the Galactica, wandering across the sky on its orbit among the fleet ships. I have made a habit to come out and look for it when the weather allows it. Each night they pass across the sky north to south right after dusk and later again in the night. I miss Bill, our long conversations, our friendship, this affection developing. I am not the president anymore. It has been months since we saw the cylons. We have lived on this planet now longer than on those ships after the attacks. Maybe it is time. I would like to live a normal life as a woman."_

" _Yesterday, the weather was particularly nice and I took a walk up the hills, away from the camp. I have missed the nature so much, being trapped on those ships like inside tin cans. I took a book with me, and some food to eat. Up the hills, behind the tallest one, a good thirty minutes' walk from here, I found a mountain lake fed by a very pure spring. The water was as clear as glass and delicious to drink. I sat on a flat stone by the edge by the spring listening to the gurgle of the stream on the rocks as it was emptying in the little lake. I let my feet hang in the cold water and the stream was like a caress on my skin. The water was so refreshing and tempting. The afternoon had been hot and I was sweaty from the hike. Since no one was there and I was completely alone, I took off my clothes and went swimming. I cannot remember the last time I swam before that. It was absolutely delightful, a re-awakening of my senses, dulled by the life on the space ships, where water had been rationed._

 _The water gliding over my body was cooling it off, but it was more than that. It was as if my soul was getting purified by it, as if the past was washed away, the bad deeds I had done, the anxiety, the negativity, the pain, the horror, the terror, the hurt and death of war. I had been stained by it. I had been marked by the decisions that I had made as president under the pressure of survival and the necessities of war. It had been with me, almost like tattooed on my skin, I could see it in the mirror in my eyes. But now, the water was washing it all away. And naked, I let myself being taken by the stream, purified of my sins, cleaned and alive again._

 _I used to swim on Caprica, a lot, mostly in the evenings after work. The water always was soothing to me, taking away my pain or my worries. The pool was always chlorinated to an extreme and while the exercise was relaxing, it never had such an effect on me. But here, the water was pure and I let myself float and looked at the blue sky, which was turning yellow in the sunset. It was beautiful. Gone the presidential responsibilities, gone the cancer, gone the mask of authority, I used to put on my face, I was Laura again. Just Laura. I did not need to pretend anymore, I came out of the water and the air was still very warm. I laid down on the flat rock and let the sun already low dry my skin. I closed my eyes and felt my body alive, the warm breeze on my skin like an intimate caress, the smooth rock under my back, the blades of grass tickling my legs, the odd singing of these funny birds, the sun behind my closed eyelids, all of those evoked sensations, which I had forgotten. When the sun did set, I put my clothes back on, ate a little, and started downhill. I would keep in my mind often that wonderful afternoon."_

Helena closed the laptop as the sun was setting behind Mount Kilimanjaro far out on the horizon, its peak glowing in the setting sun. The valley was full of mist, as the heat of the day was rising from the grounds, creating a landscape of a breathtaking beauty. She let her gaze wander on the plains, listening to the birds chirping in the dusk and the distant cry of animals, which she could not identify. When it was almost completely dark, Helena made her way back to her tent and the wind started to blow, as it did almost every night as the cool humid air rose from the Eastern slopes of the mountains. She thought of Laura and her peaceful retreat by the lake. She thought of this woman, who after months of war, was starting to live again. She settled on her bed, wrapped in blankets and opened up her laptop to continue the translation.

 **To be continued... Keep on reviewing! Due to a glitch in the system, the reviews do not seem to post publicly, but I do get email notifications. The issue has been taken with the site administrator and hopefully will be resolved soon. Sorry for any inconvenience.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Warnings: Mentions of New Caprica drinking and Herbal Smoking (legal disclaimer to any of my students/boss who may have found me here: I do not support any type of smoking or substance abuse) and New Caprica sexy times.**

 **Chapter 10**

Helena worked through the night, as she often did. Human activities ceased around her and she could hear only the wind incessantly moaning on the mountains, the sound of insects and animals in the night. It was a comforting song of nature, just like a lullaby, which let her reach through the writing for the meanings of the foreign words. It was a transcendent feeling of communicating with the spirit of this woman long gone through the ages.

" _I return to the lake at every possible occasion, when I have enough time to climb up there and when the weather allows it. Sometimes, I just sit by the spring, when it is too cold to swim unlike that time. I stay, read or write and listen to the water running. I am thinking that I would like to live by that lake. I would like to build a cabin there, right by the water. I would want to spend the rest of my days here quietly in peace surrounded by this beauty. The lake and its feeding stream, emptying on the far side in a small waterfall, surrounded by rocks and a small forest, are my cathedral, my temple, and my refuge. I do not need a temple to pray, candles or statues, I have it in the nature all around me. The more I think about it, the more I'd want to share it with Bill. He has been on my mind for weeks. At first, I discarded those ideas. The mere thought of a relationship with him seemed preposterous. We are friends with a deep affection, born from the struggles shared. But as our lives are settling in normalcy, I often catch myself off guard, wishing he would be there with me to share those moments._

 _Today, I have started to draw a sketch of what my cabin would be. It would have large bay windows facing the lake and opening up on a patio. It would be small, and simple. The big room would be full of light, filled by sun, and there would be no doors to separate it from the other rooms. A flight of stairs would take us to the mezzanine where the bedroom would be located right under the roof and opening over the bay windows. We would wake up and look over to the lake and see the first light of the sun reflected on the water. We… It would have a kitchen in the back, under the bedroom, with a wood stove and Bill would have diverted part of the stream to provide running water. We would have the chief install an electrical generator to provide us with some power and hot water. We would have a bathroom with a large tub. It would be for us. Us… a place to rest and retreat and retire. A place to be in communion with nature. A place to love and be loved. I want to live now. We have seen destruction and death. If this is it, our journey is over and we can now rest, Bill and I. We do not have to be responsible for the fate of humanity anymore. I want to live my life with Bill, simply exist. He is the only person, I feel, can understand me. I am not sure how he feels about it. He has been for months now the guardian of the lighthouse, keeping watch over us from Galactica. He does not come to the ground very often and I know he will not leave his ship to live with me unless he decides to retire and leave his command to his son or another trustworthy officer."_

A woman, getting older, just yearning to retire in peace and enjoy life: what was so wrong with that? Helena mused. With her mid-fifties approaching, Helena often wondered what she would do when the time would come to stop working. She had no family, no children, and nobody to live by her side. Her work and her research was her passion. She had traveled all over the world studying civilizations, decrypting languages, in hot deserts, far east dense forests and cold tundra. She was more familiar with old graveyards and temples, than human beings. Her only friends were researchers like her, some of her graduate students, other professors, and, well, books. Being a woman in such an academic career was difficult. Aside from the blatant sexism she felt each day, residing in a profession where there were only maybe two or three women engaged in such research, maintaining such a high level of publication, top quality research work and funding was taxing on any personal life. Helena had been published in the highest research journals; she had on-going research grants with the National Science Foundation, some teaching assignments and graduate students, which all of a sudden found themselves without their mentor. Grants needed to be renewed constantly, and thus, data had to be presented. When she was not on the field, she was spending her life writing. She had speaking engagements, which she canceled for the year to be able to work on Laura's diaries, and a book in the making, which she stopped working on. She knew that she would be speaking about this discovery for the next few years, once it became public. She could already anticipate the press circus and the non-stop interviews and conferences. It seemed obvious that she would not do anything else anymore but research on this project, and talk about it until her retirement age; that is, if she ever retired. And Takashi… They had known each other since graduate school and remained friends, despite the obvious attraction. He had been married. She had known and esteemed his wife, a younger woman, daughter of a CEO of Kyoto. Akemi Inoue was a reserved woman, dedicated to her husband's career. She had a brilliant intelligence and done a lot of work, as an academic researcher also. And she had stepped down to take care of her family when she married Takashi. They moved to Tokyo. Akemi had been everything Helena was not. And she died tragically in a car accident with their young son in the back seat. Takashi never recovered. He abandoned his research for two years and disappeared from public view. She had not heard from him much since the accident, until he called her with the present assignment. Such was life. Despite their mutual attraction, Helena knew that she would not be more than a friend. First out of respect for his lovely wife and then because she knew she would never measure up to such a love.

" _It is sometimes dangerous to dream. I dreamed of a life and it did set expectations. When that happens, it makes the reality more difficult to bear. In those moments, where all of my worries melted in the sun and I thought of a life that could be, a cabin, a lake, Bill, and me, I got so happy. But then the reality of New Caprica comes back and slaps me awake. I have to stop doing this to myself. The planet is not very pleasant and life is difficult, even if in these few months, tremendous progress has been made in our farming abilities. President Baltar is not taking the measures that he should to develop the land. Fearing his popularity slipping, he started this campaign to promote himself in a series of events with the only purpose to lift the people's spirit, instead of taking care of the real pressing problems. It is unrealistic of me to think that everything will go away, just because we wish it to be."_

" _Today is Founders' Day. One Gaius Baltar self-serving made-up holiday marks the ground breaking to the soon-to-be New Caprica City Hall. I simply refuse to attend this charade. Instead, he should be working on keeping the people fed and guarantee our colonial traditions. But, he is taking the people on a self-gratifying trip of navel gazing. It will not be long until we have a "Baltar, the Savior, Day". I'd rather stay put in my tent and work on grading my students' papers. I will join the others later, when Baltar has left the grounds with, likely, one of his groupies, ready to frak him on one moment's notice."_

" _Yesterday's afternoon, after the ceremony, I made my way outside searching for the admiral, which I heard had come down from the Galactica. I found him bare feet playing in the sand, 'the alluvial deposits', as he corrected me. I knew he would be invited for the celebration. I put that red dress that I traded on the street market. I wanted to be less presidential and more like the woman I used to be… a long time ago. Bill had never known me before my trip to the Galactica, on the -then- official function, which became permanent. And after the attacks, I kept my official demeanor and restrain, because I had to be the president, in power, without any time or luxury for being a woman. I wore day after day the same three suits, which I had with me in my luggage, until the fabric was completely worn down. Honestly, I was way too preoccupied by our immediate fate and survival to worry about my physical appearance. Here, it was different. I was not president anymore. I just could be myself. I knew he would like that dress. We had not seen each other for weeks. And I was worried that I had let my imagination run wild about him and would pay the price. Absence does that. Longing does that. Yet, as soon as we saw each other, we reconnected, the memory of our goodbye kiss as fresh as if it was yesterday. All he had to do was to give me one long appreciating look all over my body and my worries disappeared. We sat next to each other in the comfortable silence only true friends share. There was an unabashed happiness at seeing each other again, something true and genuine that we read in each other's eyes without the need to speak it out loud. I leaned against him as we soaked the sun on the riverside. Then he turned to me, smiled and took my hand to help me up. We walked side by side in silence to the buffet where our friends were partying. It was simple, really. It was just being together, happy and carefree. We drank. We drank a lot. We smoked that weed that grows up on the hills, which I collected on my way up the lake and had been experimenting with on my solitary trips. The music was playing loud in the background and laughter was echoing everywhere. My head was buzzing with happiness, little bubbles of consciousness popping like sparkling wine from Virgon, floating like a balloon on dancing scented smoke. I never felt that happy in my life. I could tell he felt just the same way. And then we got rid of Gaeta, who was lecturing us about his future plans. He never realized he was not talking anymore to the Admiral and the ex-President, but only to Bill and Laura, who were already quite high._

 _We felt good, good with one another. It felt natural to be with him that way, as a friend. It was something we had not allowed each other to be ever before. I used to be the president. He was the admiral. In the wake of the attacks, there was only space for our duties and the fate of humanity we each swore to protect, I as a civilian, and he as an officer. But here… here it was different. I was back on the ground stripped forcefully of my responsibilities, a simple teacher again. I could be myself for the first time in several months. If anything, Baltar had allowed me this brief respite and cured from cancer, I was allowed to enjoy life._

 _Pleasantly happy with alcohol and smoke, I told Bill about my little refuge up on the hills, the stream and my hopes for a cabin, I would like to build one day. We ate and drank some more. People were dancing to the music. I must have been drunk not to curse Baltar on that day, but thank him graciously for the lovely time, keeping my thoughts for myself. Baltar was parading like a Peacock in heat in the middle of what he called 'his people', talking, laughing and being a king with his court. Bill must have seen my look of disgust, because he took me gently by the arm and said 'let's get out of here'._

 _We walked in silence out of the tent village, a place that Baltar pedantically called 'New Caprica city'. Bill was looking at me, worried, as if he could read my mind. 'Are you alright?' he said. I did not answer, but chose instead to talk about the dreams, the desperate hope I was holding on to survive the bitter disappointment of my loss of power. I talked about my cabin, the wish that I would lead a normal life and enjoy it. Hopefully not alone. 'I love the lake up there. It has a big flat rock on the eastern bank. When the weather gets very hot, I go and swim there. Nobody ever comes.'_

 _I started to think at the water sliding on my bare body and wondered if the weed had properties I had not yet explored. I could not help but start to giggle at my thoughts and the look of his face, as I said this, and the slow blush that started to color his cheeks. I added:_

' _Then I just sun-bathe on the rock and let the sun dry my skin'. I had trouble restraining my thoughts and I laughed again loosened by the alcohol. Feeling this freedom was just delightful._

' _I want to build the cabin right there, on the east bank, close to the stream feeding it.' I said. I looked at him, and I saw him smile at me a little, restrained, deep in his thoughts, his cheeks still reddened by his blush. I took his hand and held it in my hands for a minute, delighted at the feeling of his fingers on mine. Dizzy, I could only whisper 'come'. And I led him up the hills. We walked up there very fast in the sunny afternoon, and soon we were out of breath. The music faded in the background and soon was replaced by the funny sound of these New Caprican birds and our heavy breathing. I ran up there the last few hundred meters and stopped at the sight of the lake, my heart pounding in my chest, not just because of my fast hike. It took a little bit longer for Bill to catch up to me. The water was clear and you could see multicolor pebbles on the bottom and tiny little fish swimming. The lake was bordered by a forest on the western bank; but on the south side, it was emptying into a waterfall over the edge of a cliff. From this angle, it looked as if the water was merging into the sky, suspended in the heavens. I sat on my flat rock and took my boots off to dangle my feet in the water. Bill joined me silently, sitting next to me, and did the same. It was peaceful, perfect. The sun was reflecting on us and warming us, although it would have been already too cool for a swim. 'It's beautiful' he stated. Not looking at him, I continued with my dream._

' _I want to build a cabin with lots of windows right there, so that the light can come in all day. I will have a big room, with a deck going right on the lake, and a bedroom with bay windows located on a mezzanine over the big living room. So that when we wake up, we can see the sun rising behind the hills and over the water.'_

 _I turned a look at him. Maybe it was the alcohol, the weed, or the beauty of the site, I felt overwhelmed by emotion._

' _Laura' he whispered, his voice chocking a little._

' _Yes' was my only answer, in a giggle. He wrapped his arms around me. This time the kiss was not as chaste as our goodbye kiss. It was heated by happiness, uninhibited by alcohol, and loaded with desire. We kissed for a long time, not paying attention anymore to our surroundings, but only to the feelings threatening to take us. The sensations of his lips and tongue on my open mouth, and his hands gliding in my hair, brushing against my neck, sliding down my back were overwhelming. He slipped the wrapped long sleeves shirt off my shoulders and his fingers found their way under my camisole to caress the heated skin of my back, my waist, and my breasts. It was as if he sent electricity through me and I involuntarily moaned against his lips, pushing myself tight in his arms and shivering at his contact. He broke the kiss suddenly and looked up at me, his blue eyes burying into mine, with honesty and tenderness. 'Laura, I have to go back to Galactica tomorrow. I cannot settle with you here right now. I still have responsibilities.' His voice was low and sweet, and slightly slurred by the alcohol still in his body. I knew he did not want to hurt me. He did not want to make a promise, when he did not know he could keep it. He did not want to mislead me._

' _I know, Bill', I replied trying to ignore the painful lump that just formed in my throat and my emotions rising uninhibited by the alcohol and weed. 'I am not asking you to let go of your ship. I just want to enjoy life a little; it has been such a long time since we have been living as real human beings. I don't have cancer anymore. I survived! For what? I want to enjoy life! Don't you think? We have been trapped in these tin cans for months, without sun or fresh air, without seeing the color of grass. I want to enjoy today, Bill, and not think about tomorrow. I want to be a woman again.' He looked at me and wiped the tears that I never noticed I had shed and kissed me again very slowly. The sun was setting and soon it would be too dark to find our way down the path. I suggested we made our way back down to the village before we would get trapped without shelter or food. The fall was coming and nights were getting cooler, up there especially. When we got to the village, we found some food again and people were still dancing and partying. It was nice to see everyone happy."_

 **Thank you for the Reviews, please continue to send them your way.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 **Chapter's warning: Mature content.**

Helena started to understand a bit more now of the relationship between Laura and Bill, restrained because of their respective duties, yet, unexpectedly released in the blissful summer on that new planet. She was not president anymore and she felt free. Helena could understand how these people running away for their safety needed to live and breathe. She could not imagine how much courage it would have taken to be on duty for so long without a break. Helena had been on duty for over a year now working on this document. She was not at war. Beyond the ridges of the mountains, away from their sheltered camp, wars and genocides were taking place in Africa. Displaced populations, starving children, raped and abused girls and women were common on this land. She felt unworthy of the protection she was receiving for her status: an educated white woman scientist on an UNESCO and UN mission. She was sheltered behind barbed wire, electrical fences and armed UN guards. She knew they were protecting not only the secrecy of the project, but the staff and scientists also, as the whole region was unstable. She was aware of her privileged status and appreciated how Laura relinquished her presidential status to become again a normal citizen. It would have been easy for her to use that to her benefit and she didn't. Laura just wanted to live and be happy. But wasn't it what most humans were looking for anyway? A place to live, to love and build a life.

" _Bill drank more and we danced a little with the others. He kept on looking at me as I was taking with old members of the Quorum, as if he was still wondering about what had happened earlier by the lake. This time he was the one who asked: 'Show me where you live'. It was late; people were starting to leave; others were sleeping their alcohol off directly on the ground. Few others were still dancing, as the night progressed. We had not partied like this ever since the destruction of the colonies. Everyone seemed to enjoy the well-deserved break. We walked away together and I gave him a tour of my tent and its simple accommodations. I retrieved the last join I had made. We smoked it with delight and, when our legs felt weak, we lay down on the sand bags behind my tent and looked at the clear night sky. We smoke some more and Bill sang a little, as I fought hard to suppress my giggles at his out of tune voice. He confessed that so many people wanted to leave the ships leaving them un-manned with skeleton crews, but I reminded him how hard it had been on all of us all of these months without feeling real ground under our feet. I tried to convince him that it was important to live in the moment. So many things could happen, but really if this was where we would end up staying and if the cylons were never coming back, then we really should embrace that new chance at life. I snuggled in his arms and he pulled me close to him so that I could rest my head on his shoulder. We must have drifted to sleep at some point, with alcohol and smoke still in our bodies, lying in each other's arms. When the night air got too cold, I got up and turned off the lantern and grabbed two blankets out of my tent. When I came back, I found him watching me intensely. Looking up in the sky, I showed him the little spot of light making its way across the sky. 'Each night, when the sky is clear like now, I come out and look at the Galactica making its way in the sky. I think about you.' It was late in the night and everything was silent. His only response to my confession was to tighten his arms around me. 'I want to live, Bill. I want to get up in the morning and not worry about what might happen in the afternoon.' I leaned over and started to kiss the skin of his neck, enjoying his warmth and his scent. He turned to look at me. 'Do you really want this, Laura?' I just could reply. 'I just want to be a woman. When was the last time I was just a woman and not the president or even the secretary of education? We have to live, Bill, those are moments that might never happen again. You and I have to live now before it is too late. Anything can happen; you can get killed up there. I can get killed down here. The cylons can come back and then what? Are we going to spend the rest of our lives regretting what might not have happened on this night?' He looked at me for a long moment, thinking over my words. Then he answered 'I don't do regret, Laura', then he gently pulled me over him and kissed me with longing and determination. It was sweet, soft and soon turned out passionate, when our souls who had been waiting so long for one another finally joined, unrestrained by duty and obligations. Most, after partying, had retreated in their tents. We heard screaming far in the background, I thought I recognized Lee's voice, but could not be sure. We continued to kiss and hold each other, our hearts pounding, his hands caressing my skin under my clothes, my body longing for his, and trembling with desire. I unbuttoned his uniform with shaking hands, yearning to feel his skin under my hands. I wanted this so much. In the darkness, under the blessing of the stars, we slowly undressed and made love. It had been so long since I indulged in the physical bliss of sharing love with another soul. I enjoyed every touch of his fingers, every kiss of his mouth, as he sensually explored my body. I enjoyed his scent and the taste of his skin under my lips, the roughness of his skin under my hands. It was slow and tender. My body was humming with pleasure. I must have screamed, because he shushed me by kissing me some more. Then he called my name, just as loud... It was just wonderful. I cried of joy and he kissed my tears away. We dressed and stayed under the blankets until the first rays of the sun lighted the horizon with pale lavender light. He slept a little. I did not. I looked at his face, memorizing the moment, memorizing every irregularity of his skin, every wrinkle, every bump and crease, memorizing the sensations of my sated body, the heat of his, his scent, his little sleepy moans, until the sun made its full appearance and the sounds of people rising woke him up. I really was not hungry for breakfast as we make our way back to the center of town. I was cold, mostly from the lack of sleep and the hangover, and kept on wrapping myself in my light long sleeve red shirt. Bill, who had been worried about chief Tyrol's request to live on the planet, came to find him. He was tired and we had discussed Tyrol over our night conversation. Bill decided to let him go and live his life with his wife and their soon to be baby. An excited Kara then came over and told us she was getting married and invited us to join the wedding by the river estuary. So we walked there to the small gathering. She asked Bill to give her away, as he always had been a father figure to her. She was marrying Sam, the once pyramid player who had turned into the resistance against the cylon on Caprica and who she went to rescue later. It was a small and improvised ceremony with one of the only priest we had left, after I lost my dear Elosha. Bill walked her away and went back to stand by my side. When they pronounced their vows, he looked at me and took my hand and we stayed looking at each other eyes. Despite our fatigue and hangover, we were deeply happy. But time was running and soon Bill had to leave. I did not know how long he would stay before coming back down planet side. Baltar did not like having him around; Bill represented a threat to him. It would likely be weeks before he would come again, although I suspected that Bill would find excuses to find me. When the crowd dispersed after the wedding, we walked hand in hand back to the raptor-landing site. Before reaching the raptor, we stopped behind a tent and Bill slowly ran his hands through my hair, caressed my face and we embraced tightly, kissing intensely until we both grasped for air. When we reached the raptor, we said goodbye, our eyes kissing where our bodies would not want to betray us in front of other people standing by. I waved goodbye to him and minutes later the raptor took off. Back in my tent, I finally slept, reliving those moments with wonder and deep joy."_

Helena closed her laptop, tears streaming on her face. Laura had loved deeply. Helena wished she ever could have felt the same way. She had been too busy for relationships, always running around the world decrypting some text, having quick affairs, which did not last long. She knew that such relationship was running deeply. She knew this couple was bond by invisible ties, beyond space and time. Soul mates.

 **Thank you for all your reviews. Please keep on commenting!**


	12. Chapter 12

**It is the weekend and I have been writing a lot (nearing 106 pages and 28 chapters now). So you will get a couple of chapters before the busy work week starts.**

 **Sending much appreciation to all of the persons who have commented and encouraged me to continue. Your feedback means a lot to me. I hope this chapter brings you some sweet, soothing and happy moments before we go into the darker chapters.**

 **Chapter 12**

Helena was taken away from her reverie by a voice calling her to attend a lab meeting. Research was continuing at a very fast pace, but as all of the artifacts were getting analyzed and taken apart, almost molecule per molecule, there was not much more to be learned from them, just confirmation of what they already knew. Helena's translation seemed to be holding all of the new information. She made copies of the decryption of the first tablet and handed the text to everyone to read. Translating was a tedious work and it was progressing slowly. As she was getting deeper into the life of these ancient people, she was forced to reflect on her own. Everyone who read the translation came back with their own excitement, and heated discussions, about planets and where those could be located. Surely her translation would be the object of an intense scrutiny from historian to politicians, who would eagerly analyze the story written, speculating on its origins. Helena knew there would be some who would even doubt that this was a true story. They would equate this to a very ancient myth, a fantastic story, sort of odyssey of the stars, which ancient populations once wrote. And without direct physical evidence of their space travel, it would be easy to interpret it as such. But Helena knew this story was factual not fiction, it really happened, not only because of the compelling evidence, but also because of the true voice of the woman writing. Laura's feelings were expressed in a simple yet honest voice coming from the heart. Determined to find more elements to the story, Helena asked to see a topographic map of the region to look for possible locations where remnants of this civilization could possibly be found as well as their settlements. She also requested access to satellite surveillance data from the region. She had spent a couple of hours looking at Google Earth and trying to identify settlements. Google Earth did not have enough resolution to explore these valleys and she could not even visualize properly some of these settlements. There was simply not enough data available on that region. Maps were imprecise, and some of the dense rain forests on the East sides of the Uluguru Mountains were said to be impenetrable and unexplored. Dr. Inoue said that he would find topographic maps for her and place a request for satellite imaging of the region. He mentioned that authorizations were in the process of being negotiated to gain access to these remote valleys and mountains, and the UNESCO and the UN had contacted the Tanzanian government to that effect. She could not wait to meet some of the local tribes and ask about their legends and tales. When she returned from the meeting, Helena went back to her laptop and continued her translation.

" _Bill did not come back for several weeks. I missed him, but I was very busy. There was so much to do to settle into this new life. Men began to build solid constructions out of concrete, the first ones being the City Hall, its first stone laid by Baltar on founders' day. Life had changed: from our survival mode to something more domestic, working, feeding ourselves, building homes, teaching the children. For the first time ever, people were allowed to look back on our journey, grieve their dead, and reflect on the future. I thought of Bill a lot, and how much I missed our conversations and our friendship. The memories of that night spent together under the stars had been fogged by alcohol and the weed we smoked. I did not know how he felt about it, if, sober, he regretted his actions. Oh yes, I forget, Bill does not do regret. That makes me want to laugh! I had no regret. We had been happy and shared a moment of deep communion, closeness, understanding and intimacy. Days flew in a rush, busy as I was with the teaching. I took a few more walks up the hill, gathered more weed and rested by the lake, often enjoying the peace allowing me to catch up with the writing. I have not been writing each day, as I mostly come back to my tent, eat a bit, and then fall asleep."_

" _The weather brutally changed, taking away the welcome, the soft heat and the innocence of the summer. Strong winds from the west started to blow and would not stop days at a time. They would bring incessant rains and cold chills. The weather pattern was different on this planet that it had been on Caprica. We had been there almost one year by our colonial standards, but clearly the orbit of this planet around its sun, made the actual astronomical year longer and we had yet to experience winter. I would say the season we were at now would be Fall. On Caprica, fall had been my favorite season. I could not stop marveling at the breath-taking beauty of the changing leaves, from gold to deep red. And I used to take long walks in forests, which looked like a painter's canvas. Often summer would come back for a few days at a time and bring back heat and sun before completely disappearing. This was when the season was the most enjoyable, with the sun reflecting on these gorgeous colors. But here, the wind forcefully stripped all of the leaves off in a matter of only a few days, leaving ghostly bare trees against cloudy skies. Within a short week, we passed from a glorious summer to a murky fall. The incessant rains turned the ground into a mud pool with running little streams of brown water. Several tents collapsed as thin poles were sinking into the soft ground and would not bear the additional weight of soaked fabric. Heavy rain added extra pressure, and wind pushed the tents over. The river swelled from a gentle stream to a dangerous mountain torrent, ferocious and murderous brown. Walking outside became treacherous, as we would fall and slip on the mud and had to fight rain and wind. But everyone came together to strengthen the tents' support and pull the collapsed ones back up. This is when our first disaster happened."_

" _I was woken up in the middle of the night by screams and cries of horror. I ran out and met the others outside under a beating rain. Everyone was in shock as they saw that the rain had generated a mudslide along the riverbanks and had taken at least three large tents. The river had left its banks and flooded several other tents. We could not see very well in the darkness the extent of the devastation. Armed with flashlights from some of the ships, we searched all night for survivors, following the waters downstream. We walked barefoot on slippery ground and called out but found no one. The rain and the wind masked our voices, and our flashlights were most inefficient in detecting anyone. When the pale sun rose, and the sky turned a bleak shade of violet, we really saw the damage done. Several tents were missing, broken poles and straps of fabric were floating on the violent waters, mud had covered a quarter of the village. I came upon a small doll covered in mud, as I was searching with the others for survivors. The doll's hair was plastered with dark brown mud and its face was partially torn, one arm was missing. I took the doll in my shaking hands and suddenly remembered Camille, the little girl, I sent to her death when I left behind the ship without FTL drives. Gods, will you ever forgive me? I never had the time to properly grieve for those we lost. There was nothing I could have done for Camille or so many others that died because of my decisions as a president. At the time, I made the decisions, which I thought were the best. Yet, these people will never leave me, like ghosts present on my conscience. They will haunt me for the rest of my life. I remembered with emotion of another disaster and the little piece of paper I slipped in my suit pocket with 'Olympic Carrier' written on it."_

Helena wondered what a FLT drive was and how many ships these people had. There was an entire history she was missing.

" _We continued searching for the rest of the morning and the rest of the day under a pouring rain in vain. When doctor Cottle saw me later that evening, he ordered me to go back to my tent and get myself dried. He was busy treating minor injuries and he barked at me to get on safe ground and take care of myself before I catch my death. How ironic, for someone who has battled cancer... I was too tired to argue with him and obeyed. My clothes were so wet; they were dripping muddy water miserably at each step I took, swaying from my body, as if I had fallen into the water myself. I was completely covered with mud, as I had slipped and fallen so many times while running along the water's edge. I was soaked and the cold wind was penetrating me to my bones. We had lost at least three full families and some people were still missing. I realized that if I were still on Colonial One, I would have to subtract twenty-two souls from our survivor counts. I bet Baltar has erased the board. Exhausted, I made my way back to my tent, heavy from the rain and from grief, when I heard the familiar sound of raptors approaching and landing. I knew then that Galactica or Pegasus had sent reinforcements and I was grateful for that. Without a doubt they would be conducting more searches and with the strong headlights of the raptors and flying low, they probably would be more successful than us. I could only hope they would find survivors."_

" _At my tent, I proceeded to build a fire in the stove to warm up and I did not even had a chance to get out of my dripping clothes when I heard rapid foot steps outside flopping in the mud. My tent, like many others, had been built on a wooden platform, which constituted its ground. Water would run on the fabric and drain below the platform keeping the floor dry. Often the wind would lift the fabric panels and I would have to go out and tighten up the straps holding the fabric together. I was so wet, cold and exhausted, that when the flap of the tent lifted, I thought for a second that the wind had caught it, but I immediately saw the shape of Bill in the shadows. He was also soaked, with a heavy jacket and a cap and carrying a large duffel bag._

' _Oh my Gods, Bill' I could only whisper and walked wearily towards him. He dropped the bag on the floor and hugged me, water of our wet clothes slowly pooling at our feet. Then he sat down and removed his muddy boots and wet socks, which he placed by the entrance of the tent. That was when I started to shiver uncontrollably. I was not sure if my persistent shaking was from the cold, the exhaustion or just the relief of seeing him there. He removed his heavy jacket and cap and hung them on a side pole to dry. Without a word, he took in my appearance and he moved towards the stove continuing putting wood inside and lit it. 'We first need to make you warmer.' Soon the fire was catching and the warmth started to radiate from the small iron stove to the rest of the tent. Then he pulled my water bucket and poured water in the large metallic basin I used to wash and put the whole thing on top of the stove to warm up. Then he turned to me and gently helped me out of my sweater, heavy from the water._

' _How long have you been out there?' he asked worried._

' _Since last night' I replied as my teeth started to chatter._

 _He was wringing my sweater to remove the water and hung it to dry as well. Then he bent over and got a large fleece blanket, sweat pants and heavy sweat shirt out of his duffel bag._

' _I did not think you would need to use these right away, I am happy I brought them for you.' He said as he handed me the blanket. 'Get out of your wet clothes'._

 _He turned to check the stove and the water warming up, while I was stripping off the soaked fabric of my shirt, pants and undergarments. I wrapped myself in the blanket, chilled to the bone, my skin blue from the cold and unable to prevent my shaking. He took a towel and slowly dipped it in the now warm water._

' _Come here, Laura' I sat down next to the stove, welcoming the warmth of the fire on my skin. Very slowly and gently he started to wash the mud off my face. I do not know if it was his touch, caring and soft, my extreme fatigue, or the warmth of the water on my face, but I just could not prevent tears from flowing. He washed me carefully, precisely without talking or judging me, without making me feel embarrassed by my current appearance. Then he moved my blanket out of the way without prying at my naked body and ran the wet and warm towel along my bare back, scrubbing of the dirt off my skin with care. The warm water felt just wonderful. He washed my arms and bent down to wash my feet and legs. I started to giggle when he found a particularly ticklish spot by my knee and he looked up with a wide luminous smile. I was starting to warm up from the warm water and his tenderness, as he slowly massaged the aching and sore muscles of my calf and my legs._

' _Laura, bend backwards.' He moved the blanket out of the way, settling on my chest and legs, and started to pour deliciously warm water over my hair with a cup and picked up soap to wash my hair. There was something deeply sensual about feeling his fingers rubbing my scalp, removing the dirt and grime of the day, clearing the cold and pain I felt, soothing me like no-one had ever done before. I was hugging the blanket around my bare body, starting to feel warmer and my shaking subsided. He rinsed me and the water bucket now contained brown water, the mud of the river that used to be in my hair. He wrapped my head in a towel and went out to pour the dirty water out._

 _When he came back, he handed me the pants and sweatshirt. 'Put that on, you absolutely need to keep warm.' I dressed and he retrieved a pair of warm fleece socks that he put on my feet, gently rubbing the arches of my feet and warming them up with his hands._

' _Thank you' I whispered, the trauma of the day coming back to me as I regained memories of what happened. I also discovered that I was starving, and, dressed, I got up and recovered some food, which I had in a pot and placed it on top of the fire. It was a mixed of grains, vegetables and meat, very nourishing and not as bad as the food we had been eating out on the ships. It warmed up slowly as I was stirring it with a wooden spoon. My hair was starting to dry and I let go of the towel, pushing my damp hair out of my face and bent to taste the mixture out of the pot, bringing the steaming spoon to my lips, when I caught him looking at me with such an intense gaze that I almost lost my breath and dropped the spoon._

' _Do you do that often?' I asked playfully._

' _What?'_

' _Give sponge baths to frozen women?'_

' _No. That was a first for me.' he replied and rose to meet me by the stove. He looked at me, emotion washing his face, and bent to kiss me. I hugged him tightly, overwhelmed by his heat, his scent and the comfort that radiated out of him. I buried my face in his shoulder and let him hold me as he spoke._

' _I am so glad you're ok, Laura' he continued 'I came down as soon as I heard. The weather was so bad we could not land until now. We will use raptors and continue to search tomorrow during the day. One team is looking out now, but I am doubtful they will find anything with the rain and the darkness.'_

 _I looked at him sadly and took out two bowls and spoons. We sat down in silence and ate at the small table, the only light, a candle between us, lightening the darkness and projecting shadows on the fabric of the tent like an Aquarion puppet theater. I cleared my throat, the warm meal and his soothing presence comforting me from the inside out. 'How long are you staying?'_

 _He replied 'Baltar said we are allowed to help but should return to Galactica as soon as possible. I probably will be going tomorrow night, after completing the rescue operations. That is, if the storm allows us to take off.' He described methodically his rescue plan for the morning and told me that he had been assigned quarters by city hall._

 _I was so tired and eating gave me back a little energy, yet I could not prevent myself from yawning. We looked at each other and all was said without words, the fear, the cold, the pain of loss, our friends, families, some of my students, taken away by the mudslide. Without a word, he got up when we were done and placed the dirty bowls to soak in the soapy water I had for this purpose. The simple gestures of this evening, washing me, tending the stove, warming up the food, were so intimate and brought us closer, natural as if we had lived with each other for months._

' _I should go' he whispered, yet he came back to me and helped me up taking my hands in his. 'And you should sleep'._

 _He looked at me determined, clearly something on his mind, suddenly worried._

' _Laura, the planet's weather is unstable. Dangerous storms are heading this way, we should move people up for a while, evacuate them before another disaster happens.'_

 _I immediately reacted as the president I once was._

' _Baltar will never accept this, and you know it, Bill.'_

' _I know, Baltar does not want to bulge', he continued, 'he threatened to forbid planet access to me and my crew, if I spread what he calls –rumors-.'_

 _I laughed, sarcastic, 'and how is he going to implement that? Shoot the raptors down?'_

 _Bill became serious suddenly, a frown on his face. I had seen this expression way too many times in the middle of crises._

' _Laura, I would like you to come back with me. The storms are going to get worse, you will be in danger.'_

 _I turned to him, and put my hand on his shoulder._

' _You already know my answer, don't you? I never let my people down, Bill, not before, not now, not ever. Thanks for asking, but no. I will stay here with everybody.' My people, I thought, even if they betrayed me, and chose Baltar, my people will always remain my responsibility, until I die. 'I will not abandon them'._

 _He was about to speak but I put a light finger on his mouth._

' _Bill, don't…'_

 _He nodded, accepting and respecting my decision. Then he got up and took his duffle bag, I thought he was going to leave, but he opened it and took another blanket and a warm jacket and pants out._

' _Winter is going to be hard; you might need this. At least you will be warm.'_

' _Thank you' All of a sudden, the lack of sleep of this hard day caught up with me and I felt so exhausted I barely could stand up. I felt the pain of those we lost, the hardship of this planet, the worry of the months to come, as winter would make its way on us. Bill took one of the blankets he brought and wrapped it around my shoulders and led me to the bed. 'Go to sleep, we will talk more tomorrow.'_

' _The weather is bad', I said, 'It is still pouring. I really would like it if you stayed here.' I smiled a little, barely able to argue, as I was so exhausted. He hesitated only for a moment. Then he removed his shirt and in his tanks, he lay down next to me on my little cot and took me in his arms, wrapping the blanket around us. I put my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, happy and comfortable. His hand kept on running in my hair. I fell asleep listening to his heart and slept soundly in his comfort and warmth."_

 **Please Review. It is nice to know you are reading!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you for all of your reviews. They are really appreciated and they validate my work.**

 **This is a short chapter... More will follow at the end of this week, which is a very busy one for me at work.**

 **This chapter is rated M**

 **Chapter 13**

Another rainstorm started to beat up the Uluguru mountains coming from the East and the Indian Ocean. This region received a lot of rainfall and was feeding the Ruvu river, an important water resource for the population of this region, going all the way down to Dar es Salam. On the South and East slopes a dense rainforest with inaccessible valleys harbored wild life unique to this area, studied by biodiversity biologists for the past 50 years. The lower villages had been conquered by the German colonists, bringing Christianity with them, and later on been part of the odious slave trade. But the local population retreated in their high villages in the mountains, enclaves protected from the invaders by difficult access and rich in resources, rice, maize and cassava. Some populations remained completely isolated, with little contact with the outside world. Their language was described as an 'unique' dialect with no known origin, which was slowly disappearing as the younger population left to live in cities and only the elders spoke it. Helena needed to go there and she was hoping the weather would clear long enough for this expedition to take place without difficulties. Dr. Inoue was very careful in avoiding any incident and he was planning carefully in a way that was frustrating to the adventurous Helena. She decided to take the opportunity of another delay to focus on her translation. The more she knew, the better equipped she would be to talk with the local populations.

" _A pale light of a gloomy morning woke us up. It was nice to be in his arms and I left myself drift happily between wakefulness and sleep, cradled against him. I kept my eyes closed, feeling his heartbeat against my cheek, his breath in my hair. But noises of the village waking up outside the tent grew louder and brought us back to reality. He gently took me from his arms and shifted me, so that he could get up._

' _I've got to go and help with the rescue. Sleep a little more, if you wish. I will see you later.' I nodded and lifted my face to meet his lips for a fleeting kiss. He was all business soon and dressed. I got up and dressed as well in the clothes he brought for me: heavy canvas pants and warm jacket. He left and a few minutes later I met him by the river. The disaster of the previous day was terrible, uprooted trees, broken tent poles, and shredded fabric, debris floating on the roaring turbulent brown waters of the river. The riverbank had caved in and a field of fresh mud lay where the tents had once been. I watched him offering assistance to women and children, unable to help with the heavy lifting. I instead helped the women to move their things out of the way. Those who had been rescued needed to find new tents and were gathering the remains of their belongings out of the mud to carry them over to their new home. I saw Bill in the back with other men, clearing up some trunks and debris, and helping them move tents out of harm's way. That is when we saw the first body, bloated, floating downstream. Screams alerted us and Bill went waist deep with others in the dangerous waters to pull the body out._

 _It was one young man originally from the Pegasus. He must have been in his twenties. I closed my eyes and covered my mouth to prevent myself from sobbing. I did not see this young man, I saw Billy. I recalled Billy in this young face, just as he was in the morgue when I was saying goodbye to him, and the pain of his death hit me like a stabbing knife in my heart. Billy had been my closest family, the son I never had. I was going to teach him my work so that he can take my place when I died. Billy was the closest loss I ever had since this horror had begun. I saw his body, like I was seeing this young body brought back from the river; the pain of his loss came back to me. In space, death was definitive and clean; hardly ever bodies were recovered. Here this was different, as we recovered more bodies from the river, their features distorted and grossly out of proportion from their stay in the water, the tragedy of this mudslide started to settle in. Children were recovered downstream by the estuary, and brought back by the raptors patrolling the river. I watched as the men carried their little bodies back to the camp. My students. Young innocent lives taken. We gathered up on the hills, and graves were dug rapidly, as the bodies needed burial. A priest was brought in and Bill pronounced a few words for a rapid service. Families were weeping, holding each other in the rain and the wind of the storm. It was so terribly sad and I could barely just stand there, my face beaten by the wind and soaked by the rain. When it got dark, we all made our way down back to the tent village. Some were still missing, hope to find them alive was gone and their bodies likely had been washed out to sea. There was a fine rain coming down, not as drenching as the night before, but as penetrating. The weather seemed right for my spirit, gloomy, just as sad and full of grief. I was consumed by rage too, rage for allowing this settlement, for Baltar, who did not even bother to come to the funeral, for fate, rage at what our lives had become. All of a sudden, it just became too difficult. I was tired and cold; the grief never expressed since the attacks and the destruction of our world resurfaced in my heart."_

" _Bill and I walked silently back to my tent, both of us deep in our thoughts. I knew he would leave soon. I felt a sense of desperation grow inside me, a feeling of doom coming, like a rushing dark wave upon me, inescapable. Something was coming; time was running short. I closed my eyes only to see shadows, danger, fear and pain. Never, even under the Chamalla's influence, I felt that way. I shook my head trying to dissipate the feeling, but it persisted. I looked at Bill who methodically started to pack his bag, unaware of my distress. I came to him and took his arm._

' _Bill, just hold me please.' He probably thought I was just moved by the deaths we had faced and I certainly was, but there was more. My voice was shaking and he never questioned me. He just took me in his arms and held me tight. With urgency, I buried my face in this shoulder, breathing his scent, as if he was my lifeline. Time was running short for us, too short, too fast. I needed him. I felt panic taking a hold of me. I needed to feel him against me. It was an oppressive need. I felt powerless in front of my visions of darkness and a foreboding fate._

' _Something dark is coming' I whispered._

 _He looked into my eyes for a few seconds with an unspoken question._

' _I feel it' I replied. And he pulled me back in his embrace and kept on running his hands on my back, soothing, as I clutched to him. A sharp crack of thunder startled me and the rain came down again pouring. Bill tightened his arms around me, as the rain hammered the fabric of the tent and deafening thunder echoed in the valley. Never in my life did thunderstorms frighten me, but that evening I was terrified. At the same moment, his wireless communication device rang and he bent to retrieve the bulky receiver out of his bag. The conversation was brief. His left hand rested on my shoulder while he talked with his team about the weather conditions. Then he put the receiver back in his bag and whispered in my ear. 'I am not going tonight, we will not be able to take off in this storm.'_

 _I nodded in his shoulder. I was angry at the innocence lost, at the Gods that would allow little children to suffer, at fate. I was hurting. When his lips searched for mine, I opened to him with the desperate urgency of grief. As I kissed him deeply, he wiped my tears off my cheeks and my hands traveled under his jacket and his shirt to his back, which I held tightly, my fingers digging in his skin. We kissed with yearning and longing for each other, and pulled each other clothes off frantically. We wanted skin on skin, heart against heart, as if pressed together bare-chested, we could melt into each other's bodies. I found solace against my premonitions in his arms that night, merging, naked, with only the barrier of skin to separate our souls. I felt a sense of finality in our lovemaking. The pain of our absurd situation made us seek comfort in the tenderness shared, the burning passionate love we made, our senses not dulled this time by alcohol and weed. We wanted to fight fate with the desperation of those who know fate has no mercy. The storm was raging outside; the air was charged with electricity, the faint burning smell of lightning. We forgot our pain in each other's body, exploring and learning each other, kissing, tasting, and sharing gentle caresses. It was without doubt the most erotic moment of my life. When the storm abated, we slept in each other's arms, my cot so small it barely could hold both of us. I loved the closeness we shared, with the tight rain pouring on the tent, the receding thunder shaking the air, and our satiated bodies entwined as one. We had piled blankets on top and around us, against the penetrating chill of the wind. We felt good and comfortable wrapped in this warm cocoon, melted into one another, skin on skin, and souls united, peaceful finally. I would cherish the memory of this moment forever. The morning came, and time made no concession for us. And as we dressed quietly in the frozen morning, my fears and shadows came back to haunt me. I knew, they would not leave me at peace."_

" _Bill repeated his offer for me to go up with him to Galactica as the storms predicted a difficult winter. I declined sadly, reminding him that I would stay with my people and endure with them the difficulties of this life. Despite their choice, I would not desert them. He nodded with great respect. We ate a little. He told me he did not know when he would be back, as the weather might prevent him to fly back down easily. But he would bring back some supplies and food for the population before it got too cold._

' _People will need heaters and blankets,' he said 'I will bring back some supplies for everyone.' We hugged tightly in the pained silence of separation and kissed one more time. He did not want me to come to the raptor, as the weather was still dreadful. So we said goodbye in the tent and I followed his frame walking in the light rain as far as I could see him, my throat knotted, my heart heavy from the visions I had and the fate I knew I could not prevent."_

 **Thank you for reading... please, review... To be continued with sadly darker times of cylon occupation.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for all your great reviews! We are going to enter some pretty dark times for some chapters. I hope it does not scare anyone off. War is never pretty. I tried to make this as realistic as possible, having heard many real occupation stories during the second world war from my family and relatives.**

 **Chapter 14**

Helena was preparing for her trip, working with the maps. She received a set of detailed satellite pictures of the region by email, and spent a lot of time going through these, almost pixel by pixel. The pictures were not too helpful, as the dense forest canopy covered most of the ground. In higher altitudes, above the tree lines she could see faint trails, but no visible structures. She also was busy working with the technicians so that they would actually pack all of the equipment for a long sustained mission, find the local tribes and work with them on the translation. The whole team was well organized and Dr. Inoue had delegated the organization of the trip to each member, responsible to put together a list of supplies and equipment they needed for their field of study. She had finished translating the second set of text from Laura and was moved beyond anything she ever experienced working on a document. The testimony of Laura, Laura's voice, was genuine and true, it resonated full of love and strength of this woman, who led her people, who forgave her people, who took her responsibilities until the end, sacrificing her life and her love for her duty. Helena wanted to hear more of Laura's voice; she wanted to communicate to the world the testimony of this strong leader. Helena would bring her translation to the people of the tribes who were said to have similar legends. The trip would take place a week later, and Helena wanted to get further into the translation before they left.

 _"_ _A couple of months passed and the rain stopped finally, letting cold and windy air taking its place. When the clouds would clear, I would step outside at night despite the bitter cold, wrapped in Bill_ _'_ _s warm sweatshirt and jacket, and look for the Galactica among the stars. There was no possible way for me to communicate with Bill, as radio transmission was controlled by Baltar_ _'_ _s government. And I was not going to sneak into a ship to radio the Galactica just for small talk. Soon the weather stabilized into cold, and the temperatures dropped down below freezing. School was reopened, when all danger from the storms had been cleared and part of the village had been rebuilt, and again I was busy with teaching, my heart still aching for my students, the three children who died in the mudslide. Life continued and was busy. Still my visions of destruction continued to haunt me at night. I was helpless against such visions and I would only find refuge in soft memories of good times shared with Bill. I was grateful that Bill had brought down some clothes for me and I was waiting for his return, as he would bring more supplies for the people to fight the cold weather._ _"_

 _"_ _It was a quiet day, cold and overcast, as it had been for the past few weeks. Nothing was really different about that day. I heard that Bill was scheduled to come down to bring supplies to the people on the ground. I was happy to welcome him back. I was teaching the class mid-afternoon, when I heard the characteristic noise of multiple ships entering the atmosphere and then flying low. I recognized them. I stepped out of the school to witness what my heart knew already. And in a trance, I pushed the children back inside. They did not need to see this. Cylon raiders. They had found us. In a few seconds, it was as if my life had been drained out of me. I knew it was over. I could not feel the ground under me, nor the cold air on my skin. All I could do was to look up at the sky and stayed staring up without moving, in shock. I am not sure what I was expecting, a battle, vipers chasing the raiders, explosions. But no rescue came, nothing. The cloud cover masked any signs of combat in high altitude. The only noise to be heard in the deafening silence of the population gathered in the streets was the buzzing of raiders flying low and landing. Centurions spilled out of the raiders, and started to march in the streets, taking position, patrolling around. As they stopped in front of us, I closed my eyes and sent a last thought to Bill, a prayer. But the gunfire and the death I fully expected did not come and the centurions continued to march, soon followed by skinjobs and trucks. Suddenly my premonition became clear and my mind was wiped of all fear, a revelation. I was not scared anymore. I could not scream or cry, I just remained there, empty, looking at the clouds, before someone, I am not even sure who, took me by the arm and walked me back to my tent._ _"_

 _"_ _Today was the first day of cylon occupation._

 _I did not think we would stay alive for very long and I was ready to face my death. When it did not come, I wondered why we were spared. It would have been so easy to take advantage of our surprise to exterminate us. Nothing really mattered anymore. If the cylons were keeping us alive, then that could not be for any good reason: maybe to make us suffer, or to toy with us for their enjoyment. We created them as war machines for our greed and to become the weapons of our intolerance and our lack of compassion. They rebelled against us and decided to kill us. We had inflicted our devious morals in them, our hate, and we used them for hate. So we seeded the beginning of our destruction. We created with our politics the first cylon war and banished them. And we did not learn. We continued provoking, hating and discriminating, and then, they came back. Bill told us in his speech, the very first speech I ever heard from him, that we never wondered why humanity deserved to survive. Gods, Bill! He was so right. They came back and exterminated us. Why did they not kill us today on New Caprica? There are already so few of us left._ _"_

 _"_ _In my tent, as darkness settled, I kept on straining my ears for signs of rescue, or battle. But silence enveloped us like a shroud. Galactica_ _'_ _s vipers were nowhere to be seen. I dared a peek out in the night and saw only blackness in the sky. Nothing came. Children had been gathered back to their homes with the parents. Sitting on my bed, alone, not aware of cold or hunger, I was just waiting. I did not know what I was waiting for, news, information, anything. I just waited. I must have slept, because I woke up later as darkness surrounded me and cold had crept in, shivering at the unmistakable distant sound of gunfire. It was coming from several directions at once and from the ground. It did not stop until the next morning._ _"_

 _"_ _The next day, trucks rolled in and skinjobs were blasting news out of loud speakers. Not surprisingly, Baltar had surrendered. It occurred to me that if I had been president, I probably would have been dead, since I would never have surrendered. Curfew was declared and people were allowed out only for a few hours each day to get food, water and wood. School was closed, the market was closed and all activities were suspended. Anyone found in the streets outside these hours would be executed. Any resistance would be eliminated. Several, who had tried to fight, had been killed during the night. They kept on repeating the same message over and over again. I stayed in my tent, built a fire and elaborated all kinds of possible plans of escape in my head. I knew they were mere hopes, delusions, as without Galactica_ _'_ _s or Pegasus_ _'_ _help our chances were slim. Cylons cannot get killed. They download and come back just as new. We needed something else, another chance. I was lost in my thoughts, when I heard the clunky metallic noise of centurions walking outside my tent, and my heart nearly stopped. The flap of fabric got pulled and a Cavil entered flanked with two centurions. He was smiling._

 _'_ _Good morning Laura Roslin,_ _'_ _he said with a hint of mockery,_ _'_ _I was coming to share with you some information, just in case you were tempted to reclaim your presidency. As a courtesy, I hope you appreciate this. I really would like to spare you a most painful death. You have, I am afraid, already experienced a close encounter with death, so I am sure you will be grateful._ _'_

 _I stood in front of him, straight, silent and immobile, trying not to betray the dread that had entered my heart. He looked at me, pausing for a few seconds, judging his effect on me._ _'_ _Fighting is not necessary, really; no rescue is coming. Our basestars have destroyed completely the Galactica and the Pegasus, and all of their crews, as well as any remaining ships in orbit. There were no survivors. They did not have the time to jump. I know you had close friends on board. I am really sorry. God may have mercy on their souls._ _'_

 _He smiled at me._

 _'_ _If you want to spare the life of the others, it would be wise to let them know. God wants us to live in peace, all of us, together._ _'_

 _He left and I stayed immobile in the middle of the tent as I heard them walking away. For minutes I could not move as his words made their way slowly within my consciousness, like a knife burying. I was shaking inside, as my mind disconnected from my body. I saw myself putting my hand in front of my mouth as if to stop a silent scream. I saw the tent spinning around me slowly and a dark cold penetrating me. In slow motion, I saw myself fall and shadows took me away. I welcomed them._ _"_

 _"_ _I did not want to wake up. I wanted to remain unconscious, but as I formulated this very thought, I realized that I already had lost the comforting absence of awareness. I began to hear voices around me whispering, felt my bed under me, and the warmth of blankets around me. Reality rushed over me like a wave, a tidal wave of horror. I kept my eyes shut, fighting out my memories. I just was inside a bad nightmare. The cylons, the raiders, Cavil, Lee, Bill_ _…_ _oh my Gods, Bill. I opened my eyes to see the concerned faces of Dr. Cottle, Tory and Maya nearby. I attempted to get up. I am not sure what I really wanted to do, go out maybe, fight, get in touch with those who I knew would fight._

 _'_ _I_ _'_ _ve got to go_ _'_ _I said to them._

 _Cottle pushed me back down with a gentle hand._

 _'_ _You are not going anywhere, young lady. You had a hell of a shock and you need to rest._ _'_

 _'_ _Doctor, we_ _'_ _ve got to fight._ _'_

 _'_ _There will be plenty of time for that, once everyone gets organized. You are not going to go and get yourself killed in the process. Your people need you more than ever._ _'_ _He mumbled._

 _Tory came over and started to question me._

 _'_ _What did the Cavil say to you? What did he come for? We saw them leaving and heard you scream._ _'_

 _I just closed my eyes and shook my head, ignoring her question. Cottle turned over to Tory and Maya and without preamble pushed them out._

 _'_ _You better let her rest, you two._ _'_

 _Then he came back to me and put a gentle hand on my shoulder._

 _'_ _So?_ _'_

 _'_ _I can_ _'_ _t talk about it_ _'_ _I whispered, unable to put the words in my mouth and say them._

 _'_ _Alright, you need to sleep, Madame President. Take this and find some rest. I will be back tomorrow._ _'_ _He handed me a pill and a glass of water. I scoffed at him._

 _'_ _I am not president anymore, in case you haven_ _'_ _t noticed._ _'_ _I took the pill, as he turned, faced me and said_

 _'_ _Oh yes, you are. You are president now, if in not in title, in spirit at least. Gaius Baltar forfeited his position when he surrendered to the cylons. Vice-president Zarek is nowhere to be seen._ _'_

 _Then he left and I lay back on my bed looking up at the fabric of the tent. Ironic how we battled the cylons for so long, and we finally thought we were at peace for months, only to be shocked awake with strong dose of crude reality. We were at war. It never ended. As much as we wanted to believe in fairy tales, the reality always came back. They had found us. Why couldn_ _'_ _t I cry? Tears would not come. I wanted to cry, needed it, instead I remained immobile, yet restless in my mind, until the drug induced sleep took me._

 _When I woke up the next day, I found Cottle near me. I felt guilty to have retreated into numbness to avoid the pain of loss, as if I was running away. I shuddered at my cowardice. He examined me and told me that I was fine physically, blood pressure a little low maybe. Then he sat down next to me._

 _'_ _How are you feeling?_ _'_ _He lit up a cigarette and stared at the distance, not making eye contact with me._

 _'_ _We_ _'_ _re alone_ _'_ _I just said._ _'_ _They are not coming back. They_ _'_ _re dead._ _'_

 _He remained silent for a long while, puffing on his cigarette._

 _'_ _That_ _'_ _s what he said?_ _'_ _It was less a question than a statement. I nodded, even though Cottle was not looking at me. Then he started to mumble, as if he was talking to himself._

 _'_ _We are born alone. We die alone. We are alone in our bodies with our pain. The only thing that makes this bearable are the connections we make with others._ _'_ _He paused again and took the last puff of his cigarette before crushing it in one bowl I was about to wash._

 _'_ _Look at me, Laura._ _'_ _His voice was gentle, yet firm. He turned towards me and I looked at his old wrinkled face. Cottle was not one to sugarcoat the reality. I trusted him because he always told me the truth, as painful as this truth had been in the past, such when he informed me of the progression of my cancer and that I would die. I was not expecting him to tell me anything but the truth today._

 _'_ _There is no evidence that they are dead. Therefore, they are not, until you see the evidence with your own eyes. Cylons know that without hope, we will not fight. He told you this, so you can tell others. Coming from you_ _…_ _well, such news are much more believable._ _'_ _I looked in his eyes._

 _'_ _I sure hope you are right._ _'_ _I barely could talk, a painful lump caught in my throat._

 _He got up and started to pack his bag._

 _'_ _If Cavil had any evidence, he would have made a point to show it to you. But he did not, did he? You will see Bill again._ _'_

 _I looked at him surprised._

 _'_ _How do you_ _…'_

 _'_ _What? Do you think I am blind? That would be the day!_ _'_ _he interrupted. He left the tent smiling, puffing on his cigarette._ _"_

 **I am going to work on this fiction this weekend (and incidentally some other 'real world' writing I am doing). I love to read your comments, so please review. Thanks :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**M for Mature audience. Multiple warnings for this very long chapter. This chapter includes torture, abuse and attempted rape during cylon occupation of New Caprica. I avoided as much as possible explicit cheap details, which would not bring anything to the story. I wrote this chapter several times and I had several revisions. So I am very nervous about it. And it is long, because I did not want to cut it in the middle and leave you without a more positive resolution.**

 **I am touching here a very difficult subject and a controversial one. I know that some will not agree with this turn of events. There is one indication in the series that Laura was in detention more than once. I believe that the first one was the most brutal one, before Baltar was able to prevent any more abuse. The reality of war, occupation and the detention of critical key persons in power -or having the power to lead an insurrection- would have made Roslin a particularly important target. She had enough power among the population to be an alternate leader, once Baltar surrendered and Zarek was arrested. I also believe that her trauma while in detention led to some of the decisions she makes further down the line in the series. And I will address those in this context later.**

 **Thank you for all of those who take the time to review. Your opinion and thoughts are appreciated.**

 **Chapter 15**

Helena was astonished at what she had read. There were mention of word 'Cylon' several times in Laura's text but up until that point, Helena had no idea who they were. She had assumed a different ethnicity, a different tribe, population, aliens, or nation. She knew they could reproduce since Laura mentioned earlier in her diary a cylon fetus. But the text she had just translated was very obscure and she was not sure anymore what Laura was taking about. Were cylon an alien race? She said they created them, so that did not make sense. A new life form maybe? She was talking about them as sentient beings. They had space travel capacity. They had been at war with them before and what was a skinjob? What did it all mean? Was she wrong in her translation? Had she missed anything? If cylons were an alien race, or a created race, then how come the modern humans never heard of them? Where did they go? And did they still present a threat for modern humanity? She said they could not die. That was just impossible; no living thing is immortal. Laura talked about a download and coming back anew. This would apply more to computers and data stream than living things. What were the cylons? Computers? This definitely had to be elucidated and understood. Helena mentioned her findings during the next lab meeting; just like her, others were puzzled. The cylons had been a threat for years for these people and they were running away from them in space. From the text she could gather that there were two kinds of cylon, the centurion kind and the kind Laura called a 'skinjob'. There was the mention of Cavil, but Helena did not know if this creature was human or cylon. By her description, this Cavil was human; after all it had a conversation with her. He must have been some kind of leader of the cylons; maybe the cylon skinjob kind was a humanoid life form. Centurions might have been warriors, in a bodily armor maybe. Laura had called them 'war machines', but she could have meant soldiers, unless she actually meant it literally. Machines. Helena thought about it, machines. And what was a 'jump', that the ships seemed to be able to do to escape? Hyperspace jump? That technology was not invented here and most physicists considered this impossible, in the realm of science fiction. Her hypotheses were met with skepticism. A few jokes were thrown about a great army of clones, just like in Star Wars. Helena responded by citing the text.

"All I know," she said, "is what Laura has written in her diary. That is real. She was scared and obviously the cylons were a great threat to them. She mentioned that they were created by them, as war machines, and rebelled, that they were banished and came back with a vengeance. This does not sound like a fairy tale to me."

"We need more evidence. There are too many unknown to really understand what we are dealing with. But I agree with you, Helena, there is something there that needs explaining. We need to keep our minds opened to any possibilities, even if they do not make sense to us. After all, we are dealing with some extraordinary circumstances and likely a human population with a technology way superior to ours. This discovery has nothing usual and so far we have been surprised again and again. I have a feeling we may not be at the last of our surprises". That was the final word of Takashi Inoue, the team leader, concluding the meeting. Helena rushed back to her desk, wanted to continue her reading of the text, worried about what would happen to Laura. Helena was caught up in her story, thinking with awe that she was probably reading the most incredible book in the universe. She sighted. Laura would have loved that.

" _Fourth day of the cylon occupation._

 _It snowed, heavily. Children, of course, were happy running around and throwing snowballs in the few hours between the curfew. The cold, the wind and the snow really hampered our effort to locate wounded and those who had disappeared in the few days after the cylons' arrival or organize ourselves to fight. In a blizzard, I made my way for news to Dr. Cottle's makeshift hospital, with the already made excuse that I was getting medication in case I got caught. Meetings of more than five persons were forbidden. We lacked wood, food, and the water pump froze. We had to get water by melting snow or run to the river at great risk to be caught on thin ice or by the currents. Tents collapsed under the heavy weight of the snow and we started to have a system to shake the snow off the fabric every few hours as it was coming down rapidly. Most of our day time was used to gather supplies to heat up, food and poking at the tent fabric to make the snow slide down and prevent the fabric from tearing or tent poles from breaking. I heard from Cottle that dozens, mostly young men, had been killed by the cylons. They were those who tried to fight or were caught up outside after the curfew. They left the bodies outside in the streets as a warning. Some people had escaped and, he heard, had run out in the forest in hiding. Cottle was running out of supplies to treat bullet wounds. Kara Thrace was the first one to disappear, he told me, right before the snowstorm. She came to find antibiotics for Sam, her husband, who had pneumonia. The cylons came; she just vanished. Nobody knew where she was. She was last seen with colonel Tigh and his wife, and then the chief. Then nothing. She was not the only one. It seems that the cylons arrested individuals, which they feared would be most likely to participate to an insurgency. Cottle told me to go see colonel Tigh and I did. Through the snow, I walked to his tent. I was greeted by a loud: 'Well, look who's there! Madame President'_

' _I wish everyone would stop calling me that.'_

' _Better that frakking Baltar'_

' _Zarek is the vice-president. So if Baltar is incapacitated, the presidency goes to him.'_

' _Another frakking terrorist. What brings you here?'_

 _I sat down on the chair, shaking the snow out of my jacket._

' _I was coming for news.'_

' _I heard a Cavil came to your tent to talk to you.'_

 _I looked at him._

' _He did'_

 _Tigh sat down across from me on the table an Ambrosia bottle in his hand._

' _Drink?'_

 _I shook my head, although the prospect of alcohol seemed really appealing at that moment._

' _What did he say?'_

 _I swallowed a painful lump._

' _He said that the Galactica and the Pegasus had been destroyed.'_

' _That is a frakking lie!' He exclaimed with anger._

' _Because?'_

' _You did not believe it, did you?' He looked at me 'You did…' He laughed and continued. 'Gullible and naïve. Well, the cylons will have a field day with you. We have a source in Baltar's government that let us know that the rest of the fleet, Galactica and Pegasus, jumped right after the cylons arrived in orbit. That was the plan, if those bastards ever came back. The rest of us here will get organized to be ready when the old man comes to rescue us.'_

 _I let a long breath of relief out._

' _The old man will not let us down. You can count on that.'_

 _Tigh did not have to tell me. I knew that the only thing that would prevent Bill to come back was death. If he was alive, then he would come back sooner or later, but he would not let us. I never doubted that._

' _What are you planning to do?' I asked, all business, the leader, again._

' _The less you know the better' he answered abruptly and continued 'For your protection.'_

' _What can I do?'_

' _You should get everyone to practice evacuation drills, so that people do not panic when they come and get us. Get organized so that people have ways to find each other and evacuate as calmly as possible. We do not know when and where that is going to happen, so we have to be ready. Set up meeting points for families. Set up signals to let everyone know what is going on. Be careful, I am sure some will be more than happy to inform the cylons. Do not trust anyone. You should go now.'_

 _He shook my hand and I made my way back in the blizzard to my tent. I was relieved beyond belief. The snow looked less dreadful and the wind less cold. I made it just in time before the curfew. I had now a goal set, a plan of action. With it, I could fight. I could do something. That night, for the first time since the cylons arrived I allowed myself to think of the tender times Bill and I had in those past months. It was only a few weeks ago, but it felt like an eternity, when we were carefree, innocent, and liberated of our duties. I closed my eyes and snuggled in the fleece blanket, that he had wrapped around us while we made love, and the sweatshirt and pants he had given me. I had given the other blanket to Maya, who had none. I swear I still could smell his scent in the fabric."_

" _I am writing here the account of my detention. I have not been able to write it until now, nearly two weeks after I was released. I find that writing is incredibly therapeutic. They came in the middle of the night. Jerked awake by hands covering my mouth, wire binding my wrists and a hood pulled over my head, I screamed but the sound got muffled. I was dragged bare feet in the snow, shivering, for what seemed for ages. I fell, got picked up brutally and forced to walk, blind, pulled by arms, so many arms and hands reaching me. Then the ground changed under my frozen and numbed feet, I knew I was by the buildings. I heard screaming, I heard crying. I heard gunshots. Key in a door, the loud screeching of hinges, we were out of the snow, on cement concrete. They pushed me some more until they stopped and removed my hood and my bindings. I was in a cell. The white light was blinding, unforgiving. There was a bucket in the corner, nothing else. Far up a small window, or I should say hole in the wall, as there was no glass to close it, but only bars, let a corner of night sky in. There were stains of dry blood on the floor, marks and scratches on the wall. It smelled of urine and death, despite the cold. Two guards, hooded, were watching me. I imagine they had to be humans or they would not need to hide their shameful faces. We knew who the cylons were. We knew there are eight cylons skinjob models, even if we never saw the seventh. Only humans would not have the courage to expose that they were traitors to the human race and hide their features as not to be recognized. I looked in their eyes, defiant. Cavil entered the room._

' _Take off your clothes'_

 _I did not move and the guards raised their guns at me._

' _I am not going to say it again.'_

 _I had a goal, we needed to survive until Bill came and get us. I removed my sweatshirt and my pants._

' _Everything'_

 _So that was it: humiliation, pain, torture. I stared at a spot on the wall right behind Cavil's shoulder, as I stripped of my t-shirt and panties. I stood straight without looking at him, while I was feeling their looks on my bare body. I prayed._

' _I heard you met with colonel Tigh.' I ignored him, closing my mind to his words._

' _He is here too. Right next door, as a matter of fact. I have to say, his body is a lot less attractive than yours.' I focused on my breathing while watching a spot on the wall in front of me. One breath in, one breath out. One breath in, one breath out... Cavil walked right to me._

' _You are so beautiful, do you know that? Tell me, what did you talk about with Tigh?'_

' _One breath in, one breath out. It is going to be ok, just breathe' I thought, as I felt his hand traveling down on my body and his lips close to mine. I shivered uncontrollably when he touched my breasts. I hated my body for reacting to his touch. I knew it was just a physiological reaction. I bit the inside of my cheek so hard that I tasted my own blood. His fingers lingered there touching me and he whispered in my ear._

' _You can get out of here, if you tell me what I want to know. What plans they are having? The admiral is dead with everyone else. Nobody is coming. I thought I told you this already. This resistance will only bring you pain. I have no plans to harm you, Laura.' He looked at me, his face close to mine._

' _God says that the union of two bodies is a blessing.' I could not help but gasp as his hand traveled down my abdomen lower and lower._

' _What are you planning with colonel Tigh?'_

 _I could feel my heart racing in fear, as his hand continued to go down._

 _Without removing his hand, he turned around and called up the guards._

' _Come and look, isn't she lovely? Enjoy the show.'_

 _I caught the look of one of the guards behind his mask, and what I saw was not enjoyment or cruelty, but sadness and shame. I decided to focus on his eyes._

' _Look at me', I thought, 'look at what you have agreed to'. He was the first one to break our silent visual exchange, lowering his eyes._

' _Hold her' He ordered and both guards grabbed my arms painfully._

' _Do you know what you do to me? I've been waiting for this moment for quite some time.' he whispered, bringing his mouth close to mine._

' _I am going to play with you a little, until you decide to talk. Madam President.'_

 _He addressed the guards, 'Hold her legs open.'_

 _I screamed a loud shriek, when I felt their gloved hands suddenly pushing me forward against the wall, my cheek and chest scraping the cold and rough concrete. One guard held me behind my neck and shoulders. The other tried to spread my knees open. I resisted and kicked back with all of my strength and hit one of the guards, who, surprised, let go of me. I fell on my back and hit my head on the ground. Pain spread to my head and I was confused for a moment. When I came back to my senses, I realized I was pinned down on the cold floor on my back, by the guards, wide opened, completely exposed. Cavil was unbuckling his pants._

 _He chuckled to the guards. 'You can have her after me'._

 _He waited a couple seconds for effect._

' _Still not talking?' he said as he started to lower himself on me, his stale breath by my mouth. I screamed at the top of my lungs._

' _What is going on in here?' A Number Six cylon walked rapidly inside the prison cell by Cavil and looked down at me. I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side, humiliated. The guards let go of my body. I scurried and curled away into a ball in the furthest corner of the cell, shaking. At the same time, I heard a piercing scream from the cell next to me. Tigh!_

 _The Six was arguing loudly with the Cavil. I am not sure what they were saying; I was unable to focus on their voices, my head throbbing. He left and she ordered the guards to bring me some clothes. They dropped a dirty jumper on top of me. I did not move. I did not want to expose more of my body to them. I took the clothing and held it in front of me, not looking up, hiding my head in my knees and against the wall. I wished in this instant I could disappear from this life, become invisible. The Six dismissed the guards._

' _Are you hurt?' She kneeled down by me and ran a comforting hand in my hair._

 _I shook my head._

' _Did they..?'_

' _No' I managed to say, chocking on my tears. She nodded with a sigh and stood up._

' _Give them something, anything. They will let you out.'_

' _No' I replied. Then she turned her heels and left, shaking her head._

 _I waited a long time before I moved. I checked and made sure everyone was out and put the jumper on. I was cold. I looked around. Things were a bit blurry without my glasses. Suddenly, I was taken by a bout of nausea and I stumbled to the bucket where I vomited, heaving in spasms. I, then, sat, wishing for water as the smell of my own vomit was sticking to me. I heard noises, I did not know where they were coming from, bangs, screams, some close, some distant, loud sobbing. I wondered how many were tortured at this instant. Despite this aborted rape, I felt I was more lucky than most. I had not been beaten, wounded or physically tortured. I was unharmed physically. I only had a bad bump on the back of my head. They never turned off the light and its constant bright glare blinded me, amplifying my headache. I did not know how much time passed, and I had closed my eyes and hid my head into my folded arms to cast a shadow. I jumped each time I heard a noise or steps in the corridor outside of my door."_

" _When the door finally opened, I almost screamed in terror, but it was just one guard who put on the floor a bowl full of an indescribable mush and a cup of water. It tasted horrible. I ate it and drank all of the water. I had to go to the bathroom. I did not dare to call out. I paced like a lion in a cage. That is what the bucket was for. I had to pee in there. It still smelled of the contents of my stomach. Worse, I had to undress to pee. I had nothing under my jumpsuit. I paced and paced until I could not take it any longer. We were reduced to the status of animals, peeing in a hole, naked, without dignity. I unzipped, pulled the jumper off my body, and went, my eyes squeezed shut, hoping that no one would open the door at this instant or would peak in the cell. I was just glad that nobody came and I promptly retreated to the far side of the cell. They kept on bringing food at irregular times. There was no way for me to tell how much time passed. I completely lost track. Time went by again. Nobody bothered to empty that bucket. I was numb. I had to use it over and over again, the smell turning my stomach over."_

" _I was using the bucket, when I felt the pain in my lower back and hips. It was dull throbbing pain. I could not see where it was from without a mirror. My hands searched on my body. They found sore bruised spots and raised painful and swollen lines on my lower back, hips and buttocks. Some of them had scabbed over. They must have bled. The inside fabric of my jumper had a few distinctive bloodstains on the back. Troubled, I could not remember where they were coming from. I put the jumper back on, puzzled. I tried to lie down on the floor, but I got too cold and the pain was shooting from my lower back to the rest of my body. Why didn't I feel that pain earlier? I felt like my senses were waking up from dullness. I took my usual position, folded on myself in the far corner. I tried to keep track of time, but nobody came except to bring food. I did not know how many days passed. I wished I had some kind of control over my mind, but I could not even count the days. I tried to pray, but prayers would not come. I tried to count the many times they brought food, but it was irregular and I lost the count. The screaming in the other cells continued days after days. I thought of Bill. Bill kept me sane, his voice, his laugh, his smile. I relived moment by moment every minute we had spent together. Bill would come and get me, and that hope kept me alive._

 _When the door opened I did not pay attention, did not move. I did not want to disturb the wonderful thoughts I was having. I assumed it was food. I was wrong. A Doral came, bringing me back to reality with a single kick with the point of his shoe._

' _Laura Roslin' he called. That must have been my name, some time ago. I lifted my head and looked at him._

' _Are you ready to tell us your plans with colonel Tigh?'_

 _I did not reply and looked at him, unable really to understand what they wanted._

' _What are the plans of the resistance? Who else is in charge?' and questioning went on and on. I looked at him and muttered._

' _I don't know'_

' _I have a little present for you.' He took a tissue out of his pocket, put it on the floor by me and unfolded it. I was a while ball, glossy, with some dirt on it and brown marks. I could not figure out what it was. I was about the size of an egg, but rounder. He turned it and then I saw it: the iris, brown, the hole of the pupil, splattered blood vessels. I screamed and jumped back, my hands covering my face, my stomach heaving in nausea._

' _Yes, this is colonel Tigh's eye. Let the others know what happens to those who resist, Madame President.'_

 _Taking back the eye, he left. The door remained opened. A guard called me out and handed me my sweatshirt, t-shirt, panties and pants._

' _Get dressed' he ordered and this time, I did not care about pulling my jumpsuit down and I got dressed as quickly as I could. They bound my wrists again, covered my head and walked me in corridors, until I felt the outside cold air. I was freed and they removed my hood and I walked out in the snow, bare feet as I came in."_

" _I was greeted by Dr. Cottle, who wrapped me in a jacket._

' _How did you know I would be here?' I whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders._

' _They release prisoners everyday at about the same time. I just come everyday and provide medical care for those who need it. I was hoping you would be out soon.'_

' _You've done this for weeks?'_

' _Yes, Laura, you have been there four weeks.'_

' _Four weeks? Are you sure?'_

' _Four weeks'_

' _I thought I had been there only for a week, maybe two' I replied, confused._

 _Cottle hushed me to the hospital tent._

' _Why are we going in there?'_

' _I need to examine you. I am treating and documenting injuries that occurred during cylon detention.'_

' _Dr. Cottle, I was not tortured or injured. I was not beaten up. I was just questioned.'_

 _He led me in an examination room and closed the curtain behind me._

 _The brightness of his lamp made me look for the darkest corner to escape to. He must have seen me, because he immediately lowered the intensity of the light._

 _Cottle had one of the few tents, which had electricity coming from the main buildings. 'Just let me take a look at you, then.' He moved to me and, involuntarily, I retreated._

' _Madame President! Let me examine you.' That was an order._

 _I backed off, unable to control myself, ashamed and humiliated. In a sudden panic, I wrapped my arms around myself and sank down to the floor._

' _I want to wash off. I need to wash off right now.'_

' _Laura', his voice was gentle now, 'were you abused?'_

' _No. He did not have the time.'_

 _I turned away and hid my face against the fabric of the tent, my eyes closed._

' _He?'_

' _Cavil. I was naked. He touched me.' I paused, shaking, feeling dirty and hiding my face down in my arms. 'He touched me everywhere.' I swallowed; my dry throat was hurting._

' _He unzipped. I struggled and fell. Hit my head on the back. He was about to… when a Six came and stopped him.'_

 _He sighed and made one small step in my direction._

' _Let me look at your head, then. When was that?'_

' _Right at the beginning. I don't know. I lost track of time.'_

 _He carefully pushed strands of my hair aside._

' _Show me where.'_

 _I pointed to the region on the back of my head. And he bent to look at it._

' _Did you lose consciousness? And did you throw up?'_

' _Doctor, I am fine. Yes, I threw up and I can't remember if I passed out'_

' _You have still a nice bump there. I want to do a CT-scan and make sure you do not have a concussion. Just to make sure. I am sure you are fine. Meanwhile, I have some water here for you to clean up.'_

 _He went to the stove and poured warm water in a basin and handed me a washcloth and soap._

 _I noticed how he did not leave the room, but simply turned around._

 _I lifted carefully my shirt and rolled my sleeves up. I washed my chest and arms. I pulled my sweat pants off and washed my legs._

' _Are those bruises on your arms and knees?'_

 _I was angry with him for looking at me. I nodded in response. My legs and my arms were still black and blue from my struggle. I had more recent ones too and a stiffness and ache on my back and legs._

' _Any other injuries, I should know about?' Defeated, I lifted my shirt and turned around._

 _I must have had a nice large bruise on the back where the Doral kicked me._

' _That was today' I said._

" _What is this?" He pointed where angry red scars, still swollen, marred my hips and lower back. They felt numb now; nothing like the throbbing pain I had when I first discovered those. I knew I had bled; it must have hurt like hell at the time. How come I could not remember when those injuries happened? I had noticed the pain but could not remember when and how this happened. When did this happen? Everything was a blur. Cottle looked very upset by those marks on my body._

' _Put a gown on and lay on the table. Then, we will need to clean these wounds properly. It is going to sting. You are not going to like it, but you know I have to do a pelvic exam.' It was a gentle order and, suddenly exhausted, I had no strength to fight him. I did undress, put the gown, lay back and closed my eyes, wishing for emptiness. And he did a full exam on me, while I could not stop my tears. He confirmed I likely had not been raped, and apologized gently for needing to check. I turned around and he cleaned the wounds on my back, hips and buttocks, while I kept on crying. I was confused and more than the pain, I felt like a part of me had been stolen. I could not remember. There were gaps, somewhere, holes in my memory. I could not remember my full stay in the prison. I had lost it somewhere, it was as if something was missing, had been erased. I did not know when or how and it was driving me crazy. Cottle gave me pain medication, antibiotic ointment for the scars, and cream to put on my bruises, to reduce the swelling and ease the pain. He handed me a warm wet towel and gently said:_

' _You can finish washing up, if you'd like. Then I will stick you in the CT scan for a minute.' This time he left me the privacy I needed._

 _There were two MRIs and CT scan machines on the fleet, one set had been on Galactica, the other one was on one of the ships docked nearby. It was powered and used only for emergencies. I suspected that Cottle really wanted to keep me close for a while. I really did not think I had been hit that hard._

 _I dressed back and he took me to the CT scan. He did a quick exam and helped me up again. He told me I indeed had a mild concussion and needed to rest. We sat quietly on the deserted ship, while he lit a cigarette._

' _Doctor, right before they released me they showed me...' I closed my eyes in horror, nausea invading me._

' _They showed me an eyeball. They said it belonged to colonel Tigh.'_

 _Cottle looked at me. 'Gods' he whispered._

' _People are getting tortured out there. I heard screaming. What happened to me was nothing compared to what I heard.'_

' _Thanks for the information. I will let the others know. I am going with you to your tent and I will make sure that you get well taken care of.'_

 _He released me with the promise I would come back every other day for him to check in the healing of my wounds. We walked back. He had given me an old pair of boots to walk back in the snow. I was exhausted. I ate a bit and I went right to sleep as soon as I stepped in."_

" _Nightmares would creep in for nights, slow agonizing and terrifying nightmares. Flashes of faces, hands on me, pain and bright lights. I would wake up shaking, drenched in sweat, screams still resonating in my mind. Cottle wanted me to rest during the day, but I refused; I felt that I needed to spend my energy helping others. Being idle would have been far worse. Then the mind starts wandering into dark corners, parts of my memory I wanted to erase and other parts I wanted to remember._

 _Tigh was still incarcerated and we had no news whether he was still alive or had been killed. I carried on drill exercises in the school, as he told me, and taught the children what to do if we had to evacuate. We set up meeting points where families would gather and regroup. I knew the resistance had plans, I knew they were concealing weapons and raising an army. But, I did not know any details, and I was glad not to. After what happened in the prison, I did not trust myself. I worked with Cottle in cataloguing torture victims and everyone's condition when they were coming out of jail. The injuries we saw were sickening. Water boarding was used, sleep deprivation, electrical shocks, burning, rape and various levels of humiliations. I thought that if they wanted to extract information out of me, they probably would be able too. Did I? Did I give them any information? I had been beaten and wounded and I had no memory of it. I would not trust myself to hold on under such pain. At the beginning, when I first saw the first victims and helped Cottle with bringing prisoners back to the hospital, it was unbearable. We would find people between life and death, so damaged that if their bodies healed, their minds would probably be hurt forever. It became imperative to establish a system for people to report those missing and making a census of the missing or the dead. I continued to write, as I felt liberated by putting on paper my feelings. I was unable to face what happened to me, aside from writing it. I couldn't talk about it. After my conversations with Cottle, I never mentioned it again. Nobody, but him, knew. But writing about the horrors I went through helped me recovering from it. As I wrote, I started to realize that my diary would carry critical information if fallen in the wrong hands, so I started hiding it whenever I was not writing in it."_

" _People were living in the constant terror of random arrests. Fear was present at every step. Tents were searched randomly. The only place they would leave alone was the temple. I went there often praying at the light of the candles, reading the book of Pythia and repeating mantras again and again to gain back the courage to continue fighting, I can't remember ever praying that much in my entire life. There was something soothing in the light of the candles, the scent of incense and the repeated verse and words. It was putting my mind at peace, when nothing else would. I needed to clear the constant chatter of thoughts running wildly in my mind: Pictures, words, memories, either pleasurable or terrifying."_

" _My mind would take me unwillingly to Bill, slipping often from the reality to a dream-like fantasy. I tried to push away those thoughts, focusing only on reality. It was a time when dreams were dangerous, painful and way too emotional. I could not afford to break down now. I could not afford to feel more pain. His memory was both comforting and painful. I had to remain cold and detached not to risk suffering from the raw pain of having my soul peeled alive by the longing of those moments long gone. My detention revealed to me strength, I never thought I had, I was still alive and I needed to use it for something. I needed to help others even more. So I buried myself in action, in organizing, teaching and planning. I distracted myself because thinking was too painful. My nightmares often brought back the eyes of the guard of my cell, his compassionate and kind eyes, full of pain, when he had to execute orders against me. Yet, he obeyed the orders. I would see his eyes in the eyes of men in the street, wondering, paranoid, if the person I just passed was him, wondering if those eyes were the ones who saw me naked and humiliated and, yet, still followed orders. Anger would build like a fire pit in my stomach and nausea would invade me until I could not take it anymore and had to run and retch in a latrine hole behind a tent. The cylons were destroying our souls, turning us against each other. Was that the intent? To hurt us by showing us the weaknesses of the human mind? The worse possible side of the human mind? Or was it just to bring us down to our knees, to beat us into submission? The slaves conquering their masters, and inflicting to us the humiliation we once inflicted to them. We created them. They are just machines. They might look human, feel human, but they are machines, machines with enough hate of us to kill us all. Why? Did we program them with the inability to feel compassion? We did. They were war machines, violent, used to carry our worse deeds. Yet, the Six saved me. She might not have done it for me. She might have had an agenda to prevent my complete degradation, but she did prevent it. I was ready to die at that moment. I would have preferred death than this humiliation. Whatever her reasons were, and I was too stunned to focus on her words, she showed compassion to me. I am grateful for that."_

Helena closed her laptop and got ready for the night in her tent. In the darkness she thought of Laura, in this world ravaged by war. There were wars in Africa, and poverty and women abuse. Not much had changed, except maybe for the cylons, she was talking about, being not human. Obviously, from Laura's description, Helena thought they were human enough, but not quite. They had numbers. There were eight of them All of those eight being skinjobs. Laura referred to a woman called 'Six'. They were created and functioning like humans, potential artificial life form, computers or androids, maybe biological or maybe mechanical, or part of both. The technology existed on earth, and systems' integration between the mechanical and biological was started to get implemented. But these cylons were human enough to rape and torture and know how to inflict pain, yet be unable to die. Helena's affection went to Laura, the woman she would never meet, yet whose connection with her was more intimate than any friend she had. Laura was a woman who had suffered a tremendous trauma and exhibited an extraordinary strength. The African wind was blowing on the mountain. Helena, on her cot, let the tears flow, thinking of her. She needed to have answers and she started to think that the tribe in the mountains might hold some of them. She was hoping they would. Helena needed the confirmation that her story was translated correctly, anything, a validation that the assumptions she was making while decrypting the text were correct. On this fantastic journey, with a story likely as epic as the Greek poems or the Icelandic Sagas, Helena needed more physical proof to show this actually happened. Chemists were already placing her outside of earth and validated her hypothesis of space travel, but Helena needed more. What she wanted was a cylon.

 **Please, review... Thanks. I may post the next chapter this weekend, since we have Monday off.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Rating: M for mention of torture and angst!**

 **Chapter 16**

Wind was blowing on the African mountains endlessly and storms gathered on the East side of the slopes, coming from the Indian Ocean and gathering rain. Thunder was rumbling and for the third time in a month, Helena's trip to the hidden tribes of the Uluguru Mountains was postponed. It rained that night, steady drumming of drops on the waterproof fabric of her modern tent. Helena remained working on her laptop, listening to the rain falling, the wind howling and the distant calls of wild animals. She felt close to Laura in a tent similar to what hers would have been.

" _Sixty fourth day of the cylon occupation._

 _And this is how my days were, day after day, dragging along without end, hours after hours in the murky gray of the day, teaching, gathering food and wood for the stove, visiting Cottle and methodically listing all of the victims of the cylon occupation. Hell must be this way, endless pain and suffering for the rest of times. No hope, and the desperation of those who know there is nothing to expect. Wounds, pain, cries and torture of those arrested affected me more than I am willing to admit, even on those pages. Most of the time I did not have the time to write, but, when the nights were lonely, this writing book has become my only companion, the repository of my thoughts and a way to release the horror I would see each day. Outside, I remained brave and strong, giving others a hope to cling to, a strong pillar to rely on. In many ways I was still their president, now that they realized Baltar had betrayed them. Families, who had lost loved ones, would come to Cottle or me and let us know who was missing, had been taken, or had been killed. He was listing the injuries from torture and keeping track of those arrested. Day after day the list was growing longer. After school was over in the afternoon, I helped there with the doctor and comforted men and women as they came out of the detention center. We saw bodies with horrible mutilations, marks of torture, raped women and beaten children. They would torture wife and children to make the men talk. There were no words to describe the brutality of the beatings some endured. People came to us searching for lost ones, hoping we would have heard if they were detained or killed. Those released informed us of the conditions inside the prison. They identified other prisoners or the dead ones. Each arrest was a tragedy. Some would disappear never to be seen again. We never saw again Kara Thrace, although her husband and everyone looked for her endlessly. The cylons soon needed manpower and they started to recruit humans as guards and police force. I had met two of those guards while in detention. The situation was made worse by those who turned against their own race and who became informers for the cylons. How could any human work for them? On the other side, as the terror was taking over the population, some young men would take the arms and fight the cylons. Our human population was split into groups, those helping the cylons, those fighting against the cylon and the others bearing the blunt of the violence. The insurgency was active and while I do not know who was involved, I heard they had gotten hold of weapons and explosives."_

" _The weather was slowing down the fighting. It had stopped snowing, but the day and night temperatures plummeted to dangerously low, way below freezing levels. During the day, the temperature barely went up. We had to keep wood stoves burning all the time, night and day, as it was dangerous to be exposed to such colds. Everything outside was frozen solid. We were walking with layers of clothes; everything we had, we put on our bodies. I had not realized how cold it was until the ink of my pen froze and I had to rub it in my fingers to write those lines. I had moved my cot closer to the wood stove so that I could feed the fire and remain warm during the nights. We closed the school due to the cold. We had a stove in the school tent, but traveling outside was dangerous and all activity was reduced. Maya, Tory and Isis remained with me most of the time. I often held the little girl while her mother was searching for wood and food. Her little soul, promise of things to come, reminded me that there would still be hope, and that we needed to fight for her and all of the others."_

" _Food was scarce. Cylons were controlling the distribution of food. A starving population would not fight as efficiently. Without food, resources and wood to heat up, we were at their mercy. The centurions distributed grains at the market and wood for heating. They would give out enough to maintain us alive, but not comfortable. Enough, such we depended on them to survive. With the freezing cold and the lack of food, we lost several people from starvation and illness, or simply dying of cold. Medications were rationed. Antibiotics were impossible to find and diseases started to propagate among the population. People were dying and we could not bury them in the frozen ground. Many were sharing tents and living in horrible conditions, confined in cramped tents to fight the cold, without running water, without decent food to eat, and ravaged by disease. Still some were still fighting against the cylons. At night, gunshots could be heard and cylons could not walk isolated even during the day or they were attacked, often stabbed. Explosions could be heard. Each attack by the insurgents led to reprisal measures and retaliation with more arrests, less food and less wood."_

" _The night was clear now, and, despite the curfew, I ventured one step outside my tent silently to look at the sky. It was the same constellations, unknown to me, without any reference to those I once knew on Caprica. It was the same night sky that Bill and I had watched on that summer night. We had lost ourselves in the constellations, our thoughts and our conversation. Then we had lost ourselves in each other. It was hard to believe that night ever happened. It was surreal. It was not the same world anymore. We had lain naked on sandbags wrapped in a light blanket in the soft warm night air. Now the air was biting me, and my breath was crystallizing on my lips. The sky remained empty. I was clinging to this desperate hope that I would see the point of light coursing silently across the sky, the Galactica. And even if my reason was telling me that it was not going to happen, I kept on looking at the sky. 'Bill,' I whispered, 'Where are you?' How much more could we take? How much more could I take? Every day I was seeing people coming at the hospital with injuries and wounds. The first times, it had been horribly difficult to see their suffering, but as terrible as it sounds, I was getting accustomed to see blood and open wounds. I was getting used to hold screaming and sobbing women, children and men in my arms. Listening to them, holding them and comforting them made me forget my own pain. Everyone suffered so much more that I was. Most were distressed to see that the violence was not just coming from the cylons, but mostly from the human guards they had hired as their police. People were turning on each other. The cylons did not even have to kill us; famine, cold, disease and hatred would continue to claim us. My status of former president helped me, as people would provide me with food and wood. I gave everything I did not need to those who had nothing and kept for myself the strict minimum. I felt I needed to be there for the people and help in the hospital. I needed to give back to them for the caring they surrounded me with."_

" _I wrapped the blanket around me, burying my face in the soft fabric and looked out into the night sky. I tried to imagine why Bill would not come back, making excuses, evoking all possibilities. But in my heart, I feared that he had been killed. I went back inside, shivering uncontrollably and sat on my old Colonial One chair by the fire. I would have given the world for a warm shower. I had not washed since the beginning of the cold wave. At such temperatures, it was dangerous to wash hair or even to bare skin. I was filthy. I felt sticky, my hair greasy and heavy from dirt under the wool hat that was keeping my head warm. I remembered the night Bill washed me, the way he gently warmed my skin up, running the warm wet towel over my back, my legs, my chest and the way he washed my hair. His gentleness had warmed me more than the heat of the water. I thought I was cold then. I really did not know what deep cold felt like, when the air was like needles, and it hurt to breathe, lungs constricting, when the cold burned through the skin of the fingers and numbed them beyond pain, leaving frost bites on any skin exposed, when lips turned blue, dried and split from the cold. I tightened the blanket over the clothes I had not removed in days and reclined on the chair by the fire. I thought of the homeless men and women sleeping in the cold back on Caprica, when I barely cared about them, if not for a coin tossed at them occasionally. I probably looked now just the way they used to. I heard the sinister steps of the patrol in the night. The blanket was dirty. It had not been washed since Bill brought it to me and we slept in it; it did not even smell like him anymore. Bill. I needed to smell him in the soft fabric. And my heart tore, when I buried my face in the fabric and could not anymore. His scent was the last physical contact, the remaining physical bound through time and space linking me to him, the proof he had existed. He was so far away, so far. I needed to hold him and feel him against me, inside me. His warmth, his gentle touch, his love was like a dream from another life, a life which would never come back, which I often doubted ever had existed. I lowered my fingers under the layers of my clothes into the liquid heat, which I knew had pooled there. As I did so, I realized that it was a mistake, that recalling his body would rip me apart, but I needed so much to feel alive. I thought of his hands caressing me, his mouth exploring me, of the fullness of him and the sensual passionate experience we had shared. I thought of the elation he had brought to my body and the completeness he had brought to my life. I missed him so much that it hurt as a tear in my flesh. The violent physical pleasure I experienced was also searing pain to my soul. His absence was like shards slicing my heart apart, and yet, his memory the sweet comfort, I needed. I felt the emptiness, the negative space left by his life, tightening around me. I could not be sure he was still alive. As days went, the probability of his death increased. How long would I wait before I decided it was over, before I would let go of him? As I formulated the question, I realized the only answer I had: forever. I would wait forever. It would be so easy to die instead, to make the pain stop, to make it go away. I had hated the idea of death, struggled against it, and fought it as my cancer progressed. And then it had come. I was flirting with it, remembering my life as I was slipping into oblivion, bits of memory good and bad. I had only survived because Baltar gave me a blood transfusion from the half-cylon baby, Hera. I had seen death, been very close. For me it was already charted territory. I would welcome the relief, the darkness, the absence of cold, and the absence of pain. But no, I could not die. I did not even have this simple freedom. People needed me. I had to be there for them. I had to wait for Bill, even if it meant living in the hell that this life had become. Clutching the blanket to myself, I let my tears fall without restrain, screamed and cried my pain aloud, and sobbed into the night. Alone."_

" _When I woke up the next day, I cursed myself for my weakness. People were dying, and I was crying my despair over the absence of a man, and all he meant for us. Laura Roslin was never meant to have a private life. Attachments meant pain and pain brought weakness. I had to be strong for my people, because I would always be their leader, especially now that the man they wrongly elected betrayed them. I should have stolen the election and prevented them from this horror. I should never have relaxed into this life enough to let my feelings open and dare to think of a normal life. Our life was never going to be normal again until we reached earth. And maybe then, I am not sure it would be normal and even that I would see it alive. Normal did not mean anything anymore. I made the pledge never to let such weakness invade me again."_

 **Thank you for reading! Please review!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you all for your comments and personal messages, regarding the previous two chapters. We are not quite done yet with the cylon occupation.**

 **Please continue to read and comment. Your input is very appreciated.**

 **Chapter 17**

The weather started to clear up and we got the green light to resume preparations for the trip. Helena closed her laptop. It was the end of the team meeting and she had just read aloud the latest translation of Laura's diary. There was a deafening silence among the members of the team. Everyone was looking down at the table, or their hands, trying to absorb the emotions the text was stirring in them. Several were awkwardly trying to hide their tears. Helena pointed at some very important information gathered in this part of the diary. Laura had cancer and she had been cured by a transfusion from a baby, who was half cylon and half human. How did this happen? And who were the parents? Dr. Bordes, the molecular biologist, was in shock. The idea that cylons, described as machines, androids maybe or genetically engineered beings, could have been compatible enough to have reproduced with humans brought another layer of confusion to the team. That meant that they had a human body, physiology and all. Clearly, there were two types of cylons, the machine kind, and a human kind, skinjob, likely genetically engineered from the human genome. They may have possessed superior physical characteristics, but immortality? The team was silent, their minds stunned by this discovery. Not only they had reproduced and a baby was born, but also Laura's cancer had been cured by a transfusion of blood from this baby. The implications were staggering. Dr. Bordes suggested that a genetically engineered being could have different properties, stem cells, which could have brought temporary relief to Laura's cancer. Yet, because of the genetic profile of Laura, bearing several proto-oncogenes mutations, it was clear that her relapse was inevitable. Dr. Inoue whispered. "I think we should call it a night." And everyone silently parted, returning to his or her tents, deep in their thoughts. Helena remained in the commons. Takashi Inoue was sitting across from her.

"You should take a break." He whispered.

"Are you handling me?" She replied in the same hushed tones.

He sighed. "I think this is very hard on you. The text is hard, and it would affect anyone who has to work with such an emotional and disturbing story. When was the last time you rested?"

Helena did not reply. She knew he was right, but she could not take away the profound impact this woman, who lived such a long time ago, had made on her. She could not let it go. Not now. Not just yet. Takashi Inoue knew Helena very well. He knew that her stubborn facial expression meant she was not ready to stop her search.

Takashi continued: "I have mapped the valley region, we should search around here. We have topographic maps and satellite pictures, and we will visit several hamlets, where the Waluguru tribes are living and which are very isolated. It is very possible that their legends and history would perpetuate the story of Laura. The weather might not start cooperating until next week. We have a time window to go. I think you are going to find their culture quite interesting. From what I gather, they very well could be long lost descendants of Laura's people. We are still working authorizations and administrative paperwork."

"Laura did not have children. That is too bad. Such a powerful woman…" She reflected, almost to herself.

"It is unlikely she was alone. She talks about her people. They probably ended up settling here. What are you going to do now?"

Helena, firmly, answered: "I am going to continue working on the text and try to get as far as I can before our expedition. We will need as much information as we can get, if we are going to try to find them. Isn't that what we really are doing? Finding them?"

"Yes. Finding them to reassure ourselves that their efforts and pain were not in vain, and that their history was not lost." Takashi stood and gave her a hug before leaving the tent. Helena took her laptop, left the commons, and retreated to her tent, walking in the darkness under a fine light rain.

" _Seventy first day of the cylon occupation. At the end of the month of Ianuarius of the old calendar, we used to turn to the new spring and forget the winter. Even though the weather patterns are different on this planet, it seems like the weather is changing again. Temperatures are on the rise and now we have been above freezing several days in a row. Snow is melting in dirty puddles and the mud has come back. I did not think I would love to see the mud back, but I do. We have been able to reopen the school again. First day back and I realized that some children had died from cold, starvation and diseases. I have to keep a strong demeanor and a comforting face to those who are still coming here to school and seek as much the learning as my presence. There is flooding in places where the ground cannot take any more water. Just like the ground, I feel like my soul cannot take any more pain and my eyes are dry from endless nights spent crying. During the day, I wear a mask of courage. I teach the children, and I even manage to forget our situation in their bright eyes and their innocent smiles. Maya's daughter, Isis, is growing. Seeing her life, which I care for so much for very personal reasons, gives me hope. If the weather maintains, life will get a little bit easier. I washed for the first time in weeks this afternoon. I warmed up water on the stove and, despite the chill in the air, I stripped of my clothes and finally scrubbed my body. It felt so good to remove weeks of dirt. I washed my hair and I felt more like myself again. I felt renewed. Water always has had that effect on me. Water purified me. I dressed simply in long sleeves shirt and sweater and put the jacket over it. I walked lighter, not weighted down my layers of heavy clothes, not weighted by dirt."_

" _At the hospital that afternoon, I met with Cottle and we went over the numbers again. More were missing, adding to those who died from lack of food, illnesses and cold. The list was getting long. It was a list of grief and pain. I was talking with the doctor when we heard footsteps and saw a shaking colonel Tigh brought in by his wife Ellen. He had been incarcerated for over two months now. He looked fifteen years older, white beard grown and… oh my Gods, his right eye missing. I turned around not to stare into the black void of the eye orbit, while Cottle was making sure the wound had healed well. I remembered the eye they handed me in my cell. My stomach unsteady, I tried to erase the picture off my mind and willed my nausea away. I directed my attention to Ellen. She was pale and her face bore the telltale bruises of cylon abuse. I wondered what she went through. Maybe I did not have to ask. One look at her, and I knew. She was withdrawn and, when she thought nobody was looking at her, she was shaking. She caught my look and straightened up, too proud to show her pain._

' _What happened to you?' I whispered. My question was too direct and I saw her retracting from me._

' _We do what we have to do for those we love. Whatever it takes.' She looked at me and in her look I understood what it meant. I understood the pain and the horror of what she had been through. I never was a friend of Ellen. Her promiscuity in the fleet, her actions and influence on Saul Tigh was enough for me to dislike her. But at that moment, there was something true that I realized. We were deeply the same. We had loved. We had suffered and while our actions and their goals were opposite, we both wanted the same thing, to be happy with our family together. We wanted to be in peace. I looked at her and reply softly._

' _It is not your fault, Ellen. It is the cylons. It is war. It is life.' She looked at me and nodded. In our pain, maybe there was somewhere a common ground to become friends. Cottle was finishing the exam on Tigh, who had broken ribs and multiple contusions. He prescribed him bed rest, which he knew he would not follow. Then Tigh walked by me, limping slightly from his injuries. He stopped right in front of me and scrutinized me with his single eye._

' _When did you get out?'_

' _I was released four weeks later' I replied._

' _What did you give them?' He grunted._

' _Nothing. I had nothing to give.' I shuddered wondering if that was a lie. What if I had given them something? I would not know. I would not remember anymore that I remembered being beaten up. I felt I could not be trusted. It was not even a hypothesis, it had happened already. I could not remember._

 _His old weathered face looked suddenly very tired and sad._

' _That's right. You had nothing to give. We'll keep it that way. That's your best protection. If you want to stay alive, you stay away from what we are doing. We will need a president eventually, hopefully not a dead one.' He put a hand on my shoulder. 'I heard you.' Then he left. I stared down on the floor. I knew what he meant. He meant he heard me in the cell, when I screamed, when I cried. Maybe he even heard Cavil too. He was in the cell right next to me. There was gentleness in his comment. It was not meant to humiliate me, but to let me understand that he knew what happened. Gods, he heard me. I wondered how much he heard of those moments I could not remember."_

" _With Tigh released, the insurgency picked up. The milder weather allowed them to get organized faster. Explosions were shaking the ground every day, killing cylons. But it did not matter; cylons would come back just the same. I heard that the insurgents were using an underground network of caves, both occurring naturally in the limestone and tunnels dung to connect them. This was a very smart way to avoid detection. Now we were working hard to identify the men and women working with the cylons. The cylons were advertising to enroll them in what they called the 'New Caprica' police, a force made of humans. We had pictures of the people recruited and we were trying to identify them, especially since they were masked when working and we did not know who they were. They could be anyone of us. I had a hidden reason for wanting to identify their men. I was hoping I would be able to know who my guards were. I am not sure why I needed to know. I wanted to see their faces, put a human name on my pain, and see if they could face me without concealing their identity. Maybe I wanted to fill the gap filling my soul. I wanted to get information, to know what had happened to me. I kept on burying myself in the work, in the hope that we still could fight. The violence between the insurgent and cylons kept rising. Informed of every move by their source in the government, the insurgents kept targeting those who collaborated."_

" _We started to get the population organized for the time when we would get rescued, if that was going to happen ever. But that hope was the only hope that kept us going. We did evacuation drills, disguised in fire drills. We organized the population into groups with meeting points. We slowly were starting to get ready. Without this rescue, we would be hopeless, I did not see how we would be able to get to the ships and fly off this planet with the cylons chasing us and no other help. But if Bill and Lee Adama were ever going to come back with the Galactica and the Pegasus, this would be our hope. I was holding on, energized only by this hope the insurgency was bringing to us. Their strength and their sacrifice was enough to keep the rest of us going."_

" _I would set into a rhythm for the day. Teaching in the morning and afternoon, then, Tory and I would go over the numbers. Insurgents had taken pictures of the New Caprica police force, hoping to identify some of the human traitors. Later in the day I would go to the hospital and gather more information from Cottle and go over the lists of the missing and dead. We were hoping to get a good census of the population that way. I guess to be able to account for each life gave us back a little bit of control over our destiny."_

" _There was one more task I needed to do. Bill had not come back and we were all pretending he would be, after months of waiting. The population was surviving with this hope. I needed to bury that life we had imagined in the tenderness of the summer. A cabin by a lake, a stream with water clear as glass, aging together in peace and love, all of this would never happen. Those were dreams, brought in by our naivety. If we ever got out of there, if Bill was indeed alive and coming to get us, we would have to resume fighting. We were at war, and maybe, just maybe, our real and only hope was to find Earth. If one lived under the constancy of a gray sky, it would be cruel to show her the sun, only to take it away later and forever. I saw the sun; I saw the glimpse of a life that could have been mine, but never will be. Dreaming impossible dreams was a dangerous game, a game of deception, of lies, of denial. I went in the crate where I was storing my few belongings and retrieved the red skirt and top I wore on Founder's day, when we made love for the first time under the stars. Unfolding the fabric, a half smoked join fell on the floor. I picked it up like a fragile object and secured it with a small piece of tape inside the diary I wrote, right by the text talking about that joyful summer. I hid the booklet back under my bed. I put the red dress in a bag and left my tent in the coolness of a damp day. I still knew the way to the lake, the path clear in my memory, even if it was so muddy now that the landscape was barely recognizable. It seemed it belonged in another life. In half an hour, I was there, standing on the flat rock, my flat rock. I sat there, like I used to do. Before. It was completely silent, the New Caprican birds gone. Patches of snow were still sticking to the rocks, some of the tall trees and the grass in shaded areas by the far side forest. The lake was still partly covered with ice along its banks, away from the swollen running stream, which was carrying broken pieces of ice sheets in turbulent and now muddy waters. The water of the lake was dark and gray, maybe a more accurate reflection of my soul at that moment. The water had lost its transparency carrying brown and grey clay and sand. I could not see multicolor pebbles on the bottom anymore. It had changed. I had changed. I had to let go. I scanned the banks for a fairly good size rock, which I could pick up. When I found one, I took the dress out of my bag. The carmine red fabric was wrinkled. It had been thin and light in the summer. I buried my face in the soft fabric, inhaling its scent, bringing memories of weed, alcohol and love, the last physical connection to a destroyed reality. I let tears flow in the fabric for a little while until I was ready. Then I took a deep cleansing breath. Wiping my eyes in the fabric, I got up and retrieved the large rock and wrapped it inside the fabric of the dress, tying knots around. I carried the rock, wrapped in the beautiful red fabric by the edge. I stood solemn for a few minutes, holding the rock, caressing the softness of the dress. A cold wind created ripples on the lake, as if the depths of the waters were calling my dreams. With both hands I lifted the rock and threw it as far as I could into the black waters of the lake. It splashed loudly, echoing in the distance, and I saw the red fabric slowly disappear down the dark waters amidst a cloud of bubbles. I stood there for a minute watching the ripples on the surface of the water, extending circles bigger and bigger until they touched the banks of the lake and then disappeared. Then, without looking back, I turned around and made my way down, back to the town. I knew I would never come back."_

 **Thank you for reading and your comments. Please continue to review..**


	18. Chapter 18

**Heartfelt thanks to all of those who took the time to comment in the past few chapters. As we are going to another difficult time, this is rated M (just in case). This is going to be easier than the last detention.**

 **Please, note that the first two paragraphs of Laura's diaries are taken directly from the show (Episode 'Occupation' Season 3), credits given to the writers of the show.**

 **The poem, 'Prayer of the Death', is my original work, based on Greek mythology.**

 **Chapter 18**

Within a week, preparations for the Waluguru tribes had picked up again. Most of the trip would take place by foot with guides, porters, and armed protection. The team would be airlifted to a remote section of the mountains and proceed in the dense forest of the eastern slopes. Equipped with satellite phones and Internet connections, they would carry sensitive apparatus, laptops, physics and chemistry equipment, and tents for a prolonged stay. It was basically moving a smaller research camp to that location, at the exception of the heaviest material. An expedition of this importance was not overlooked. Dr. Inoue's team was looking for tangible answers to their questions, some kind of physical correlation to the text they were translating. They knew, however, that the probability of finding 150,000 years old evidence was slim. Yet, they were hoping that some of the stories would still live in the oral history of tribes of the region.

Helena, a cup of Darjeeling in her hand, sat down outside on a large rock overlooking at the plains. The rain had cleared out and shred of clouds were remaining attached to the hills below. It was cool, with a soft dry breeze rising from the west. The moon was shining bright, casting a blue light on the landscape. The fence surrounding the compound was just a few feet below. Takashi Inoue slowly stepped by her and sat down on her side. He was carrying his own mug with black coffee. They sat in silence. They were comfortable with each other, having worked together after graduate school on various projects around the world. She had not talked to him about his life since the death of his wife a few years ago.

"Do you miss home? I mean, Tokyo is a long way from here." Helena asked.

"No. Nothing's left there." Takashi answered, his gaze lost in the distance. "Home is here. This is the most important work I have ever done in my life."

"Same here. Officially, I am on sabbatical from my professorship position. I really don't care anymore. This… this is important" Helena replied and she remained silent for a few minutes lost in her thoughts. "She was quite a remarkable woman", Helena whispered. Takashi nodded "yeah" and added: "What do you expect we will find out there?"

Helena sighted taking a sip of her tea. "I don't know. Any physical evidence will have disappeared. But their stories may not have. They may have lingered, slowly modified with time, creating their own mythology. I hope we can find that. Extensive genetic sampling will be useful. What we have already is not enough. We have to compare it to the DNA of Laura and the man on the ridge. I want to study their language. I hope to find similarities."

Helena had immersed herself in the diary, using the other books as a vocabulary and grammar guide. Deciphering the handwriting was not easy. Over a year had passed since she first arrived in Africa. Her progress was notoriously slow, but she knew there was no other way. The text was old, her resources limited by the nature of the language and her work tedious with great attention placed to detail. It was all very frustrating, but she was aware that she was making history studying the most ancient document known to mankind. Or was it?

"Takashi? You know, we have not talked about the last book. We talked and shared all the information of the printed books and the diaries in our lab meetings for weeks. I just cannot begin to translate the last book."

"You mean the one with the leather cover?'

"Yeah. It is different from the others. It seems printed in a different language. I do not have any references for it, and without references, I cannot go anywhere" She sighed, frustrated. "The formatting, however, makes it resemble a prayer book, it looks like it has sections -what would be number headings- I can probably infer numbers from the signs on the pages. But there is nothing remotely similar to a publisher on the front like the other books. If you ask me, it looks like a Bible. And it seems older than the others, if that is even possible. There are illustrations too. Those are hand drawn in ink with some coloring. They represent cities with buildings that look ancient… Well, what does ancient mean when you are looking at 150,000 years old material anyway. But these buildings look like Greek style kind of buildings, with columns and a beautiful architecture. They are very pretty. I wish I could read the text."

"Yes, that one may take longer", Takashi acquiesced.

"We are here contemplating the greatest discovery of mankind. I wish I could know more. I know that from the moment this gets out, we will be facing a storm of questions and studies. Of course, disbelief. Even for us it was hard to believe such artifacts would be that old; we are bound to be discredited. I am not looking forward to that." Helena closed her eyes. "I want to give Laura her voice back."

"And you will. What happens after does not concern us. We will have done our work. People will chose to believe this or not. We know what is true." Takashi replied.

He rose and gave her a hug. "See you tomorrow?"

Helena nodded in silence and continued to stare in the distance. Tomorrow in the lab meeting she would share the latest progress of her translation.

" _134 days of cylon occupation of New Caprica. Today is Martius day, somehow it seems appropriate to honor the God of war on a day when it feels like perpetual war is the only realistic prospect for us. We had no contact with Galactica since it left four months ago. But I refuse to believe that Adama has abandoned us. Our insurgency has been striking back, although at times these attacks seem like futile gestures, I believe that they are critical to morale, to maintaining some measure of hope. But in order for the insurgency to have a more meaningful impact, we need to strike a high profile target. It is simply not enough to kill cylons, because they don't die. They resurrect themselves and they continue to walk among us. It is horrifying. The cylon occupation authority continues to exert complete control over the city and we remain at their mercy. The colonial government under President Gaius Baltar functions in name only."_

" _In recent months, the cylons have been recruiting and training humans in an attempt to establish a human police force. It is hard to think of anything more despicable than humans doing the dirty work of the cylons. Let to believe they were merely taking the civilian security out of the hands of the cylons, the members of the human police have since become an extension of the cylon's corporeal authority. And while their names are kept deeply confidential, there is no question some of them are people we might least expect. Hundreds of us have been rounded up by the Cylons, held in detention, questioned, tortured. Others have simply vanished. In recent weeks, we've been gaining access to some very important documents from a source within Baltar's administration, No one knows who this mysterious benefactor is, but he communicates with the insurgents by means of a secret signal. We pray every day for the men and women who risk their lives to fight the cylons. They have everything to lose and such little hope of something to gain."_

" _I did not know what they had in mind and I certainly would have opposed the use of suicide bombing, if I had known. The insurgency has started to recruit people, young men and women, who would agree to strap bombs to their bodies and explode themselves in public areas, especially locations with cylons and cylons' collaborators. They had lately targeted a high profile award ceremony for the New Caprica Police with the hope that they would kill President Baltar and most of the human recruits working for the cylons. But Baltar did not show. Still, the bomb disseminated most of the new police recruits. I abhor those who have chosen to work the cylons, but I cannot say that I love the spilling human blood. There are so few of us left. It is war in all of its horror. If we want to get to the cylons, however, we have to send the message that nobody should collaborate with them. But to think that some of us are desperate enough to sacrifice their own life to have a significant impact on the cylon occupation force is scary enough to me to consider."_

" _They came for me in the evening. I got dragged on my feet, gagged and blinded. It was terrifying. Before I could even see, I recognized the smell of the prison, the stale stench of blood and urine. I heard the screams, faint in the distance, muffled by the thick walls. My stomach started to heave and I started to choke on the rag tied on my face. Panic took me. I struggled, with the irrational urge to run, even when I was tied up. As an immediate result, I was thrown down on the floor and kicked. I could not see where the hits were coming from. I am not sure how much time passed before hands picked me up and pushed me and made me walk blinded for what seemed to be an endless walk through corridors, on cold floor, with echoes of banging, clatter and shouts around me. For the third time in a few months, I thought it was going to be the end of my life. All of the evidence gathered with Dr. Cottle, the tortures some endured, the beatings, the loneliness, the pain flashed in front of my eyes. I had walked this path before. I was thrown in a cell just like last time by two guards. And they removed the hood covering my face and untied me. When the fabric pushing in my throat was removed, I took a deep breath and immediately regretted it, as the smell of the cell over turned my stomach I stumbled and reached the bucket in the corner. A Doral, a number Five, was looking at me. I stood up. I was shaking. The smell of nausea was sticking to my skin. I knew what was coming. Legs numb, stomach sunken, I even could not feel my body anymore. I could not feel anything at all. My hair was disheveled; my body was so thin after a winter with barely any food, my clothes were hanging loose, my skin was paler than I ever saw it. One of the guards threw a dirty jump suit at the skinny woman standing in the middle of the cell, a shadow of myself._

' _Clothes off'_

 _I was paralyzed. I kept looking straight in front of me, each muscle of my body trembling._

 _I stayed like this for a few minutes, or maybe was it only seconds, immobile. Time had no meaning anymore. One guard stripped me forcefully until I was naked. I felt my spirit leave my body. I was outside myself, shivering, bending to grasp the prison jumpsuit and clenching the fabric to the front of my bared body. They took my clothes, my shoes, my glasses and left. I stayed standing without moving, head down. It took a deliberate willful action for me to go back inside my body and move it, slowly at first, as I was shaking too much, and recover control of each one of my muscles. I slowly put the rough clothing on. The fabric was stiff with dirt, blood- stained and smelled. Then, I noticed I was cold. I started to feel pain, where I was kicked, on the legs. I sat down and brought my knees to my chest and leaned against the wall. I lowered my head on my knees and let my hair curtain the blinding fluorescent light from the ceiling. I waited. I waited for them to come back, jumping at each noise, straining at each heard step in the corridor. I waited until I was interrogated, until I was going to be beaten, or raped, or tortured. I waited until it did not matter whether they came or not. I waited until it did not matter whether I lived or died. I stopped waiting. It could have been days. I am not sure. They never turned off the light. They came to bring food and water once in a while, throwing me each time in a panic. I heard banging on wall and doors. Noises were sharp in my head. They hurt like knives. They echoed in my head and clattered. I buried my head in my knees and crossed my arms over my ears. Noise hurt. The light hurt. I felt my head would explode from the strident screams, cries, shouting and metallic slamming of doors. Again and again. Day after day. There was infrequent food. I had only a little water. I stopped being hungry or thirsty. I must have slept. Maybe. Or just dozed off. The light was so loud. The noises were so bright. I was so tired. I comforted myself by reciting the scripture of the Book of Pythia. Over and over. Some anchor to who I used to be. I did not feel cold or hunger or tiredness anymore. In fact, I did not feel anything at all. I pushed away dangerous ideas, ideas of being saved, ideas of rescue, thoughts of Bill. Such ideas would break me down. I finished reciting the book of Pythia and then said the prayer of the dead. I said it for those in cells next to me, for those who had and would die here on this hellhole. I said it for all who never made it. This prayer that, nobody probably would have a chance to say for me:_

' _Oh river of Sorrow, Acheron,_

 _Let me cross you,_

 _Charon, take me through_

 _I paid my dues in hard labor,_

 _I left my friends and those I loved._

 _By Cerberus, for the final judgment,_

 _Alone, I stand at the crossroads,_

 _Take my life and offer me passage,_

 _Below the Styx_

 _In Hades' realm._

 _Judge me, all bared,_

 _My soul exposed._

 _For what I have done is mine only._

 _Elysium for the virtuous and brave,_

 _Honorable and courageous,_

 _Who have kept their oath._

 _A land of wealth, beauty,_

 _Flowers, of all colors,_

 _And shining light,_

 _Fruits and honey,_

 _Butterflies and birds_

 _Shining rainbows and sweet bread,_

 _And everlasting joy._

 _Asphodel meadows, for the common souls._

 _A plain of flowers, never ending,_

 _Where the common work_

 _And plainly mechanically live._

 _No pain and no pleasure._

 _No joy and no ordeal._

 _And Tartarus, the domain of pain,_

 _For those whose crimes were judged and punished._

 _Torment and suffering for eternity,_

 _Burns and torture and pain_

 _Endless night, dark and gloomy_

 _Black burning flames of unquenched desire_

 _Eternal tears and grief._

 _Lords of Kobol,_

 _Take my soul to Hades_

 _Let it be the judge_

 _And send me for eternity_

 _To meet Kronos and its servants,_

 _To pay for my sins_

 _And be rewarded for my virtues._

 _So say we all.'_

" _When I heard steps by the door, I did not even move. I continued to recite the text. It did not matter anymore. But when no blow came, when no hands grabbed me, I lifted my head and faced the bright light. Baltar was there, looking at me as if I was an animal in a zoo. It took a minute for the senses to come back to me. Without his knowledge, Baltar pulled me forcefully back into the realm of the living. I did not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me defeated. I pulled together the last bits of strength I had left and pulled myself up to sit on the chair he brought in. His hand was shaking when he handed me my glasses. I wondered if he somehow realized what he was doing to us, somewhere within his big egotistic behavior. By giving me my glasses, he gave me back my identity. He gave me back my status. He pulled me back up at his level. Suddenly, I was not a prisoner anymore. I was again the president and he was there for advice. He showed me respect. We were leveled. Certainly enemies, yet he admitted his defeat and his failure to manage the resistance. He was assuming that I had any power to control the insurgents, which in fact I did not. He reinstated me as a leader, at least psychologically if not legally, by asking me to admit my repulsion at suicide bombings, which had been happening more and more frequently, and asking me to publicly declare that I did not agree to this. The reality is, I never condoned those, even if I understood the reasons, which would push people to commit such atrocities. I hated to admit this in front of him, but I did, because I would never have agreed to have young people commit suicide bombings regardless of the circumstances. Baltar gave me back my humanity and that jolted me into a push of anger. He was responsible for our demise. If it were not for his cowardice, his surrender to the cylons, we would not be there. He pushed to settle humanity on this planet out of pure calculation, for his own benefit, as a plot to win over the confidence of the people and thereby the elections. He looked away when the cylons started to torture the people. He refused to see the horrors unraveling in front of him. I saw these horrors. I experienced them. I saw people coming to us with scars and open wounds. I saw colonel Tigh's missing eye. How could he ignore this? I felt anger boiling in my veins. He denied his involvement. He denied the existence of torture, which we had witnessed in the flesh, so to speak. I tried to make him admit this. But he wouldn't. We were talking one to one, equally. Unwilling to confront me, he ordered the guards to give me back my shoes and let me out. He left without turning back as they brought in clothes and gave me privacy to change._

 _My shirt had been ripped off and I was given a shirt and sweater, with a big tear by the neckline. I wondered whom it used to belong to, if the woman, who once wore this sweater, was dead or had been tortured. I got my jacket back and, very weak, I hobbled down out of the prison back into the camp, where a worried Dr. Cottle greeted me. He immediately walked me to the hospital and allowed me to lie down. I was exhausted, dehydrated and hungry. After the adrenaline rush from the conversation with Baltar and the fear I had experienced, my body was giving out. After Cottle's exam, I ate and drank in the hospital tent, reflecting in silence on the latest events and Cottle placed an IV to give me more fluids. Then, I immediately fell asleep. Cottle drew the curtains and isolated from everyone, feeling safe finally, I must have slept for hours."_

 _"Later, once rested and checked again by the doctor, I made my way back into the village. My wounds were only superficial, only some bruises. I was more lucky than most. Maya and Tory ran to me, caring and worried, but I did not want to describe my detention, much less the solitude and humiliation I had suffered. I was fine, when so many were not. That is all that mattered. In the evening, I visited Colonel Tigh. We argued about suicide bombings and how I thought they were despicable. I slapped him, when he asked me if I was now working for the cylons. He had guessed what happened the first time I was in detention, so his comment hurt me even more. Such is war, not a noble deed, but a brutal, despicable one, without honor. It was a fight for survival, ruthless, bloody and dark. We were killing not to be killed. We were killing ourselves not to be enslaved. We had no chance to win. I left the tent, knowing very well, that Tigh and the others would soon plan more suicide bombings, knowing that more humans would die taking off cylons, who could not be killed. I left the tent and walked slowly back to mine, as the night descended and my breath condensed as little clouds in the cold air. I thought of Isis, the daughter of Maya, and how she was representing hope. Which hope and how? What was left for us? I decided that I would fight relentlessly. As I am writing those lines, in the solitary candle light of my tent, there is not much hope to be found and only a miracle could save us."_

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **Please leave comments, as this is very motivating to me. I appreciate your feedback.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you for all of your reviews. Moving along nicely and taking advantage of a snow storm to work on the story.**

 **Chapter 19**

This was the reality of war, Helena thought. She sat down at the conference table with her latest translation for one of the last lab meetings before their expedition.

"We have the last book remaining un-translated. I cannot decipher the language, which bears little resemblance to the printed books and the diaries. From its formatting, I gather that it could be a prayer book", Helena stated, "interestingly during her detention in the cylon prison, Laura mentions the prayer of the death, which she memorized from scriptures found in what she called 'The Book of Pythia'. I can only assume that the prayer book we are having in our hands is that Book of Pythia. It is clear that the objects recovered in the Titanium crate were Laura's possessions. She recites a prayer she has memorized, so this has to be probably her original prayer book."

"But you cannot translate it", Dr. Evans replied.

"Did you date that book?" Dr. Inoue asked

"Well, yes we did, but the Uranium-Thorium dating, even if you look at Protactinium-231 will have a very large error. It would not allow us to find out if these books are separated by as little as 5000 years. So it all shows up in the same range of 150,000 years old. We are limited by the big half lives of these elements and the precision of our detection methods." Dr. Evans answered.

"The print style looks older; the manufacturing of the book looks handmade. The illustrations are drawn in ink with some faded colors. It could represent a much earlier version of their language or another language all together. The only thing I have is the prayer she is reciting and matching it in a text with a hundred and more pages is impossible." Helena sighted.

"It is very interesting that she mentions names found in the Greek mythology. That is not the first time such references are made in the text, down to the zodiac signs." Dr. Hsu said. "Greek mythology originated in Tanzania?"

"It is possible that their kind traveled all over the world, spreading their culture. They had technology; they had means to fly. Maybe the only reason we have not found anything is because later civilizations obliterated their existence with their own rising. It is incredibly old evidence." Helena stated.

They had no way of knowing how far their civilization went on earth. But remnants of their culture existed in most world mythologies and that was enough to convince the group of the influence of this civilization on the native humans.

After the lab meeting, Helena retreated in her tent and continued working.

 _"Another suicide bombing killed several civilians as well as cylons today. I have no doubt this will mean more trouble for all of us very soon. I have severed my ties with the resistance, as I disagree with such methods, but I have no power to stop them. I am focusing instead on identifying the humans who are collaborators. They are indeed more of the problem, because we cannot trust anyone. Those collaborating might be our friends and people we least expect. I teach the school and continue to do so during the day, but it has become a way to gather information as well and organize families in the event of a rescue. Life has become a lot harder due the cylons crack down on the humans."_

It was end of a tablet and Helena proceeded to the next tablet. The beginning was disorienting, as if a large part of the journal was missing.

 _"I am back on Colonial One. We left New Caprica forever. We are back in the void of space. But we have changed. We will carry the scars of the past months in the deepest part of souls. Will our souls ever heal? Is there any redemption for us? Events happened so fast. I am going to try to give an accurate account of the events of the past three days. It started when the police came over to arrest me while I was teaching in the afternoon. This was barely three days after I had been released and I knew immediately that it was retaliation for the recent suicide bombings. This was definitely a very bad sign. I feared for the worse. Hundreds of others were piled up, just like me, in trucks, driving to an unknown destination. I felt we were being exterminated. I was oscillating between a deep sense of desperation and the strangely calming feeling that I had nothing left to lose. I held my head high, surprisingly determined to show courage and defiance, especially for the people surrounding me, who had lost so much more than I did. I really did not have the time to be worried. I did not know where they would take us. Not the jail, certainly, I had been accustomed too. We were not going in that direction but out of the little town of tents and away from the mere buildings. To my surprise, I sat next to Zarek, who told me he had been incarcerated since the beginning of the cylon occupation. I did not know what had happened to him. They clearly were arresting anyone of some importance and I understood that this was the equivalent to a great purge. I think that at this particular moment, I knew my life was over, but it did not matter to me. As I was chatting lightly with Zarek, I was accepting my fate. Everything became unimportant. I was going to die and nothing mattered but showing the others how their once president would die her head high not in defeat, but in victory. Our bodies could be broken, but our souls would never belong to them."_

" _The trucks let us to a hill next to an open sky mine, where cylons had been mining ore for their metallic alloys. They let us down to walk out of the trucks. But soon the telltale noise of the centurions indicated there was more going on. I saw Cally, Tyrol's wife run away; someone had cut her binding ties. I knew that was the end, then. When I saw them align, I knew they were a firing squad. I braced myself for the impact of the bullets, the pain and the blackness. It went all very quickly. I waited for the void and the end of my life. I saw the flash out of their guns, before I heard the shots and felt the bullets whizzing past my body. It was a reflex out of self-preservation. I lacked the courage to face the tearing bullets. No! In an arrogant attempt to save my life and his, I pushed Zarek down the hill where we rolled in the gravel and rocks. Or maybe he pushed me. I am not sure anymore. It was over in a fraction of a second. When I lifted my head, my first instinct was to check for blood, sure that I had been hit. But I was safe and so was Zarek. The insurgents, made aware that we would be executed, had come to our rescue. We learned later that their informant had warned them and Tyrol pinned point our position to save us. Chief Tyrol told me then that they had made contact with the Galactica and Adama was coming. Bill. I looked up at the cloudy sky and sent him a 'thank you' with all of my heart, overwhelmed by relief and emotion. We piled up again in the truck, but this time we were free and the trucks drove by the edge of town where we quietly slipped from the trucks to the underground tunnels of the resistance. I knew about those, but had not seen them. The tunnels would be our shelter until we were evacuated. The insurgents were organizing their troops and arming everyone. The Galactica's officer, Sharon, was waiting for us and I became naturally the leader again of our people, as if I had never left the presidency. Sharon, a cylon model, who received the call name Athena, seems to be a deviant number eight model, which acquired human characteristics of self-determination. When Agathon brought back a number Eight model with him back from the occupied Caprica, we all thought that it would be Boomer all over again. We thought Boomer could be trusted, but the programming kicked in and without warning she tried to kill Bill. Yet, this Sharon provided us with useful intelligence and was instrumental in the liberation of New Caprica. She also was our guide to find the temple of Athena, on Kobol. This model had become pregnant with Karl Agathon's child, against all odds, as it seems that cylons could not conceive, being that they are genetically engineered and grown in an artificial facility to adulthood. I am still suspicious of her, even if she has shown many times support to us and saved our lives many times. Bill trusted her despite my misgivings. I guess I am still worried that at some point the programming will kick in and she will revert to what Boomer was."_

" _They all turned to me for advice and we organized the rescue. I saw Helen Tigh brought down the cave surrounded by angry insurgents who intercepted her and surrendered her to her husband. She looked distressed. I wanted to talk with her, but never got a chance, as I was so busy organizing the rescue operations from the ground. And I never saw her again. I do not know what happened to her. I can only assume she did not make it out of the planet. We were busy organizing the rescue. My priority was to make sure that Isis and her mother, Maya, would be safe during the evacuation. Under my authority some guards were assigned to assist and protect them. Hard to explain why this was so important without revealing the nature of the child. There were only a few hours before the Galactica was going to come down and send the Vipers. The Pegasus was not coming, which made me worried about the fate of Lee Adama, Bill's son. We had to get the weapons out and distribute them, organize the resources and warn all of the trusted members of the population. It is only when all of the plans had been laid out and we had to just wait in the growing anticipation that I remembered my journal and all of the notes that Dr. Cottle and I had accumulated over the months of the cylon occupation. It would not have been wise for me to go back out in the town and retrieve them, yet I could not let these notes fall in cylons' hands. I was the leader again, and I was now a fugitive, in hiding until we would be liberated. Until we were all leaving, I would not let Maya and her daughter, Isis, leave my sight either. They were more precious to me than my own life. So Tory went back up, instructed to get the books and notes from their hiding place, under a platform plank in my tent, right under my bed. She also informed the population to get ready to evacuate, as we had planned rendezvous points for months ahead. I was relieved when she came back with the books and all the notes, wrapped in a sturdy thick piece of cloth. We were now ready."_

" _We would meet at designated areas and run towards the ships, which would be powered up for takeoff. A Galactica officer, Sharon Agathon retrieved the launch keys to power the ships. The plan was simple. The insurgency attacked all at once all cylons centers, exploding bombs in critical areas, while the population was preparing to evacuate. Then, Galactica's vipers would attack the cylons, creating enough of a diversion for us to flee, board and launch the ships. And then it happened. We were already out and running towards the ships, when we saw Galactica boldly jumping into the high atmosphere and dropping like a bullet avoiding detection by the basestars and unloading the vipers. That was quite a sight and a remarkable tactical move. I recognized in it the unmistakable signature of Admiral Adama. Only Bill would have such guts. Bombs were exploding around the town. The vipers were attacking from all angles, allowing us to run out to the ships. In reality, it was quite chaotic. It was as if the whole planet itself was shaking, the ground vibrating from the roar of the ships flying at low altitude. The battle was taking place right above our heads, raiders against vipers. The vipers prevented the cylon raiders to shoot most civilians on the ground, but certainly between the passing low raiders aiming at the population and the centurions, there still was a lot of casualties. As soon as the path was clear and centurions guarding the periphery of the ships had been destroyed, I ran right to colonial one with my guards, losing sight of Maya and Isis in the crowd, as the bullets and explosions were hitting the ground all around us, sending billows of clouds and dust in the air. Colonial One was my ship: I wanted to reclaim it and my presidency. The cylons were shooting everything moving. Bodies were falling around us, but there was no time to stop and check the wounded. We were open targets. It was a slaughter, but there was no choice. In minutes, it was over. Colonial one was the last ship to take off, leaving behind us a deserted planet, littered with bodies we would never properly bury. I sat on the big chair that used to be mine and let the silence, barely broken by the constant buzzing of the engines, envelop me, as I took my diaries out of my jacket, sighing deeply at the relief to be safe. It was over. I was happy to be back, upset about our deaths, and still shaken by the speed of the events. The fleet was back together and we jumped immediately to a secure location. "_

 **Thank you for reading. As always comments are welcome.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks for reading and for your comments. As the New Caprica colonists are returning to the fleet, they are facing the consequences of the occupation.**

 **Chapter 20**

Helena sighed unable to comprehend some of the action she translated. It was not the first time the word 'jump' was used for their mode of travel with the space ships. Yet she had no idea of what it meant in terms of technology. The team's first assumption was something liked to hyperspace, but that was difficult to prove or show without more details and especially without the technological evidence to support such a hypothesis. She understood that those Vipers, which Laura mentioned earlier already in her diary, were likely combat plane-like ships. She was astonished to learn more about Sharon, the cylon turned against its own kind and collaborating with the group of Laura and how this cylon had a child with a human. Clearly there was more to be learned about the story and she could not wait to progress through the books.

 _"I do not know if Heaven exists. But I sure know that Hell does. All of us on New Caprica have seen it, up close and personal. Those who, by a turn of a random dice, were located on Galactica or the Pegasus when the cylons invaded did not see it, even if their sacrifice was tremendous and their dedication to continue trying to save us has to be commended. They did not see Hell. They cannot imagine the horrors we have witnessed and endured. This, I am afraid, has created a chasm between us, a fracture, which probably will take forever to be mended, if ever. Indeed, that is the final pervasive action of the cylons: to instill doubt, fear and division among us. They did this on New Caprica; they planted the seeds of doubt and discord. "_

 _"We have been back for less than a day, only a few hours, really. It is complete chaos and probably will be for a while. Families have been divided and are looking for their lost ones, split between ships or killed in the rescue operations. Reports are coming that refugees are piling into Galactica, as many of the original ships have been lost in the battle against the cylons. The crew of Pegasus, the ship destroyed in the fight by the heroic move and sacrifice of Lee Adama, who boldly joined the rescue against the will of his father and hereby saved us all, has joined the military crew of the Galactica. We are establishing registries of survivors and deceased for the families to locate their loved ones. Calls are coming in non-stop with endless questions and problems. There is no functioning government and, while Tom Zarek is technically the president now, as Baltar has not been located, it has become very clear that once again I am in charge. Baltar has been killed or left on the surface, as it seems apparent that he never made it back into the fleet. Resources are now a problem as our food stocks are depleted. More, we had moved quite a lot of our supplies and materials to the surface. These are now left on New Caprica and lost to us. That is, of course, without mentioning the huge number of casualties."_

" _My first priority has been to find a bed for every refugee and update our census. Ships' captains are reporting damage to their ships and we are making a thorough inventory of our resources in lives and materials. If we have to continue to survive, we have to organize quickly and find the people who can best operate the ships and perform various duties to replace those lost. Since I set foot back on Colonial One amidst the evacuation, I have had no time for myself. I have been working non-stop. I sent Tory to try and find Maya and Isis, as they had not found their way back to us. The whole fleet was in some kind of chaos and it is unlikely they would have gotten an easy transport to Colonial One, as all shuttles were busy bringing people back to their original ships. Zarek was gracious enough to let me use Colonial One as my quarters, and for the first time in days I found myself alone, tired and pensive. After the adrenaline rush, I was quiet, drained, and empty. We had won and were free. But we had lost so much too. I was dirty, dusty and achy and the appeal of a warm shower, the first in weeks, was too strong to resist. The water, once again, cleaned by body and my soul._ "

" _One soldier had delivered some of my possessions I had left in storage on board Galactica over one year ago. I had my presidential clothes again. When I put my clothes on, blue shirt and suit, I was back, as if none of this ever happened. But it did. And while I felt glad to be back in power, I also felt terribly shaken by our ordeal._

 _When Tory came back, I saw the look on her face and I knew we had lost Maya and Isis. They were not seen since we were running through the tent village to the ships under heavy fire in the chaotic battle. There had been people everywhere, dust and bullets flying all around us. Tory could not find them on any list. I had sworn to protect their lives. I had failed them, just like I failed so many others. It was indeed the reality of our existence, an existence spent at war, defending ourselves with the sole purpose of survival. I looked at my meager possessions saved from New Caprica: my diaries, notes, lists of names, pictures of war casualties, and a picture of the woman and her baby, emotion caught in my throat, as I fought back tears. There was no more time to grieve. There was only time for survival. That was now and again our life."_

" _It was dark. It was always dark in space, day or night. Tory had gone to sleep. I could not. Colonial One was silent. Several previous members of the Quorum were sleeping in seats adjacent to my little cabin, merely separated from me by a sheet of curtains. We all had worked late to rebuild our government. Instead of indulging the blessing of slumber and its loss of consciousness, I was fighting my feelings, avoiding be submerged by waves of grief, rage and guilt. I sat at my desk, alone, going one more time over the long list of survivors, a pen in hand. I am not sure what else I would find there. The names of Maya and Isis would not appear by miracle on a list I had already read over and over again. The list would not get longer either with each new reading."_

" _I did not see him enter, but I knew right away it was him at his quiet and heavy steps, bearing the weight of his burden. He waited in the shade, watching me, silent. For months, I had anticipated this moment: the moment I would meet Bill again. I had imagined how it would be, from the depth of my loneliness and despair. I thought there would be a long hug, kisses, certainly tears, my skin vibrating and humming at the recognized sensual touch of his body. I thought there would be sex. I had missed him so much that my soul and body were aching from his absence and the emptiness he left there. But now it was different; I was different; I was in pain. We had lost so much and I was consumed in a mix of anger, emptiness and grief. We had been rescued, but really had we won? And at which price? Any display of happiness would feel indecent to me._

 _I did not lift my head, but I whispered bitterly, a tight dry knot in my throat. 'I should have stolen the election'. I am not sure I meant to hurt him that much. But his heavy silence was full of the pain I just inflicted him._

 _He did not move._

' _Laura', he said with gentleness and emotion._

' _Thank you for sending my belongings over, Admiral.' Like the predator giving the final blow to its prey, to kill just with one word: Admiral._

 _I could not watch him, for fear I would break down. Our life had changed. The past moments of innocence were gone. New Caprica with its pain and its sweetness was behind us. We were never a couple. We got lost in each other for a while, lured into a life that was never ours to begin with, like moths attracted, blinded and then killed by a flame. We thought we could trick fate with dreams of a cabin by a lake and lovemaking under the stars. But Bill and I never had room for a relationship. We were destined to rule and to be servant of the people, always to protect and save what was left of the human race._

 _He completely ignored my dismissal and walked toward my desk and around. His hand on mine stopped my writing on the report. The contact of his fingers' warm skin, was overpowering and spreading to my chest, tightening it, as if it would just crush me with longing. I took a deep breath and looked at him. He looked strong and determined, the mustache gone, the Admiral, the way I used to know him, before New Caprica. For weeks, I had held in my mind his memory, like the only lifeline holding me to reality. And then, when the memory of the times shared together became unbearable in the face of atrocity, death and hopelessness, I banned him from my mind and my heart. I banned him because it had become too hard, because one cannot live on dreams and some dreams are much more dangerous than reality._

 _His eyes, questioning, searched mine and brought me to the edge of a precipice. We had lost so much, and so many, because we decided we were going to hold on to morality and do what was right. We decided to be the rightful ones and we lost. Our present and past survival situations did not allow for such noble sentiments. We wanted to be ethical, show our high principles and beliefs of democracy, and everyone paid with their lives, and those, who did not die, paid with their souls. Does it really matter, if we do the right thing, when nobody will be left alive to judge us, because the right thing got us exterminated?_

 _He pulled me up out of my chair like a puppet and embraced me tightly. I shuddered at the pain his strong arms holding me brought to my still aching and bruised flesh, but I let him. My hands, the knuckles white, from the fists I made to keep myself from sobbing at the contact of his body, clenched to his back._

' _What took you so long?' I managed to whisper through my anger and despair, my throat so tight, I could barely breathe, fighting the overpowering urge to scream, overwhelmed by his touch, his scent and his warmth._

 _He did not answer and kept on holding me, burying his face in my hair and stroking my back, as if it could release my tension and pain. But it could not. And his gentle caress, his tenderness, could not erase the months spent in solitude, fear and despair. I refused to lean into his touch. I wanted to hurt him. I could not afford weakness, not now, not after all of what happened. I appreciated the concern and the comfort, and was grateful for his presence, but I could not allow myself to acknowledge it. We had lost too much. I was going to be president again of a fleet that had been disseminated, corrupt, with a bunch of cylons collaborators amongst the people. I had to be tough and my personal life had been buried on New Caprica, when the cylons invaded. It had been buried among the prison, the ruins. It had been buried with the bodies of those who died, those I did not save, like Maya and Isis, and those who got tortured day after day. My personal life lay at the bottom of a lake, as a red dress wrapped around a rock. I closed my eyes, willing my tears away._

' _Thank you for coming and getting us, Bill', I finally voiced gently as I regained control of my feelings. 'Thank you for saving us'._

 _He looked at me, sad. 'I am glad to see that you are safe, Laura'._

 _I took his bandaged hand._

' _I heard you had been hurt.'_

' _It's nothing.'_

' _I'm meeting with Zarek in the morning. We will discuss the plans to rebuild the government.'_

 _Bill was all business again._

' _He's a terrorist. He cannot be in charge.'_

 _I smiled, knowing too well Bill's opinion of Zarek._

' _Nevertheless, he was elected as vice-president.'_

' _I'm not dealing with terrorists.'_

 _He stopped and looked at me with a smile, knowing that we were arguing, just like old times about fleet matters. We were again the President and the Admiral. We were again in business. In a sense, it felt good. It felt familiar. This was the territory, which was safe for both of us, close friends, as we had become over weeks of struggle, keeping our personal relationship at bay. It was safe. It was the way it used to be, before..._

' _Goodnight, Laura. Take care of yourself.'_

 _I closed my eyes and I accepted his soft kiss on my lips, unshed tears burning under my eyelids. It was familiar like the kiss he gave me when he thought I was dying. This time it was the tenderness of our reunion._

' _Thank you, Bill.' I whispered and we smiled at each other. He slowly traced my cheek with the tip of his fingers and we looked at each other for a minute with understanding. Then, turning around, he left._

 _I slept very little that night, my dreams filled of terror and pain, and haunted by the faces of those we lost, full of sadness and regrets."_

 **Thank you for reading. Please review and comment, it is really appreciated.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Many Thanks for all of those we reviewed. I really appreciate your comments, even if you drop by to let me know you are still here. It is nice to know you are still reading.**

 **This writing process is very cathartic to me and a very nice way to practice my English writing. Sorry if I occasionally miss a grammar error, English is not my first language (those pesky adverbs!).**

 **Chapter 21**

The preparations for the trip were going on and Helena was stealing precious time to move along with the document. It was clear that Laura was suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder and many in that group were. This is what war does to people, she reflected. Laura was trying to make sense of her pain and reorganizing her life.

Dr. Inoue announced an official departure date for the next day in the morning. He finally disclosed some of the negotiations and preparations that had taken place in months. They had arranged a native guide, originated from these villages to lead them with the promise that their location would be kept secret. The guide served as an intermediary between the researchers, the UN and UNESCO, and the villages' chiefs. They wanted to remain isolated. It was a difficult balance to obtain. They valued their privacy and wanted to maintain their culture. Yet, Dr. Inoue understood that the younger population was leaving for the cities and villages closer to farming land, threatening the very existence of these tribes. The chiefs wanted the children to be educated and they were scared that their culture would disappear. Part of the deal was that the UNESCO provided funding for a local school, a local medical clinic and would train local people to operate them. The Tanzanian government would put that region on an agenda to declare it a National Park and prevent urbanization, under the disguise of preserving wildlife diversity. The UNESCO would consider them to become a World Heritage site, if the team returned with significant information that this site was indeed the cradle of Laura's population descendants. Months of negotiations had taken place at the highest level of secrecy between the Tanzanian government, the UNESCO, the UN and the local chiefs. In return the chiefs would allow the team to visit, ask questions, sample the population DNA and allow access to any archeological remains.

" _Hours have been spent clearing the space left by Baltar and filing the papers of the occupation, which showed us how much the Baltar government collaborated with the cylons. Tom Zarek is ruling the government in name only, with the deal that I would be his vice-president and then he would abdicate in my favor, as he really has no interest in governing. He is a former terrorist, best left in opposition, what he does best. He knows he will never have he support of the military and especially Adama. We reached an agreement to this effect. When I would become president again officially, I would nominate him vice-president. Despite his flaws, Zarek stood up to the cylons, which is more than many of the humans who collaborated. I might not agree with some of his methods, but he had the courage to face them and paid for this with months of detention. He left with this agreement and I started working on reorganizing the office of he president, taking this opportunity to redistribute tasks, like education, to those who would perform best. Rebuilding the government was a daunting task. We had lost many good men and women. Supplies were low; ships had been battered during the rescue mission, especially the Galactica, and needed repairs. The counts of the missing were increasing. Incidents were multiplying, as food was scare, and the law and order was not maintained. I threw myself in work relentlessly, avoiding solitude. Nights were the toughest, as I had recurrent nightmares: Cylons searching me; eyes seen on masked faces; bright and blinding lights; screams, moans and cries; gun shots; dirt; plain terror. I would wake up wondering if I was going crazy"._

" _Three days later, Bill called me to ask me to come over Galactica. With the help of chief Tyrol, he had uncovered a conspiracy, sanctioned by Zarek, to put on trial without representation those thought to have collaborated with the cylons on New Caprica. Death penalty was given to those found guilty by a jury of seven, called The Circle. No lawyers. Men and women started to disappear, as a result of these secret trials. Adama wanted to confront Zarek with me and as few witnesses as possible to avoid a crisis in an already unstable climate. I dressed quickly and took a shuttle with Tory in the middle of the night."_

" _We met Zarek in the Galactica briefing room. It became apparent that he was responsible for the disappearance of collaborators, having signed an executive order to that effect. Did he really feel that I would agree to this? I felt the need for vengeance too. I did. I felt a deep anger at what the cylons had done to us, how the cylons corrupted us. But suddenly the abomination of what he had done dawned on me. Our laws had been made and tested over centuries. They were not perfect, but for the most part they worked. Everyone needed a trial with representation, even if that meant that lawyers would have to debate for months to arrive to verdicts, exactly to prevent what was happening: retaliation without grounds, vengeance on those suspected with grounds or without grounds of collaborating with the enemy. This is why we had a democracy. This is why I would not allow the laws to be broken. This is why I did not steal the elections. Gods, I cannot seem to make up my mind on this. When anger wins over me, I regret not stealing that election and when I think logically, I remember about our laws and the roots of our democracy. I knew that with public trials, collaborators would be judged; it would be a circus for the press, and an outlet for the population rage and need for vengeance. But we had to follow the law. I would not have it any other way. Zarek left, accompanied by Tory who escorted him back to his shuttle. I remained in the room with a fuming Bill, angry that he had discovered this conspiracy and had been unable to prevent it._

' _It is war!' I said to him. 'All of the horrors that happened down on New Caprica were acts of war.' I am not sure my comments would soothe him. He was a military officer. The occupation, as we had lived it down on the planet, was not about fancy military strategy. It was about guerilla, terrorism, abductions and corruption. There was nothing noble about it._

 _Guards came over, ready to take me back to my transport, back to colonial one. The corridors might not have been as secure, especially those days, with these scores settled by fire or airlock to anyone from anyone. Bill wanted me accompanied by armed officers. The two guards came. One of them came over and saluted me. I looked at his face, at his eyes. A flash of panic overwhelmed him… and me. I had seen those eyes; I would never forget them._

' _Madame President' He murmured. I saw Bill move swiftly towards him, wondering why the guard would address me, warnings flashing in his eyes. The guard sank onto his knees in front of me, tears in his eyes, visibly shaking. 'Please, forgive me Madame President. We were following orders; we did not know what the cylons would do. Jammer is dead. I wish I would be as well.'_

 _His face white with anger, the admiral came over._

' _Private, get a hold of yourself.' He barked with force. I raised my hand up to stop Bill from disciplining his marine and bent towards the shaking young man._

' _What is your name?' I said to him, my voice breaking._

 _He looked at me. I saw his tears._

' _Buzzard, Madame President.' He added. 'I would never have hurt you. I would never have done this to you.'_

 _I swallowed my pain and nodded, unable to speak. Was it pity? Did I feel contempt for him and those whose weaknesses threw them in the arms of the cylons? Those whose cowardice made them collaborate instead of fighting? Or was it mere compassion at the fact that after all we all were victims of this horrid war? I had lost a lot, part of my body's integrity and part of my spirit, my innocence. They had lost their souls in the acts they had been convinced or forced to commit. What was the difference? They were human. There was so few of us left. I turned my heels and almost ran to my shuttle, leaving Bill with the guard, stunned, in the room. Back on Colonial One, I wished, I could lock myself in a room and scream, but the place did not offer any privacy, especially since it was so crowded with government officials in search of an office and place to live. It was the middle of the night and nobody would ever know about the incident. I lay down in my bed, eyes open, fighting the sleep and the nightmares it would bring."_

" _Within a few days, I was sworn again into the Presidency, happy to be legitimately in charge again. The last few sleepless nights had given me the opportunity to reflect on the events. Cylons would be winners, because they left us to destroy ourselves, carried in our doubts and our vengeance. The encounter with my guard, one of the men who were present in my cell, when I was beaten up, and almost raped, made me realize that we were all victims. Was he there later on? I had scars on my body from injuries and abuse that happened in detention, and I could not remember more than a few mere flashes of light, hands and pain. What did this guard know, that I did not remember? What did he see that made him act that way towards me? He saw me, body and soul naked. Would I live for the rest of my life in shame at the thought that I had been exposed in such a way and that there was still someone capable of recounting the events? Was he telling his friends about the terrible ordeal of Laura Roslin in a prison cell? An ordeal I barely could remember myself. We were victims of the cylons. We were victims of the brutality of war. The ones taken and the ones tortured and the torturers as well. For the ends of times, we would always look at each other with suspicion. Time would not heal this divide. Despite my anger and the pain I had suffered and witnessed, I knew that I had to start to forgive. I knew it would be hard, if not impossible. I knew it would tear me apart, but I also knew it was the only way we could survive. I probably could kill any one of them, if I let myself, so deep my anger ran. But I was the president and I had to show others the way to the future. I had to put my own experience behind me and be a leader. It would be a long process and a painful one. But vengeance was not the answer and we were so involved in this that nobody, no one, was left impartial. The lines between justice and vengeance were blurred, because we were all victims._

 _To a stunned audience, I declared a general amnesty to all the population involved in the collaboration with cylons on New Caprica. Bill rose first and started clapping at the public announcement, openly supporting my decision. It had not been an easy one. But that was the only one, the only decision I could make which would allow us to live together and rebuild our lives."_

 **Please Review... More later this week, after I am done with my current grading! Students first! :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**A shorter chapter today, since we are in a transition in Helena's story. Do not worry, there will be more coming soon.**

 **Thank you to all who have taken the time to review. I am truly touched by some of your comments. They are really appreciated.**

 **Chapter 22**

It was the last night in the Ridge's camp. Helena was packing up clothes and research material in her backpack for the expedition planned to start in the early morning. She had been provided with concentrated bug spray for the rainforest regions. She did not look forward to that part. She had heavy duty hiking boots, short and long sleeves to layer, hiking pants and a rain jacket in breathable Gore-Tex fabric. She printed the picture of Laura and Bill, and had it laminated, and placed in her notes binder, together with pictures of the books and some of the pages. She took a last enjoyable warm shower before going to bed, thinking it probably would take a while before she would encounter a warm shower again. She opened her laptop to continue writing before she fell asleep.

" _Bill lingered after the press and the Quorum members left the room. I asked Tory for some privacy. The room was quiet and Bill walked to me, hesitant. I knew he had something on his mind. It was not difficult to figure out what it was: last time I saw him, I ran away to my shuttle after the confrontation with the marine. He congratulated me for the presidency and I thanked him._

 _The air was heavy with tension. He was somber and weighted by feelings, I could not even begin to decipher. I just knew that what ever he was keeping inside was tearing him down._

' _I liked what you did today. That was a good gesture. Unexpected.' He nodded, as if he wanted to let me know he understood what my feelings were and share his appreciation. An amnesty? Yes, but in reality, I was not quite ready to forgive yet. I wanted to survive and we could do it only together. Bill probably gave me a lot more honorable motives that I actually had for this amnesty._

' _I am just doing my job, Bill. My job is to keep the human race going until we get to Earth, until we can find a home. We cannot survive if we fight each other.'_

 _I lowered my head at the significance of my own words and swallowed hard._

' _How are you feeling?' He asked, concerned. When I did not respond, he added:_

' _I questioned private Buzzard.'_

 _My breath caught in my chest, as if I had been punched. He had the right to question his marine; it was his ship and he was his superior officer. I knew that. But I could not bear the idea of Bill knowing what happened to me. Oh Gods! I was so humiliated! Could I ever look at him again? I tried to pace my breathing, as my vision started blurring. I turned away from him to face the window and braced myself, my hand pressed on the wall for a moment, ashamed and angry. Part of me wanted to know what the guard had told Bill. How much of my humiliation? Part of me wanted to run away from what he had to say. I did not want to see Bill's pity. I did not want him to know anything. His memory of me should be of this happy and carefree woman with a red dress. She didn't exist anymore._

' _Laura, what happened to you down there?' He said softly._

 _I remained silent, arms wrapped around my chest, suddenly feeling cold._

' _Talk to me, Laura. Don't shut me out.'_

 _Bill was then behind me, his hands on my shoulders._

' _What happened?' He pressed again, surely aware of the discomfort he was causing me. A wave of anger threatened to submerge me. He had no right to question me. I did not belong to him. I did not owe him any explanations._

' _Admiral… Leave… Now.' I said coldly, my voice sharp like a knife._

 _I did not turn around or reply, when he said goodnight. I continued to stare out into the darkness of space, as I slowly let my tears flow."_

" _I did not talk again with Bill for several days. Then, he invited me on Galactica, to review our plan to find Earth. Lieutenant Gaeta was reviewing the maps that Baltar had put together and Bill wanted my opinion regarding the correlation between the map we had found of Kobol and the scriptures. The book of Pythia was describing the exile of the thirteenth tribe and the way they journeyed to earth. In these scriptures, we would slowly decipher the cues to help us find our way. I had become some expert of the book of Pythia after I experienced a set of Chamalla induced visions, when I got first treated for cancer. By now, I had studied the text over and over again. When we got to Kobol, we found the holographic map left by the thirteen tribe in the tomb of Athena right before their departure. The text was mysterious and was speaking in metaphors. But careful examination of the text and its correlation with star maps had been exactly what Baltar had been studying before the elections and from his notes, Gaeta had been able to work some of the clues. We had now a destination for our own journey. We had a map and a way to get there. The Lion Nebula seemed to be the landmark the scriptures were referring to, with a supposedly beacon waiting for us there pointing the way to Earth. We were headed in that direction, we would find the signposts left for us. I was very excited by the discovery and explained the scriptures passionately to Bill, who never really cared about religion and did not know much about it. He never mentioned again our conversation about New Caprica and I was happy to let it get buried under the excitement of this new direction to Earth: something to look forward to, to redirect our crushed hopes and to motivate our people. We should never have abandoned the search for Earth at the first place. That was a mistake, which we would not make again. Hope. Like the hope we first instilled to our people, Bill and I, upon the destruction of our world. A magic trick, really. Some Earth fantasy that he concocted to keep the morale high in the surviving population. We had then nothing left. It was a lie. Just, with the book of Pythia, my visions, and the revelation that the thirteenth tribe had indeed searched and found Earth, we ended up believing it. And then we found the map on Kobol, which validated what we had discovered. Here it was again, in the very dark days following our rescue from New Caprica, we needed again that renewed hope. For us. For me. Bill knew it too. I knew that he set that up with me in mind. A way to reach out for me, maybe."_

Helena got up early and placed her laptop in front of Takashi Inoue, who was sipping his coffee quietly. "Look at this".

"There is a mention of a place called Kobol, the tomb of Athena, and the Book of Pythia. There is mention of a map to Earth and a thirteenth tribe in exile going there. Where is Kobol? Is that another planet they visited? The Book of Pythia seems to be one of many scriptures, their own mythology, and that particular scripture refers to earth, as the place where the thirteenth tribe escaped. We, of course, do not know if this is their mythology is grounded in reality, still according to this, they were able to locate Kobol, explore it and find that map, which she calls a holographic map."

Takashi looked at Helena. "This is something we really have to find out about, and it is hard to know yet what to make of it."

He became all business again as we heard the UN helicopters hovering over the camp and landing nearby on the landing pad.

"Ready?" They exchanged excited looks "Let's go".

 **Thank you for reading. We have now completed Part II. And we will be starting Part III: The Villages soon. As always, your reviews and comments are welcome!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Here we go, let's go into part 3. Thank you to all who have left some reviews and thoughtful comments.**

 **This chapter is rated M, for some New Caprican detention recollections.**

 **PART THREE: The Villages.**

 **Chapter 23**

It was wonderful to be in the air and seeing the mountains from above. The UN troops brought the team two large helicopters, one of them to load all of the supplies, the other for the staff and their personal belongings. The mountains, with their dense dark forests, were forbidding. Clouds were sticking to the trees with a ghostly appearance. The team landed at the hamlet of Bunduki, a small village with a few houses, high on the slopes of the mountain range. The ground was rust powdery red. Several cultivated fields, farms and dirt roads were going down to the plains. The mountains were wrapped in a shroud of clouds and fog in the background. In Bunduki, the team rested and took a meal with the local population, which welcomed them in a small inn. They enjoyed a meal with rice with pieces of meat and cassava fries, which were crisp and tasty. The mountain guide joined the group. Helena expected an older man to be their guide, having heard that the esteemed and renowned guide had become the critical link between the Tanzania government, the UNESCO and UN, and the villages' chiefs to allow exploration of these forbidden areas. Instead she was surprised, when a young woman introduced herself as their guide and liaison, Sharon. Sharon must have been in her thirties. She was tall, with very dark skin and features unmistakably Asian and uncharacteristically curly hair brought up in a high ponytail. She was athletic and dynamic, bringing with her a large topographic map, which she unfolded onto the large wooden table. Dr. Inoue introduced her as a local personality with tremendous influence in that society: a representative of the villages and a guide, which could translate their language. Some troops of the UN peacekeepers would tag along with us, offering protection, and local men were recruited and paid to carry some of the load on the hike.

"We have to head south along that ridge. The terrain is not easy. It will take longer with all the supplies we have to carry. We all are staying together. We will set up camp for the night here" She pointed a clearing on the map. "We have to make it before night fall, that is one of the few places where we can safely stop".

Helena approached the map:

"Where is our final destination?"

Sharon pointed a location pretty high on the slopes, reaching the topographic line of 2000m. "Our valley is here. There are thirteen villages scattered in the valley a couple of hours walking from each other. Each village has a chief and all the chiefs meet regularly in a council to debate and make important decisions for the valley. It is a very democratic process."

Helena whispered to Takashi Inoue: "Thirteen!" and then to Sharon, "How long has this tradition of debating issues between villages taken place?"

Sharon looked surprised by her question. "Well, it has always been that he said shrugging.

"Does this council have a name?" Dr. Inoue asked

"Yes. We call it The Quorum." Sharon replied intrigued by that line of questioning.

Helena shook her head fighting back tears and covering her mouth in emotion: "Oh my God, we are in the right place!"

She knew that talking with Sharon would have to wait if they wanted to make it at the first camp before the night. After their meal, all of them grabbed their backpacks, and started the long ascent along the ridge.

" _That day on Galactica, I had other plans as well. When I was invited for that meeting with Bill, I also made an appointment with Dr. Cottle. I had not seen him since our rescue and I missed him. With the events on the planet, we had become quite close. Bill looked surprised that I asked him time to go over to sickbay, but he did not question it, which is something I was grateful for. Cottle knew me right. It seems I did not have to explain myself._

' _How are you doing, young lady? Not sleeping?'_

' _How do you know?'_

' _You think you are the first one coming here with posttraumatic stress disorder? Everyone, who was on New Caprica, is suffering from trauma related distress. Not quite surprising.' He reached out for his cigarette._

' _I still can't remember what happened in detention.' I mumbled. 'It seems right there, elusive, just out of reach, at the border of my memory.' I started pacing. 'It is driving me crazy. I thought my memories would start coming back with time, but they didn't. It is like something horrible happened to me and I can feel it, but it is also missing, as if part of my life had been robbed from me.'_

' _Do you have any memories at all?'_

' _Not more that those I had when I got out and you examined me. Just glimpses. Of course, I remember my arrival there, the beginning of the first detention and Cavil's abuse. Then flashes of light, screams, loud noises… hands. Nothing more. You saw the scars on my back. I just cannot remember where they came from. How could I have forgotten this?'_

' _Your mind shut down to protect you. It is a classical defense mechanism. You forgot, what was unbearable.'_

 _There was a long silence, while I tried to comprehend what was happening to me._

 _Then I asked the question that was burning me for weeks now, since the detention._

' _Are you completely sure I was not raped?'_

 _He took a couple of puffs on his cigarette, avoiding my eyes._

' _Well, there was no physical evidence of rape, when I examined you both times after detention. To be precise, there were no signs of sexual violence, bruising, or abrasions. Of course, an exam never rules it out completely, especially if the rape happened right at the beginning of the detention, as time tends to erase evidence. But I find it very unlikely. You were beaten up pretty badly, if there had been a rape, I probably would have seen it too. Still, you had been in detention in both instances for days, time tends to erase evidence. But some of the other women I examined had very clear signs of rape'_

 _I winced at his explanation, feeling blood draining from my face and getting lightheaded. I could not prevent my limbs from shaking. I sat down on the examination table, fearing I would fall._

' _Dr. Cottle, there is a marine, who witnessed it. He came to me and apologized. I need to talk to him, without anyone finding out. I need to know what happened there.'_

 _He looked at me for a moment, hesitant. He asked me who he was and he picked up the handset, summoning the private to sick bay. A few minutes later, when the young man came into Dr. Cottle's office, he was petrified to see me there._

' _Madame President', he said, clearly scared._

' _I asked Dr. Cottle to bring you here, because I would like to ask you a few questions.' I said softly, feeling his anguish. He looked down, staring at his feet, unable to meet my gaze._

' _I want to know what happened when I was in detention.'_

 _He started shaking in panic, looking around as if he was going to run for an escape. He was so young. Almost like Billy. He had not really lived yet, and he had already been destroyed inside._

' _Madame President, please.' he begged._

' _You do not understand', I said gently, 'I am not trying to humiliate you.' My voice broke down. 'I cannot remember half of it. I just cannot remember. I am lacking these memories. I cannot move forward without them.'_

 _He hesitated, looking at Cottle for help. Cottle shook his head, puffing on his cigarette. 'You've got to tell her. What ever it takes.'_

 _He swallowed hard and timidly started._

' _They made you undress and Cavil tried to rape you. I am so sorry.'_

' _I remember that part.'_

 _I whispered, shaking. I closed my eyes and turned around to face the wall. I could not bear to see his face. He had the compassionate courtesy not to elaborate further._

' _Then they left you several days alone. You were dehydrated. We brought some water and food for you. But you were getting sick from the food. I do not know what that was. What I think is that they may have drugged your food or water. One day, we came and you were delirious, talking nonsense. There was something wrong. I got concerned. You were calling him.'_

' _Who, who was I calling?' I whispered, in a breath, clenching my fists in a mix of anger and pain, my nails digging in the palm of my hand. He had witnessed me at my weakest moment, during unguarded suffering, when drugs and torture violated my mind. The pain prevented me from screaming at him, from turning around and having him thrown out into an airlock. I had to listen to him, what ever he said. I had to stop shaking._

' _The Admiral. You were calling the Admiral. A Cavil came by and interrogated you. He asked you questions about the resistance, about the plans they had. He asked the same thing, again and again and again. It did not matter what you answered or whether your answers were completely incoherent. You are a symbol to the people, to the resistance. So you were a target. He wanted to break you. You cried, when he told you the Admiral was dead and no one was coming. When he told you, you were going to die soon, you spit at him and yelled 'good', as if your life meant nothing to you.'_

' _It didn't' I interrupted._

' _He became furious at your resistance and your stubbornness.' He added as if to make me responsible for the torture I endured. Was that the ultimate justification? Stubbornness? I was beaten because I was stubborn?_

' _Cavil screamed like an enraged dog and tore your jumpsuit away, removed his leather belt and started to whip you with it, hitting you with the metallic buckle. I do not know for how long, lashes after lashes, until your skin broke and your lower back and hips started to bleed. I thought he was going to kill you right there with his bare hands. When you passed out, he continued lashing you, until a Six got him out of there. They left you out on the floor, naked and bleeding. The Six came back a bit later -you were still unconscious- and washed the blood away and cleaned the wounds. She gave you something to drink when you regained consciousness. She helped you put your prison jumpsuit back on. Then, later a D'Anna came. I did not know what she wanted, until she started to ask questions about the cylon baby, where it was and if it was alive. You just said 'the baby is dead'. So she got angry and screamed 'this is not true'. When you continued to repeat that the baby was not alive anymore, she gave up and left your cell. You collapsed on the ground; blood was soaking through the fabric of the jumpsuit. We tried to give you immediate care and we fed you. A couple of days after this, you got a fever, you were hot, clammy and shivering, your wounds were infected. The cylons did not know, but in truth, nobody wanted to see you dead. We did what we could to help. Jammer talked to a Six about your condition and she came. She kept your wounds clean and brought some medication that she made you take, probably antibiotics. Still your gaze was vacant. You did not look at us; you did not talk. Sometimes you cried a little. They came back one more time; Cavil and Doral interrogated you again. Your answers did not matter. They beat you one more time, reopening the barely healed wounds from before. They hosed you with cold water and left you in the cold cell.'_

 _I had the sudden flashback of water, cooling me, soothing my skin, taking pain away. He continued._

' _The cylons, especially Cavil, encouraged guards to rape you, but nobody dared to touch you. Most chose to ignore you. I know the Six was furious that you were mistreated. I overheard loud arguments between her and Cavil, where she argued that President Baltar did not want to see you dead. You were unresponsive, just a shadow, and I thought your mind was gone. When we thought they were going to let you die, a Six came to help you, dressed you, fed you warm food and gave you water. She gave you a blanket, medications and handed us a bottle of antibiotics to treat you. We were continuing to give you antibiotics and a few days later, you got better and seemed to regain your spirit. I think the drugs they gave you cleared your system and you became more like yourself. I did not know how strong you were. After that they stopped coming. Without any particular reason, they released you.' He remained silent for a few minutes, looking distraught. 'Madame President, please forgive me. We did not know what we were doing. We were caught in this, we wanted the bombings to stop and were ready to use anything to extract information on the resistance. We just wanted to be in peace.'_

' _Peace?' I turned towards him. 'Peace?' I repeated. 'Why don't you ask all of those who died in the cylon jails what they think about your peace?' Suddenly, I saw his look. I saw how young he was, just a kid, who knew nothing, who had not lived long enough to know the difference, who wanted his corner of blue sky. Just a kid! Kids thrown into war, who knew nothing else but violence._

' _What did you tell the Admiral?' I said, calmer at my realization of his most helpless youth._

' _Madam, I just told him you were in detention and interrogated. I did not tell him anything else.' He stumbled a little. 'I know… I mean… you probably did not want him to know.'_

' _What happened the second time, I was in detention?' I asked anxious._

' _The second time was not nearly as bad. We had direct orders from President Baltar not to hurt you. The Six must have told him what happened. Nobody touched you the second time.'_

' _Thank you… Go. Leave now' I said, before I would collapse in distress. I remained very tall and straight until he departed the room and I was left alone with Dr. Cottle, who was unusually quiet. I even did not want to look at him. We had been close on New Caprica. The horrors of the cylons cells were really nothing new; we had seen plenty of victims of torture._

' _Let me take care of this.' I startled when he gently pulled my fist open, as I did not hear him come close to me. I realized I had cut the palm of my hands with my nails. He wiped it clean with gauze and put antibiotic ointment on it and a bandage. It was really nothing, a small comfort, yet it nearly broke me down. Cottle hugged me._

' _It is over now. Time to move on.' We looked at each other for a minute in silence. He knew I had to be the president again and my own feelings had to stay buried deep. I could not function if I was broken. Indeed the cylons had not broken me despite their tries. I had not given them Hera, the cylon baby. I had not given them anything. I came out of this stronger. I nodded. I finally reached the closure I needed. I wanted to be alone. Cottle, as always, understood me before I even uttered the words and he left to attend to other patients, while I composed myself. When he came back, I was again the president, the mask put right back in its place."_

 **Thank you for reading. Please review :) .**

 **It may take a little longer to update, since I have to take my students to competitions next weekend. Very busy week indeed.**


	24. Chapter 24

**No review last chapter :(**

 **Thank you to all who have read!**

 **Chapter 24**

The hike was long and tedious. There was no clear path and Sharon seemed to know where she was going on instinct. They passed some ruins and there was no way of telling if they were remnants of ancient farms from the colonial period or if they were more ancient. Sharon said she did not know. The ground was soaked by rain and they often slipped on the mud. Then, a fine rain started again and they continued under the steady rain until the evening, scarcely exchanging words. They set up camp in a clearing that was mid-point to the first ridge. The camp was minimal, set up quickly and to be taken down just as fast, with only just tarps attached slanted to the trees for rain protection and ground cloths away from the running water to set their sleeping bags. The men and the soldiers took watch after the others. Dr. Evans sat with Sharon under a tarp making small talk. Dr. Hsu was talking with Dr. Bordes. Helena ended up sharing a tarp with Takashi Inoue. They were both the oldest members of the team, well in their fifties, with a lot of experience in research and exploration.

"Thank you" said Takashi.

"For what?" Helena replied surprised lifting her face out of her notes.

"For allowing us to do this. You translated this text. You had the insight to search the right sources and were able to decipher it almost completely."

Helena smiled. "I'm not done yet. There are still plenty of tablets to read and translate. And then the last book, which I have no clue how to start."

"I have been studying this region for a long time. I know there is something special about it." He said.

"I should be the one to thank you", Helena replied, "for bringing me here. This…" she waved her hand around her "is extraordinary".

With a sigh, she put her notes away, smiled at him and lay down inside her sleeping bag. He did the same after turning down the lantern.

 _"We continued to follow the cues to guide us on the direction of Earth, the lions head nebula with the two blinking eyes, pulsar emitting in the blue and red wave lengths. This is what we determined from the scientific work of Baltar, when he was working on trying to find cues to guide us to Earth. So we moved in that direction, jump after jump. While we traveled, I remained on board of Colonial One. There was a lot of work to do to reorganize the government and find space to all of the people without a place to live. A large number of refugees were still on Galactica and it seemed that they would remain there for now. Our excitement was growing each day, as we were moving closer to the Lion's Head nebula. Bill Adama sent a recon mission and to our puzzlement we discovered cylon basestars and raiders, which were completely out of order to say the least. It turned out that the team that boarded the ships found cylons dying from a disease, which dreadful side effects. Immediately everyone who got in contact with the sick were quarantined, as they could bring back the disease to us, but after careful examination, Dr. Cottle was able to identify the virus as a long lost form of encephalitis, which humans were immune to. This infection could very well be our salvation, as it attacks cylons only and for them it is fatal. Apparently, the virus would follow them if they die and are downloaded into a new body, hereby contaminating their resurrection ship and the entire cylon race. I am not really sure I understand how that is possible, since I always understood their process of downloading as a transfer of their consciousness into a new body, without transfer of physical characteristics. But the cylons are so convinced that the virus would follow them into the download that they actually abandoned their sick ships to die outside of the range of the resurrection ship. Leaving their kind to die without hope to be saved. So here is the thing, if we could bring some of the sick cylons in range of a resurrection ship and then kill them, or simply let them die there, we could contaminate the entire cylon race and be done with this war, which has nearly driven us to extinction. That was the idea of Lee Adama and I have to say that it is really a strike of genius."_

" _Being a leader was also accepting that in order to protect my people I would have to kill. I had not problem telling Bill to kill Admiral Cain, when I realized she would kill him and, not only that, but also bring our destruction with her ruthless authoritarian policies. I never liked this part of leadership. It could not be avoided. We had to do what was right for the survival of the human race. I did not like it, but I would never let cowardice win over me. Karl Agathon, the husband of Sharon, the number Eight cylon, fiercely opposed the idea of cylon genocide. The half- cylon baby, Hera, saved my life. It seems that the race is evolving and, aside from this newly acquired ability to conceive children, are also developing characteristics of individuality, where they are not programmed anymore but actually developing real individual personality traits, and starting to make their own choices, independently from their programming."_

" _In any case, when my suggestion to use the virus as a biological weapon to wipe out the cylon race was debated, Karl Agathon, Helo, was clearly taking the other side, accusing me of committing genocide and hereby a crime against humanity. Then he said something that shocked me. He said that cylons tried to live with us on New Caprica. But of course he was not there. He was one of those, who remained in orbit on the ship with Adama. He did not see the horrors we saw and were victims of. I chose to ignore his remarks and dismissed him before I would explode at him and do something I would regret later. Bill saw the fury in my look, but he did not comment. Yet I could see that he understood my feelings. My decision to go along with the plan was taken before I even debated it. If we had a chance to get rid of the cylons one and for all, we could not pass the opportunity to end this. The cylons destroyed the twelve colonies and billions of people died. Where they provoked? Yes, many times. Still, they did it. They bombed without mercy twelve planets with nuclear weapons. Oh yes, we would commit genocide, but they were committing genocide against us. They were wiping us, and we had to remain alive as a human race. We could not let ourselves be exterminated because of high moral principles. Those who survived would praise this genocidal act as an act of courage. I do not care how I would be judged, if there were anyone left alive to make this judgment. We saw what happened when we stuck with our high moral principles: I did not steal the election and we ended up losing thousands of lives on New Caprica, because of my high moral principles. I knew that I had to follow the rules of democracy, but it led us to death and destruction. I knew Agathon had convinced Bill that we were committing an act of genocide and he did not want to make the call. As president and as commander in chief, I had to make the decision. I made it without regrets and even with the cynical gladness that we would definitely would get rid of the cylons. Yes, I acknowledged that the cylons were evolving and that maybe, just maybe, there were some of them who objected killing humans, that maybe some of them were starting to think individually and making their own choices. But, we could not take the chance that these would be saved and turn towards us, when the majority were seeking to exterminate us. If we had the chance to kill them all, we should take it, because our survival depended on it. That was a chance we could not pass and I made the decision without regrets. Adama looked at me with resignation, fear almost at my cold determination to kill them all. He remained silent watching me, questioning my motives in his thoughts. He wouldn't make the decision. I realized he had become softer than me and I had become more ruthless. He left without engaging in conversation to carry the orders he just received from me, his commander in chief, not Laura anymore, the president. I remained anxious while the Galactica jumped away to carry the mission, leaving us behind with some vipers for protection. The plan was to jump in a area where cylons would find the Galactica, let us find it, kill the cylon prisoners, affected by the virus, and let them download to the resurrection facility carrying the virus with them and contaminating the cylon race. It just did not happen that way, because the prisoners were executed before contact was made with the cylons and Galactica had to retreat and regroup with us later on."_

" _As soon as it was safe to do so, I took a shuttle over and met with Bill, who explained to me that he found the infected cylon prisoners dead in the cells, due to a lack of oxygen. The system had been manually disabled and that was clearly the job of someone knowledgeable with the engineering schematics, an officer and member of the crew. To me it was clear that Agathon had done it, but conveniently Bill dropped the charges. I barely could contain my anger at him. I knew he was against the idea of genocide, but his sentimentality would probably cause our demise. He offered me alcohol, but I refused and to defuse the tension between us, he started to talk about the fact that the beacon, which originally carried the virus affecting the cylons came from the thirteenth tribe, which was the tribe seeking earth and they left it there as a sign post, a beacon indicating their route. We were on the right track. They were unaware that the beacon was contaminated by the virus. Unfortunately, the cylons were on the same track as us, looking for Earth as well and now that we had missed our opportunity to get rid of them forever, they would be chasing us all the way to Earth. I told so to Bill and he reacted with a sigh. We sat together in silence in the comfortable chairs of his quarters, the room heavy with unspoken feelings._

' _Laura' he said and I lifted my eyes to meet his deep blue eyes. 'You have changed. You have become so cynical' he added._

' _Bill, they will not let us live in peace. They are out to exterminate us. This is war. Don't talk to me about being a cynic. I thought you were a soldier. On New Caprica, they had no mercy. But you were not there, how could you know?' I said bitterly._

' _There has not been one day, since that day the cylons came, in which I did not wish I was down there with you.'_

' _They just would have killed you right away. You were better off on Galactica.'_

' _Tell me about New Caprica.'_

' _It was hell, Bill. They tortured and killed thousands of us. Nobody was immune, Tigh, Kara. Anyone of importance that they could find was detained. Zarek was there the entire time of the occupation. They can do this to people, Bill; they have no mercy. They will do it again given the opportunity.'_

' _What did they do to you?'_

 _I swallowed hard and remained silent for a moment, emotions surging like a wave. Was I ready to talk to him about this? Maybe._

' _They put me in detention, twice. Relatively speaking they treated me better than others, because of my status of former president. After all, I am still alive. They did not want to make a martyr of me, I suppose. And yes, if that is what you want to know, I was beaten several times, but less than most others. And really my personal experience does not matter, thousands were murdered or tortured, Bill, thousands. Those, who were not the victims, were the perpetrators, losing their souls just as well.'_

 _He looked at me, with tears in his eyes._

' _I don't want your pity, Bill.' I said to him._

' _Pity? No, and I am sorry,' he murmured, 'I am sorry, Laura, that it took so long for us to get you out of there.'_

' _I thought you didn't do regrets!' I said with a hint of sarcasm._

' _Maybe I have changed too.' He replied._

 _I got up to leave in silence and we realized that we were comfortable again with each other, just like old friends. I hugged him tight and he held me as I let my head resting on his shoulder for a moment._

' _We are going to be ok', he whispered in my ear._

' _I don't know' I replied equally. We parted and he held my hand in his for a minute, until I turned around and stepped out of the hatch to return to Colonial One."_

 **Please review and let me know what you think!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Thank you to everyone who is reading. I'm posting two chapters this weekend.**

 **I do not have any beta, so all grammar mistakes are mine. English is my second language and I get upset when I realize I let one mistake through. I make the best effort to correct them and resubmit immediately when I notice.**

 **Happy Reading!**

 **Chapter 25**

Upon waking up, Helena continued to work on the translation. "A little bit each day", she said. With so many persons from the outside in her group, she was not at liberty to share publicly her findings. She showed it to Dr. Inoue, commenting how her guide was named Sharon. New information about the process of cylon resurrection was also interesting. A download into a new genetically engineered body, presuming they had somewhere a resource to manufacture new bodies, called a resurrection ship. It looked like cylons had number models, which were clones from each other. The writings had talked about a number six woman, a number eight woman named Sharon and eight models, which had been mentioned earlier in the diary. Helena wanted to talk with their Sharon and she approached her with two cups of coffee.

"Would you like one?" she said.

Sharon nodded, took her cup and sat next to Helena on a rock.

"I am really interested in the history of your people. Part of the goal of this expedition is also to find out more about your culture and preserve it" Helena said. "It is very interesting and I believe unique."

Sharon nodded, attentive, sipping her hot coffee.

"You did not tell us your last name, Sharon?" Helena smiled.

"Well, we do not really have last names, we take the name of the village we come from." Sharon replied.

Helena looked at her, puzzled. It was not unheard of; often before westernization, individuals would just go by one given name and take an additional name based on their location of birth, their profession, the village they came from, the name of their parent or got attributed a name as they were growing up. She really wanted to hear the names of these thirteen villages.

"Which village?"

"Well, the villages are named based on the zodiac constellations, as our ancestors had an entire mythology based on sky observations"

Helena looked at her in awe. Sharon added:

"I come from a village named Caprica" and so I am "Sharon of Caprica".

Helena nearly dropped her cup. It took a lot of self-control to prevent Helena from screaming in excitement. She continued, softly, her voice wavering: "And what are the other villages' names? You said there were thirteen?"

"That is right" Sharon replied. "Caprica is in the center of the valley. It is where the main council..."

"The Quorum" Helena interrupted

"Yes, the Quorum, meets. Along the edges of the valley, which is protected by ridges all around, you have Aquaria, Picon, Aerilon, Tauron, Sagitarron, Gemenon, Leonis, Virgon, Scorpia, Canceron, and Libran. Those were villages that were founded a very long time ago."

"I bet", replied Helena, hiding her emotion with difficulty. She added: "But that is only twelve names. What is the name of the thirteenth village?"

She saw Sharon hesitate. "The thirteen village is way up the ridge, further away from all the others and isolated. It is abandoned now and in ruins. We do not know what happened there."

"Does it have a name?" Helena insisted.

"We really do not like to mention it. It is called Terra." Helena looked down at the implications of Sharon's words.

Sharon stood suddenly and said: "We have to go". The men packed up the tarps, which was easy enough and their long hike in the mountains continued. Helena walked next to Takashi to share with him the amazing information her conversation with Sharon gave them.

 _"I was cleaning and sorting through boxes of papers on Colonial One with Tory when I found the file of Bill Adama and I realized that he was coming up to his 40th year anniversary of service in the fleet. Bill was going through a rough time. I could see the signs clearly, guilt of leaving us on New Caprica, not rescuing us fast enough, over the loss of lives resulting from his inability to come quicker. He was going through a crisis of his own. We all did. I was as well, except, I think, that retrieving the lost memories of my detention helped a lot and, assuming the responsibilities of the presidency focused me outside of my own problems. It gave me a goal to achieve and a heavy workload to take my mind out of my personal ordeal. I decided to throw him a party. We had not had a good reason to celebrate anything recently and the soldiers needed an outlet, a way to rejoice and put their faith again in their military leader."_

" _In the mist of my planning, we found a cylon raider, with a human on board. Even more surprisingly, the soldier, Daniel Novacek, was a pilot of Adama, who had been lost in a fight by the cylon armistice line at least one year before the attacks, when Adama was commanding the Valkyrie Battlestar. He clearly had been in detention and seemed to have escaped it taking advantage of the cylon's illness affecting the crew of the basestar. I was very suspicious of this breakout. I did not believe it was a coincidence. I could see it as a cylon trick, but to what end? I settled to be present at the debriefing of Novacek, which took place in Bill's quarters. I gently interrogated the man, who seemed to be fairly shaken by his ordeal. But, to my astonishment, it seemed that Bill was covering the whereabouts of the original mission where Novacek had been originally captured. A reconnaissance mission by the armistice line, so close, and his description that they ran into some Tauron resistance and that his raptor was shot did not make any sense. If they did not cross the line, then why was he captured by the cylons. Clearly Bill was hiding something from me. I could see right through him. I made Tory take Daniel out of the room and I remained with Bill; he refused to disclose the truth to me and I was hurt by his lack of confidence in me. We were friends. What was it, that was so big, he could not disclose? I guess we all had our dirty secrets. What ever it was, Daniel Novacek must have found out, because a couple of days later he beat up Bill so much that Bill had to have stitches to his eyebrow. He probably would have killed him, if it were not for Colonel Tigh arriving just on time. It really would not take a genius to realize that Bill had been somehow responsible for Novacek's capture by the cylons."_

" _Bill came two days later handing me a letter of resignation, explaining that he had been part of a secret mission to spy on the cylons and that Novacek had been captured by the cylons as he had passed on the other side of the armistice line. Their cover had been blown, and Adama shot down Novacek's reconnaissance raptor to avoid the cylons to believe that this was an intentional move. The cylons did not shot down Novacek, Bill did. So here it was! Bill believed that the intrusion beyond the armistice line, which was drawn after the first cylon war, was the ultimate cause of the second war and started the attacks, which caused our destruction. He believed he was the ultimate cause of our holocaust. I could have laughed at his naivety. The government and especially the military on Caprica had been so corrupt that they might as well have sent him on this mission in order to provoke the cylons. For years, they had done all kinds of outrageous moves, which would have started a conflict. I was part of the government then. What Bill does not know, is that I was having an affair with president Adar and I saw how conflicts were created to benefit armament corporations, to sell more weapons and to regroup the troops and the people in times of social conflict. I knew what was going on and part of me became quite disillusioned about our government, which is ultimately the reason why my relationship did eventually break up with Adar. The Caprican society had been corrupt to the core. We deserved what we got. Bill Adama was just a pawn in a much larger system, where special interests and money were really governing. The just and straight Bill Adama, a loyal commander, loyal to his country and his superior officers had been played and used up. He did not create the conflict, they did. But now, Bill was weighted by his guilt. He was feeling responsible for the holocaust of universal dimensions, which wiped out our civilizations and billions of human lives. His guilt was weighing him down and I could see it in the way he was holding his body, in the way he was moving and talking. I looked at him with tenderness, but refused his resignation. Funny, how he started his letter by my first name, instead of addressing it to the president. As if his resignation was also a way to make amends to me for what happened on New Caprica, as if he was also resigning because he felt inadequate in saving us from the cylons then. Bill would go and celebrate his 40th year of service and I ordered him to do so. I issued a presidential order, that he was not allowed to resign and had to attend his party. I called him naive for believing that the admiralty had been playing straight with him and believe he actually had been responsible for the war. I believed that._

 _I am not sure he would forgive me for doing this, but he needed to see that his officers still respected him and valued his service. I also wanted him to know that I knew exactly what he was feeling. No matter what, he would have my support. I trusted him with my life. I am not sure he would actually understand or know this, but I wanted him to. He started to address me as Madame President and I gladly played his little game, addressing him as Admiral, even when were meeting privately."_

" _The ceremony took place in the hangar bay and I introduced him, pinned the medal on his uniform. He accepted it from me as the president. I looked in the crowd for private Buzzard, who had witnessed my ordeal in cylon detention. I could not find him. After the ceremony, Bill walked me to my shuttle, quiet, probably reflecting on what just happened with Novacek, his hand touching lightly my lower back. By the shuttle, he whispered: 'Thank you, Madame President, it has been a honor."_

 _I smiled at him, and then I suddenly remembered._

' _Admiral, that private, you know the one you interrogated about me? I did not see him at the ceremony.'_

 _He lowered his head, swallowing hard. 'He died, Madame President'._

' _How come?'_

' _He hung himself yesterday.'_

 _It was my turn to lower my head, shaking it slowly, not knowing what to say. I looked at him, praying he would not see tears pooling in my eyes._

' _Do we know why?' I whispered._

' _We just found one piece of paper by him with -I am sorry- written on it.'_

 _He looked at me in silence. Then said; 'Madam President...'_

' _Admiral. It is war. We all are victims.' Then I added: 'I want to see him.'_

' _I would advise against it, Madam President.'_

' _I insist.' And so we turned around away from the shuttle bay to go back to sickbay and the morgue nearby. I had not been there since the death of Billy. It felt like ages ago. When he opened the door to lead me in, I got hit in the face by the cold air, smelling of disinfectant. I paused closing my eyes for an instant, willing the bout of nausea away._

' _You're okay?' Bill asked. I nodded silently, before slowly walking in. He checked the file and pulled a drawer with the body and unzipped the body bag. Then he stepped back to let me approach. I looked at his grossly discolored face, thinking how young he was, thinking back of Billy. Did he kill himself because of me? Because of the shame he felt? Did my questioning him with Cottle trigger this? I will never know. The other guard had been killed too, because he was a collaborator. Would there be any redemption for the sins we committed?_

' _I'm so sorry' I whispered to him. Too late. I let my tears fall. I cried at my ordeal and at his ordeal. I wondered which was worse, to have been badly beaten or to have lost your soul and be the torturer? Bill had not moved, facing away from me._

' _Thank you, Admiral. You can take me back to my shuttle now', I managed to say. We walked quietly along the corridors in silence. Back in shuttle bay, he gave me a hug and I stepped in the shuttle for my trip back on Colonial One."_

 **Please leave me some reviews! They are very motivating to me!**

 **:)**


	26. Chapter 26

**Thank you for the very nice comments, I have received with the last two chapters. It really means a lot to me.**

 **Chapter 26**

Helena was thankful for this passage of Laura's diaries, which documented a government organization on the Caprica planet. She was interested in learning more about that society and its structure. She knew that she would learn more with Sharon on the trip. She did not want to question her directly, as Sharon was still unaware of their discovery, and raise any suspicion. Yet, she knew that Sharon's culture held the answers to their questions. Interestingly, it looked like corruption was the rule on Caprica, that there was a president, and that the military had planned a conflict. This looked way very familiar and similar to some of the problems encountered on Earth. Helena understood the humans had created the cylons and that somehow they had evolved into self-generating machines, with a resurrection technology enabling them to download into genetically engineered bodies. And those had evolved into androids with a human-like physiology and possibly the ability to reproduce. They had human appearance with the ability to learn and better themselves. Killing machines with the ability to learn and no compassion, manipulated by a military power, certainly would be dangerous if they escaped control. Self-replicating and immortal! This seemed to be exactly what happened. A cautionary tale if any.

 _"Frustrations were high in the fleet and as we traveled on our way to the nebula, time seemed endless. We would spend days at task, working without breaks, trying to find a place for everyone. The population had nothing to look forward to. I had not seen Bill in a while and I was wondering if he was over his feelings of guilt. That is when I heard about the 'dance', a boxing match that the soldiers organized. I had not been invited, but I used to watch boxing with my father and he took me to matches. I decided to attend. Bill was surprised to see me there and explained to me it was a private tradition, some way for the crew to release their frustrations over long hours of duty. Certainly after all of the events of New Caprica, there was a lot of that in the air. People would throw their name tags in the box and partners would be drawn to fight against each other. The hangar bay where the ring had been set up was loud and hot. Smoke was clouding the air and it smelled of human heat and sweat. It was deafening, the metallic hull of the hangar bay reverberating the screams and cheers of the crowd. The tension in the air was palpable, as the fights went on and on, and betting money was exchanged. Bill had not thrown his tags in the box. He was not planning on fighting, but in a sense, I think he also needed to vent his frustration, his guilt and his pain. He was looking at me intensely, close to me and isolated by the noise and attention of others drawn to the ring. Suddenly it was as if we were back there, by the lake, when he kissed me, and later in the night, laying down bodies entwined. I knew he was feeling it too. He looked around, at his family, all of these soldiers, and crewmembers, who he cared for so much and handed me his glasses. I did not know what I was starting, when I encouraged him to go up. I did not know how seriously he would take it. He went out to fight Tyrol. Bill was old; he had been shot in the chest and had this major surgery to save him. I started to get very worried when he took the fight to an unexpected level of intensity and both men started to hit each other hard. Blood splattered. I climbed up on the ring during the break and held ice on his bruises. I was there supporting him the best I could. He did not want to give up the fight. He knew he was going to lose; worse, he wanted to lose. Tyrol demolished him and knocked him out. All of a sudden, I realized what he was doing: he wanted to pay in his body what had been done to us. He wanted the beating because he had not been beaten up on New Caprica, like the rest of us. He wanted to be even._

 _'When you fight a man, he is not your friend. Same goes when you lead men' he declared aloud to his crew after the game, barely standing up, his face bleeding._

' _I let each one of you become too close'. That was for me too. 'I let this family disband and we paid the price in lives'._

 _With the admission of his guilt, that his softness had led to disaster, that he led his emotions control his reason, he stepped down the ring and with a curt 'Madam President' he leaned on me, 'Admiral' I answered my throat tight under the emotion I felt, and I led him back to sickbay my hand on his back, offering small comfort. Dr. Cottle followed us and would have to stitch him up. Bill was feeling responsible for New Caprica, for the disaster of our stay there and for not preventing us to settle. He felt responsible for not getting us out of there fast enough. I walked with him in silence. He was in physical pain. I was in emotional pain. I let Cottle take care of him without saying a word, tension between us like an invisible dense tie._

 _Of course, Bill got reprimanded by the old doctor._

' _What good would you do to us dead? May I ask?' Cottle went on grumbling, while Bill was grimacing under the pain. 'I am not wasting painkillers on you. If you want the pain, take it.'"_

" _Back in his quarters, we sat in silence, heavy of the words he said in the ring. I took the glass of alcohol he gave me and he sat next to me on the leather couch, sipping quietly from his own glass, not making eye contact. I was upset. I was upset he did this, that he took the pain for us, that he regretted his softness and his attachment to his crew. We all needed to be human once in a while. He had been human, had let his people enjoy life, and had let me see another side of him. We had been human. Because of him, I had allowed myself to be a woman again instead of the cold-hearted leader with only one goal in mind, surviving. 'Why?' I said looking at the amber liquid in my glass._

' _Because I let my guard down and people got hurt. You got hurt.'_

' _We, you and I, made the decision together not to steal the election. The people voted. It was their choice too. Baltar gave us up to the cylons. The cylons did this, not you or I. People wanted to settle down, what would you have done? You could not have prevented them and imprisoned them on these ships in orbit. You had to let them settle. It was their choice. The cylons came. They tortured us with the help of some humans. They did, not you.'_

' _You had the right instinct. Stealing the elections to prevent a disaster.'_

' _Did I? Survival... No matter what the price is... Even, if we have to lose our souls? Stealing elections, killing people for survival, genocide! Where does it stop? I felt mass killing the cylons was different, I guess. Even if they are not human, even if their only goal is to destroy us, I know it is still killing.'_

 _It was a true ethical struggle for me. I kept on going back and forth on that decision. I just had been perfectly fine with the idea of committing genocide against the cylons. It did not happen, but I made the decision to that effect._

 _I shook my head and sighed. 'What is the price to pay, Admiral?'_

 _He stayed silent for a while, then added,_

' _We could have come earlier.'_

' _True, you could have. But, Admiral, at the end, you came. We are here. That is all that matters.'_

 _But he remained head down on the couch, sulking. This strong man still felt he had to take all of the guilt of the universe on his shoulders. I finished my glass._

 _I got up and removed my suit jacket carefully and neatly put it on the back of a chair. Then, I slowly unbuttoned my green blouse._

' _Madam President, what are you doing?'_

 _Without an answer, I turned around and slipped the shirt off my shoulders, baring my back to him. Below the strap of my bra, I knew, I felt, laid long horizontal scars crisscrossed with angled ones, some fainted, some already pearly white, a few others still red and a bit swollen, marring my lower back, my waist and continuing under my skirt on my hips and buttocks. It would take months for these to disappear, if ever. The skin was still green and yellow in some places from old bruises fading. I could feel his look sliding on the skin of my back, stopping at the waist of my skirt, wondering maybe if the skin covered by the fabric was even worse: the scars, I would not show him. I leaned on the table lowering my head. I could not look at him._

' _We are even. You wanted to know, Admiral. You interrogated the private for information. You invaded my privacy. Yes, I still have scars. Yes, I was sexually abused and almost raped. These are nothing compared to the abominations Cottle and I witnessed. Today, you have gotten your scars too. You did not understand why I wanted to completely destroy the cylons. You called it genocide. What do you call this? Do not try to get beaten up to match this, Admiral; it will not work. All of your crew, they are your family and will always be. And no matter whom you are trying to convince, I will always be your friend. You cannot erase what happened between us, Bill. We are allowed to be human. You know what? I survived. I am here, and we will continue our journey to find Earth.'_

 _He took a long look at my skin, but never met my eyes when I turned to face him, buttoning my blouse back. Fists tight, jaw clenched, rage building, he threw his nearly empty glass against the bulkhead where it shattered. Undisturbed, I put back my jacket and approached him as he stayed with his head buried in his hands. With a soft caress in his hair and a whispered 'take care of yourself, alright?' I left his quarter and headed back to the shuttle."_

 **Thank you for reading, please leave some comments. Thanks.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Thank you to all of those who left reviews.**

 **Enjoy this new Chapter.**

 **Chapter 27**

At sunset, Helena and the rest of the team arrived to a mountain pass on top of the first ridge. It was cold and windy with wisps of fog floating by. They decided to set camp along the pass on top of the ridge, looking for a flat section, sheltered from the wind by the mountain. They were high up above the tree line. It was colder and there was almost no vegetation, only small bushes growing low on the wind beaten plateau. The view from both sides of the ridge was breathtaking. On the north, the Tanzanian plains were stretching beyond the first ridges of the Arc Mountains, where the Lady's Ridge and their permanent camp was located, and further away Mount Kilimanjaro, its white cap shining orange in the sunset. The sky was turning shades of deep red and violet. On the southeast, the Uluguru mountains were dark, and lost in fog, with a sharp descent to the hazy Mikumi National Park in the plains and then further away the dark Udzungwa mountains. On the east, the Indian Ocean was already a deep ultramarine blue in the distance, with the lights of Dar es Salaam defining the coast and a few lights on Zanzibar outlining the island in the darkness. The guys set up the camp and pulled their camping stove to start warming up a small dinner. Helena and Sharon sat together away from the group away from the propane lantern's lights.

"What is your specialty in this team?" Sharon asked

"I study old languages" Helena replied. "I have heard that your language is quite different from the other's in this region. And I am intrigued."

"As far as I know, it is pretty unique, yes. I do not know of any other group in the region speaking it."

"Does it have a written from?"

"It does and I will show you when we get there." Sharon replied.

The others called them to share their food. The two women smiled at each other and walked back together. Dr. John Evans of course was making geeky jokes with the young men helping them carrying their packages. Dr. Evelyne Bordes joined Helena and Sharon.

"She is the biologist of the group", Helena stated to Sharon. Evelyne was a quiet woman in her thirties, with short brown hair and an unmistakable French accent.

"Yep, we want to do a genetic study to see if your people are related to other ethnic groups in the region. Using special markers, on mitochondrial DNA for instance, we can trace back the migration of humans all over the planet. It is quite fascinating. Of course the mitochondria will show us only the female lineage since they are only passed from mother to daughters. We have to use markers on the Y chromosome to follow the male lineage, but it is a bit more imprecise."

Sharon was surprised. "You are telling me that some DNA is passed only to girls?"

"No, it is passed to boys too, but they do not give it to their children. Only the girls can transmit the mitochondrial DNA to their descendants, because it is found in the egg that is fertilized. Because of this, you can follow it from daughter to mother to maternal grandmother etc… and then you can establish matriarchal family trees".

"Well, we do have female family trees too!" Sharon stated.

"How come?" asked Helena.

"The women are in charge and they hold important positions in each village. The village chief is always a woman and so is the priestess. When they get old, they pass their duties to a younger woman they have trained, often their daughter, if they have one. It has been like this for generations. We keep archives of all the women who have been in charge, and that is a huge family tree, since they are related to each other."

"How far do these archives go back?"

"Pretty far, but when they switched to parchment and paper a lot of these books got destroyed. Before that, they engraved the names in a rock in a sacred cave, but most of them are not even readable anymore."

Helena could barely contain her excitement.

"Do we know how all of this started? I mean, I know it is ancient, but you must have an oral tradition. Do we know who the first chief was?"

"You are right, it is very ancient and, yes, we do have an oral tradition, stories that were told from generation to generation. The name of the first woman to take charge was Hera." Sharon nodded.

"Hera!" Helena exclaimed loud enough for all heads to turn towards her.

She lowered her voice again. "I would have expected her to be Laura!"

"How do you know this?"

"I heard of the legends!"

"Laura was never a village chief. She is the Dying Leader who led her people to Earth. She arrived from the skies with other Gods according to the legend. She was their queen. Hera was the daughter of the Gods. She was the first one, the first Earth woman." Sharon stated.

"Tell us more about Laura," whispered Helena.

"She died here after her arrival."

"Was she alone?" Evelyne asked.

"She was with a man who loved her and was a leader too. He died by her side." She looked at her watch and then added: "We better go to sleep, we have a lot of walking to do tomorrow".

Helena walked to her tarp, put a fleece shirt and a hat and slid inside her sleeping bag next to Takashi.

"Interesting talk?"

"You bet", Helena answered, "She says that the first woman on Earth was Hera"

"Yes, I heard you" he said with a chuckle.

"Hera was half cylon!" Helena said, "These people are descendants of cylons".

"We need more evidence. In any case, Evelyne is going to have a field day studying their biology" He whispered, half asleep.

The next day at dawn, they watched the sun, a glowing red ball, rise from the Indian ocean in the distance, as if pulled out of the water by an invisible string, and set up for the descent into the foggy dark valley.

As the hours progressed, the walk was becoming increasingly more difficult, over slippery rocks and wet tree roots, enveloped in dense fog. Animals ran away at their passage. Sharon seemed to know the way she was going, even if to everyone else the forest looked the same in all directions. Helena reflected on how easy it would be to get lost in this place. Trees were dripping condensed water on them as a fine rain and Helena knew immediately that they would not find any old artifacts in such an environment. With time passing, the group was getting tired from slipping over low branches and moss-covered rocks. They heard water in the distance, a stream maybe. They could hear cries of animals, which remained invisible. As the afternoon sun touched the forest, the fog started to rise and it started to get warm. They continued walking in the dense humidity and increasing heat through the afternoon along side the little stream, taking short breaks to rest and drink. They heard in the distance the increasingly louder sound of a waterfall and, as they progressed, they knew they were getting closer. Then, they saw sunrays going through the forest canopy and all of a sudden they were enveloped in light. The clearing was just marvelous, the path led to a tall waterfall coming from the cliff above and splashing into a deep emerald green pool surrounded by flat rocks. The sun played with the water reflecting through the clear water. Algae were growing at the bottom of the pool and small fish were swimming, scattering when the group approached. Everyone stopped exhausted and put their backpacks down and looked at the beautiful landscape around them. They were at the bottom of a circle of tall cliffs, with several caves entries along the cliffs' faces. The dense canopy of forest surrounded them, opening up just for the pool and the stream. It seemed to be the end of the path. There were no villages in sight.

 _"There was a contamination in the food processing plant, which destroyed our food supplies. And just like this, in a matter of a couple of hours, we were without resources. Living in space is dangerous; we always knew that. It would not be so much of a problem if we were still by Caprica and able to bring the ships in for repairs. Those ships have been just going and going. We have been in space without a stop for so many months, well years, right now. No way to have them temporarily docked for repairs. We used to have a lot in storage. A little over one year on New Caprica and a rushed escape had depleted our supplies and whatever we had stored was just gone. It is incredible to think that we really are at the mercy of a technical difficulty like this and that in one instant, our hopes of survival have just vanished. It really does not matter whether the cylons will kill us, because in a couple of weeks or even less, we will be dying of starvation, unless we find quickly a reliable source of food. Barely a couple of weeks of reserves, which we would have to make last as long as we could. Already, we started to distribute the remaining rations equitably between all of the military and civilians. I am worried riots will start on ships. There is nothing like lack of food to start violence, suspicion and attacks among the people. There are some who believe others are hoarding food, some that are actually hoarding the food, some that are stealing it and are ready to kill others, and the ones who are caught in the middle. It is a recipe for disaster, no pun intended. I am not sure whether I want to cry or laugh. We survived all of these disasters, the cylon holocaust, our months of struggling to escape New Caprica for what? For this?"_

" _Immediately Adama sent the vipers in recon missions to try and find a planet, which would supply some food for us. While the pilots were searching, operating on no sleep, no food and stimulant tablets, the rest of us were waiting. All transportation shuttles were suspended to minimize riots. All non-essential operations were stopped, because we wanted people to conserve their energy. How long could we operate without any rations, before we started killing each other? Colonial One was deserted; the government was operating minimally. Reports were coming in day after day of people starving, cases of malnutrition, especially among children. This made me deeply sad. Some people committed suicide. There was a case where young guys killed someone's pet to eat it. Truth is, we will not survive long in these conditions. We should have been accustomed to famine on New Caprica, but even then, with the cold and the cylons, there still was some kind of food, even just enough to keep us alive. Here and now, there was nothing, no root to go and dig, nothing to salvage except whatever food was on the ships and did not get contaminated by the chemical leak in the storage area. It seemed ironic that we would end up dying of starvation after all of this. I had not eaten in a couple of days now, but I really cannot complain, at least I had comfortable quarters and a bed to lie on. If we died now, I was glad for the few happy moments I was able to steal while on New Caprica. That was more than most of the refugees on this fleet."_

" _Time is just moving so slow when you are hungry. I feel that I have difficulties concentrating. Each day, I have started to broadcast a status of our resources on the wireless, number of rations left, number of dead, malnourished or sick people. But today, I am alone in my office and it is late. I am tired and, yes, hungry, like everyone else. And I am getting reports of people starting to fight each other's. This time, it is not a 'dance', but fights breaking out of hopelessness, out of the need to survive and I am thinking of all the time lost. I am thinking of the futile time arguing and second-guessing each other, of all the petty disagreements, the lack of trust we often experienced, our lack of confidence and openness. I am thinking of all that was and what could have been. I started my address on the wireless and stopped mid-way chocking with emotion. Was I really going to tell my people, my friends, how bad our situation was? Instead, I talked about our bonds with each other. I wanted them to realize that, after all, the only support we really had was found in one another. We were surviving because we had this trust and these connections with each other, and at the end it was just the most important thing. My friends, my family, my people, the human race, we cared for each other and that was our strength. It was quite the opposite message than Bill declared on the boxing ring, where he separated himself from his family, because a leader could not afford sentimentality. No, he was wrong, it is our affection for each other, all of us, our human family that makes our strength and separate us from those who seek to destroy us. It is not a flaw, but strength. And we should nurture it and revere it as the ultimate gift and grace of what it means to be human."_

" _Search parties have come back. Planets with that kind of resources are difficult to find, but we located a planet capable of supporting some kind of life, in this case abundant algae, on the other side of a star cluster. We are just waiting for news that we have found a safe passage to go to that algae planet through that nebula of deadly radiation. The star cluster is way too big to go around and would have to be traversed with two or three jumps, except that the radiation levels were huge and lethal. It would be dangerous for us to attempt to go through. We had to wait for Sharon to find a route for us to go. As a cylon, Sharon was more resistant to radiation levels than most. Her biology allowed her to regenerate faster, or that is what was explained to me. Adama devised a way to cross the star cluster in two or three jumps, and we would all go through guided by a raptor. Raptors would go back and forth escorting each ship until everyone was safely on the other side. They would do a number of trips and when their radiation exposure levels were too high the pilots would be pulled out. It would be terribly tough on the pilots and quite a big sacrifice to ask of the Galactica pilots. I knew they would not even question this and risk their lives for us. Their dedication was heartbreaking. We finally made it to the other side, but we lost one ship and one of our best pilot, Kat. Each death is personal to me. I wiped down the number of survivors on my white board and wrote the new one, minus a few hundreds, with of course those who did not make it through the famine. Gods, Hear my prayer for those who did not survive."_

 **Thank you for reading. As always, please review; it keeps me going. ;)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you for the comments and welcome to new followers.**

 **You get incredibly lucky that I am on break and, thus, have a bit more time than usual to write. This chapter is a bit longer than usual. The poem "Trust" is an original poem I have written about 18 years ago, when I was practicing English to write my doctorate thesis. It is part of a series of 80 poems written around those years. Only the author's name is changed ;)**

 **As always, let me know if I miss something or if a mistake bothers you.**

 **Chapter 28**

Helena and Dr. Inoue were puzzled at the turn of events. They were supposed to be at the villages at the bottom of the trail. The high cliffs were making nearly a perfect circle barring any further descent. Could it be the remains of an ancient caldera? The walk had been exhausting, because of the heat and the humidity, and they welcomed the rest. Dr. Hsu came to sit by them.

'This is incredible," he said. "This place is definitely an ancient volcano. Basalt columns and natural caves! And where is the water going?"

Helena turned back to the waterfall. The waterfall was feeding the emerald green pool, but no stream was running away from it.

"Underground?" she questioned.

"Exactly" answered Dr. Hsu, "there has to be an underground river system that is fed by that pool".

"Where are we going from there?" asked Helena.

"That is what we need to find out." Takashi answered, getting up and approaching Sharon. As soon as they saw their team leader walk to Sharon, everyone got up to move and be included in the conversation.

"Sharon, it does not look like the trail is going further, this is a cul-de-sac"

"Yes" she nodded.

"Where are the villages?" He asked.

"They are not here," She answered. Dr. Inoue took a deep breath, trying to keep his frustration under control.

"We had an agreement, ratified by the UNESCO, UN and the Tanzanian Government. They have provided tremendous funds and equipment for us to get here. Our agreement was that we would be allowed to do some research on your population, including genetic testing, historical and linguistic research."

"That is right. Dr. Inoue, you and your team. Not them…" she showed the group of men they had recruited to carry the equipment and the UN soldiers. "We have remained hidden for centuries. We do not want to be discovered. You are bound by confidentiality agreements. They are not. You can establish your camp here under the canopy. It is a very safe place. You will not be attacked; nobody comes here. This valley is protected by our people. The troops will return to Bunduki, as well as your porters. Your team can stay."

"I understand your reservations and your fear is certainly legitimate in the world we are living in today. And I also understand that you are seeking for ways to support your community, including medical and educational help. We need access if you want this to happen. And we also need to be protected. I can't even begin to tell you how damaging to your cause it would be if anyone was attacked or injured on this mission." Dr. Inoue said firmly.

Sharon nodded, "I can guarantee to you that you will not be attacked by our people."

Takashi Inoue knew that sending the soldiers away presented a risk. They were carrying expensive equipment and would be vulnerable without protection. This part of the world was dangerous with numerous gangs and rebels operating against the government. How could they be sure they did not fall into a trap? They were in a remote place with only this woman to trust. It would be all too easy to kill them, steal and resell the equipment they had brought with them. He waved his team close to him and they deliberated the decision. Could they even take that kind of risk? Of course, there were also other risks due to the wild life inherent to any expedition in this country. Yet, it seemed that danger coming from humans was a lot more prevalent. Takashi knew that they were dealing with one of the most important discovery of human history. They had not shared yet the nature of their discovery with Sharon. Could they indeed keep this secret, if soldiers outside of their team were involved and stayed on site when they researched the language and their oral history? It was human nature to talk especially about such a discovery and Dr. Inoue had no legal way to make the soldiers sign confidentiality agreements without proper negotiations at a higher level of command. He knew that the UN soldiers had been briefed about the safety of the mission and its confidentiality, but they were only a mere escort, and no specifics had been precisely described and agreed upon. They were dealing with classified data and the soldiers had not been vetted properly to handle classified information. Dr. Inoue had not given or received any input on the terms negotiated between the UN, UNESCO, the Tanzanian government and the village chiefs. He was just the head scientist of the team, restricted only to the administration directly linked to the management of his team. He went to his bag and pulled a folder with the official papers regarding the mission. Indeed part of the agreement did not stipulate that their security guards remained on site. It only stated that their protection was needed during travelling until they reached their final destination. Was this an oversight or a deliberate point that had been negotiated? Takashi did not know; as a scientist, he had not been privy of the high level political negotiations that had been conducted over weeks.

Helena was adamant they were in the right place and she argued that this civilization had survived only by staying hidden. One could not blame them for making sure they remained that way. The others agreed with Helena and all wanted to stay despite the possible dangers. This was a difficult gamble and one Dr. Inoue did not take lightly. He reasoned that they would need to trust Sharon, knowing that their SAT phones allowed them to be located and to stay in touch in case of trouble. Dr. Inoue turned back to Sharon.

"Alright, they go back. But they leave us with some weapons, just in case we are attacked even by wild life."

"You won't need them," laughed Sharon.

The group started to build a more permanent camp, setting up tents sheltered by the tall trees, and placing crates with scientific material inside. They built work tents and personal quarters for the members of the team. They were done by the evening and it was agreed that the soldiers and porters would leave in the morning to give them enough time to climb back up the ridge. They built campfires and went to fill their water jugs by the waterfall. The evening barely brought the temperature down. They had a nice meal and everyone was quite content to finally relax. After eating, Takashi and Helena walked to the pool, laughing at John Evans who was swimming in the water and splashing Sharon, and sat on rocks nearby.

"He's such a kid," Takashi said.

"Do you think she can be trusted?" Helena asked, looking at Sharon who was now splashing water at John.

"I don't know, Helena… I'm trying to put myself in their shoes. We arrive with our modern civilization and our sophisticated equipment and we demand full access. We know that our actions will reveal them to the world. What right do we have to disturb their peace? After millennia of isolation?"

Helena nodded.

"Yeah, not complete isolation. I would say more… hum… a cultural mindfulness to preserve their identity" she sighed. "We have something to give them too. It is not a one sided discussion. We have discovered the manuscript of their origins; we have discovered their 'Dying Leader'. They have the right to know this."

Takashi nodded and looked at her.

The clearing was quite enchanting. Through the branches they could see a clear night sky, insects were chirping and the noise of the waterfall was like a lullaby.

"You want to go in?"

Helena turned to look at him, surprised by his question.

"You're not serious?" She said.

"You are telling me that Helena Harper, captain of her high school swim team and college athlete, is going to resist a natural pool like this one?"

On the other side of the pool, John and Sharon were now swimming in the water. Evelyne was sitting by the campfire with Liang Hsu chatting and drinking tea. The soldiers were talking with the porters.

"Why not?" He teased.

Helena considered his tempting offer. She had missed the water so much and her trip to the Indian Ocean was far back.

"Oh, ok, you win!"

Helena removed her heavy walking boots and socks and her light trekking pants, as well as her light long sleeve shirt. And, with a t-shirt and panties, jumped with the cool water.

She called Takashi from the water. "Your turn!"

Takashi removed his shirt and, in shorts, jumped after her. He swam to her.

"You did not think I was going to get naked for you?" She said, winking, and she swam to the waterfall splashing him in the process.

"You really have not changed," he stated, laughing at their banter.

She started to relax while swimming. The water was cool and welcoming at the end of a long walk in the hot and humid weather.

"This feels really good," she said, closing her eyes for a moment, and then laying back on the water to look up at the stars. He swam to her and looked at her peaceful face, a harmonious oval, her eyes looking in the distance and her blonde hair floating on the water around her face.

"It's beautiful," he whispered.

"It is," she agreed and she gently took his hand.

They just enjoyed the water in silence, swimming side by side and often looking at each other, aware of their mutual attraction. They noticed the camp had gone quiet too. The campfires had slowly died and most had already retreated to their tents. They were swimming closer to the waterfall, mindful not to get too close to the thundering water. This is when she saw it, a brief flash of orange light closer to the waterfall. She touched Takashi's shoulder lightly. He turned to her.

"What?"

"Shhh…" She pointed to the waterfall. And then he saw it too. It was barely visible and from their position in the water, it was difficult to know if it was close or far away. But clearly there was a dim orange yellow light, a flame maybe, flickering in the distance, disappearing and coming back randomly.

"What is that?" She whispered.

"A candle lantern?"

"Do you think it's moving?" She asked, worried.

"No, I think it is stationary, but the water is falling in front of it. So it looks like it comes and goes."

"The waterfall!" She grabbed his arm, "Takashi, there is a cave behind the waterfall. That's where the villages are. That's where they live. They are completely camouflaged that way." They realized that the entrance would not be visible from the banks of the pool, but where they had swum they just could see it. They nodded at each other and swam quietly to the side trying to see better from that angle. But the small light disappeared and they were left in the darkness, with only a half moon in the sky. They decided to swim back together to their clothes on the far side bank. They put their clothes back on without drying still a bit shaken by their discovery and walked quickly toward the camp. John, Evelyne and Liang had gone to sleep. A guard was up standing watch. They greeted him as they made their way in between the tents. They had small individual tents next to one another.

"Are we safe?" She asked.

"Well. If they want to come out and attack us, they can to that at any time. They would not risk it with the armed guards."

"But then, later?"

"I don't know. It's a gamble. It is up to us to decide, if we want to trust them."

"Trust…" She said, sighing.

"Yes, it's a tough decision." He added: "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok."

"I had a good time, tonight," he added

"Me too," she replied and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"We should sleep."

They hugged goodnight and she entered her tent, making sure not to leave any gap in the mosquito net.

 _"Once I heard the voice over the wireless, I knew it was him and my whole body felt a physical repulsion so strong I wanted to run, but instead stayed anchored in CIC. Baltar had returned. We had been harvesting algae that we found on the planet, which happened to have oceans fertile and literally covered by it. It was a real source of nutrition, we had to harvest and process as soon as possible. Then chief Tyrol found the Temple of the Five, which he recognized from the scriptures and as soon as this happened, Bill called me on Galactica and I went, guiding Tyrol over the wireless and identifying the temple, which was 4000 years old. From the scriptures, the temple was set to show us the direction to Earth, and a marker, the Eye of Jupiter, would indicate the direction to follow. The thirteenth tribe had left the Eye of Jupiter there during their journey. Old scriptures described the temple of Five precisely and Tyrol's father was a priest, who studied the scriptures, so Tyrol immediately recognized it from his childhood memories. That is when the cylons found us. But instead of taking advantage of the element of surprise, and attack us, they contacted us. Baltar spoke to us over the wireless and I felt my life draining out of me."_

" _Baltar wanted to meet with us and negotiate. I did not want to talk with him at all, certainly now, knowing he had been rescued by the cylons and had stayed with them since the evacuation of New Caprica. But Bill argued that allowing the meeting would spare us some time, and maybe our guys on the ground would find the Eye of Jupiter and have enough time to leave and get back before the cylons would attack them. So we set the meeting. I had not seen Baltar since his visit in my prison cell. He had, then, released me, after days of imprisonment. Later, when I was captured again, I could only assume that he ordered my execution, along with dozen of others. I could not bear to look at him, even if he clearly made an effort to talk to me in a friendly way. His attempts at negotiations were nothing but a deceptive way to reach to me. The cylons wanted something and they wanted the Eye of Jupiter. But when I looked at them, a Six, a Cavil and D'Anna and Baltar, I still felt the beatings on my body, the pain, the fear, the horror of what we had lived. I felt a repulsion so strong my stomach was churning. It took all of my strength to stay calm and straight, unable to make eye contact, looking over his shoulder instead. As the cylons spoke, I stared into the space of the room. And Bill, surely aware of my discomfort, did a terrific job negotiating with them, keeping the talks without giving anything. It was a game; we wanted to gain time. His military training was perfect for this. But when Baltar started to talk, my disgust reached an unbearable level and I said to Bill that I would not talk with him. I managed to walk calmly out of the room, as I heard him yell that he saved my life several times already. When the hatch closed behind me, I ran, almost stumbled to the nearest bathroom where I vomited, unable to control my nausea and the memories of my detention. My security guard then accompanied me to Bill's quarters and offered me a glass of water. I was grateful for this. Then, I laid on Bill's rack, his bed, wishing my nausea away and clenched my fists in anger. It is where and how I was when Bill found me a few minutes later. I was curled on my side on top of his blankets, eyes closed and so tense all of my muscles were aching._

' _How are you? Your security guard told me you got sick.'_

 _I could not even answer, fearing that any movement would bring the nausea back. I heard Bill moving in the room, shuffling objects on the side of the room and walking back to the rack where he sat down. The mattress dipped under his weight and my legs slid against him. He draped his right arm around my waist and very slowly made gentle circles on my lower back, where my scars lay._

' _Am I hurting you?' He whispered._

 _I shook my head, no. I could feel his light touch through my blouse and emotion threatened to take me. I left my eyes closed and relented to the soft touch and all it was evoking to me. Then, I heard his voice:_

' _A book of Poetry by Alma Brown._

 _Trust,_

 _An iridescent bubble_

 _Rose up in the sky_

 _Slowly, as the morning star,_

 _And shimmered in_

 _Glistening hues_

 _Barely visible,_

 _But for the ever-changing_

 _Colors of angels,_

 _It shivered in the air,_

 _Threatened by the wind,_

 _Fairy light,_

 _And soul thin._

 _Fragile evanescence_

 _Insubstantial purity,_

 _A touch would soil it…'_

 _I sighted deeply and relaxed into his voice and touch. The rhythm of his voice was like a lullaby. The poem described the travel of a soap bubble, so beautiful and light, a metaphor for trust. So fragile it can pop in an instant. I knew he did not choose this poem lightly. I knew he was saying something to me. Did we trust each other… really? Enough to let our secrets out? He had not trusted me enough to tell me about the story, which he believed started the second war. I had not trusted unconditionally that he would come back to save us on New Caprica. I had feared he had been killed, then. I had feared he would not come back, that unwillingly he had abandoned us. How much did Bill and I trust each other? We never used to. We started enemies. He put me in prison, when I committed mutiny with the help of his son and sent Kara Thrace retrieve the Arrow on the devastated Caprica. We came a long way together with all we shared as leaders and as persons. There was still so much we did not know about each other. I wonder if we ever would have the time to learn each other and share our past, our ideas and our most hidden secrets._

' _Better?'_

' _Yes, thank you.'_

 _I closed my eyes and rested for a few minutes. He stayed at my side, his hand never stopping the gentle circles he was making on my back."_

" _He helped me up and gave me a hug. I appreciated greatly the gentleness and intimacy of the moment. I gave him a grateful look._

' _We have to go back to the CIC.' We walked together back from his quarters, his hand secured on my lower back, as a reminder of the comfort he just offered me. The situation was stalling on the surface. We could not find the eye, or even comprehend what it was, or what it meant, and the star was showing signs of instability. Cylons were also looking for the eye of Jupiter. I was trying to give as much information as possible to our teams down on the planet, chief Tyrol and Lee Adama, but the truth is that we had no idea what the Eye of Jupiter was or how to retrieve it. All we knew is that the cylons wanted it, because it indicated the way to Earth. If they did, we needed to find it first. And then, of course, the cylons jammed our wireless frequencies and we could not communicate with the ground anymore. We were in a race against time. Bill gave the order that if the cylons got there first and entered the temple, we needed to blow the whole thing up."_

" _Back in the lab and talking with lieutenant Gaeta, he explained that the star, around which the planet orbited, was on the verge of going nova. The light emitted by the star, in the blue frequencies was indeed blinding, an indication of the imminence of the explosion. We had little time to find the Eye of Jupiter and while crews explored the temple in and out, we had no idea what it looked like and what we were supposed to be looking for. Tyrol was trying to decrypt their old language from markings in the stone. We were stuck"_

 **Thank you for reading. I cannot be sure when the next chapter will be.**

 **Please leave me some comments and reviews. It is nice to know that you appreciate reading. :)**


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you for all of those who are continuing reading! Thank you for your comments.**

 **I hope you enjoy another long chapter before classes resume on Monday and I have to become a serious adult again.**

 **Chapter 29**

Helena woke up early and got out of her tent to a gorgeous landscape. The sun was not up yet. A purple dawn light barely filtered through the tree canopy. Wisps of fog were hanging from the branches and were floating above the ground and the water of the pool. Some birds were chirping in the distance. The air was cool and it had this sweet smell of flowers. Helena moved slowly and walked toward the waterfall, looking for a path in the rock face that would lead behind the water. She could not find any and she could not see any access from where she was. The white and wide curtain of water falling obstructed the rock, such that it was impossible to see if the recess behind the waterfall had any cave entrance. She sighed and sat on a rock nearby listening to the water. She closed her eyes. Water always had this healing power on her. She wondered if that is how Laura felt by her lake on New Caprica. She was glad she had been able to get an insight into the life of this remarkable woman. She wanted to carry her voice into the modern world; she wanted to fight for her so that her experience would be heard generations later and not forgotten. Laura, who was looking for Earth, taught so much to Helena and Helena felt transformed by her. She had found Earth and died there. Helena felt she needed to translate the book of scriptures to understand some of the clues that were left there, and have a better insight into these people's mythology. She did not yet have a way to understand that particular language and from Laura's diary, she could tell that their scriptures were a lot older. It was no surprise that the language would be different and Helena was hoping she would find the necessary information allowing this translation in the villages. Helena and Laura had a timeless connection and Helena sadly reflected how they would never meet. Helena's thoughts drifted to Takashi. They had known each other for so long. They had been friends and colleagues. In this expedition he was her boss. She knew she should not forget that fact. Even if he seemed more casual with her than he never had been before and even with their previous histories, she did not think she could initiate a relationship with him. They had been very close for a time right after graduate school. He had married someone else. Since the death of his wife two years ago, she had lost touch with him, as he remained secluded, out of the academic life and the public eye. She felt bringing their undeniable attraction up would be very inappropriate, as if soiling the memory of his late wife, which Helena held in high esteem. They could be friends as they always had been, comfortable enough with each other for banter and casual talks.

Suddenly, Helena jumped when she felt something in her hair. She opened her eyes and turn swiftly around. A little girl maybe ten years old was touching Helena's blond hair. The child looked a little bit like Sharon, dark skin, although not as dark and black hair with soft curls. She was wearing shorts, a t-shirt and sandals.

"Well, hello there!" Helena said with a big smile. The little girl smiled back but said nothing and of course Helena knew she would likely not speak English. As the little girl unabashedly continued to stare at her with wonder, Helena decided to try to speak Laura's language. She could not be sure of the correct pronunciation and she was approximating it based on proto-Indo-European languages. That was a long shot. Helena decided it could not hurt.

" _Hello. What is your name?"_ Helena said hesitantly in Laura's language.

The little girl looked at Helena with the strongest surprise!

"Alexa," she replied with a big smile.

"Helena," Helena replied shaking her little hand.

" _Nice to meet you, Alexa."_ Helena said in Laura's language. The little girl started giggling. Then she heard movements in camp and she ran away towards the cave. In a few seconds she had entered one of the cave on the distant part of the cliffs and disappeared. Helena looked at the cave entry for a long time hoping she would come back. She heard members of the team getting up and starting to prepare some breakfast. Takashi was walking towards her.

"Good morning. How are you?"

"Well that was quite something!" Helena replied to Takashi's surprise. She continued. "A little girl saw me and talked with me. She is probably from the villages. She did not understand English, so I attempted to speak Laura's language and she understood me. I asked her what her name was and she replied. But then, when she heard people getting up, she ran away. Up there, in the caves."

Takashi nodded. "It seems like you have the right language. We cannot talk to Sharon about all of this until all of soldiers and porters are gone. Then, when only our team is here, we can start talking to her about our discovery."

The UN soldiers were starting to eat and they already had assembled their gears for the trip back. Sharon was showing the path on a map to their leader, writing notes with a pen on the topographic map and marking a trail. One of them was chatting with John Evans and apparently showing him how to operate a small pistol he was going to leave with him. John was listening to the instructions and demonstration very seriously and talking with the soldier. Helena and Takashi made their way back to the camp center to east some breakfast. Then, the soldiers put their blue helmets on, grabbed their bags and some weapons and they left, followed by the local porters. Helena, Takashi, John, Liang and Evelyne were left in the camp with Sharon.

"Well, we are on our own now. Let's hope for the best." Takashi said.

" _Later I went back to Bill's quarters with my copy of the scriptures and was reading it again, when Bill entered. I was at his desk, reading and commenting aloud, when he told me… He told me, Hera, the half human half-cylon baby, was alive. A cold wave washed over me. Hera. My first emotion was this extreme sense of relief. I had believed her to be killed on New Caprica. I had grieved her death deeply. Hera, who I had sworn to protect! Hera saved my life, as her blood had stem cells, which cured my cancer, when I was dying. Baltar administered the transfusion to me, as I was unconscious, slipping into nothingness. Cancer had spread all over my body and all I remember is the unbearable pain, tearing through my flesh like a thousand knives. Dr. Cottle was giving me painkillers and I was slipping in and out of oblivion, experiencing visions of my past and hallucinations. I did not allow the transfusion to take place. It was done without my consent. Had I been conscious, I probably would have refused it. I had accepted my death. I was ready. I had put my affairs in order, written a letter to Baltar, who then would succeed to me as president, said goodbye to Bill. I was surprised to be alive, when I woke up. My hallucinations had brought me back to the day of the attacks. I am not sure how many were actual memories distorted by pain and drugs, but I saw Baltar with a blond woman in my visions, looking alike the blond cylon model Six. I am quite sure it was her and the realization that Baltar might have been involved in the betrayal to the cylons was troubling. He was a scientist involved in the government systems then. He must have had high security clearance. His relationship with the cylon number Six, could not possibly have been a coincidence. It became clear to me that she had seduced him for that purpose."_

" _I am not sure why Baltar chose to save me that day. It would have been easy to let me die. But, he took samples from the unborn child and tested it. It became clear that the blood could destroy cancer cells. He did inject fetal cells and within a few days, I had been saved from the cancer. I do not know how long these stem cells will protect me, but I did survive against all odds. When Hera was born, I felt a special attachment for her. I had decided to stop the pregnancy, once we found out that the baby was different, not abnormal, but biologically altered. Human enough, but not quite. It was the first time cylons and humans procreated. The baby certainly lacked the electronic and mechanical systems of the cylons, but the cylons had been also biologically and genetically engineered. We did not know what would happen combined with human genes. I couldn't take the risk to have a hybrid child, being raised on our ships. So as I was dying, I ordered the forced abortion. I know those who read this probably would think of me as a monster. At the time, we did not know what we were dealing with. It potentially could have been a dangerous situation. But I was wrong. The child saved my life and I certainly did not have the heart to be responsible for her death. The news that Sharon Agathon had given birth to a baby, half cylon, half human had started to circulate in the fleet soon after."_

 _The fear of cylons was very strong among all of us. Yet, after Hera saved me, I realized that my fear of the unknown was grounded in hatred. We hated the cylons, because they destroyed us. Before that, we hated the cylons because they rebelled. We did not want to recognize them as human beings, because they were not, but we also did not want to acknowledge the fact they had evolved. They were not quite machines anymore. They were thinking on their own, not just following a programming. And while that fact was reassuring, it was also scary. It is easy to dismantle a program, but a lot more difficult to predict individualized, intelligent behavior that does not follow some kind of prewritten programming. Cylons had become unpredictable. They had become individuals. Yet, at any time, the old programming could kick in. Sharon had been helping us. Would Sharon Agathon do the same? Could she just revert, when the child was born, and would she raise her in hate? After all, the cylon had come back from Caprica already pregnant. She claimed that she willed her programming away out of love, but there was no way to be sure it was actually true. A number of bad scenarios could have happened with the birth of the baby: Sharon could raise her as a cylon and revert to her old programming. It was a difficult time. I was quite sure that many humans would not tolerate a cylon-human hybrid and would try to kill mother and child, putting all of us at risk. Then of course, the cylons would want to get access to that baby, since they had been trying unsuccessfully to reproduce physically rather than transferring their consciousness through the resurrection process. They would stop at nothing to put their hands on that child. She was in danger either way. Cylons had tried to procreate for a while without success, according to Kara Thrace, who witnessed their attempts on Caprica in procreation farms, when she went back there. The cylons did not want just to depend on their resurrection technology to reproduce. For many reasons, normal reproduction would provide them with a much more effective way to spread and evolve quicker. I couldn't kill the child who had saved my life. All it took is one look at her and I, who never had children, fell in love with her. She was just a baby, innocent, harmless. Yet so much harm could come about because of her existence. I felt she was in much danger where she was and she also was putting us in danger."_

" _I arranged with Dr. Cottle to have her placed in the care of another woman, who just had lost a child. Hera became Isis and Maya became her mother. Sharon and her husband Karl Agathon were informed that their baby had died from complications due from being so premature. I hated to subject the parents to such pain, but I felt it was better for the whole fleet and our survival. I never told Bill, who had become, in my belief, way too trusting of Sharon Agathon at the time. Was he right? I could not take a chance. I made the decision and never questioned it, until now. I became close to Hera, when she was housed near me on New Caprica. She was a lovely little girl. And when she disappeared with her mother during the evacuation, I grieved deeply for them. I felt as if I had lost my family again, a sister and a niece. When both my sisters and father died in the car accident after the baby shower, I knew I would never have the joy to hold her little girl, who would have been born in less than a month. I knew also I would never have children. It was a long time ago, but the grief never really faded. It was there with me each day. When Maya took Hera, I felt I had found my younger sister again and her child. I swore to protect them as my own. I failed. Gods, I failed miserably."_

" _The iridescent bubble of trust had popped between Bill and I. I never told him about my sisters and I never told him about Hera. Nobody knew except Tory and Cottle. But Hera had been taken by the cylons, during New Caprica evacuation. She was alive. Surely Maya had been killed, either by accident or willingly. It took a few seconds for such news to register, followed immediately by a deluge of implications. I felt submerged by waves of emotions, elation because she was alive and I loved her, fear that the cylons had her, guilt, remorse, pain, shame… yes, so much shame… at what I had done. Bill, rightfully so, was upset. I could feel his restrained anger, like a volcano about to erupt. He left the room and retreated in the head, his private bathroom, unable to face me. I waited a second, but decided to explain myself. I had to remind him of the circumstances in which I made the decision to hide from him the existence of the baby. It would be so easy to let our emotions control our reason. Nobody knew at the time if Sharon Agathon was to be trusted. I made the decision as a president, not a woman. I made the decision, which I thought was the best at the time under the circumstances and I would make the same decision today knowing what I knew then. Bill said that any parent would want to recover their child. I knew he was right and that, now, we were put in jeopardy because these parents would want to retrieve their child. He left me and went to their quarters. I stayed, pondering for a few minutes on the irony and the twist of fate of our situation."_

" _I knew Bill talked to them. He came back to CIC, jaw clenched, unable to make eye contact to me. We were in a stand off. The cylons wanted to Eye of Jupiter. We did not have it. They launched six raiders to go to the planet. It was a race against time. Bill had told them that, if they set foot on the planet, he would bomb it with our remnant nuclear weapons. He knew this would destroy the planet and our hopes of finding the way to earth and kill our people on the surface, including his son, Lee. Was he bluffing? I could feel the tension mounting. The air was electric. I reminded him of Lee, shaken by his determination, not sure what to think. Would he really kill his son to prevent the cylons from going to the planet? He was arming the nuclear weapons. Launch keys turned, launch codes entered. He did not seem to care, hard as steel. He was calm and exulted strength. He was reminding everyone why he was the Admiral. Just in case we had forgotten. Just in case we thought he was becoming soft. When all but one of the cylon raiders turned around, he withdrew and disarmed the nukes. I released a long breath I did not even realized I was holding. There was a spark in the look he gave me, like he had pulled a good trick on us."_

" _When Agathon called, Bill and I ran to their quarters also, suddenly overwhelmed by a dark premonition. She was dead. The blood of Sharon Agathon was splattered all over the walls. I knew she killed herself, or actually he killed her on her order, so that she would be resurrected on the cylon ship. She would download there. They would have access to her memories, confidential information, everything. I knew the anger of Karl Agathon. I knew he felt betrayed. Well, I had betrayed him. I was ready to take the blame, but I never was the one to take the easy road. Sharon Agathon was a cylon, she had shown great dedication to us, but there still was a possibility that her mind could be probed during the download process willingly or unwillingly. There was a remote possibility that she could be having somewhere buried in her brain a program, which could have been started at any time and she would not even be aware of it. She took a very big risk, doing this to get her child and all we could hope is that she would not turn against us. I was not ready to admit to Agathon how upset I was by the whole idea of Hera being a prisoner of the cylons. Gods know what they were doing to her to find out how she was conceived. They were after human cylon procreation for some time. I turned around and left. I could not make eye contact with him, plagued by anger and shame. I did not want to show him how I felt. But I knew Bill had placed his trust in Sharon Agathon as well, unconditionally. If she was human, I would find this quite remarkable, but as a cylon, I was not sure she had complete control of her actions. I was the president. As I did so often, I had made a decision, which I could not completely reconcile with myself as a woman, and I had to make this decision as a president. I turned around and briskly left the room. The thing about being president, Adar told me once, is that you do not have to explain yourself to anyone."_

" _Of course, Sharon Agathon returned with Hera and a blonde number Six cylon, which was taken to jail immediately. The helium flash signaled the star was going to go Nova and we had to evacuate the teams on the planet surface. They brought back an unconscious Baltar with them, which was also jailed. But the good thing is that they did identify the Eye of Jupiter, another nova, which exploded at the time of the thirteenth tribe exile and which was marking the road to Earth. We decided to follow this signal, just like they did. In minutes, we had jumped away from the nova, in the direction of the 4000 years old road post that was left for us, 17000 light years from here, the Ionian Nebula."_

 **Thank you for reading. Please, as always, your comments, suggestions and constructive criticisms are very welcome.**


	30. Chapter 30

**I decided I would publish this today. This is the longest chapter so far, and it did not feel right to cut it halfway. So you get the whole thing.**

 **M warning for Baltar's torture in sickbay (not much more than what was shown in the episode, however the topic is sensitive) and some of Laura's flashbacks elicited by her experience witnessing Baltar's torture.**

 **Thanks to the persons who have commented.**

 **Chapter 30**

Helena and Takashi ate in silence with the others. Sharon was quiet. When they finished their meals, Takashi called the group together. They sat around the campfire, talking.

"Alright, Sharon. It is just our team now. Where do you want to take us?"

"We stay here. The camp is perfectly situated. Those caves up there are leading to the villages, all of them underground. We can visit them one at a time. I suspect you will find there a lot of the information that you are seeking. There are thirteen villages, which are separated with each other. Our people have found refuge there a long time ago. Those caves have been inhabited for millennia."

"Where they hiding from something?" Evelyne asked. Sharon looked at her sharply.

"It seems so," Liang interjected, "living inside caves and leaving no trace outside, no constructions, no buildings, and using the natural geology to make a perfect hiding place. Invisible from above! Other civilizations built temples, erected massive monuments to their God or Gods, the bigger the better. But here, these people wanted to disappear. And they did."

John looked at Sharon. He looked then at Dr. Inoue as if to silently ask his permission. Takashi nodded.

"What were they afraid of, Sharon? Could it be something or someone coming from the sky?" John asked gently. They could feel the tension rising. Sharon seemed worried and for the first time, they could tell she was unsure. Helena thought she was even scared.

"Yes, we were afraid!" A strong low voice said behind the group. Everyone turned suddenly to look behind. A tall woman was standing in the clearing. Nobody had seen her approaching and in a second everyone was standing up. She seemed very old, and was holding a long carved wooden stick she used as a cane. Yet, she did not appear fragile. Her long straight hair was completely white, held back in a braid, and her skin was dark. She was wearing a long simple gray-blue dress with long wide sleeves and a belt made out of linen cord and sandals. She walked slowly to the group. Everyone looked at her in shock. She was very dignified, tall and straight, and exuded authority.

Her face looked at lot like Sharon's with unmistakable Asian features and her eyes were a stunning bright blue. John brought in one of the camp chairs for her to sit and the old woman moved into their circle nodding at all of them solemnly.

"Takashi" whispered Helena and she looked at her left arm. A silver bracelet, an open bangle with two spheres, was high up her wrist. "Laura's bracelet!"

The old woman said quietly, smiling, "All this has happened before, and all this will happen again." Then, she sat down among them.

" _Baltar tried to commit suicide in his prison cell, discovered and saved by Lieutenant Gaeta who entered his cell at that precise moment. And I rushed to Galactica from Colonial One in the middle of the night. When Lieutenant Gaeta told us that he wanted to interrogate him, I knew immediately he was lying. Gaeta like all of us had suffered the horrors of the occupation. He had been on the inside; once suspected a collaborator, he had been indeed the informant that was passing critical and key papers to the resistance (for instance the frequencies of the wireless communications), without which we would never have been able to escape. Gaeta suffered a different kind of torture, an emotional one, forced to participate and work with the cylons to gain access to key information. I had no doubt he wanted to kill Baltar and that he came to his cell for this purpose only. I wasn't the only one not sleeping. I sipped my coffee slowly while listening to Bill, Tigh and Cottle, fighting tiredness. Baltar was sleep deprived also, and on a hunger strike. He needed to eat. I gave the order to Dr. Cottle to force feed him. We needed him alive so that we could interrogate him._

' _I want him cogent' I said to him and I could read his displeasure in his eyes. I wanted to deny the hint of disappointment I saw in his look. We needed Baltar to talk, and in order to do so, he had to be stable. Baltar was with the cylons when we were looking for the Eye of Jupiter. We needed the information he had and we needed to find out if the cylons were on their way to Earth. I wanted more. I wanted to destroy him._

 _Tigh decided to install security cameras in the cell. When all of them departed, Bill and I remained in his quarters._

' _How are you?' Bill asked, concerned, reading my mind like an opened book._

' _Tired' I answered, honestly. I could not elaborate further to Bill. He knew it too. He looked at me right in my eyes, knowingly. I lowered my head. I needed to keep control of my emotions, or at least pretend to be. We had decided that I would go back to Colonial One, sleep for a few hours, shower and change. The interrogation would take place in the morning, after Baltar was rested and fed."_

" _Back on Colonial One, laying on my small bed, for what I knew would be only a few hours, I faced again my detention flashbacks. I had hoped Baltar had been killed on New Caprica and that I never would have to face him again. Unabated anger had prevented me to sleep since I found out he was alive. I realized in a moment of awareness that I was not healed from the pain of these cylon occupation months. They had left a much stronger mark on me that I was willing to admit. With Baltar's reappearance, my scars reopened. I had been in denial all these weeks. I was reliving each night the horrors of New Caprica, waking up screaming, crying, or shaking in sweat-drenched sheets. I felt on the edge of a precipice, held back only by the calm presidential mask I was putting on during the day, hiding behind the smile. I could not be impartial on this; I was too involved. Baltar had surrendered to the cylons; he had let them establish prisons, torture; he had signed a death list, bearing my name and so many others. I knew he had collaborated with the cylons before the attacks and probably let them in to the defense mainframe, allowing them to destroy our defenses. I remembered the harrowing hours spent cataloguing victims of torture on New Caprica with Dr. Cottle, and the horrors we saw. I knew there was worse fate than dying. I had witnessed it on New Caprica. My personal detentions were nothing compared to what others endured. I wanted to make him pay. The only hope holding me back from a complete breakdown was the certainty I would be able to extract valuable information from Baltar about the whereabouts of the cylons and their way to Earth, and his involvement in the original attacks. I slept a little, waking up often. And when I undressed to shower, I turned slightly to look at my lower back in the mirror. Some scars were still there, visible, healed, most white pearly marks on my skin, a few still pink, and others were just faint lines disappearing. They did not hurt anymore, but felt smooth under the touch, like raised lines that I could read with the tip of my fingers, telling a horrifying story. The invisible scars in my mind had not healed as easily. I let the spray of the water calm me and collected my strength for the day ahead, determined."_

" _Tigh, Adama and I, for once, all agreed that we needed to break him and find information about where the cylons were going, and what he knew, since he had lived with them since the rescue from New Caprica. People had elected him and he betrayed them. We know what happens to traitors."_

" _Once Baltar was back from sick bay to his cell, I decided to pay him a visit. Bill and I argued about this. He wanted to interrogate him. For me this was personal. I experienced New Caprica. I wanted to break him. What a pitiful creature he was, in his cell, trying to keep his dignity. It took an incredible amount of will power not to spit at him such his person repulsed me. I maintained an appearance of calm, a smile on my face, when I was swelling from anger and disgust inside. And yet, there was something in his face that was terribly human. I was willing to give him back his dignity and some comfort for his admission of guilt. I gave him his glasses back, just like he gave me mine back in the cylon detention cell, and lit a cigar for him. When he came in my detention cell on New Caprica and gave me back my glasses, he had given back my power and my existence as an individual. My strategy did not work. He denied any involvement in the attacks or any betrayal. The detention center was not his, he said, but the cylons'. It infuriated me that he could compartmentalize his involvement, that he could separate himself so easily from the consequences of his actions in another attempt at self-preservation. When I told him he needed to eat for his own good and I did not wish him to suffer, it was a lie. I would not have cared less about his pain, I wanted information and mostly I wanted his apology. He denied knowing the whereabouts of the cylons or their strategy to find Earth. I thought naively, I may add, that showing him pictures of the brutalities inflicted on New Caprica would break him. He was the president when these horrors happened; horrors happened to HIS people under HIS presidency. He was so hell-bent on claiming his innocence that he would not even assume any responsibilities for what happened, for the prisons on New Caprica nor the destructions of the colonies. None... He continued to state that he was innocent. There was no intent, he said, he did not betray anyone. He said it clearly: 'I did not collude in the genocide of my own people.' he did not bring down the defense mainframe and hereby allow the destruction of our world. I knew what I saw. I knew it was the truth. If he were having an affair with the blond cylon Six, then he would have been involved. I thought about all of those who died in the attacks, a mere fraction of the pictures put in the memorial hallway on Galactica. Throwing the pictures we collected on New Caprica at him, I felt my rage exploding. We had planned to have him face the pictures of New Caprica's horrors and the death of the colonies and threaten him with death, but I did not expect that I would lose control of my temper in such a radical way, violent, unrestrained. And I screamed. If there were not guards present, I could have killed him with my own hands. My heart was pounding in my chest when the guards dragged him, carried him, in the memorial hallway to the airlock, under the eye of colonel Tigh. He stopped us to show us the picture of some family he knew and try to convince us that he would not have wanted to kill those. He screamed that he was not a murderer. He claimed his innocence, called for a fair trial, which he deserved under Caprican Law, and called me out on my anger. He knew it was personal to me. He screamed that he had saved me several times. But he did not give us anything and eventually colonel Tigh brought him back to his cell, when Baltar called him on his bluff."_

" _We were back colonel Tigh, Admiral Adama and me in Adama's quarters discussing what to do next. I knew Tigh was as determined as I was to make him talk. After all, he had experienced worse torture than I on New Caprica. I was angry and defeated. This is when Bill mentioned a classified program to use hallucinogens to create such an anxiety level than the prisoner would talk and hold on to the interrogator as the only lifeline to reality. I was astonished that he would even mention it. I did not know such a program existed and I certainly did not know Adama participated in it and had the drugs on board. Bill was coldly determined to use this form of emotional torture to get him to talk. He was calm, calculating and following to the end the cruel logic of our interrogation. With the loyalty and resolve of an officer obeying the order of his commander in chief –me-, he set up the process. A few weeks ago, right after the liberation of New Caprica, I saw Bill fighting Zarek, on his order to carry out trials without representation of those accused to have collaborated with the cylons. Bill claimed then they deserved due process and fair trials. He stood up and clapped when I declared the armistice. Yet, here, he had no problem breaking his ethics to interrogate Baltar. Was it because we knew implicitly that he was guilty, because his commander in chief ordered it, or because Laura had been tortured in the cylons jails?"_

" _I had never participated to anything like this. And it hit very close to home. Baltar was begging us not to do this, and when he said I was doing this for my own satisfaction, looking at me in the eyes, I knew he was right. 'That's the truth, isn't it?' he said. I gave the order to give the injection. And I witnessed his descent to hell, as Bill interrogated him with the skills of someone who was no stranger to this process. I shivered at his cold cruelty. I had ordered it. I looked at Baltar, his head and body strapped on the hospital bed, with a heart monitor on, as he slipped into unconsciousness. The low and calm voice of Bill, the Admiral, dragging him in the depth of his darkness, the flashlight illuminating his face and the sound of terror in Baltar's voice reminded me of my own torture. I had not remembered until this moment. It was like a flash of consciousness. I had been drugged; I had been interrogated by Cavil with the same tone of voice, low, cruel, emotionless, his face close to mine, just like Bill's face was close to Baltar's. I had felt the terror compressing my chest, preventing me to breathe, becoming tighter and tighter. Always the same questions. Again and again. Until I screamed and repeated the same answers. They wanted the resistance plans. I did not know them and kept on saying so. They kept on asking. I felt terror. Then I heard Baltar talk about Caprica Six, the cylon who saved his life and who loved him. It was enough to bring me out of my own recollection. I asked:_

' _Doctor, did you conspire with her to subvert our defense system?'_

' _Conspiracy requires intent! I never intended.' He replied. He seemed to look inside for an answer and started to scream 'It wasn't my fault'._

 _I knew that he probably could not lie under such drugs. He believed this. He believed it wasn't his fault, whether that was indeed the truth or not._

 _Baltar screamed, his skin covered with sweat and shivering. 'I am not responsible'. And Ishay in a panic stepped back and hit a tray that fell down and startled him._

 _I looked at his face. I knew what he was going through. Flashes of light and despair. Sinking into darkness. My Gods, what were we doing? What was I doing?_

 _I remembered now the beatings. They took me back in my cell. I was naked, humiliated and his belt whipped me. And I was just pain. Pain. Like knives on my back, slashing my skin. I felt nothing else but pain, and then I felt nothing. And then water. Cold, soothing the pain. So cold, numbing. Then I remember seeing the number Six cylon, her stopping my torture, screaming at Cavil and Doral. I remember how she brought me warm food and gave me clothes and some medication. She saved me for the second time. My eyes filled with tears. How could I do this to someone else? Me? I respected the rule of the Law. I had been tortured and now I was the torturer. Bill continued to interrogate him when he came back to his senses. He talked about Caprica Six, how she chose him and seduced him_

' _Is she an angel, is she a demon?' He called in terror, fearing that he would sink in the waters of his hallucinations. Did I scream too? I remembered the terror. Was my vengeance necessary? Was I feeling better seeing him suffer? I thought I would. I wasn't. I wanted him to pay. I made him pay. I felt worse._

 _And then Bill was increasing the level of the torture, cruelly shutting down the light that was keeping Baltar sane, letting him in the total darkness with his fear. And he screamed a long scream. He kept on crying and screaming. I had trouble keeping myself together._

 _He told us what the cylons were looking for in the Temple of Five. Not Earth. They were looking to identify the Final Five, the last five cylons. And Baltar wanted to know if he was one of them. He wanted to be a cylon. I had trouble understanding why anyone would want to be. And he answered, 'all my sins forgiven'. He knew now that he wasn't a cylon and said so. That is when he sank and the monitor beeped a sudden drop of blood pressure. We were losing him. I remember losing grip on my life during interrogation. I could not stop my tears. Dr. Cottle stopped Bill._

' _That's enough! I am putting an end to this freak show' he yelled and I nodded my agreement, wiping my tears."_

" _Bill came back to his senses. He also had been lost in his hatred. He had taken the role of the executioner and was ready to take his task to its end. He stopped, coming out of his trance, and stepped back. I could not look at Dr. Cottle in the eye. I felt the shame of what we were doing burning me. He was busy taking care of Baltar and administering medications to stabilize him. We exited sickbay and went back to Bill's quarters in complete silence, unable to speak or even look at each other. When he closed the hatch, I sat on the leather sofa and looked down. Silent, he went to fill two glasses with alcohol and handed me one. He sat next to me. I hated seeing this darker side of him. He was military. I knew that he could carry such orders. He did it. He got caught in it. He lost grip on his emotions. Was he subconsciously trying to show to me that he was far from having gotten too soft? We were intimate enough with each other that we could show our characters' naked flaws: the parts in ourselves that we were not proud of, the parts that we were hiding from everyone else. We knew what the other was thinking. We sat in silence caught in our own thoughts. I welcomed the alcohol in my body, warming and numbing, tears still in my eyes._

' _Talk, Laura.' He said low and gently. 'Say what you want to say.'_

 _I shook my head. 'I can't' I was looking on the floor as a new wave of tears threatened to overflow. He had the decency not to press further. I was not ready to share the reminiscent memory, faint, yet powerful, of my own torture. I was not ready to share the guilt that was overpowering me, or the hate I was feeling towards my own actions and myself. We were not better than the cylons. We were frauds. We claimed our high principles and we wanted to show that we were following our grand ideas of ethics and law, but in fact we were no different than those who torture and manipulate._

 _He refilled my glass. I was letting my tears flow freely, comfortable with him such that I could cry and not feel ashamed of it. I was ashamed of my actions, not my tears. He did not look at me nor did he try to comfort me. He knew I needed my privacy and gave it to me without leaving the room. He knew it was not out of weakness. And I drew some comfort of having him nearby. Then after a few minutes, he said: 'Colonel Tigh will come soon for a debriefing. Why don't you go in the head and wash up.'_

 _I was glad he gave me the opportunity to recompose myself before that meeting. I nodded and went there, leaving the door open. I washed my face and he was soon behind me handing me a clean towel._

' _Thank you.'_

 _He gave me a light and brief hug and left. I looked at my face in the mirror and felt shame invading me. Pushing it away, I turned around and went back in the room for the briefing."_

" _While the men wanted to pursue the interrogation with stronger means, especially Tigh, who operated with the same yearning for vengeance as I, I knew I did not want to go that route again. I wanted to use persuasion instead, with an offer to keep him alive. I was counting on Baltar's self-preservation instinct. We decided that Gaeta, who had a relationship with Baltar, would be best to persuade him to collaborate. Set up in the cell, which had a camera, we planned up for this interrogation to take place the next day, after Bill would have time to brief Gaeta on the goals we wanted to accomplish. Meanwhile, I continued to study the scriptures to find out what Baltar was talking about when he mentioned the Five. As I mentioned to Bill and Tigh earlier, it had to be a reference to the Five cylons, which were missing. We knew seven of the eight cylons. We knew there were twelve models. The prospect of having five unidentified cylons probably operating as sleeping agents in the fleet made me very nervous. Did they even know who they were?"_

" _I looked at both men. We needed more information. I added: 'I want to go see the number Six cylon, which came back with Hera and Sharon.'_

' _Why?'_

' _When I was dying with the cancer, I remembered that I had seen both of them in Caprica city the day of the attacks, by the market. I think she loves him and maybe to save his life, she will collaborate with us.' I was indeed hoping that she would reveal some information to us. I also had a hidden agenda. I wanted to know if this Six model was the one who saved me from being raped and stopped the torture later on. She saved me. Something had bound us in that moment. I felt vulnerable emotionally. Bill looked at me. I could see in his eyes an unasked question. I left accompanied by guards to visit Six in her cell._

 _She looked at me with contempt; still my gentle demeanor was genuine. I felt truly indebted to her. I knew intuitively that it was the same model who saved me. She called herself, Caprica Six. I validated her love for Baltar, trying to make her understand that her collaboration could save him. I promised her we would allow her to testify on Baltar's trial, if she gave us information, and that she would not be airlocked. She confronted me on this. She knew I lied to Leoben, the very first cylon we encountered, when I promised him life and did airlock him once I got the information he had. I felt absolutely no guilt at airlocking a being that could simply download and resurrect. She also instinctively knew my rage against Baltar and how much I wanted him to pay for what he did to us, both destroying the human race by betraying his people and on New Caprica by allowing tortures to happen. Her cold judgment affected me. She was putting a virtual mirror in front of me. I have to admit she was right. I did this. I felt it. Governing is not easy. We have to make choices, some of which are unethical, others against my own belief system. We have to make the choices that will allow us to survive. I am not proud of them. Yet, knowing what I knew at the time, I would act just the same. Today my rage for Baltar was justified and I knew I had to put this behind me also. I knew it would not be easy. We had to get the information he had without resorting to the violence we subjected him to by torturing him. He was human; he had proven this under the tight grip of hallucinogenic drugs, which left little possibilities of him lying. We had to give him his trial, as a citizen of the colonies. Caprica Six turned around on her cot facing away from me. She did not give me any information. I walked away and at the last minute, before the cell door closed, I whispered: 'Thank you for saving me'. If she heard me, she didn't move. I went back directly to Colonial One, avoiding Bill and the inevitable questions he would ask. I rested on Colonial One that night unable to find sleep. The interrogation of Baltar unleashed streams of fresh memories of my own torture. I had wanted to have these memories back and now that I had, I had to deal with the pain they created inside me. I needed to find closure with my own wish of vengeance and the pain I experienced. I hoped that the interrogation of Baltar would help me, but deeply inside, I knew that there was a very certain chance that it would not."_

" _The next day we sat in the observation room, looking at the screen, while Gaeta interrogated Baltar. At first it went well. And then Baltar noticed the camera and immediately knew it was a set up. That is when he started to talk to Gaeta and called him a traitor for working with the cylons back New Caprica and passing documents to the resistance. Baltar emphasized that he signed the execution documents, because he had a gun pointed to his head and he suggested that Gaeta was indeed a far worse traitor than him. This is when Gaeta lost it and stabbed Baltar in the neck with his pen. I knew from the beginning that Gaeta wanted to kill him the first time he came unannounced in his cell. I knew I was playing with fire when I put Gaeta back in the interrogation room with Baltar. And I did not know that his rage would be so strong he'd try to kill him again, in the open. I had no difficulties validating Gaeta's feelings. I felt the same way. We secured Gaeta, and Baltar, injured but alive, was transported to sickbay. I was shaking, partly from the lack of sleep and mostly from the sudden violence, which had shocked us._

' _Why don't you come back to my quarters for a little while?' Without even waiting for my answer, Bill led me back to his quarters. The large room was dark and he lit only a couple of lights, by the sleeping area and by the sofa. I sat down quietly on the sofa, drained. Baltar was infuriating; his sharp intelligence added to his narcissist personality made him a perfect manipulator, as he again proved today. Bill sat next to me. I was looking down at my hands._

' _I did not sleep last night' I said._

' _Why?'_

' _I started to remember what happened to me in cylon detention' I answered calmly._

' _I see'. He went to the cart and poured himself a glass of alcohol. He handed me a glass as well and I took a little sip of the amber liquid that was burning my throat. I continued looking down, my voice barely a whisper._

' _I couldn't remember, Bill. I recalled the beginning of the detention, the humiliation, and the fear, hands touching my naked body, the guards watching me as I was exposed, a sexual assault that was interrupted. And then, I had large gaps missing. I knew I had been beaten up pretty badly. I just couldn't remember. And yesterday, when I saw Baltar, it all came back to me. I felt the pain again. When I was looking at him, it was like looking at myself, Bill. We did this. We went that low.' I took another sip of the drink. I was tired and emotionally raw, but strangely relieved to have shared this with him. Maybe it was the influence of the alcohol, my body was just giving out. I had been so tired lately, from lack of sleep and emotional turmoil. He laced my hand with his, tears in his eyes._

' _Why don't you lie down and sleep?'_

' _I can't spend the night here, Bill, you know that.'_

 _He sighed and pulled me up to lead me to his rack. After turning of the light by the sofa, he quickly arranged some pillows and I lay down on the bed. He sat next to me, looking at me gently._

' _I told him I did not have any satisfaction in seeing his pain, but the truth is I was willing to seeing him endure a great deal of suffering in order to get what I wanted. It wasn't some intelligence, some truth. I wanted a genuine admission of guilt.' I saw Bill looking away, knowing he probably felt the same way._

' _That's something that you're not going to get from someone like Baltar. He doesn't see himself that way. It's not who he is. In his eyes, he is the victim, not the criminal.' Then avoiding me, he looked away, and said: 'It's not to late for him… to just disappear'. Bill, loyal until the end, would not hesitate to kill for me. I touched his arm gently. Again, I remembered a very similar conversation, when I suggested he eliminated Admiral Cain, as I knew she would try to kill him first. Nobody knew Baltar was back among us; it would have been easy. I thought about his proposition for a few seconds. Memories of New Caprica flashed back in front of my eyes: humans killed, tortured and all the work Dr. Cottle and I did to identify the missing and catalogue the injured. Then I remember his look when we interrogated Baltar yesterday. Cottle had become my conscience. On New Caprica, he had treated humans and cylons alike, without discrimination. As a doctor, he had sworn an oath. I did too. My oath was to protect my people and to uphold the laws of the colonies. As much as I hated him, Baltar was human. He was also part of my people. I remembered how I declared the armistice for those who collaborated on New Caprica. I had to move forward._

' _We can't do that', I replied, 'for all his crimes, he's one of us'._

' _So what happens next?' He asked._

' _We give him his trial.' He sighed at my answer and looked back at me. We stayed silent for a minute, reflecting on the compromises we had to make in order to rule, and yes, reflecting on our guilt as well. Both of us, we were not immune to mistakes, misjudgments and hate. We were at war and compassion had no place in war. Or did it? I closed my eyes for a second, overwhelmed by fatigue, and then, I saw Bill stretch to turn off the light over the head of the bed. Then he bent and brushed his lips on mine in a fleeting kiss. 'Sleep. I'll wake you up in a couple of hours.' He rose and retreated to his desk, turned on the desk lamp, pulled his journal out of the drawer and started writing. I closed my eyes and, exhausted, I fell asleep."_

 **Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed this long chapter. As I have to return to my regular adult life with a week that already looks very busy, I doubt I will be able post anything until next week. My students come first.**

 **Please leave me some comments, they feed my motivation. Thanks :)**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thank you again and again for your wonderful comments.**

 **Here is a new chapter. M rating for a couple of sentences regarding New Caprica's detention (better safe than sorry).**

 **I have my oldest daughter home for a week, so I will not be writing much and instead spending quality time with her. Do not expect anything new until next weekend at least.**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 **Chapter 31**

The old woman sat quietly with the team around the fire, smiling and for a few minutes nobody dared to say anything. Then Takashi cleared his throat.

"I am Takashi Inoue. I am the leader of our scientific team." In turn, members of the team proceeded to introduce themselves. When Helena spoke, the woman looked at her with interest.

"You know our language. How?"

"Not very well, I'm afraid. I have difficulties with the pronunciation." Helena answered, eluding the question.

"What is your name?" Takashi asked.

"I am Elosha of Caprica," she said, "I believe you have met my daughter, Sharon."

Sharon was quietly smiling. "Sharon will replace me, one day as village chief."

Elosha's attention turned back to Helena.

"You did not answer my question."

Helena waited a couple of seconds, making eye contact with Takashi, who nodded.

"We found Laura Roslin's grave on top of the Lady's Ridge Mountain. Next to her grave, there was a sealed crate, with books. I am a linguist, specialized in ancient languages. It has been over a year now. I have worked with the books and I have been able to learn the language it was written in. I made the educated guess that it was similar to your language or probably at the root of it. I am here to learn more about your people."

The old woman closed her eyes for a moment, overwhelmed by emotion.

"You found Laura Roslin? The Dying Leader, who led her people to Earth?" She whispered in awe. "How do you know it is indeed her?" Her piercing blue eyes looked right into Helena's green eyes, inquisitive.

Helena replied softly: "Laura wrote notes about her life and her journey in a diary. It was found among other books in the crate."

"Do you have these books here?"

"No. They are very old and very fragile. They have to be kept in special conditions, or they will turn into dust. We have scanned the pages with various scientific equipments that allow us to see the pages without touching the books. We have a lot of questions for you."

"Yes, I am sure you do. I have a lot of questions as well. The story of Laura Roslin has been passed from generation to generation, along with the story of our people."

Helena got up and went to her bag, grabbing her binder.

"Elosha, I would like to hear more about her story and what you know. When we discovered the books, we also found a picture. It was in very bad condition, and our chemists had to analyze the pigments and they digitalized the picture so that we can view it." Helena opened her binder and pulled the digital print of the picture that had been enhanced. She handed it to the older woman, who took it in trembling fingers and starred at it. Immediately her right hand reached for the bracelet on her left arm, which she touched lightly.

"Yes, this is Laura Roslin."

"May I ask a question?" Helena softly said. "The bracelet you are wearing? Where does it come from?"

Elosha smiled. "This bracelet is given to the village chief, who is the Quorum leader. Every year, a different chief assumes the responsibility for the Quorum meetings. It has been passed from woman to woman."

"Since Laura?"

"Since Laura, yes, she was the leader of our people."

"Who is the man in the picture?" Helena asked.

"He is Laura Roslin's husband, William Adama. Our legend says that she arrived on Earth with him, and others. But the dying leader was never meant to survive the journey. She was ill, you see, with a wasting disease, as the scriptures say. The Lords of Kobol granted her a respite, so that she would die in peace surrounded by love." The old woman looked at Helena, who had tears in her eyes.

"Yes, she did. She was surrounded by love."

"And now," Elosha said softly, as she took Helena's hands in hers, "now, she has found you. You are carrying her message."

" _Organizing Baltar's trial seemed a lot more easy said than done. Once we released the information that Baltar was on board the Galactica, we had to double his security as many tried to sneak in his cell to assassinate him. It turns out many people wanted revenge for what happened on New Caprica, for those they loved who got lost, killed, raped or tortured in the prisons. On my end, I was facing huge difficulties with the organization. There were safety issues first of all, and then there simply weren't many lawyers on the fleet. We had a composite of twelve colonies on board of the fleet; each colony had their own law system, different civil and criminal codes, which were not even available for consultation. We did not have a law library. I needed some help. Zarek was furious with me for allowing the trial to happen. He would definitely have eliminated Baltar. He said to me that I was risking the stability of the fleet, which was still shaky after the liberation of New Caprica, to give this man a trial. He was anticipating uproar, terrorism, anger and even the possibility that some would seek revenge against me as well. He had a much better feeling of what the population was thinking, unlike me, isolated on Colonial One. Yet, I stood firm on my decision. It had been tough to take; I would not turn back on it. When he left, Tory and I knew that he was right. And we were determined to take all measure to prevent a breakdown of our government."_

" _I went back on Galactica to oversee the interview of Caprica Six. Sharon, being a cylon, was asked to chat with her to see if she would confide in one of her kind. But she did not and Sharon was unsuccessful in extracting information from her. While Colonel Tigh was trying to convince me to use more violent methods during one of our meetings, I refused. I was adamant we would not use such methods ever again. We would not become worse than our enemies. When Tigh insisted, I raised my voice. 'No! We are not doing this!' Bill turned to look at me, probably wondering where this bout of anger was coming from. Bill quickly dismissed Tigh and turned to me._

' _What was that about?'_

 _I remained sitting on his sofa with my head in my hands, whispering:_

' _I don't want Caprica Six hurt in any way. We have done enough of this.'_

 _He looked at me surprised._

' _She is a cylon.'_

' _She is a cylon, who saved me, twice during my detentions on New Caprica.'_

 _He sat next to me, cradling a glass of alcohol._

' _You want to talk about it? How did she save you?'_

' _Bill, I already told you what happened.'_

 _I sighed and remained silent for a couple of minutes, deliberating how much more I should tell him. I did not want to go back on this. I just wanted closure. I had tiptoed around the deeply disturbing memories of my detention. Him, the only person, I could share this with and certainly one I did not want to share any of those details with. He was the only person I trusted enough to respect me. And yet, I am not sure why he needed to know so much how much I suffered. We were at equal levels, he and I. There was nobody else who could understand better what it meant to rule, the sacrifices we made each day, and the terrible weight of power. I reached for his glass, which he surrendered without protest, and drank a long sip before I returned it to his hands._

 _Looking in front of me, I spoke with a low voice._

' _It was a rape, Bill, alright? What more do you want to know? Do I have to relive this humiliation, because you want to have details? How do you think I feel? Caprica Six stopped it a second before… he entered me,' my voice broke and we looked at each other._

 _Bill sighed deeply, looking down, and took a sip of his glass._

' _Days later, Cavil beat me up with a belt and a second time around. Both times Caprica Six stopped them. The second time, apparently, I got very sick with an infection and she provided me with medication and care. She saved my life, Bill. There is nothing else to know.'_

 _He took my hand while I struggled with my emotions. I relaxed against the sofa, let my head fall back on the sofa's edge and closed my eyes. His comforting presence was grounding. There was not need for us to speak, as we let our emotions freely flow. I felt him relax back too. Then he said: 'How are you healing?'_

' _It's much better than the day I showed you. There will be permanent scars, yeah.'_

 _He nodded. Then he got up, walked over the phone and picked it up. I heard him say._

' _The number Six cylon will not be interrogated without my presence or the President's. She must remain safe at all times. Order of the President.'_

 _He walked back to me._

' _Thank you' I said, looking at him. I knew I had to return on Colonial One soon, still I indulged in a quiet rest with him, as he took at book from his shelf and started to read aloud. It was simple. It was comforting."_

" _I spent the next days working on Baltar's trial and government matters. We had our scheduled Quorum meeting, where we discussed the trial and the colonies representatives were worried as well. I assured them we would take all necessary precautions to avoid unrest. I started to sleep a little better and still I felt tired. Meeting to meeting. News conference after news conference, the press had a field day with the trial preparations. I really did not leave Colonial One. I had heard of the unrest with the civilians aboard Galactica and the case of the civilian doctor who killed Sagittarons, because of their ethnicity and their religious beliefs. I heard of diseases spreading among the civilian population. This was a situation that could very well become explosive at any time and Baltar's trial could also be the detonator of this. I had no time to think back of the past."_

" _The only highlight of an otherwise boring day was that Tory found a old book of mine among the belongings she brought back from New Caprica: a mystery book that one of the colonist had given to me in exchange for helping their children at the school. It made me think of Bill and the book he gave me a long time ago. We had not seen each other in the past weeks. We both had been busy. I decided to take this opportunity to go to the Galactica, finding the good excuse that I needed to exercise. I was hoping that it would help the fatigue, which just would not go away despite my attempts at resting. So I found some loose clothing suitable for a gym, packed up everything in a bag and took a shuttle over to Galactica. I met with Bill for an agenda in the conference room. We had not met since the interrogation of Caprica Six, but we had long talks over the phone. I started to sleep better again, now that I started to remember the forgotten gaps of my detention ordeal. My anxiety subsided and I was very busy, simply doing my job. Bill and I did not mention my detention again. Our affection was deep. We did not however resume our relationship as it was on New Caprica. It was over, sunk at the bottom of a lake with my dreams; we both knew that we needed to focus on our respective positions in the fleet, he the Admiral, I the president. A relationship between us was quite unrealistic and would compromise our positions. Our friendship and the tenderness we shared were still there, though. We were both in work mode and the setting, quite public in the conference room, was not the place for a personal conversation. Still, I needed some advice with the trial and I had recalled that Adama's father, Joseph Adama, had been quite a famous lawyer back on Caprica. I suggested giving a job to his son, Lee, who seemed perfect for this. After all, he was Captain Apollo, loyal, honest and on our side. I could use someone like him to go through the meanders of Colonial Law and screen potential lawyers. There was so much work to do in the government, that I could not do it all by myself, and Tory really lacked the qualities I needed for this task. Bill said he would consider it and that he did not get along very well with his father, Joseph Adama. He was just not sure Lee would accept. According to Bill, I was suffering from OBE, overcome by events, as they call it when one start going stir crazy not leaving their ships. I had not gone out in a while and I was missing Bill. I was missing my friend. I went to the gym to vent some of my frustration; and Bill was so right to say that it smelled like the inside of a shoe. Some people turned around, surprised to see me there. My hair pulled up, I ran on the thread mill for a good half an hour, welcoming the exercise and the relief from stress it provided; I don't think I would have been able to last longer in the hot sweaty and tight room, which served as a gym, without getting claustrophobic. It was bad enough I was locked all day in the rather small space of Colonial One. I used to run back on Caprica, but mostly I used to swim. I would have given anything for a pool. There used to be one on Cloud Nine. But the ship exploded in a tragic act of terrorism right after Baltar was elected. I never had a chance to visit it. The pool made me think of my lake and the hours spent swimming there during the summer. One thought led to another as I was running, and soon I had to resist and prevent my thoughts from going into more intimate moments. Heads turned around when I headed, drenched in sweat, to the gym showers and ran the water cold to help me snap out of my yearning. Tory had secured some privacy for me in the otherwise crowded unisex showers, which made her quite unpopular at the moment. After my shower and dressed back as the president, Tory and I grabbed something to eat in the officers' mess and I made my way back to the conference room to finish some reports. I heard about the accident involving the chief and his wife. This was a huge concern of mine. Ships had been in space for a long time now without repairs. We fought tough battles on them and got hit a lot. Accidents of such nature were bound to happen more and more often, jeopardizing our survival. We needed some down time for the ships to be checked thoroughly and needed repairs made. It was critical that we reach Earth soon enough. I really do not know how many more battles this old fleet could take."_

" _At the end of the day, Bill found me in the conference room working on my papers. I was happy he came back to see me. After he informed me that the chief and his wife were good, I decided to give him the book Tory found. 'Blood Runs at Midnight' sounds like a pretty bad novel, but I told him that he probably would like it. It is indeed a pretty good mystery. I remembered fondly how he gave me a book way back only a few days after we met. 'And it's not a loan. It's a gift' I was happy I could repay him somehow for his book, now left on New Caprica among my belongings in a trunk inside a tent. I was packing my gym bag and putting files away, when I heard him say:_

' _Do you ever think about the times much on New Caprica?' We both knew what he meant._

' _I try to think about the good times, yes, I do.' I looked at him tenderly when he tried clumsily to elaborate further. We had been carefree, happy and for precious moments had let go of our responsibilities, to live and be human._

' _One in particular stands out, in my mind. You were wearing a really bright red dress, said you wanted to build a cabin.' I smiled, recollecting with fondness those wonderful moments and looking at the man, who was trying so hard to tell me something. Just like me, he clearly had been thinking about those moments._

' _It was Baltar's groundbreaking ceremony.' We looked at each other in the eyes, hidden feelings shared in an instant. 'I got a little silly that night.' This is as close as I would get from blushing. And I don't blush. He nodded. What happened on New Caprica, stayed on New Caprica._

' _Do you ever wondered what would have happened if the cylons hadn't come back?' I suddenly remembered the terrible weather patterns, the storms, the snow and the freezing cold._

' _Well, I think given Baltar and the terrain, we couldn't have made a go of it.'_

 _I added 'What about you, do you think you would have stayed on Galactica or would you have settled?' And there it was… in the open, the question I had wanted to ask for a long time. Would he have retired and come live with me in my cabin? He told me by the lake, when we kissed, that he could not settle right now. But eventually, as life went along, would he have settled? He was getting old. I certainly was not young anymore, and we needed that peace and love, and retire quietly. He evaded the question._

' _It's pretty hypothetical, isn't it?'_

' _It is, until it isn't' I really meant that. I really meant that he would have had to make that decision eventually. It came out quite funny and I could not stop myself from laughing._

' _Did I just say that?' I said._

' _It was worth just seeing you laugh like that' And, I realized I could not remember the last time I had laughed that freely… Yes, I could. The last time I had laughed like that was the day I was wearing a really bright red dress and we had smoked under the stars. We were thinking the same thing, when he added: 'We've been at war for so long sometimes we forget what we are fighting for, to raise our kids in peace. Enjoy one another's company. Live life as people again.'_

 _We had lived and loved as people again._

' _Like that night on New Caprica', I replied, 'that's really what we are talking about here, now, isn't it?'_

' _That, and other times', he replied, looking in my eyes intensely. So much for that cold shower, which only purpose was to quench my desire! I was feeling waves of warmth, threatening to overwhelm me. We had made love only twice on New Caprica; he took care of me and washed me when I was cold from that night searching survivors after the mud slide and those tender moments had been the best in my entire life. My voice dropped one octave, as I looked at him and replied softly, low, holding his gaze._

' _So if the cylons hadn't come back?' We continued looking at one another unwavering, as he reflected on his response for a few seconds, as if he was weighting the intensity of our desire for each other against the responsibilities we had towards our people._

' _But they did.' And we knew, we couldn't. We knew we were in a war, trying to survive. I looked at him with the intensity that this conversation had generated. And he added, approaching me: "we have certain responsibilities.' I nodded and replied: 'Yes, we do, Sir, and I…'. I was very close to him and the air was intensely charged with energy. He could not do this and get away with it. He could not talk about these nights and withdraw under the pretense of responsibilities, when we both knew we were burning with desire and when we both knew how much we cared for one another. What was the point of even bringing it up then?_

' _I will be back in a few days. And if you'd like we can… talk more about that night.' I turned around to grab my bag and leave. Half way through the room, I dropped all pretenses and turned around to look at him, as he was, head bent, staring at the ground._

' _Bill? The answer is yes', I think it may have been the first time in a while that I addressed him by his first name in a workroom, outside of his quarters. The answer was 'yes' to everything, because I thought we needed one another despite our responsibilities. Our life was just too hard to face it alone._

' _I absolutely would have built the cabin.' He lowered his eyes and smiled. I left to go back to Colonial One."_

 **Did you like this? if so, please drop me a note in the comments. It is very important for me to know what you are thinking. I highly regard your comments and suggestions. They motivate me to write more ;)**

 **Have a great week, everyone!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Sorry for taking so long updating this story. My daughter was here for a little while. I wrote a grant and I also had to cover an extra teaching assignment for a colleague on sick leave. Two weekends ago, I took my students to competitions (they all came back with awards) and finally I was in Chicago last weekend for the C2E2 Con, which allowed me to see the BSG panel and reconnect with long time friends. Fortunately I will have a few day off for Easter, and I hope to have some time to write.**

 **For your patience, you get an extra-long chapter.**

 **Thank you for those who have stayed with me through this journey and keep on commenting.**

 **Chapter 32**

Helena had so many questions and she assumed the older woman did as well. Members of the team barely could contain their excitement, as everyone started to talk all at once. A quick warning look of Dr. Inoue, however, calmed them down. They did not know Elosha nor Sharon well enough and they certainly did not want to overwhelmed them with an avalanche of questions and information. It was important first to establish a good relationship with Elosha and her daughter, Sharon, in everyone's best interest. Information should be exchanged in due time and with respect. It was not the time for an interrogation, however eager each member of the team was to learn about the history of these people. Takashi immediately intervened.

"We all have a lot of questions to ask and I am sure you do as well. We would like to know your people better. Would you like to share a meal with us and then maybe in the afternoon we can all talk some more?"

Elosha nodded. "Yes, we would like to join you." She turned to Helena, "my dear, would you like to take a walk with me?"

Helena glanced quickly at Takashi, who looked worried, and smiled reassuringly. Helena watched the tall old woman as she stood up and took her cane. Helena was mesmerized by her eyes, so light blue, which contrasted with her very dark skin and created a spellbinding effect. She had never seen anything like this and she knew it was extremely unusual. She thought that Evelyn would be so excited to look at the genetics of this population. Elosha took Helena's right arm and held her cane with the other hand. The two women walked slowly together in silence in the direction of the waterfall. Elosha was strong and Helena was quite sure her cane was more a sign of status than a needed help. She kept on looking at her face, her sharp aquiline profile and her almond shaped eyes, wondering which secrets lay buried in the history and knowledge of this old woman. She carried herself with great authority and she could have been very intimidating, yet Helena felt immediately a deep connection with her. The silver bracelet, the old woman was wearing on her left arm, was shiny as new, bearing no trace of tarnish. It was brushing against Helena's wrist as they walked. Helena wondered if it was the same bracelet or if copies had been made over the years after millennia of use.

"Is he your husband?"

Helena was so surprised and shocked by the question that she turned her hear swiftly to Elosha, wondering if she heard right.

"Whom are you talking about?" She replied.

"Your team leader."

Helena was puzzled. "No. He's not my husband."

"He loves you." The woman replied as matter of fact, looking in front of her and continuing walking. It was not a question. Helena was not expecting this turn of conversation and she felt awkward. She did not know what to say. She felt lightheaded and was relieved when the old woman sat on a rock by the waterfall and invited Helena to sit with her.

"You are a scientist, you are working very hard. But your heart is not open." Elosha said. Helena looked down and felt tears burning under her eyelids. She did not answer.

"He is the only family you have." The old woman continued.

"How do you know this?" Helena asked weakly, thinking of all the time she had known Takashi, since her college years.

"I don't know this. I feel it." And it was the only reply she got. They sat together in silence for a while.

"When you arrived here, you said that your people were afraid. Why? Whom?" Helena asked, changing the conversation.

"Those who can come back from the skies. We made sure we blended into the nature. Invisible! Our ancient history says that the survivors decided to let everything behind and start anew. They created monsters. They did not want to repeat history."

"The cylons?"

Elosha turned her head to look sharply at Helena's eyes.

"We do not speak of them." Elosha sighed. "You see, history keeps on repeating itself. We need to break the cycle."

" _There was nothing fun about preparing for Baltar's trial. My daily routine included meetings with the government and colonies' representatives, meeting with the press, and reading ship reports. We were having problems more often on some of the ships. Fights were breaking out. There was a lot of unrest and ferment, which was, of course, catalyzed by the press and their non-stop coverage of the upcoming trial preparations. Tory arrived carrying a small booklet that she put sternly on my desk. I could not believe what I was seeing. Baltar had written a book? More some collated sheets of propaganda, rather than a book. I picked it up and read it. Poor farmer boy from Aerelon, forced to work on a farm, making his way up to Caprican society and becoming a scientist. He was spilling a workers' rights rhetoric of class warfare. Baltar! Out of all people, an indulgent, rich, capricious being, who never looked at a worker his entire life, living like a prince, in limos and lounging in expensive hotels! It would have been laughable, if it were not so dangerous._

' _Where did you find that?' I asked Tory._

' _These pamphlets are circulating all over the fleet' She explained frustrated. Most definitely this was encouraging rebellion and probably was the cause of the fights we were experiencing on all of the ships. The text was incendiary, blaming the Caprican 'aristocracy' for the lack of mobility among the classes. It was clear that Baltar was getting back at Bill and me in the only way he could, through the people. I decided I would go speak with him later in the day, once I finished taking care of all of this paper work."_

" _I never got a chance to go over Galactica. As I turned my head, I saw a raptor flying right at Colonial One. In a second the ship shook, as if a bomb had exploded. Tory and I were thrown on the floor. All of the furniture slid sideways, with all of the files falling down. We lost power and light. And the automatic battery powered alarms started blasting their strident warning. It did not look like there was a breach in the hull. I grabbed Tory who screamed in pain and while the ship was still shaking, I dragged her downstairs and along the corridors to the other end of the ship along with all the personnel who was running down. Our captain was screaming orders to seal the upper compartment. Some people were bleeding and screaming. We had to be fast just in case the hull was about to breach. When we passed the second hatch, I started to feel a bit better, since the door would seal at any pressure differential. The other end of the ship still had power. Tory was as pale as a ghost and sweating. I looked at her for traces of blood, but could not find any. She was shaking and managed to say 'my shoulder'. This is when I realized the odd angle of her shoulder. People were running around us, and helping the wounded on chairs. The captain inquired about my well-being. I just said 'Dr. Cottle?'_

' _He's on his way!'_

 _Remembering my basic medical training on New Caprica, I started to sort our wounded by type and gravity of the injury. Fortunately, most suffered from scratches, and minor injuries when they fell. There were mostly bruises and a couple of people had hit their heads. I was very lucky to be unharmed. The captain and I retrieved the emergency kit and started treating minor scratches, which required only cleaning, antibiotic ointments and simple bandages. The more serious injuries would have to be evaluated by the Doctor when he got on board. It took only 15 minutes for Dr. Cottle to get on board and immediately he started barking orders. He took those who were in immediate danger and sent them back to Galactica in the shuttle with Ishay, who needed to take care of them in sickbay. They mostly were those we suspected of concussion and another who probably had a broken arm. Cottle looked at Tory, who was contorted in pain in a chair. I had covered her with a blanket and given her a mild analgesic. Her shoulder was dislocated and there was no other way but pull the arm back in its socket. I learned she had an anterior dislocation and it needed to be reduced. Dr. Cottle massaged her muscles for a little bit to relax them and then he ordered me to hold her torso, while he twisted and pulled on the arm. She was fighting it unconsciously and tensing up. Cottle gave her a stronger shot of analgesic and we waited 5 minutes for her to relax. I had to hold her again against my body both of my arms around her chest and her head resting on my shoulder. He pulled and twisted the arm again. Then when the arm was is the right position, he made briefly eye contact with me to warn me and he gave it a sharp pull. I heard a crack from her shoulder and her scream. He let go and she collapsed in my arms, the shoulder realigned._

' _You would have made a good nurse' he grumbled at me in a rare compliment._

 _We wrapped her in a blanket and let her rest on lying down on the chairs. I moved back with Dr. Cottle._

' _How are you doing?' he asked gently._

' _I'm ok,' I said. 'I am tired I guess. I'm sleeping better now, but I cannot manage to find enough rest.' I walked him back to his shuttle._

' _Why don't you stop by sickbay next time you are on Galactica? And I will run some blood tests.' He said and patted me on the arm, as he left. Truly, I had been tired and the stress of dealing with Baltar had not helped. I really did not have the time to think about this as I went back to the compartment to call the Admiral. I needed to find out how this accident happened. I was glad to see that Tory was asleep. Dr. Cottle had left for her a sling, which she should wear when she woke up. I woke to the back and found a phone._

' _Admiral Adama, please?' I waited to be connected._

' _Madame President, How are you doing?'_

' _I'm fine. We do have some injuries.' And I added: "How are your pilots, are they safe?'_

' _Yes, Madame President, they ejected as one of the engine caught fire and they lost control of the raptor.'_

' _What is going on, Admiral?'_

' _We are trying to find out. There seem to be some problem with the Tylium. I will have some answers by the morning. We are sending a crew to secure the area and start repairs on your ship right away. Once we know there is no breach, we will be able to transfer some of your possessions and files. I will stop by in the morning.'_

' _Thank you, Admiral, have a good night' I replied as softly as possible._

' _Same to you Madame President, try to find some sleep.' There was warmth in his tone that indicated how worried he had been. I hung up and find myself deciding where I would sleep. Many were already occupying the seats and were trying to be comfortable in the much more cramped cabin. I found double seats in the back and I thought I would have enough space to stretch my legs. So much for that shower I was going to take. Grabbing a small pillow and light blanket, I settled for the night."_

" _As promised, he sent a team to evaluate the bulkhead section, which had been damaged. In the morning, Bill came over. Once the engineers were sure that no air leak was possible, they reopened it so that I would be able to transfer all my files and my personal belongings downstairs, while they did the repairs. Bill helped me carry boxes of files and then my personal belongings. We talked a bit, and he told me how worried he had been when the accident happened. We were so glad that there were only 12 wounded and nobody had been killed. Tory was recovering, her arm in a sling. I had to find myself a private place in the lower end of the ship, which was not easy and establish an office. We moved to the back section and cleared up some space to put a cot and nearby my desk. I was complaining on how crowded it was when he said: 'If the quarters become cramped, you're always welcome in one of my beds…' I looked up at him until he caught my eyes, realizing what he said and promptly added, 'in a matter of speaking.' I could not help but smile at the unconscious meaning of his slip, and had to keep control of my laughter. Then we turned to more serious matters, when he explained that the accident was caused by some contamination of the Tylium fuel during the refinement process. The refinery used to be the most reliable ship on the fleet and recently all kinds of accidents and incidents had been happening on board this ship. I am getting every day messages from the chief of operations. Bill reminded me of his name:_

' _Zeno Fenner.'_

' _Fenner,' I vented my frustration, 'complaining about working conditions and deliveries, and, spare part and compensation. If you can believe that, we are on the run for our lives and the guy wants to talk about over time bonuses.' Clearly, Bill was thinking along those lines too, he voiced how much he wants to go back on the road to find earth. Bill, who thought of earth foremost as a way to distract his people, but did not believe it. The irony of his statement was not lost on me. I leaned over to him, whispering: 'Is that a hint of hope I hear? Is the skeptic suddenly decided, that we are on the road to earth after all?' I loved to tease him on this topic._

' _Did I ever doubt it?' He answered and I smiled at him, playful. With all the men working, we were able to transfer all of our files quickly down. Bill and I organized the back end of the cabin to make some decent quarters and he helped me put away some of my stuff. He wanted to go back to continue the investigation of the accident and I had an entire office to organize quickly, as fleet matter did not wait. He left me with a quick kiss on the cheek, whispering 'I'm glad you're ok'."_

" _The next day, I went to Galactica to go over the situation with him. He had summoned Fenner in his office. He kept on telling us how hard the work was on the crew, who had not had a break since the attack by the cylons. Indeed, nobody had a break. There was no vacation, or time off. We had to survive, make the ships function. With barely enough fuel to jump twice, how could possibly escape another cylon attack? If they were to find us again? And then Fenner started to quote Baltar's book. That Baltar's writing was responsible for this unrest made me furious. He was indeed poisoning the minds of our people with his writings about class and revolution. We had to nip this in the bud and immediately._

' _Did you say the book?' I said. He nodded. 'Guards, arrest him for extortion and interrupting vital services during a time of war.' My voiced must have sliced as a knife, because Bill looked at me with surprise._

' _Go ahead, take him away, now. That's it, go. Out of here. Gone' Bill kept on looking at me, wondering what was happening and why I was so angry._

' _What the hell was that?' Bill asked_

' _He was quoting from Baltar's book'_

 _Anything having to do with Baltar fighting his little war against us, using the people, would make me lose my mind in anger. I explained: 'he is having it reprinted and passed out within the fleet and he is calling it: -My Triumphs, My Mistakes- by Gaius Baltar. I am thinking of having a good old-fashioned book burning.'_

 _I was standing fuming, when Bill called Tyrol and told him that I had arrested Zeno Fenner._

' _He pissed off the President' was what he said, Bill, really? Mostly, Bill wanted to get the refinery back on line. We were vulnerable, should the cylons attack. The refinery had work again."_

" _The thing with Baltar is that the man has a gift to infuriate me. His false pretenses, his hypocrisy, his natural sense of self-preservation wrapped in his narcissism drive me mad with anger. I have a very hard time to contain myself when I see him, despite by best intentions to remain calm. He puts a mirror in front of you, which absolutely gives you the reflection of the worse person you can be. I have seen it with Bill. I have seen it with Gaeta. I have seen it with myself. When you are facing Baltar, your worse emotions, anger and hate are brought up to the surface and flaring up. I went to his cell to get pages of the book he is writing. Can you believe he was flattered I may have read it? I certainly did not want to give him the satisfaction to let him believe that his pages got out to the fleet. I told him we had intercepted them. I had the guards search his cell but could not find additional pages. Then of course I figured he must be hiding them on his body. The temptation to have him stripped naked was strong. I remembered my pledge not to torture him and go as low, or lower, than my jailors on New Caprica. It was not necessary to humiliate the man. My eyes locked up with his. I was not interested in looking at his body. I wanted to assert myself over him. Fortunately, he handed the pages, saying, 'perhaps you'll consider writing a blurb for the back cover.' Infuriating!"_

" _I went back to Bill's quarters furious. The good thing about our friendship is that we did not have to pretend with one another. I told him how I thought Baltar was bringing up my worse instincts. He did agree. 'Narcissist personalities do that,' he said, ' Baltar is a psychopath and a manipulator. Seeding discomfort and anger is what he does best.' Both Bill and I were angry at a situation, which was getting more dangerous as time went on. Bill sent Tyrol to look at the conditions on the Tylium ship and when he came back to say that the workers had removed the seals on some of the piping, which prevented the refinery to operate, we knew we had a unacceptable situation. I understood the working conditions on the fleet were miserable for some of the toughest work, refining the fuel, processing algae for food, recycling waste. Even teams doing laundry, preparing meals or cleaning the ships were having a harder time. We knew that. However, sabotage was not a good way to start negotiations. It was putting all of us in danger. I told this to Tyrol and he gave us the name of the guy who was a leader of the workers. Now we had Cabot in prison in a cell with Fenner. I hated to jail workers who were protesting. We had to make them understand that we would only start negotiating when they would stop their acts of sabotage. If we bowed to such acts, they would start to occur all over the fleet. Soon enough we would have complete unrest and possible accidents. When Tyrol left, I took a sip from my glass and looked at Bill._

' _You know, they have a point. These people are stuck there, Bill. They have nowhere to go, working conditions the same, day after day without an end in sight. It's not like they had some vacation coming or anything to look forward to. Since the attacks, they have been there working and don't tell me their lives are pleasant. I'm very concerned about the fact that all of our equipment is breaking down. Accidents are more and more frequent. Those guys are doing a hell of job if you think about it. We have to consider the fact that sabotage may have been their only way to get our attention.'_

' _I know, but we cannot let anyone dictate us using such methods. This is mutiny.'_

' _When I was secretary of education, right before the attacks, we had this huge teachers' strike. The schools had been paralyzed for weeks. Kids were not going to school, not learning. Parents had to stay home or hire sitters to take care of the little ones since they had nowhere to go. Teenagers roamed the streets and got in trouble. All of this was creating so many problems.' He lifted his face from the papers he was annotating to listen to me._

' _Everyone was blaming me, as secretary of education, for not doing anything to stop a situation that was worsening by the hour. In fact it was president Adar who refused to negotiate. He just would not bend. He did not want to even start a negotiation with those he called terrorists.'_

' _Adar was an asshole.' He replied._

' _He felt his government was attacked and that negotiating would weaken him. He felt that once we engaged in negotiations every part of our society would start to strike to obtain what they wanted. So he was ready to send the troops. Force people back to work. It could have degenerated easily into a blood bath.' Bill was looking at me intensely. 'What would you have done, Bill?'_

' _I don't know. That's why you're the politician. In the army, it's easy. You follow orders. If you don't, it's mutiny.'_

' _They were teachers, Bill. Not terrorists. He was ready to send the troops without even listening to what they had to say. I met with the teachers' union leader without Adar knowing and I decided on a formal meeting to listen to what they had to say. Just to listen and give them a voice. I was not thinking we would give them anything. But at least, there was no harm in listening and trying to understand.'_

' _How did that go with Adar?' He took a sip of his wine, with a smirk on his face._

' _It was the day of the attacks. The teachers' union guy saw me after my lunch break by the water on the market place. It was hot. I had let my foot go in the water for a bit. I had just found out I had cancer. Everything seemed different. I was in shock. And then I see this guy and he really wants to talk to us, to express what is going on with the teachers. And so I feel I have to put things in perspective. We had to listen to them or we would go in a unrecoverable situation.' I closed my eyes remembering that day that seemed so long ago. 'Adar was not pleased. He was very angry with me. I could not understand why he would not at least listen to the teachers' complains. Adar had become obsessed with power. He had become hard and heartless. Power does that. I broke up with him that day.'_

 _Bill's head shot up, 'you… what?'_

' _I had an affair with Adar, Bill. I was frakking him.'_

' _He was married.'_

' _Yes, he was.' We looked at each other for a moment. The person I was then did not exist anymore. He nodded with a small smile. I continued. 'He told me that after the trip to Galactica, I would have to resign. Ironic, isn't it? I should not even be president! Of course I never resigned.'_

 _Bill took his glasses of and pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Wow' He could only whisper._

' _They all died that day!' I sighed. 'I don't know what would have happened if the attacks did not occur.'_

' _But they did. And, you are president. If anything, I am grateful for that.' He replied._

 _I remained silent, thinking about what I just said. Power was easy to abuse. We had to be mindful not become like Adar. We had to listen to them. I told Bill that I decided that I would go speak with Cabot and Fenner in the morning in their prison cell. I had so much work to do that I took back my papers and continued working through the night at Bill's desk. Maybe two hours later, Bill got a call that the chief had managed to have Fenner cave and give them the location of the seals. The refinery would start again in the morning. Disturbingly, we also found out that Cabot broke down in his cell and had to be seen by Dr. Cottle. I did not realize he had been in detention on New Caprica. Gods know what happened to this poor man there. I had a painful knot in my throat thinking about it._

' _Oh my Gods, Bill, what are we doing?'_

' _We are ruling the fleet and making sure that we stay alive. That's what we are doing' he replied, sternly. I knew that as well as he._

' _We need to allow some kind of negotiation, Bill'_

' _Right now, let's start by putting back the Tylium processing on line. And then we will see.'"_

" _I went back to Colonial One during the night. I was glad I could get some work done in Bill's quarter, because it was very uncomfortable working with so little space. Fortunately the repairs were taking place and in a few days, I would be able to move back to my old office and quarters. The next morning, Chief Tyrol came to see me. He described the conditions on the Tylium ship: children as young as twelve, who barely could remember the attacks, working shifts in the refinery. I knew that we had kids in terrible conditions on all of the ships. We had to survive. Parents were passing the skills to their children and children also had to operate the machineries. Our life was hard. 'There is nothing ideal about this fleet', I told him. We were at war. What could we possibly do?_

' _Do you see what's happening? Jobs are starting to get inherited, Madame President. We don't know how long we're going to be on these ships. What's if it's fifteen years? So I train my son to be a deckhand because that is what I am? And that's all he can ever be? Is that the future we want?' I looked at him, reflecting on his words._

' _That's a really good point!' I was a teacher, for Gods sake! We could not let our children go without proper training. And additionally, we needed to establish a rotation among the workers. Establishing a registry of all the fleet personnel with jobs relevant to the work in the refinery and creating rotations would be a first step to give some relief to the workers. I immediately instructed Tory to get on this task and Tyrol would coordinate these efforts. We would start to use a lottery system to assign qualified people on shifts until we find a better way to establish rotations. Immediately my mind started working on how we needed to change the working conditions and implement educational programs. Apprenticeship programs would probably the best way since we were lacking schools beyond the elementary levels. We needed to train the teenagers properly and give them enough knowledge to have them take over us. The next level of intervention would be to start putting in place teaching programs for higher grades, recruiting among engineers for math and sciences and other professions for the arts. I could see that we could not even find decent lawyers on the fleet, because nobody was there. Yes, Tyrol was right. We needed to start thinking of the future."_

" _I wish that it would have been that easy. As soon as we started to implement these rotations a few days later, a terrible accident happened with one of the young guy working rotating there and he nearly lost his arm. This prompted a general strike on all of the ships. Bill, furious, put Tyrol in jail and threatened to execute his wife, if he was not calling it off. All he wanted was to negotiate. And I had already started it by allowing rotations. I didn't agree with Bill's method. But it was a military ship and he could not have half of his crew on strike. For him it was simply mutiny. And mutineers get shot. Not surprisingly, Tyrol called off the strike. And I got a call from Bill to let me know that he was sending Tyrol over for negotiations. I am glad, that he allowed the negotiations to take place. After all, maybe my recollection of the education strike gave him pause. We could not risk a fleet-wide revolution. We needed to hear them. When we met, Tyrol brought up some good observation about how our society was. Depending on where you were born, we ended up in various professions, some of them more valued than others. It was true. Our colonial society had been a caste system in reality. We may claim we had opportunities for all. And surely there were. Yet, those born on poor planets did not get as many opportunities and they were looked down by others. If we were to survive and build a new society, we couldn't hold on to these ancient systems and prejudices. We had to reject them. We needed to move forward. The planets were gone. And anything that stemmed from the planets' geography was gone with them. There was no reason someone from Sagittaron would not have the same opportunities as someone from Caprica. Here in the fleet, we are all the same, only people stranded on ships. And so our old prejudices have no ground here. They were wrong before. They even more wrong now. Tyrol was right to propose ideas to 'level the field' as he put it. I agreed to let people on Colonial One rotate in shifts to help low-level maintenance. It was important to have everyone pitch in and help. We could not have a caste of rulers and a cast of servants, if we wanted to continue our world. I was glad that Tyrol also proposed some training program for the young people, which was along the lines of what I was thinking of doing. We needed to train people if we wanted to establish safe and efficient rotations. Clearly, he had put a lot of thought in this. This would take time to get implemented. In the mean time, we needed to have work resume and the union would have to work with the workers to make sure that work would resume seamlessly. Tyrol was surprised I mentioned the union. I really had thought he had resurrected the union they had created on New Caprica, the colonial workers alliance, and that he was coming for collective bargaining negotiations. When he hesitated, I reminded him how important it was that the workers be represented and clearly he was the man for the job. They needed to be unionized so that the unrest we saw did not have a chance to happen again. The best way to fight Baltar and his dreams of social revolution was to organize the workers and give them a way to be heard. It was critical to unionize that and have them take part of our plan for improvement of our society. If they felt heard and if they had a say in our decisions, there would not be any cause for a revolution. Baltar could say whatever he wanted, people would know that we are moving together in the right direction. I was proud of Tyrol and I was proud that we would make the choices best for our society._

 _I said to him: 'If this society is becoming truly polarized between an entrenched political class and a disenfranchised underclass, then we are doomed. We won't need the cylons to destroy us; we'll destroy ourselves. The fleet that arrives on Earth will not represent colonial society at all. I am willing to fight for that society until my dying breath. I would love it if you'd fight for that society as well.' We need to work together. We need to survive and our survival depended on working together. He left happy, I think. So was I. I felt we really had accomplished a great deal of work. It would take time and a lot of work, and we would make it work. We needed to rebuild this society."_

 **Thank you for reading. Please comment, it motivates me.**

 **March and April are the busiest times for me, as we compete all over the state and I have to get my students ready for their exams. I will do my best to keep you updated.**

 **Do not fear, though, I am writing a few chapters ahead, thus allowing me to reflect on the text and make any changes as the story goes along.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Thank you for your lovely reviews for the last chapter.**

 **This is a smaller chapter. Enjoy.**

 **Chapter 33**

Elosha was looking at the waterfall, deep in thought. Then, she said:

"What do you know about the cylons?"

Helena hesitated for a moment and then spoke.

"We know they were created by these people. We know they are part machine and part biological. Or maybe some of them are machines, others biological. It is not very easy to understand what came first and how. We know that there was a child born from humans and cylons. Was there even more than one? I'm not sure. The blood of that child saved Laura from cancer. She lived long enough to settle on a planet, and suffer cylons' occupancy. Then, they escaped. And later her cancer must have returned, because we found it clearly on her remains. I am still working on the text and certainly there is still a lot of work to be done. It takes some time."

Elosha got up suddenly, startling Helena.

"Come with me!" She said with authority. Helena looked in her eyes deeply for a few seconds. In a flash, Helena thought of all the possibilities that could happen: she could get abducted for a ransom or her knowledge; she could be taken or killed; she could disappear never to be found again. Helena had the translation of the book. They probably wanted that. Would they kidnap her to get it? She thought it was ridiculous; they were ready to share that knowledge and needed them to establish medical care and secure the area with the UN and UNESCO. Losing a scientist on an expedition would certainly not accomplish any of such goals. Reassured that their intention was probably not malevolent, she decided to trust Elosha. And deeply she was not scared; the old woman's eyes were only full of strength and trust. She got up and followed the older woman on a path up the side of the ridge closer to the waterfall. The path suddenly turned and branched behind a rock. Helena could not see the pond in the back or their camp anymore. It occurred to her that she should probably warn Takashi and that he would be upset if he could not find her. But how? She did not have the SAT phone with her and could not communicate her location. Helena wore a thin brown leather bracelet with a charm on it. The silver charm was the Japanese kanji character hikari, meaning 'light'. She slipped the bracelet off and placed it by the entrance of the cave. Elosha disappeared inside. Helena followed her, suddenly enveloped by darkness.

" _With this new assignment, my schedule became even more busy, if that is at all possible. We started to rotate people to less desirable jobs. There was a lot of whining and protest among our privileged class, especially those on Colonial One, which made me realize, well… how privileged they had been._

' _Ok, I said. I will go too' Maybe if I showed the example, they would be less inclined to complain. The question remained which ship and what job. Because of my responsibilities, I could not be away for very long. Yet, the idea of leaving Colonial One to disappear among the civilians was an appealing one. As a previous teacher, I was interested to see if I could do something related to this. So Tory put my name on the list with my qualifications. A few days later, the answer came back. Interestingly, I was matched to the Rising Star, the medical ship that is touring the fleet to bring Dr. Cottle to each vessel, pick up sick passengers and treat others on the spot. I would go for a few days each week to relieve some of the nursing personnel on board. Dr. Cottle had put a request for some help. I imagine he picked me when he saw my name."_

" _I was determined not to come on the Rising Star as the president, but as an ordinary woman. This turned out to be a lot more difficult than I had anticipated. I put comfortable clothes, pants, short boots and a comfortable shirt. I pulled my hair up in a ponytail. But people on the ship still addressed me as the president and gave me special treatment. I had to make it clear that I was on my job rotation just like everyone else. Dr. Cottle set me up with him on his tour of the fleet to treat civilians. We spent the day going from ship to ship to treat people from the various colonies. He gave me orders to clean wounds or prepare examination rooms, change sheets and examination gowns. There were only few doctors and even fewer nurses. Ishay was now completely trained as a doctor, missing only the actual degree, which was nonsense in our predicament, and thus could not spare the time to do the nursing job, which is the reason why help was needed. Dr. Richard a civilian who killed Sagittarons based on their ethnicity and religious beliefs was now removed from duty and rightly imprisoned until his trial. I have no doubt he would get the death penalty. Dr. Cottle made me work as a nurse, changing bandages, weighing infants, and conducting basic exams. He had already taught me a lot on New Caprica and now I graduated to more complicated tasks such as how to take blood pressure and how to inject subcutaneous shots and intramuscular shots. I was a nervous wreck the first time I had to do it, but it went well._

 _This assignment gave me a much clearer picture of how the fleet was operating and what we had become. Some of the ships needed a lot of supplies and the population was living in deplorable conditions. The ships were in bad shape, with terrible quality of life. Children barely receiving the care they should, education abysmal and a high level of corruption, creating in certain cases some truly tragic events. I was ashamed that under my government we could find such poverty and cases like women prostituting themselves to be able to get medication for their children. Of course, it did not help that we left so many of our supplies on the surface of New Caprica. It was possible to recycle things, but we could not create supplies we did not have. Taking the opportunity to speak with me and explain their predicament became a reason some people requested to visit the Rising Star for so called 'medical emergencies'. Over the next couple of weeks I started rotating my days randomly to avoid cluttering the medical ship with just those who wanted the presidential ear for a few minutes. At the same time I realized that I had not listened enough to our people. Our colonial society, just like Tyrol mentioned, was turning into a caste society, where your fate depended on which ship you lived. This was unacceptable. Some of the horrors I was witnessing were unacceptable. Based on my highly educational and enlightening experience on the Rising Star, I started planning some very necessary reforms of our society, childcare, health care and schooling. Education was paramount. And we needed to train teachers and place the children in a structured educational system. Caught in our struggle for survival, we, I, had forgotten to keep our institutions working well. Under constant attack, with poor resources, we had neglected our basic needs. Well, it stopped today. As I rode back silent in the Rising Star, filing patients' paperwork for Cottle, I started to wonder if the old doctor had somehow manipulated me in seeing something I had refused to see since the attacks and certainly after New Caprica. I finished the last file and got up to find him. He was hunched over a pile of paper, puffing on his cigarette._

' _Thank you, Doctor, for bringing me here' I said to him. He did not move and did not even look at me._

' _You're welcome!" he said low._

' _Doing this rotation with you has helped me greatly seeing the needs of the fleet. It is one thing to know of how much our people are suffering, and quite another to experience it.'_

 _He finally lifted his head to look at me._

' _I'm glad you came back down to the ground' I knew his implied criticism had something to do with the way we behaved with Baltar. I respected Dr. Cottle deeply. His point of view was to save lives. I had to govern. That, sadly, was an entire different matter. I had known since the very first day I took office upon the destruction of the colonies that I would have to sacrifice lives for all to survive. I never quite got over that. I bear on my soul the destruction of many lives. I nodded to him and he smiled._

' _How are you doing? You mentioned you were tired and you never stopped by to check with me.'_

 _I replied, 'I'm still tired, but of course I am working around the clock. Not much down time.'_

 _He got up from his desk and extended his arm showing me the examination table._

' _I'll draw some blood and check everything. Are you eating?'_

 _My answer was a grimace._

' _That's what I thought!' he said._

 _My simple exam was normal, blood pressure and vitals._

 _When we arrived at Colonial One, my stop, he said:_

' _Why don't you come back in about five days on Galactica, I will have those results for you then.' I shook his hand with heartfelt thank you. He turned around and I heard him grumble: 'It will be a nice excuse to visit Galactica!'_

 _The joke was not lost on me and smiling, I went back into my ship."_

 **Have a lovely day. I will try to write a bit more this weekend.**

 **As always, send me your comments. They are always welcome.**


	34. Chapter 34

**{NOTE: I had a very good and thoughtful comment on the last submission, which made me reflect on how important this chapter is. I agree with the commenter that I had overlooked some of the emotions at the end of the chapter. This is a revised version with a slightly different last couple of paragraphs.}**

 **This is a key chapter in the story. "Maelstrom", at many levels, is a transitional episode setting up the story of Kara and previewing the darkness of season 4. In parallel, in the modern story of Helena, it is a transitional episode as well.**

 **Rated M.**

 **Chapter 34**

It took a few minutes for Helena's eyes to adjust to the darkness. Once they did, she realized that the cave was not completely dark; some light was filtering from small cracks in the rock on the upper right side. It was more a narrow corridor leading downhill. Elosha was making her way slowly, waiting for Helena to catch up. Helena wondered if this was a natural cave or rather a passage that had been carved thousands of years ago. As she walked down on the path, bioluminescent organisms, moss or maybe fungi, that seemed to be growing along the walls of the damp rock replaced the natural light. Helena found them incredibly pretty. The path started to rise again, turned, and they merged into a spacious cave, with a tall ceiling and rock formations that seemed to have been carved into little habitations. Some little houses had been formed with rocks and, in the middle of the vast cave, there was a green pond fed by a stream with sparse moss on its edges. Light was filtering from above the pond and lanterns were illuminating some of the housing along the rock walls. Helena counted about two dozen habitations. Children came running towards them and several women and men poked their heads curious out of their houses' windows. Some women and men were sitting by the pond, washing fabric and clothes, chatting and laughing. Some others were carrying baskets with fruits and grains. It was a very animated village, which felt comfortable and reassuring.

Elosha turned to Helena and with a big smile said:

"Welcome to Caprica".

" _We were able to move back in my old office and quarters, once the crew had completed all of the repairs from the raptor's impact. I was glad to be able to breathe a bit; I had been getting claustrophobic in the cramped quarters below. I also was glad to have a private bathroom again. Yes, I was privileged too. I feel quite shameful that I am complaining when so many others do not even get close to the luxury of accommodations I have. But certainly I am grateful for this."_

" _I talked on the phone with Bill. I explained to him my rotation and what it unveiled on the fleet situation. A real look on the inside and it was not pretty. I had an emergency meeting of the Quorum and we talked about first steps to tackle immediately health care and education. It is not as if we had a lot of supplies. We were forced to ration everything, and we needed to assure everyone had equal access to medication, food and basic services such as education. Bill informed me that the fleet would be refueling, now that the Tylium processing plant had been functioning at full capacity and that we had fuel stocks again. Settled around a gas giant planet, we started the fueling operations."_

" _Later the very same day I heard that Starbuck, Kara Thrace, had spotted a cylon raider and followed it into the upper atmosphere of the gas giant, rescued at the last minute by Lee Adama. Bill was upset; he told me, when we talked again on the phone again, that he thought she was burning out. I would not be surprised. Kara was one who received long months of detention on New Caprica, with a particularly disturbing form of psychological torture. We had been under so much stress that we all were bound to crack at some point. Kara was particularly strong, brave and certainly the best pilot they had. It was not easy for Bill to admit that she may have just reached her limit. He had told me how much he loved her. She was the last link to his dead son, since she had been his son's fiancée, before he died. She was a daughter to him. Bill told me that he would trust the decision of Lee, who was the CAG. Lee told him that grounding Kara was akin to a death sentence and he was worried she would not bear it and loose completely her self-confidence."_

" _This morning I got a call from Dr. Cottle telling me that my blood test results had come back and I should drop by sickbay. He had an appointment slot late morning, so I decided to go have breakfast with Bill. He picked me up at my shuttle and we walked the corridors to his quarters talking about the supplies and how they should be allocated. The truth was, we were both so happy to see each other again. We had spent so many hours in the past few days working and reorganizing the fleet after the strike that we really had not time to take a break. We had an uneventful meeting, discussing fleet matters and I confessed to him how upset I was about the state of the fleet. I wrote down my memos and then sat down next to him on the sofa admiring the wonderful wooden model ship he was building._

' _This is beautiful.'_

' _It helps me focus my mind away from everyday trouble' he chuckled._

 _I continued our earlier discussion about some of the terrible poverty I had witnessed on certain ships as I visited with Cottle._

' _I simply can't believe, Bill, that I have been oblivious to this for so long' I said, upset._

' _You can only do as much' he said._

' _Bill, I'm the president! If I cannot help those kids, then who can? We need to do something. I know we do not have much anymore, but we have to allocate supplies fairly!' I continued with my rant. I was deeply upset at myself for letting these conditions arise and continue._

 _I caught him looking at me over his cup of fake coffee with a little smile._

' _What?'_

' _I keep on seeing you soaked after spending a day and a night searching for those people after the mud slide'_

 _I nodded._

' _That's not funny, Bill,' but then I added 'We lost so many on New Caprica.'_

' _I will keep those days forever in my memory,' he whispered._

 _And there it was again, our friendship and the emotion of something more. I remembered the pain of that night and how desperate I had been. I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking of his tender care, his gentleness and the lovemaking. I had tried to forget these moments in detention. When I opened my eyes again I found him still watching me unabashedly._

' _Yeah' I smiled. I would have liked to elaborate more on this tempting memory, but I had to go to my appointment._

' _I have to go to Cottle' I whispered, breaking the spell._

' _I'll walk with you' he said standing up and helping me out of the chair. 'Madame President, this way.'_

 _I smiled at him and we walked together along the corridor, discussing the refueling procedures and how long it would take._

 _We were stopped along the way by Kara Thrace, who looked so happy. She was coming back from shuttle bay and chatted for a minute with Bill. She gave him a little bronze statue of Aurora, Goddess of the dawn, to put on his ship._

 _Kara said: 'She brings the morning star and a fair wind… a fresh start'._

 _It made me happy to see her smiling and I could tell how delighted Bill was from his present. Yes, in more ways that one, she was his daughter."_

" _When we arrived in sick bay, we were welcomed by a grumbling Dr. Cottle. I'm not sure what it was, maybe his eyes a bit darker, or wrinkles not quite reaching his temples when he greeted me in a brief smile. I caught his eyes on me in all of their sadness... I felt as if I stepped inside a cold chamber. My breath caught in my chest and I stopped. Dr. Cottle never could lie to me. Bill looked at me and then at him, alarmed._

' _Admiral, I will call you, when we are done' said Dr. Cottle in a low voice. The two men exchanged a silent and meaningful message as a few seconds elapsed. Bill took my hand to give it a brief squeeze and then he left._

 _I walked slowly to the examination table and sat on it. I felt as if the walls were constricting around me and I grabbed the edge on the table not to fall._

' _It's back, isn't it?' I could only whisper, 'how bad?'_

' _I don't know,' he replied honestly, 'you have three elevated cancer antigen markers. One of the three occurs in metastatic cancer. I have to examine you now. The blood test markers are rather imprecise; they can misrepresent reality'._

 _He handed me a gown and stepped out to let me undress. My hands were shaking. How was that possible? How could the cancer be back? The cylon blood had cured me. I was fumbling with the buttons of my jacket and skirt, suddenly uncoordinated. I made an effort to steady my breath, slowly inhaling on a count of five, holding for two counts and breathing slowly by the mouth on seven counts. And then again. Another time, until I stopped shaking enough to be able to remove my clothes. I laid back and looked at the ceiling as he did his exam in silence. I do not know if I wanted him to comment on his findings. His silence was unsettling. The expression on his face was grave. Tears started to run on my temples and fell on the crinkly paper of the examination table, while he was gently searching for signs of tumors in my breasts and then did a pelvic exam. He followed his exam with a sonogram. I heard him remove his gloves and he helped me sit up, offering me a tissue. I was looking down. Only a few minutes had elapsed… and my life was shaken again. I felt I knew the path all too well. I would have liked to recover the carefree moments of the morning. Now my chest was tight and I could hear my heart throbbing in my temples._

' _I would like to put you in the MRI, right now.' He said firmly._

' _Alright.' I said, swallowing a painful lump in my throat. We may as well know the extent of the damage right away._

 _Numb, I followed him to the MRI room. The exam took a long time; I knew he was thorough. I wanted it to be over. Then, he gently told me to get dressed and meet him back in his office. There was just silence in my mind, as if my life had stopped. All the worries, the thoughts of work, plans for the fleet, all of it had stopped._

 _Back in the office with him, I waited. No need to fight this overwhelming feeling. I just let if flow through me. He cleared his throat._

' _I'm afraid it has spread,' he said, 'you have metastatic breast cancer. There is a very small tumor on the left ovary as well'_

 _I managed to articulate, 'how long?'_

' _If you start Doloxan right away, and we remove your ovaries, I would say about six to eight months. Maybe longer. It is hard to say.'_

 _Doloxan, of course, the treatment of choice, which made you sicker than the cancer! I could not feel anything. I felt as if the ground had opened below me and I was getting swallowed whole into emptiness._

' _I want to be alone.'_

' _I'm sorry' He added, nodding, before he left. I stayed there silent for long minutes, shaken, numb and unable to even process the news. It was back and I was going to die._

 _A few minutes later maybe –I could not even process how much time later-, Dr. Cottle came back. I had not moved._

' _We have to discuss, when we are beginning the treatment.' He picked a pen and started to write notes on my file._

' _No', I said, 'not yet.'_

 _He looked up._

' _Madame President, you cannot wait.'_

' _I am not going to take the stand during Baltar's trial, while vomiting, with my hair falling out and in pain from the recovery of a surgery. It'll have to wait'_

' _Madame President…'_

' _It's not negotiable.' I stated firmly looking at him in the eyes. He sighed, got up and turned around leading me to the hatch._

' _Then I would suggest you expedite this trial. Time is not on your side.'_

 _Dr. Cottle must have called Bill, because he had come to pick me up and we walked in a heavy silence back to his quarters. The first thing Bill did was to place a call to CIC that he should not be disturbed unless there was an extreme emergency. I barely heard him, as I sat in shock on the sofa and waited for him to hang up the phone."_

" _The model ship was still there in all of its splendor. My coffee cup, I left there this morning, was still half full. It was all the same. It was all different. I left late morning unaware that I bore death in my body and returned to the same place hours later in shock. Bill did not question me. He knew. He just sat next to me on the sofa and took my hands in both of his._

' _It's metastatic', I said softly, 'It's in the breasts and Cottle saw a tumor on one ovary. He wants to take both ovaries out.'_

 _He looked at me and I saw tears in his eyes._

 _I remembered our earlier talk and our emotion. I remembered the softness and tenderness we had shared. I needed it now. There was no space for strategies, discussions and long worded plans. It was simple in its painful realization. No more pretenses. There was only room for care and tenderness. Simple basic comfort. I leaned over and I slowly kissed him. I kissed him, because I wanted to feel him and taste him, and because I was going to die. It did not matter anymore. He tasted of those sunny and rainy New Caprican days. I tasted his tears and mine too. I knew the Doloxan would rob me of my physical well-being. I knew nausea and muscle weakness lay ahead, with increased risks of infection. I wanted to do the treatment, for him. I wanted to fight this. The first time around, I felt I had nothing to loose. It was not the case anymore. There was only little time left before my body would deteriorate: just about three little weeks, for the trial to take place, and then a descent in hell. I had seen my mother endure rounds of chemotherapy, robbing her of her life little by little. We kissed again and again with a desperate passion. This was about being alive, right at this instant. He ran his hands in my hair. I closed my eyes, more tears burning under my eyelids._

' _Your hair' he said sadly in a soft low voice._

 _I shook my head, 'No, please, don't…' fighting back a new wave of tears and swallowing hard. I could not let him go there._

' _It will grow back', he said, wiping my tears off my cheeks, 'when you're done with the treatment'. How could he possibly believe I would survive this? How could he not know that this was a death sentence? Then, it occurred to me that he just refused to see it. He held me in his arms, gently rubbing my back. My head rested on his shoulder._

' _Bill, I… I would like…' I stopped. How could I tell him? How could I ask without begging?' I gently turned his face toward me and kissed him again, my desire rising._

' _You're still the president.' he whispered thereafter._

' _Yes, I am' I said, my voice breaking, and then I added '…before my body falls apart… while I'm still a full person.'_

 _He looked at me for a long time in my eyes, serious and grave. I could tell he was torn, thinking about the implications of my demand on our responsibilities._

' _Alright', he said softly and he got up. He turned off the lights by the sofa and table and came back to me, taking my hand and helping me up. We walked slowly to the sleeping area while holding each other. Our kissing and touching were tender and emotional. I realized how much I had missed this since New Caprica. I had missed the intimacy and this deepest spiritual communion with another person, losing myself in burning sensations, love given, received and shared equally. I had missed Bill so much that it hurt and somehow the pain I had felt during the long cylon occupation was still there. I had tried forgetting him at the lowest points of my detention, when I had lost all hope of survival. I had been violated and intimately exposed. Even if a rape did not happen in fact, I bore engraved inside me humiliation and terror. And while I very much wanted to share physical and spiritual intimacy with him, I was also very anxious to expose myself. My first instinct was to turn off the light, so he would not see me naked. As I was reaching for the light switch by his bed, he gently took my hand away from the switch, his gaze questioning. I was shaking, my chest and throat tight._

' _I'm scared' I managed to whisper. He came closer to me and ran his hands in my hair, kissing my forehead, cheeks, and mouth._

' _Look at me, Laura,' I looked into his eyes, 'we do not have to do this, if you're not ready. There is time.'_

' _No, Bill, I don't have time. I'm ready. I just... I just need your help and I want this very much.' I stumbled a little over those words, my emotions overwhelming, and my voice shaking and dropping an octave. I am not really one to admit openly my fears and request help._

' _Are you sure?' He looked at me in my eyes for several seconds, giving me the time to change my mind, if I wanted to. I knew he would never do anything without my consent._

 _I nodded, 'Yes, I'm sure.'_

 _Without speaking, he understood me, holding me gently in his arms. When we first made love back on New Caprica, I had no such worries. I trusted him so completely that I could entirely let go of my reservations and be fully present in the moment with him. Now, with the abuse I endured in detention, I was scared. I knew that there was no logical reason to be, except for the fact that I had been hurt. I knew he would never hurt me, yet I could not let go of that deep irrational fear._

 _Not pushing me, he hugged me tight while rubbing circles on my back over my shirt, and whispered: 'It will be ok, Laura. There's no rush.'_

 _He continued holding me, kissing me and caressing me over my clothes until I was ready and the urge of feeling him against my bare skin became irresistible. I looked down, when I removed my skirt. I unbuttoned my shirt and slowly took a deep breath as he held me against his chest in a tender hug, while his hands ran on my back under the fabric. When he pushed the collar aside to kiss my shoulder, I closed my eyes and relaxed into the warm sensation of his embrace and the skin of his chest against mine. He looked into my eyes for permission, before he pulled my shirt down my arms and away. Instinctively, his eyes searched the scars on my lower back and I withdrew._

' _Laura...' I looked up to his eyes, worried. What I saw there was just tenderness._

' _Laura. This...' He lightly touched my lower back, where pearly white and pink scars lay on my skin, 'this doesn't matter to me. I just want to make sure you're alright.' He added, pointing at his chest with the long scar he had from the surgery to remove the bullets that nearly killed him, 'I have one too' with a big smile. We both had our battles. We both were warriors in this unspeakable war._

' _Lay down on your stomach, Laura' he said softly. And after a brief hesitation, I did. He unhooked my bra, moved my hair out of the way and slowly massaged the tense muscles of my shoulders, kneading the painful knots he found there. I had not realized how uptight I was until his fingers found sore muscles to soothe. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply starting to relax, as he massaged my back slowly from neck down loosening up all of the tension out of my muscles. This felt so good. On my lower back and hips, his fingers gently traced each scar, in a light caress, followed soon by gentle open-mouthed kisses. My heart nearly breaking at so much love and tenderness, I turned around, shed the remainder of my clothes and pulled him in my arms for a long hug. I cried quietly as I felt his skin against mine, overcome again by emotion._

' _How are you?' He asked, concerned._

' _This is home, here with you. I missed you so much' I replied wiping my tears and smiling at him._

' _Me too'_

 _We held each other, determined to make this last as long as possible and enjoy each moment. We relearned each other's bodies through the night. It was less about sex, than it was about reconnecting at this deeper intimate and spiritual level. It was about living and feeling. It was about fighting cancer. This was different than on New Caprica, where we burned with desire, one time high from the weed and the second time consuming our fear, pain and grief. We wanted to be present with each other and enjoy this fully and slowly; we knew that this was the last time my body would be untouched by the disease and the chemo. Probably the last time I would be able to make love and enjoy it without physical pain, nausea and fatigue. I knew all too well what cancer does to a body. I had lived it once already. This was 'a one time only' moment; I wanted to make it count. I knew that I would have to face my responsibilities as president the next day with lots of work and a trial to worry about. I knew that my people would never forgive their president sleeping with their admiral. A steady relationship would not be possible in the open, and, if any, our times together would be only stolen times. The press would have a field day on that one. There was too much at stake. Yet, the woman in me wanted to allow myself this little extravagance, this last exploration of my senses before my body would be robbed of its integrity. I wanted to feel and to love just for this moment. "_

" _I had sworn I would not spend the whole night and I did. We did not sleep much. Luckily, there was no emergency to attend in the middle of the night. We talked and we made love, and dozed off, talked again and made love again. I wanted time to stop at this moment, when we were holding each other. And while the pain of learning of my cancer was still there, it felt easier to carry with him on my side, sharing it. For the first time too, I finally found catharsis from the abuse I suffered on New Caprica's detention."_

" _I wanted time to stop and the morning never to come. I lay cuddled in his arms refusing to sleep, making memories of every feeling and each touch, his breath, his scent and his heartbeat against the skin of my cheek. He kept on running his fingers in my hair and caressing my shoulder. We were quiet, in a mixture of love, peace and also pain. I looked up at his eyes and he kissed my forehead. I knew our relationship would be different than it had been and that we still had to maintain our respective duties and responsibilities. I knew it was just this once and we would be back in the morning in the roles we played. Merciless, the hands on his old fashioned clock kept on moving and no matter how much I wanted time to stop, I knew I did not have such powers. At four in the morning, we looked at each other, separated our entwined bodies and we silently got out of bed. In the many conversations we had through the night, Bill had said he wanted me to start the treatments right away. I knew it would be hard. While I understood his urgency, there was no way I would allow anyone to see me, weakened and sick, at the trial. I would be much too easy of a target if I was perceived sick and dying. I was not even sure I would be able to last without vomiting or collapsing in pain. This was completely out of question. Bill respected my decision, although I could tell he was not pleased by it. I did not know when I would be back on Galactica. In between the trial preparations and the implementation of my new plan on education and training, I would be fully busy for the next couple of weeks. Another time in the night, he had made me promise to rest more and I did promise. He promised to call me at least once a day to check on me."_

" _Soon enough, I was all dressed and the moment had passed. And now there was only silence. When I took his hands in mine and looked at him in his eyes, I felt as if a void opened under my feet. We looked at each other for a while; I saw tears filling his eyes. Everything was said in an instant. This night was already a memory. Gone, never to come back. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. I closed my eyes, just feeling... feeling, letting seconds trickle in my consciousness. He took my head in his hands and we exchanged a long intimate kiss. My emotions were overwhelming, and I had to leave before I would start sobbing. I had to leave before I would see him cry. I had to leave before I would not have the strength to leave anymore. I turned around and never looking back I almost ran to my shuttle."_

" _I was glad I had sneaked out very early in the morning before anyone would notice my absence on Colonial One. Fortunately nobody saw me aside from the shuttle pilot, as I let my tears flow sitting in the rear of the shuttle. Back in my little cramped room on Colonial One, after taking a long shower, I finally found some sleep."_

 **I have rewritten this chapter many times. It was a difficult decision to put the time that Laura found out about her cancer during the "Maelstrom" episode. My rationale is that it is unlikely that Laura would have told Bill about the cancer during Crossroads part I, when Lee detects the chamalla in her tea in CIC, as she would not have shared such private information with Bill in such a semi-public setting. I think he knew about it before that, but maybe he was unaware she started to take chamalla and resumed her visions at that point. It also would be unlikely that Laura would have told the press the truth in Crossroads, but instead chose to tell them she only knew about the cancer recently. Also what was Laura doing on Galactica during Maelstrom? I figured she was visiting Dr. Cottle. When Kara dies, the complete breakdown of Adama could come from the ordeal with losing his 'daughter' and learning Laura had cancer did not help. In "The Son Also Rises", Adama is coming to Colonial One often to interview the lawyers and Laura is on Galactica a lot. They seem to need each other a bit more during those hard times.**

 **It was a difficult choice to have them make love one last time before her treatments. They seemed to have become closer since "A Day inThe Life". Their relationship will get more difficult thereafter and she will be getting sicker from the side effects of the treatment. I figured that Laura would know how her body would fall apart from the cancer, and also chose get closure from her detention's physical abuse and find some healing at this level.**

 **I did not want of course of this chapter to weaken what happens later in Season 4, and so I hesitated greatly.**

 **Please Review. This is a very important chapter. I cannot wait to hear your comments.**

 **Thanks for reading! :)**


	35. Chapter 35

**Thank you for everyone who is still reading this. Thank you for your thoughtful reviews, they have really helped me focusing better on the emotions of Bill and Laura.**

 **Here is a little chapter for you on this Sunday.**

 **Enjoy! :)**

 **Chapter 35**

The little girl, who had met earlier Helena by the pond, ran to her, calling "Helena!" and Helena offered her a hug. Curious people started to come to look at her. They were speaking fast in the language that Helena recognized as Laura's language. It was way too fast for her to understand everything, yet she could catch a few words here and there. Helena was mesmerized by the ethnic diversity of this group of people. She would have thought that such an isolated population would be more uniform. She was seeing all shades of skin color from very dark to very fair, and black, brown and blonde hair. It would be interesting to have the genetic tests done. Surprisingly Elosha did not let her talk to the people, she addressed them rapidly in their language and took Helena's hand to guide her towards the back of the immense cave away from the village.

"Where are we going?" She asked as they both walked to the far side of the cave, where she could already see another tunnel entrance.

"I want to show you something!" Elosha answered. They entered the far tunnel. It was darker, yet Elosha was familiar with the terrain and guided Helena along several tunnels, some of which branched. Helena thought it would be very easy to get lost in this underground labyrinth. They arrived finally to a smaller cave that was dark. Elosha bent, took a little matchbox from the pocket of her long dress and lit a lantern. The low orange light projected shadows on the rock wall, and Helena could see writing, which she immediately identified. Carved writings, other in ink, some of them barely readable, covered the entire walls of the cavern.

"Our history" Elosha said showing the walls around the cavern.

"This is incredible. I would love to have time to study and translate this!" Helena said with emotion. Elosha had already moved to the far side of the cavern. There was a crate in the back, not unlike the one that used to contain Laura's books. Helena's heart started to beat faster, knowing this crate was as old as the other artifacts they had recovered by Laura's grave. Elosha opened up the crate and waved Helena over. She bent to look inside. She almost screamed in terror. A metallic head was starting back at her. A head? Not really. Something so alien that her skin was immediately covered by goose bumps! It was metallic, not even tarnished. Instead of eyes, it had a long V shaped slit, dark and menacing. There was no body and where the neck was, there was some wires and mangled metal.

"This," Elosha said, "this is a cylon".

" _Tired, functioning on only three hours of sleep, it felt familiar and reassuring to be the president again. It was an act. But that act carried me on. Ignoring the cancer crawling in my body was good practice that almost made me forget about it, when I was deeply immersed into my work. I was working on the details of the education plan that still needed to be debated by the Quorum and voted, when an alarmed Tory arrived and told me to turn on the wireless. It had been an otherwise uneventful day, made out of meetings and work. We were in the middle of the afternoon. Worried, I turned on the wireless to listen to the transmission from Galactica. Everyone in the room turned to me with the same stunned look on their face. I covered my mouth, listening to the transmission of Lee Adama screaming at Kara to turn around as she dove into the storm of the gaseous planet. He screamed and then there was silence. Just silence. I heard the Admiral command a search party and his son telling him that he saw her ship being blown out in pieces, which would have happened as she encountered denser regions of the atmosphere, yielding high pressures. Kara was gone. She was dead. I just saw her, yesterday, glowing of happiness. Now she was dead. Hard to believe she would have deliberately gone to her death and stirred her ship into the dense region of the gas giant. Something must have happened. My Gods, poor Bill! I was not the only one with tears in my eyes, as I looked around to some members of the government who were discreetly weeping. Kara was a legend, loved by many. I gave it a couple of minutes and I picked up the phone._

' _Give me Bill Adama, please' I waited for the connection, while heads slowly turned towards me to listen to the conversation._

' _Admiral, I am very sorry to hear about Kara Thrace. She was a true hero. You have my sincere condolences, I know she was very close to you and your family.' My voice was breaking as tears filled my eyes. I wanted to so much to be next to him and comfort him. I would have liked to say something more personal to him, but couldn't with members of the government in the room listening. I hope he understood that I was not alone in my room and that my official tone was for the benefit of the government members present around me._

' _Admiral, is there anything I can do for you and your son? I may come over in a little while to present my condolences to you and your son personally.'_

 _I heard his labored breathing on the other side of the receiver as he answered:_

' _Thank you very much Madame President. That won't be necessary.' I could hear the emotion in his voice and he hung up. With a heavy heart, I refocused my work on the present educational issues, working with my team. At the end of the day, I had not heard from Bill or anyone, and I got word that he had left CIC to retire in his quarters. I knew he was in pain, how could it not be the case? Kara was a daughter to him. I made my decision quickly. We were friends and friends support each other. I told Tory that I was going to Galactica. I did not let her protest and caught the first available shuttle over. I walked briskly to the corridors to find his hatch closed. I knocked and he did not reply. I told the guards accompanying me to open the hatch. They hesitated and upon seeing my look finally complied. I entered and locked the hatch behind me. The room was dark and in disarray. This is when I saw it: his beautiful model ship broken in a million pieces across the room, pieces scattered all over the floor. The lights were dimmed and I could not see Bill anywhere. Then, I heard some soft sobbing coming from behind the table and I moved to find him collapsed on the floor behind the table, crying. I kicked off my shoes and kneeled besides him._

' _Bill' I whispered as I ran my hand in his disheveled hair. He smelled of alcohol._

' _What' you doing here? Laura'_

' _I came here to help a friend.' I replied as I sat down by him on the floor and wrapped my arms around him. He leaned against me. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, as he rested against my chest. The stink of alcohol made me sick and I had to focus to let my nausea subside._

' _I let her go in that bird, Laura. I knew she shouldn't go. Zack and now her.' I nodded and did not reply; there was nothing to be said. I just let him cry in my arms, as he continued to talk and I caressed his back and hair. His sobs were shaking my whole body._

' _All of those, Laura, all… they died… they died because I let them. Pilots killed by cylons… on my command… And, now… you too, you have cancer… Am I going to lose all of those I love?' He looked at me with tears rolling on his cheeks. I kissed his lips lightly, moved by his confession and wiped his tears with my fingers gently._

' _I'm still here' I said softly, swallowing painfully. It was my turn to soothe him and we remained sitting on the floor for a while just holding each other. I really thought that he needed to sleep, as I felt his body getting heavier against my chest. When he stopped crying, still holding me, I tried helping him up._

' _Come on, Bill. You've got to sleep.' I grabbed his arm and helped him on his knees._

' _Laura… I let Kara go.' I stood up bracing myself on the wall and offering him my arm for balance. We almost fell down on top of each other, as he could barely stand up and I could not carry him. Finally standing, he held me around the waist._

' _Shhh… nice and slow' I whispered as I led him to the rack._

' _I lost her, Laura. She should not have been flying. I shouldn't have let her… Why do you love me, Laura? I let people die…'_

' _Bill, you know better than that,' I replied softly, 'you go to sleep, now.'_

 _He lay down -almost fell- heavily on the bed. I took his boots off, moved his legs on the mattress, and I removed my suit jacket. I just lay by him putting my head on his shoulder and gently rubbing his chest and his cheek. There was nothing more I could offer to him than this simple comfort. The comfort to know I was there for him and that I would listen. What a difference twenty-four hours did make! Last night, I found out my cancer was back and we were making love; tonight I was soothing his pain._

' _Love you, Laura.' He murmured as he closed his eyes and fell asleep. It was a bittersweet feeling. I kissed him tenderly, a painful knot in my throat and my chest heavy. The smell of alcohol on his lips almost made me gag. I stayed next to him regardless, his head now cradled in my neck, a bit of saliva running from his partly open mouth onto my skin. I was hurting. It was a deep pain in my soul, a pit in my stomach, emptiness in my heart. I did not know, if I was hurting because I was feeling his pain, or, because his confession of love only happened after he drank a fair amount of alcohol. I knew, he probably would not even remember this conversation in the morning, as drunk as he was. Would he even remember I was there? Would he feel even ashamed of his behavior? Or not care? I never told him that a drunk driver killed my family._

 _When he was deeply asleep, I got up, put back my jacket on and left to go back to Colonial One. I hated the fact he drank. I wanted to run. I wanted to punch a wall. I was angry. I knew first hand of the ravages alcohol could do on minds and lives. My blouse was stinking of alcohol. The smell was clinging to my skin and making me feel nauseous. I took a shower to remove the stink of alcohol from my body. Under the water spray, I felt a familiar bump under the skin of my left breast. The reminder of my illness had a way to slap me in the face at the most distressing moment. I felt my loneliness acutely. It was the cancer and me. And, as if on cue, I felt a dull pain on the left side of my abdomen. Leaning against the tiles of the shower wall, I let myself cry until the water turned cold and I was forced to get out."_

 **Please, review, review, comment! Let me know how you feel about this. Your comments are always taken into careful consideration.**

 **Enjoy the rest of the week! Love to all! :)**


	36. Chapter 36

**Let me repeat the legal disclosure: I do not own any of the Battlestar Galactica character or story. This is creative work only and it is not published for financial gain.**

 **Thank you so much for all of your reviews. They are very motivating and so keep on motivating me.**

 **This is my busiest semester as we are finishing the academic year and my students are competing. I also work very hard these days to finish my curriculum and prepare the students for their final examinations. Having fallen sick, I had a little less time than usual to write, putting my work first.**

 **No worries, once my academic work is done, I will have a bit more time to write. Please be patient. There will be some delays, but I am not dropping this story.**

 **Chapter 36**

Helena looked at the cylon's head with terror. It was one thing to read about them and quite another to face one. It took a few minutes for her to recover from the shock. And then, once she did, she addressed Elosha.

"Yes, Laura in her diaries talks about the cylons, mechanical machines. But there was another kind of cylon apparently, made out of flesh and looking human. She is very clear that the 'other kind' of cylon could have children with humans."

Elosha looked at her with alarm, her eyes widening in panic.

"No. That is not possible. There is only one kind of cylon. This is it. You must have made a mistake in your translation. Our scriptures never mention other human-like cylons"

She moved towards one part of the cave and pointed at the text.

"Look. It says right there: – _The cylons moved away to another part of the universe, leaving humans on earth and children of the true and only God, the only God among the Gods. And the humans prospered. It is said that all of this has happened before and all of this will happen again. The cylons will come back-_ So we have been hiding for millennia."

Helena was puzzled and then it dawned on her. There were indeed discrepancies with survivors writing down a story transmitted over generations and generations. Biological cylons had merged with the human race and that bit of history was forgotten probably purposely to unify the group of survivors. They were now called children of God and their true origin was forgotten. Any bit of history had been embellished over thousands of years as it so often is. What was a gruesome history of war became a creation history: human life seeded from the stars, children of God or Gods descending on earth to create the human race. With that cylon head, they had confirmation of Laura's story. They also had another way to look at engineering, chemistry and new insights onto the origins of cylons. Helena decided not to confront Elosha on the 'biological cylons' just yet. From the unexpected genetic diversity she had witnessed in the village and the certainty that some biological cylons may have been able to reproduce with humans, the possibility that such cylons may have been part of the original surviving population was high. Clearly such a hypothesis would not be very popular. And before she came to shake up their belief system, Helena decided to err on the side of caution and let her college biologist, Evelyne, do her genetic investigation. Helena knew that Laura's diaries recounted the original story, precise and accurate. Anything written in the hundred years after Laura's death would have been embellished, modified and distorted. It certainly would provide important and much needed information, but it had to be considered within the context of the authors' life. Just like any religious text, it was also written with some political aim and could not be trusted to represent the exact reality. None of the survivors had read Laura's diaries. They had remained hidden for 150,000 years.

"Do you have anything text written by the original group of humans? The oldest text you have?" She asked Elosha who seemed relieved by the change of conversation.

"The older text we have is over there." She replied pointing at a far wall of the cave. She added: "I do not know if the text was written by the original settlers. It is barely readable."

Helena approached the cave wall, where she could barely distinguish marks in the stone. They looked indeed very old.

"With your permission, I would like to try and analyze this text and I am sure that my colleagues will want to study the cylon's head. Was there anything else in the crate?"

"You have my permission." Elosha nodded. "The crate is very old, and as far as I remember, it was always like this. I do not know when it was found and if there were other objects in it."

"Thank you" Helena whispered. The two women smiled at each other and started back to the village.

" _The next few days were overwhelming. It was as if a shroud was enveloping all of us and all the lights had been dimmed. The death of Kara Thrace was very difficult for everyone. It was especially difficult for Bill, Lee and Anders, her husband. As much as I wanted to leave Bill with some space for grieving, I also wanted to show him my support. As I was busy with work, I called him at least once a day to make sure he was ok. Just to be there for him. Alan Hughes would be Baltar's attorney. I had interviewed him and his qualifications were impeccable. We had now a timeline for the trial. It would start exactly in two weeks. I loved working. It allowed me to forget I was dying. I would put that smiling mask of strength on my face, and go through the day. The educational reform was well underway and job rotations were continuing. Fortunately, we had not had any cylon encounter for a while and this quiet respite allowed us to regroup, implement those changes and start to see some improvement in the fleet's morale. The timeframe of the trial was released publicly and this prompted Dr. Cottle to give me a call._

' _Madame President, I understand you want to hold off to the Doloxan treatment until you testify in the trial. But, you have enough time in two weeks to undergo oophorectomy and I really do not want to wait on this, as your ovarian tumor is very concerning to me.' He said firmly over the phone._

' _Dr. Cottle what is the recovery time on this?'_

' _If you do it now before the tumor has a chance to grow, you will stay in sickbay only one day. We can remove the ovaries by laparoscopic surgery. Three incisions, one on each side and another one to insert a camera by your navel. We go in, do ligations of the blood vessels, separate the ovaries that go in a small pouch. They go out in a slightly bigger incision in your natural ways. Procedure takes about two hours, another couple of hours for recovery and you are resting for one day. The pain is minimal and in one week you will be perfectly fine. If we wait, the tumor will grow, it will start hurting and removing it will require a much bigger incision with a much longer recovery. Of course there is always the possibility that I will have to open you once I get there, if anything goes wrong or if the tumor is bigger than anticipated. However, I do not think that would be necessary.'_

 _I closed my eyes, swallowed and breathed slowly out of my mouth._

' _Alright, when you want to do it?'_

' _Tomorrow morning. No food or water after midnight.'_

 _My breath caught in my chest. So soon! 'Dr. Cottle, it is essential that nobody sees me in sickbay. I am going to put a press release that I am getting dental work done. It is benign. Nobody will ask questions.'_

 _I did not sleep during the night. This was happening too quickly. Already losing parts of my body, a little piece after piece! I knew the logic behind removing these tumors as quickly as possible. I knew it had to be done. I knew I could put a brave front to others. Inside myself, I was terrified."_

" _I left Colonial One very early the next day, very nervous about the surgery. Bill was waiting for my shuttle and we walked together silently to sickbay along empty corridors. I had packed a small bag with a change of clothes and Bill took it. He said that I would just spend the day recovering in his quarters. As I attempted to protest, he cut me short telling me that it was the best way to avoid rumors of my illness going around the fleet. Ishay and Dr. Cottle would perform the surgery early. I would be in the recovery room for a few hours and then they would move me to Bill's quarters, when I would be ready. I do not know what I would have done, if Bill had not been at my side. I was petrified by fear, heart pounding in my chest and feeling faint. After I was undressed and in a medical gown, he came back, sat next to me holding my hand, and Dr. Cottle placed the intravenous line on the other arm. Bill's eyes never left mine, supporting me silently. If anything was to happen to me, I wanted to remember his eyes. Dr. Cottle left and told me he would come back to take me to the operating room in a few minutes. I took deep breaths to calm down, while Bill was gently caressing the back of my hand with his thumb. When we heard Cottle coming back, he whispered, 'I'll see you soon' and bent to kiss me tenderly on my lips. Then, Cottle was there and I was rolled to the operating room. As soon as I got there, I saw Ishay push the anesthetic in the IV line and I lost consciousness, as if a black curtain had been suddenly drawn. I heard noises first, as if they were drilling into my peaceful sleep, the regular beep of the medical monitor. My body was numb and I felt as if I was wrapped in a large cotton ball. No pain. Nothing indeed. I tried to open my eyes and I realized the lights had been lowered. Then I saw Bill, looking at me worried._

' _Hey…' he said and smiled._

 _I tried to smile back. I was very drowsy. I just looked in Bill's eyes. I heard Cottle talk to me._

' _The procedure went well. No complications. We will have your ovaries examined in pathology. I am glad I performed this because there was another very small and previously undetected tumor on the right ovary. You can rest here and sleep for a while. We are giving you pain killers in the IV. Once we check on the incisions and we see that you are healing, we will bring you to Admiral Adama's quarters.'_

 _I nodded and closed my eyes. I felt a kiss on my forehead. I do not know how long I slept for, but when I woke up I felt a lot better. Ishay came to remove my bladder's catheter and check my incisions and she helped me get up for a few wobbly steps. I would lie if I said it did not hurt; yet the pain was a lot less than I expected. I felt a little gassy and bloated, which I was assured was normal. I rested for a little while more, while I was getting hydrated with the IV. And then Ishay helped me up to use the bathroom._

' _Congratulations,' she said, 'your vitals are normal and you can get up on your own now. You can use the bathroom without issue. It is important you walk a little bit every few hours and take nice and deep breaths. This will avoid any blood clot problems. I say you are good to go.'_

 _I dressed in comfortable clothes, t-shirt and light sweat pants, and Dr. Cottle had me sit in a wheelchair, as he refused to let me walk all the way to Bill's quarters. 'Too far,' he grumbled. I do not know if they cleared the corridors for me, but I did not see anyone on the way, which was unusual especially for late morning. Bill welcomed me with warmth and both men helped me lay down in bed. The room had been cleaned up from the shattered pieces of wood and the broken boat model lay on a back shelf. I wondered if it could be fixed._

 _Dr. Cottle continued: 'I want you in bed until tomorrow morning. You can get up to use the bathroom. Take short walks every few hours. Light food and a lot of fluids. If you rest, you will recover a lot faster. Think of it as a little vacation.' I snorted when I heard Cottle say this. 'Take your painkillers as needed but no more than four pills per day. If anything happens, fever, chills, unbearable pain, you call immediately. I will check your incisions tomorrow morning.' Dr. Cottle turned to Bill, 'you better let her rest', he said sternly. He was about to leave, when he turned and said pointing to both of us,_

' _And no intercourse for at least two weeks… I can't believe I have to say that.'_

' _Thank you, doctor' I said to him, snorting and unable to stop myself from rolling my eyes. He left grumbling and closed the hatch behind him. Bill poured a glass of water, which he left for me on the stand by the rack._

 _Bill sat down on the edge of the bed._

' _How are you doing?' he said to me concerned._

' _Well. I will not say it's not painful, and whatever Cottle is giving me is taking the edge off. I am tired though.'_

' _Are you hungry?'_

' _A little bit' I said._

' _I will order some soup and noodles for you. And then you can sleep through the afternoon and night.'_

' _How are you, Bill?' I took his hand in mine, thinking of his grief and remembering the drunk and sobbing man I tried to comfort a few days ago._

' _I always think that I can get used to this type of pain, but the fact is, you don't get used to it. It hurts. I know she is gone. I still have not accepted it. I will have to get up every morning and I think I am going to hear about some kind of stunt she pulled and that got her in trouble. Then I realize it will not happen ever again.' His eyes filled with tears. I wondered if he even remembered I comforted him that night._

' _You know, Bill, when my sisters and father died, I thought I would never survive it. They were killed in a car accident. My oldest sister was eight months pregnant. The police came to find me the day after her baby shower. They never made it home. I felt as if my whole body was engulfed in pain. It hurt to move, it hurt to breathe. I cried and then I could not cry anymore. The pain was very raw. My mind felt dissociated from my body. I was empty, walking around not even realizing what I was doing. Even days later, I broke down in the oddest places, like at the supermarket while grocery shopping, when I saw by accident baby products. My apartment in Caprica City was empty. There was only silence and I wanted only silence. I could not tolerate music, or any kind of noise. I did not turn on the television or the radio for days. I had stopped living. It doesn't go away, Bill. You just learn to live with it. Then you go back and you survive one hour at a time, one day at a time and then one week at a time. It's not getting worse or easier with time, it just becomes different.'_

 _Bill was quietly crying, listening to me._

' _A friend set me up with a date. She thought it would be good for me to go out. I was working a lot, because when I work, I don't think about anything else. I'm completely focused on the tasks I'm doing. So I was working, and I was eating and sleeping. I wasn't really living. I agreed to meet this guy, Sean... hum. That was his name. And then, I realized he must have been at least twenty years younger than me. As a matter of fact, he had been one of my students, when he was in high school and I was a young teacher barely out of graduate school. That was before I went back and got my doctorate in school administration and leadership. Can you imagine?' He started to chuckle at my confession, wiping his earlier tears._

' _What did you do?' He said laughing._

' _He brought me nice flowers. We went out for drinks and had dinner. He was very charming. He brought me back to my place and we had sex. It was just a release. Then after, I realized that I had to stop living like this. What was I doing? I was ashamed and disgusted at myself. I could not have a relationship with him. I did not love him, of course. He was sweet and I was really brutal with him, as I dismissed him. I hurt him, because I wanted to hurt myself. I was not well emotionally at the time. That night I called to join Adar's campaign. I wanted to make my life useful and stop drifting like a boat taken in a storm. The pain did not stop; it became a source of power for me. It became my anchor.'_

 _He nodded and looked at me, holding my hand. I continued._

' _We all handle grief differently. That does not make it worse or better. Just take your time, Bill, don't bottle it up; let your pain express itself. Look at her pictures; take the time to remember her. Give her a decent farewell.'_

' _Thank you,' he whispered and he bent over to kiss me. We heard a knock on the hatch and he went to retrieve our food. After placing the trays on the side table, he helped me sit up and put my tray on my lap. He sat nearby in a chair and ate as well. When we were done, he placed the trays out."_

" _I fell asleep almost immediately after eating. When I woke up, it was the evening. Bill was seating at his desk, writing reports. It was quiet. The pain was starting to come back. I needed my medication._

' _Bill.' I called softly. 'I need to use the bathroom and then I need to take my medication'_

 _He stood up immediately, worried. 'How bad is the pain?'_

' _I guess the painkillers have worn off. Not great. I just need… to take the pills." The pain shot through my abdomen as I sat up in the bed. He handed me my pills and the water. Then he helped me out of the rack and walking, as I wobbled my way to the head. And while I was washing and changing into pajamas, he changed as well. I went back to the rack. I saw him starting to lie down on the sofa._

' _You are not going to sleep there, Bill?' I called out to him._

' _I don't want to hurt you.'_

' _You won't hurt me. Come on.' I waved him over. He relented and lay next to me on the far side by the wall. I shifted to lie on his side and he was so cautious not to touch my abdomen where the incisions were. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I cradled my head in his neck, breathing in the scent that was uniquely him._

' _This is it, Bill' I whispered. He tightened his embrace a bit more. 'This is it. The cancer will take my body one piece at a time. I lost my ovaries, what makes me a woman. The children, I never had.' I felt a tear rolling down my cheek onto his neck. 'How are you going to deal with this, Bill?' my tone hitched up. 'I'm going to get so sick. You have no idea, how sick, I'm going to get… I saw my mother die from it.'_

 _He sighed, 'I'll be ok.'_

' _No, you won't. I came by the day Kara died, in the evening, after you broke your model ship. Do you remember?'_

' _I thought it was a dream' he whispered back, his voice breaking with emotion._

' _I was there. It wasn't a dream.'_

 _He kissed the top of my head, then my forehead and my temples wet from my tears. He did not reply. I started to feel tired again. I wanted to talk more, but my eyelids were getting heavy. I relented into sleep._

' _Go to sleep. Wake me up if you need anything,' He murmured and dropped another kiss on my shoulder, before he covered both of us with the blanket."_

" _The next morning, Dr. Cottle came to evaluate me and he said I was healing well. Bill gave us privacy when he carefully inspected my incisions and changed the dressings. My incisions were clean with little redness and no signs of infection. He gave me an appointment to return and see him in a few days, and additional medication. After he left, I got dressed. The pain had already started to recede. It was present, but dull. I just had to be careful not to move too quickly. Getting up and sitting down was painful, but once I was seated or when I was standing I was fine, and I could walk easily. Bill wrapped his arms around my torso and he embraced me tight. Without a word, we kissed and he took my arm to lead me to shuttle bay._

' _Take it easy.' He said with a gentle smile as the raptor door was closing. I nodded. And just like that I went back to Colonial One."_

 **This is a slight departure from the original story. However, knowing how fast the cancer progressed over season 4, I realized it must have been caught quite late and extended. Being a biologist by training, I am going to attempt to write it as accurately as possible.**

 **Thank you for reading. Please leave me some comments, concerns or questions. Feedback is important to me.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Here is Chapter 37. Sorry for the delay. I got a nasty bout of the flu and was completely out of commission for almost a week. This is the busiest time of the year for me and until our final exams in May, I will have significantly less time to devote to writing. Still i can assure you, I will continue with this story and it will pick up as soon as our exams are over.**

 **Thank you for all of those who have taken the time to review.**

 **Legal disclaimer, I do not own BSG or any of the characters from the show. This story is not meant for commercialization, only for the fun and practice of writing within a known and explored universe.**

 **Chapter 37**

In the village, more people came out in order to meet with Helena, when she retraced her step back. She got to observe again the amazing genetic diversity of this population. There was so much to do and so many questions to ask. She was truly excited by the enormous amount of information this population would yield. She also knew that it would take a considerable amount of time to interview the population, document all of their writings and do some genetic studies. This village was only Caprica and there were twelve other villages to explore. This was indeed overwhelming. While she wanted very much to continue exploring and talk to the people of the village, Helena was also aware that she was gone from the base camp for over an hour and the team would probably be worried. She needed to gain the trust of Elosha and intuitively she felt that she should not push her. Their work depended on the cooperation of these tribes. She told Elosha they needed to go back and both women made their way back out of the caves. As soon as they approached the cave exit, they heard the team calling her. Takashi was walking up the cliff with the other team members, holding in his hand the bracelet Helena dropped by the entrance.

"I'm here" she called back.

"Where were you?" he said, "You disappeared for over an hour." He spoke softly, genuinely worried. Helena smiled at him.

"Elosha took me inside the cave to visit the village. It took a little bit too long, so I decided to come back." They watched as Elosha made her way down the cliff into the valley and stayed a few feet behind. Takashi took Helena's hand and gently put the bracelet back around her wrist, looking in her eyes.

"This got me worried," he whispered pointing to the bracelet.

"I didn't know where she was taking me. Just in case, I needed you to know where I went."

He smiled back, "good thinking," and he pulled his arm gently around her shoulder as they made their way downhill. Takashi could tell that Helena wanted to talk with him, but for Elosha's sake, Helena did not want to disclose just yet how she had seen a cylon robotic head. Without doubt this would create uproar and she wanted to tell the team first how it was clear that Elosha and her people were unaware that some cylons had a biological form. Well maybe unaware, or maybe in denial, Helena was not sure. As they quietly walked back to the camp, Helena laced her arm around Takashi's waist and leaned into him.

She whispered close to his ear: "We need to have a group meeting after Elosha and Sharon are gone. All of us. Maybe late at night, what do you think?"

He turned and looked at her, surprised, trying to read in her eyes what she wanted to say.

"It's important," she continued. He nodded silently.

As promised they shared a lunch and the team met with Elosha and Sharon to decide on a plan of action. They first asked for permission to take DNA samples, cheek swabs, of the village population and Evelyne was very excited at the prospect, even if it would take a while to get all of these processed. Then Helena asked to take pictures of the writings on the walls and to check other possible sources of information. In return the team would release some of Laura's diary to the population. Elosha agreed to look at the original text and verify the translation. Helena was hoping that with her help she would be able to decipher the last book, which remained mysterious and clearly written in a different language. At the end of the afternoon, Elosha and Sharon retreated to the caves and the group was left alone. When the night came, the group met finally around the campfire.

" _It was only a couple of days, and I was recovering well from the surgery. I was still tired, but the pain was subsiding. I made a conscious effort to remain seated with some walking breaks to get the blood flowing. Once in a while, I got up and stretched, when sitting became too uncomfortable. This morning, we drew the five judges' names for Baltar's tribunal from the pool of all the ships' captains in front of the press and live on the wireless. The last piece of paper that was drawn bore the name of William Adama. I almost choked on his name, when I opened the folded paper to read it. I selfishly thought first that we would not be able to see each other privately during the duration of the trial. Any report, or even any hint, of a relationship between us would undeniably discredit both of us, and benefit Baltar. His lawyer would likely exploit any information such as this one to the defense's benefit. Certainly we could talk and have our working meetings, but I knew we would not -could not- entertain anything more. What was I thinking anyway? We do not have a relationship! We cannot have one. We are way to busy keeping this fleet together to be involved in each other. He'd be a judge and I'd be a witness. This was putting another wall between us. His personal bond with me could not influence his decision. I knew that Bill had a very high level of integrity. I also knew he would not let his judgment get clouded by any personal feelings, and he would decide based on the defense and prosecution cases. Still, he hated Baltar as much as me. For Gods sake, he was the one who once proposed to eliminate Baltar. After the drawing, and once the journalists were gone, I retired in my private room and lay down for an hour on my bed, emotionally and physically exhausted. I promised Dr. Cottle to take it easy the first week and to take frequents breaks. I had put a show of smiles for the press and my stitches were still hurting. I had a dull pain in my lower abdomen, which was not unexpected and easy to deal with. Still the constant strain was draining. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. This was going to be hard. The prospect of not being able to talk with Bill about the trial for the duration was overwhelming. I needed to be able to share ideas with a friend, who would understand. I had nobody, but him. Baltar's trial would undoubtedly unleash frustrations at the all of the memories of New Caprica. I made the firm resolve not to let my emotions take over."_

" _We were facing now a very serious crisis, as a bomb exploded in the raptor transporting Baltar's lawyer. Alan Hughes was killed on impact. This was an act of terrorism and, just as Zarek predicted weeks ago, we had a very difficult situation to deal with. Knowing that we had a terrorist among us was unsettling. I immediately put the government on its highest level of alert. Dr. Baltar was very much hated among all of those who had been on New Caprica and experienced the cylon occupation. It was not at all surprising that some would want to kill him or his defense lawyer. We put a call throughout the fleet for lawyers and for anyone with information regarding this terrorist act. Admiral Adama, Colonel Tigh, Lieutenant Gaeta came over Colonial One to give a press conference with me about the bombing. Members of the government accompanied me. We wanted to send the message that this threat was taken seriously and that the military was reinforcing the security and investigating with all of its power. The press was in frenzy. I had questions about postponing the trial. My answers were firm. We certainly would not bow to terrorism. If we were changing any of our plans, then the terrorists would never stop. We had made the commitment to honor and respect our legal system and we were not going to let terrorists intimidate us. Bill was confident that his son, Lee, would be able to handle the investigation and security. We had no time to talk in person. In front of Tigh and Gaeta, he did address me only formally, purposely distant and cold. Our closest interaction was exchanging a long look full of worry. Bill was focused and determined to find those responsible for this act; he went back immediately to Galactica. I felt I was descending in a dark tunnel."_

" _After one day we found a new attorney for Baltar; Romo Lampkin used to be working in the public litigation office in Caprica City. He knew Bill's father, who was a very famous attorney, known for defending terrible criminals and who was very much hated for it. Bill told me how bad his relationship with his father was. Apparently Lampkin had learned law from the best, Joseph Adama, and thus I was not worried about his qualifications. However, his attitude, his demeanor gave me a sense of unease. I felt I was in presence of danger, overcome by a feeling of dread. Bill and I interviewed him on Colonial One. I am not sure really why he wanted the job… The man was plainly weird in a unsettling way. He was walking around with a crate containing his cat, which escaped and freaked me out, jumping on my desk. I was concerned about his ethics. There was something about him that disturbed me greatly and yet I could not put my finger on it. Of course, it was almost impossible to find anyone willing to represent Baltar and there were only a handful of lawyers left within the fleet. With Hughes killed, nobody was very interested in taking after him. Simply enough, it was dangerous. We would have to work with this attorney, whether we liked it or not. After Lampkin left, Bill and I were left alone in my office. I knew it would not be for long. I was almost impossible to have any privacy on Colonial One. Tory or one of the delegates would probably pop in at any time with files to sign or some request. I remained seated. His face was inscrutable. He got up slowly and walked around my desk. He bent and placed a soft kiss on my temple._

' _Don't' I said in a low breath._

' _How are you feeling?' he whispered low._

' _Well. I am a bit tired and a bit uncomfortable. All things considered, it could be worse.' I whispered back. 'You? How are you?'_

' _I'm following your advice. I'm not trying to fight grief.'_

' _That's good' I said briefly taking his hand in mine and giving him an encouraging squeeze. 'Just embrace it, Bill, embrace and accept the grief. That is the least you can do for her.'_

' _I wish Lee would do the same. He is fighting it, and he is deeply distressed. I feel I do not know how to help him.' He continued._

' _You know, Bill, Lee lost a part of himself with her. He is not whole now. He has to find himself back. It may take a while.'_

' _We don't have a while. He is an officer. He has to pull it together.'_

' _Don't push him, Bill. This is not something anyone else can control. He has to come to terms with his own grief.'_

 _Bill sighed. I got up and the pain made me wince a little. I grabbed his arm for support._

' _You're part of the jury now' I said a lump in my throat._

' _I know…' he said looking into my eyes and sharing all those things we could not say aloud._

 _He gently pulled me into his embrace and held me for a minute, his face in my hair. Then silently, he released me._

' _Take care of yourself, Laura.'_

' _You too, Bill.' And he left the room to go back to Galactica."_

" _Within a couple of days, the situation worsened considerably, if this was any possible. By sheer luck, Chief Tyrol discovered a bomb on a raptor that was transporting Romo Lampkin to Colonial One. Athena was piloting; Lee was assisting. If his ridiculous cat had not escaped, the bomb would have killed all three of them. But while chasing the cat in shuttle bay, they had discovered the bomb. This was not anymore an isolated incident. Bill called me on the phone immediately. He had assigned Lee to the security of Lampkin and still he had failed completely in detecting the bomb. Worse, he had put himself in danger. Bill and Lee had a fight. Lee's rebellion against his father was not new. I thought it stemmed from a deeply damaged self-esteem. The son never felt worthy enough of his father. Their relationship had always been difficult and strained, likely because of his father's divorce and repeated absences during his early childhood. Bill and I had talked about it a few times and he had shared his concerns with me. Bill told me how abusive Lee's mother had been and how guilty he felt about the damage his divorce had created. Right during the attacks on the colonies, the first day I met Lee, he already had expressed some anger at his father. Still I knew Lee would do the right thing. Inside he was deeply ethical. I believed in him. Later, he supported me going down on Kobol to find the tomb of Athena against the orders of his father. It split the fleet, and at the end I was right, finding the tomb and the road to earth. Of course, in the height of his grief, Lee was now searching himself. He was in a bad place. We all were, indeed. Bill expressed his fear that he could have lost his son. He was upset, angry and he was scared. I tried my best to calm him down. The bomb had not exploded. They found it just in time. They now had more information and a full investigation was underway. Lee was still alive."_

" _Heightened security measures were slowing everything down. We had to push the start of the trial by two weeks. I did not even want to think about how Cottle would be react to such news. Lee and his father requested an appointment later that week. I felt I was going crazy and losing my mind. Cancer and stress are not a good combination. There was a lot of work. The investigation of those terrorist attacks was of course the first priority. The press was on my back. I was uptight, and on top of that I had misplaced my glasses. I looked for them in every nook of Colonial One. Lee wanted to let Lampkin interrogating Caprica Six. Bill stated it had to be done in the interrogation room under surveillance. Both of them tensely argued that since Bill was sitting on the tribunal he should not witness the interrogation; finally Bill won the argument since he had to monitor the chief prosecutor's interviews and therefore should witness it. I could feel the tension between both father and son. Lee's anger towards his father was palpable. They both were my dear friends. I esteemed Lee a lot. He could have been my son. Well, Billy and him! The two young men on the fleet, which I loved as my own! I looked at both, father and son arguing, with tenderness. They both were right in their own ways. I wanted to treat Lee with respect. This was important to him. I intuitively felt that he would have been a great lawyer. Of course Tory had not given him the files Lampkin had been asking and that was upsetting. I do not know what was wrong with Tory, but she really was not keeping up with her work. She looked tired. I needed her more than ever, since I myself had to slow down a bit. I made sure she would deliver the files to Lee within the next few hours, a bit exasperated at her demeanor. Lee left. I dismissed Tory, sending her to prepare those files and I stayed a bit with Bill. He was slumped in one of the large chairs. I got up and sat next to him. We just looked at each other for a while._

' _He's just trying to do his job' I said quietly._

' _He's supporting Baltar's lawyer!' He replied with disgust._

' _He's your son.' My voice was soft._

' _Yeah! He's also under my command, as an officer!' His tone betrayed his anger. I nodded._

' _Bill, do not let your anger alienate him. You love him. Remember that.' I was gentle in my tone, as I could see that they were both so affected. I know Bill would not like my comment, and, I was not going to censor my ideas, just because I knew they would upset him. I never did. That tense situation, I felt, could very well explode and affect both father and son. They both would regret that later. I was expecting him to be fully irritated at my unwanted advice instead he looked broken. He looked at me and sighed heavily. I smiled and took his hand. This simple physical contact was grounding for both of us. We existed in that moment, simply looking at each other. He got up a bit later and kissed me lightly before leaving."_

" _A few days passed without any news from Bill. We set up an interview for Lampkin with Caprica Six and I scheduled my check up with Dr. Cottle on the same morning. We were only one week from the start of the trial. It wasn't too much of a surprise, when he told me that the tests on my ovaries showed two estrogen responding malignant tumors one slightly larger than the other. He checked carefully my incisions, and found they were healing very well, as expected. He removed stitches. It was painful, but at least some of the pulling from the stitches disappeared. We decided that I would start the Doloxan immediately after I was done testifying, as he gave me a piece of his mind for the trial's delays. Meanwhile, he gave me some Chamalla in the hopes that the herb would provide some temporary protection, as its anti-cancer properties had been documented. I had used Chamalla before, during the first bout of cancer. It allowed me to experience visions, which matched perfectly the book of Pythia's predictions. Interestingly, I had never been very religious and I never had read the book before then. A lot of priests do take Chamalla in the hopes to elicit some kind of communication with the Gods. None of them experienced the kind of visions I had. From those predictions, people and Elosha, the priestess, my dear friend, who was killed on Kobol, told me I was the Dying Leader. Pythia predicted that a leader, suffering a wasting disease who lead them to Earth. The visions described in the book were completely identical to those I experienced under the Chamalla's influence. I was never quite sure myself that this really was true. Maybe I was not, since the Cylon's blood cured me. But then, I am sick again."_

" _While in Galactica, Bill, Tory and I went to the observation room to listen to the interview of Caprica Six by Baltar's lawyer._

 _Bill greeted me with 'Are you ok?' since he knew I was visiting Dr. Cottle the same morning. A simple nod on my part reassured him. We were busy; there was no time for such discussion._

 _Caprica Six was at first very confrontational and angry against Baltar and my hopes were high that she would reveal his involvement in the destruction of humanity. And in front of our eyes, we witnessed the cleverest manipulation of emotions I had ever seen. Romo Lampkin turned around her feelings as if they were a mere piece of clothing. In front of our stunned eyes, he validated her feelings and got her to express her love and disappointment. Then he told her just want she wanted to hear, that Baltar missed her and loved her. Baltar was never able to express any feelings of love toward another being, but himself. I am quite certain Baltar never confessed anything of the sort to Lampkin and that this was just a lie. The cylon Caprica Six acted exactly like a woman deeply in love and hurting from the betrayal of her lover. With the skills of a master manipulator, Romo Lampkin took her anger, broke it and destroyed our witness. In that moment I knew we were doomed. In other circumstances, I would have appreciated the brilliance of this lawyer, his intelligence and his gift of subversion. I glanced at Bill behind me and caught his gaze. I was worried. He was worried. That witness, our main witness, was gone."_

" _Our trial was delayed another two days, because a bomb had been placed by the door of Lampkin quarters right at the time I had sent a marine to deliver the files he requested from Colonial One. He was mildly injured, mostly scratches and some bad sprain on his leg. The good thing is that Lee was able to identify the terrorist this time, Kelly, a soldier who was upset that Baltar was getting a trial after all of the atrocities of New Caprica. He acted alone and confessed everything. Now the trial could start."_

" _I was glad that we caught our terrorist. Kelly, under the jurisdiction of Admiral Adama would face treason charges. Our journey's path was taking us directly to the Ionian nebula, where according to the evidence found at the Temple of the Five, we would get our next clue to earth. This quiet time before the trial was loaded with tension and anxiety. I wanted it to be over. I knew I would have to testify and recount my life on New Caprica, which included the detentions and all we had experienced. I was not looking forward to bring these carefully hidden memories brought back into the open for all to know. At the same time, I felt I needed everyone to realize how Baltar's regime created such distress on New Caprica. I knew that as soon as my testimony was over, I would be pulled into Dr. Cottle's office to get my treatment. I knew I had to do this. I dreaded it. My incisions were much better now; it hardly hurt. I was suffering from the lack of Estrogen, due to the removal of my ovaries. I had already been starting menopause and the abrupt removal of my ovaries precipitated those symptoms. I rested a little more than usual, slowing down my daily agenda, under the pretense to prepare for the trial. I was tired and I was getting terrible hot spells. Dr. Cottle handed me my glasses, which he said he found in sickbay in one of the examination rooms. I must have left them there last time I went for a visit. That was very odd, I cannot remember leaving them in sickbay. Anyway, I'm glad I have them back."_

 **Thank you for reading. Please feed my muse and leave me some comments and reviews. It is always nice for me to have some feedback.**

 **I will try to update within the next two weeks. Until then do not forget to enjoy life in the moment.**


	38. Chapter 38

**Thank you very much for all of your comments. They really are motivating me and so I would like to encourage you to comment even more.**

 **A bit of a longer chapter with some development in the modern time story and a continuation of Baltar's trial.**

 **I hope you like it.**

 **Chapter 38**

It got a little cooler that night, as the group just sat around the campfire; Helena had wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and was sitting next to Takashi. They were speaking in hushed tones, worried that their conversation could be listened to. All were waiting to hear what Helena had to say.

"They have a cylon."

"What do you mean, a cylon?" John Evans asked.

"The mechanical kind… I saw it! A robotic head, quite scary to be honest!"

"Not a tribal mask? Or something you could have mistaken for it?"

"Look, John, I saw it, alright? It was definitely one of the scariest things I have ever seen. It had a slit in a V shape for eyes and where the neck would be you could see some wiring coming out. It was not a mask. It was made out of metal. Also it was inside a crate very similar to the one where we found the books."

Helena shivered. Everyone was silent. After a minute, Helena continued: "This was not human, it was so different, and alien. Elosha said that was a cylon and she denied that cylons could also have human physical appearance. She seemed very upset when I suggested that some of the cylons might have human characteristics. She pointed out to some of the text recorded on their walls, calling the original settlers 'children of the one and unique God'.

"Are you sure about your translation of Laura's diary?" Evelyne asked.

"Without the shadow of a doubt! Laura talks about skin jobs, cylons who can rape, cylons who had a child. There is no question that some cylons had a human appearance, were made out of flesh. And, if some of them settled on the planet, then, of course those would have been friendly ones. In such conditions, it would have been in their best interest to assimilate them within the population and accept them rather than perpetuating a conflict. It seems that for social and political reasons, the original settlers and their immediate descendants wiped out any reference to skin jobs and their mythology grew into what I would call a 'creation story'. In a few generations, their true story was forgotten."

Takashi looked at Helena and added:

"Well, it is clear they are hiding from them. There is absolutely nothing visible about these villages; they are settled inside caves."

Helena nodded.

"The village I saw is beautiful. There is an underground lake and river. Accommodations are carved into the stone, little houses if you want. It is stunning. There are openings in the ceiling of the caves and light does filter through. The population looks completely self-sufficient and independent. Oh, Evelyne, there is an incredible genetic diversity."

"What do you mean?" Evelyne asked, curious.

"I have seen blonde people, blue, brown and green eyes, some of them look Asian, others Africans, others Caucasian, a complete gradient of skin color from very fair to very dark and, as we have seen with Elosha, dark-skin people with light blue eyes."

Evelyne nodded: "For a population that was isolated, that is very unusual. There is certainly something going on here and I cannot wait to find out their genetic history."

"What about the cylon?" Dr. Evans interjected, "We need to study that thing…"

"Definitely, we need to have some chemical analysis, look at the circuits, try to figure out how it works." Takashi said.

"We also need to be careful about what we share with Elosha. As she is very adamant that cylons cannot be made out of flesh, she will not accept Laura's story easily. She became very upset when I suggested otherwise. It can be very traumatizing for them, if they find out that some of their ancestors were cylons, albeit a different type. We need to be diplomatic and break the news to them slowly. She wants to read Laura's diaries; I say we need to be careful what we share until we break the news to her." Helena said. Everyone nodded. They shared a few more bits of information and a plan for the next few days and in the silence of the night the team retired into their tents.

Helena and Takashi remained by the fire in silence for a while. The fire was almost out and only dark red ambers were glowing.

"You got scared…" He said. It was not a question.

"I have lived and traveled in the desert, explored ruins in the rain forest in South East Asia. I have been alone in strange places, decrypting old languages. Takashi, I've never seen anything like this." She shivered again. He pulled her closer to him, an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder.

"A penny for your thoughts…" Takashi whispered.

"You know, she said that sentence again: -all of this has happened before and all of this will happen again- It's from their religious texts. The cylons keep on coming back. Do you know what that means?"

He pulled back suddenly, lifting her chin and looking in her eyes.

"They are going to come back…"

She nodded.

"They have been here 150,000 years. No signs of cylons. How long do we wait before we start panicking? Or maybe they have just given up the chase. I still have several pages from the diary to translate. I suspect that, as I reach the end of her diary, I will find out probably what happened. So far Laura's diary is more reliable that what they have on their cave walls. And you know, if they were some flesh and bone cylons in that original settlers population, maybe they will not come back. Maybe we are missing a piece of the puzzle."

She rested again against him.

"If we show that cylon head to anyone up at the United Nations, the governments…"

"They would pull us out… or classify the whole thing and bury it forever. I can see the military getting involved, a threat to national… well, –in this case- planetary security…" he sighed.

"It's possible… This information is already quite overwhelming, if you think about it. If we add cylons in the equation, they will bury it… You know they will. Even now, with what we know, do you even think they will let this information get out? Really?" Helena whispered, "How about us? Will we have a gag order? Go back to our previous jobs and shut up about this discovery for the rest of our lives? The greatest discovery of humankind?"

Takashi held her a little tighter.

"We are in the middle of one of the most remote place in the world, with hardly any communication with the outside. We have equipment, computers and power generators. There are only five persons in our team. We can… we need to keep this hidden until we know more. We can control what we share with the officials for a little bit longer. I have no intention to lie to them ultimately. I would like to know what we are dealing with before we release any information. I say we wait."

Helena looked at him.

"For how long? Until they send a chopper in and want the reports? And then what? We are sitting on an information time bomb. There are governments that will not hesitate to kill for the information we have, Takashi, to put their hands on cylon technology, reverse engineer it, and to prevent the public from knowing that 150,000 years ago a technologically advanced society arrived on earth and likely were the source of the greatest evolutionary jump in the human species. Their mythology has survived in our mythology. Only time has erased the traces, except for here, in this place. But their influence is everywhere: ancient stories of lost civilizations, Greek and Roman mythology, even in South America, you have traces of it. And I have the feeling we are not at the end of our surprises."

Takashi was silent for a moment, and then he said:

"We need to back up all of our computers on hard drives, multiple copies, our work, the diary scanned pages and your translation work, and all of the scientific information we have. We need to hide the drive. We need to do this now and then the others too."

He held his hand out and they both got up.

"Tomorrow I go back inside the cave and I take pictures. John can come with me and take samples of the metal from the cylon head, and start studying it. I can photograph the caves and the writings on the walls. Evelyne can start sampling DNA. We will have Liang look at the village," Helena said as they were walking back to their tent.

"Bring your laptop to my tent" Takashi said quietly as they were walking back.

Helena grabbed her laptop and followed him.

"How much power do we have?" She said.

"We are going to have to run the generators some more, especially if we are going to use instrumentation to do some testing tomorrow. We can recharge all of our electronics. I have a two Terabytes drive, where we can back up your current files and then the stuff you have stored on your data drive. We will need to back up our files onto a couple more drives, just in case." Takashi said. He connected the drive to the usb port and started to copy the encrypted files. It would take the night. The computer was plugged in the generator. They sat down together on the cot, watching the slow loading bar, which soon displayed ten hours of wait.

"We wait..." she said.

"This is our insurance card." He said looking at the drive.

"Come on" he said to her, lying down. "Let's get some sleep"

She looked at him and hesitated for a minute, but the idea of going back alone in her tent was overwhelming. She was anxious and it had been an emotional day. She lay down next to him and he pulled his unzipped sleeping bag over them like a cover. She was exhausted. In the comfort of his arms, it did not take long for sleep to claim her. Takashi ran his hands in her blonde hair and dropped a kiss on her forehead.

" _The familiar Chamalla took me along a road I knew all too well. Chamalla gave me visions and vivid dreams. The extract, I took with tea, had powerful effects. Some of its anti-cancer properties had been documented and I would have loved avoiding its hallucinogenic side effects. They had a way to creep on me at the least expected moments. I expected them and taught myself to carefully avoid reacting to such visions, if they were to happen publicly. Still they were disturbing. Moreover, the Chamalla was addictive and it could not be stopped abruptly without dire consequences. For two nights in a row, I had the same recurring dream. A dream so vivid, I knew it could only come from the hallucinogenic effect of the Chamalla. I felt I was caught in a storm of feelings and emotions. I knew I could not get out of it; I simply had to ride the storm. The Chamalla induced visions had taken me on the path to find Earth. I had seen the capital of Kobol on the maps of the ruins, as if I was there. I had seen Baltar talking to the blonde cylon six model back on Caprica, as life was fading from me the last time I encountered cancer. I knew I could not ignore those visions as mere dreams. Chamalla enabled me to see some message that was destined to me. Others, numerous priests over the years who had used Chamalla to induce visions, never had anything close to what I experienced. I could not prevent myself from pondering how timely it was that, as we were approaching the nebula with our supposedly next clue to Earth, my visions came back with my cancer. In those vivid dreams, I found myself running inside a large and beautiful old theatre, an opera house, like there used to be on Caprica. Dressed nicely as I would have for going out in such a setting, I kept on running along the beautiful corridors in a panic, looking for Hera, the daughter of Helo and Athena. Hera, the half cylon child, whose blood saved me from cancer! Hardly a coincidence! Then, I encountered her mother, Athena, who was running after her just as well on the other side of the theatre. We both were panicked and we knew we had to catch her. We had to protect her with all of our power. Hera ran into the arms of Caprica Six, who picked her up tenderly and entered the seating area of the opera house with Baltar. Doors closed before I could reach her, and I screamed. Each night since I started to take Chamalla again, I had woken up drenched in sweat as the doors closed in front of my face, unable to reach the child. I have not told Bill about my dreams and those restless nights. He is an atheist, who, I believe, never quite considered Chamalla and my visions as messages from the Gods. He took a more pragmatic approach, believing me and following my lead, more, I suspect, because of me rather than of the visions. I was uncomfortable sharing this with him without any other claim to back me up. Besides, today was the beginning of the trial and I wanted to avoid any distractions that would disturb him. I knew we could not talk. I would be a witness, he was part of the jury. This trial was an emotional moment for me. I felt raw, as if my skin had been peeled alive. New Caprica and its horrors was going to be brought back to my consciousness and I was hoping for closure, but I also knew it would hurt."_

" _My presidential mask put on, not betraying any of the emotions that were tearing me apart, I sat in the court room as both defense and prosecution made their opening statements. As the prosecutor started to talk, I was taken by a wave of heat and dizziness and excused myself quietly to visit the ladies room with a bodyguard tagging along. My heart was racing and I do not know if it had anything to do with the Chamalla or simply the anxiety that this trial was bringing to me. In the bathroom, I took some deep calming breaths and splashed my wrists and face with cold water. When I came back into the courtroom still a bit sick, I was verbally assaulted by Romo Lampkin, pointing his finger at me._

' _Especially her', he said forcefully._

 _He was of course making his introductory statement, designating me as the one who wanted Baltar dead. If it had been the case, I would have accepted Bill's offer to get rid of him. I wanted a trial. I wanted him to be convicted for his crimes. Romo Lampkin proved himself to be a formidable lawyer and opponent. He was making the statement that Baltar had no choice but surrender and hinted I would have never surrendered and hereby would have rather let the cylons kill us. But again, had I been president, we would never have gone down on New Caprica. The settlement would simply not have happened. I put a smiling mask on my face, avoiding betraying my feelings. It was a game and Romo Lampkin was a master at it. I was disturbed seeing Lee by his side, sitting on the defense bench. An ominous feeling took over me and I did not know what to make of it. It increased my anxiety, the feeling that I was sliding down along a path without any control. The courtroom was on Galactica and we took a recess for lunch, during which I joined Bill and Lee to CIC. At each jump we made in the direction of the Ionian Nebula, we left a raptor behind to track the possibility that the cylons were following us. For the first time, they reported seeing them behind us and escaped by a hair. We knew we were now discovered. It would be only a matter of time before they caught up with us. When we all met in CIC, Bill suggested that they must have had a way to track us and follow us. That would be the only logical explanation why they had found us after so many weeks. I had just taken a sip of Chamalla laced tea that Tory brought over, and suddenly I had this powerful revelation that Caprica Six was on our side. She was carrying Hera, comforting her; she was protective of her. There was not a hint of malice in her behavior. No, she protected Hera. If the cylons were to find the half-cylon half-human child, they would without a doubt hurt her. I was certain in this moment, that she was an ally._

' _I think that we should ask the Six, she may be willing to help." I said, knowing perfectly well how that would sound._

 _Tigh said "Baltar's girlfriend, why would she want to do that?"_

" _Because she would not want Hera to go back to the cylons."_

 _Of course, Tigh did not believe it._

" _I have a feeling that she would lay her life down for it."_

 _Bill, of course, reacted, doubtful._

" _A feeling..."_

 _Why could he not trust me? I snapped at him, exasperated that he would question my judgment. I did not want to have to explain myself further._

" _It's more than a feeling, alright! Why don't…" I sighed, "Just do it! It doesn't hurt to ask!" And, angry, I walked up the stairs by the weapons control section to find a moment alone to collect myself. I generally was better at containing my temper. The trial, the cancer and the words of Lampkin had eroded my self-control. A minute later, Bill joined me up after ordering Tigh to go talk to the Six._

" _What's going on?" He said talking my hands in his._

" _I had a vision," I whispered, upset._

" _What do you mean? A vision? Like before?"_

 _I nodded. "I'm taking Chamalla again, Bill." I added in a whisper, afraid I would be heard by the crew "Doc Cottle thought it would prevent the cancer from spreading until I can get Doloxan." We looked at each other for a few seconds, enough for me to let go of a long tensed breath I had been holding since maybe this morning._

" _Alright" he said. Now was not the time to have a private conversation. I broke eye contact to look on my right to the main console. My eyes met Lee's. He immediately shifted his gaze away, avoiding mine. His expression was unmistakable, one of guilt, jealousy and resentment. I gasped and let go of Bill's hands. It was again like a flash of knowledge: Lee knew. It struck me all at once. Lee knew that I was taking Chamalla. Lee knew that I was intimate with his father. He hated it. In a sense, he never was able to hide his feelings. I don't know how, he knew, but I was certain he did. Bill turned around to follow my gaze and look at him, surprised, but Lee had already directed his attention to the screen monitors."_

" _It turned out that Caprica Six did tell Tigh that the cylons were following a radiation signature from the Tylium ship. I was right; the Six did let us know how we were followed and my intuition about her was correct._

 _In the afternoon, we started hearing the testimonies. Members of the New Caprica resistance testified. They described the horrors of the New Caprica prisons and their unsuccessful attempts to fight the cylons. Of course, Romo Lampkin challenged them on their suicide missions, which killed many human lives. There is no honor in war. We think there is, when we bravely send armies defend our freedom, but in reality we send people to be butchered. The resistance attempted to destroy an immortal enemy. In doing so, they destroyed humans. Cylons enlisted humans as collaborators for their police. Those were the ones killed. Human against human. And the cylons winning. I always had been against the suicide mission. They were criminal as well. This afternoon, this was fully exploited by Lampkin. Then they put Colonel Tigh on the stand. It took only a minute for me, and everyone else for that matter, to realize that he was drunk. He went on a long rambling about Baltar and the atrocities of his collaboration with cylons. He talked about his jail time. Bill was listening without moving. I could almost believe that he was not feeling any emotion, if it was not for his eyes, which closed when Tigh mentioned the detention tortures. Then he started to mention his wife, Ellen. Last I had seen of Ellen was in the underground tunnels as we were preparing for the rescue and evacuation of New Caprica. I assumed she had been killed during the rescue mission. So many were killed, when the cylons started shooting at us as we were running to the ships. During the cross examination, Lampkin pointed out Tigh responsibility for the death of many humans during the suicide mission. And then, he brought up Ellen, Tigh's wife. Sensing the danger, Bill tried to stop him. But since his wife was brought up during the examination, the subject could be further explored during cross-examination. Lampkin must have been tipped off, because he asked Tigh if his wife was a cylon collaborator and Tigh did not deny it. He instead tried to excuse her, by saying that she was faking it, which was of course used by Baltar's lawyer to say that Baltar also was faking it. This was getting ugly very fast and I was holding my breath, sensing an imminent disaster. Tigh admitted drinking, or having a drink before taking the stand. Then he completely lost it. His face went blank and he started to become incoherent, talking about some music he was hearing. Taking the opportunity to press, Lampkin asked him who killed Ellen. Then finally Tigh admitted killing her, because she was collaborating with the cylons. Gods! What a horrible story! So that was it! The abuse, bruises and cuts I saw on Ellen on New Caprica that time in the medical tent; she collaborated to save her husband from detention. She had been raped and abused by the cylons and forced to continue to collaborate to keep her husband safe. And then, when she was discovered, her husband had to kill her. I wondered how many of those stories had happened on New Caprica, stories of war and horror. The occupation had been a nightmare for all of us. None of us came out of it untouched. We all had been exposed to various levels of abuse, ordeal and suffering. All of us had come out of there traumatized. I saw Bill look down at his hands, upset by what we had heard. I wish I could say I was surprised. But the fact is in this hellhole of New Caprica, so much abuse, betrayal, terror had happened that I could see how Tigh would have killed his wife for collaborating with the cylons, rather than expose her to an illegal court martial held by the resistance. He saved her dignity and took the only outcome that would free her from the cylons' grip. She was forced to collaborate. If she did not, retaliation would have hit her husband who had already lost an eye in detention. She was trapped. I closed my eyes and fought tears very hard. Ellen had not been a friend of mine. Yet, I could see she genuinely loved her husband. Despite our differences, we had suffered similar ordeals. I had no right to judge her. I had no right to judge him. Bill and I exchanged one look loaded with sadness as we exited the courtroom for another break. I was scheduled to testify last in the evening. I wanted to look confident and presidential despite the very long day. I refreshed myself in the hour break we got and changed into a white shirt, hoping to keep my body cool in the hot atmosphere of the courtroom. This brief respite allowed me to gather my energy for what I knew would be a difficult testimony."_

" _When the session resumed, we first listened to several more witnesses describing the terrible conditions of the New Caprica jails and the abuse they had endured. Then, I was called to the stand. The prosecution asked me to describe what I witnessed on New Caprica. I talked about the New Caprica police and the humans who collaborated. I talked about my work with Dr. Cottle and how we catalogued those who disappeared and those who were tortured. I gave copies of some of the pictures that we took of families gunned down in their tents, graphic pictures of recovered tortured bodies. Looking at those again made my stomach heave. The prosecutor questioned me on my detentions. I knew it would happen. I was prepared for the questions. I was not prepared for the emotion this would generate inside me, as I focused on a spot on the wall on the other side of the room, unable to hold anyone's eyes._

' _I was taken in the middle of the night and dragged to the prison through the snow…'_

' _Who arrested you Madame President?'_

' _Humans, members of the New Caprica police.'_

' _Were you accused of any charges? Did you have a trial?'_

' _No, I was just put in detention.'_

' _What happened during your detention?'_

' _There was an attempt, which failed, to sexually assault me. This type of torture did happen to many women, men and children in detention. Most of these were more severe than what I experienced. I was more lucky than most. I was left in detention for days, and at some point I was interrogated and beaten, such that I lost consciousness. I lost track of time; I got ill with a fever. I also suffered superficial injuries, which were treated by Dr. Cottle when I was released. My injuries were certainly less severe than most who were in detention.'_

 _I unconsciously brushed the side of my white shirt, covering the now barely visible scars on my skin. Romo Lampkin tried to take advantage of my discomfort. I knew he would use everything he could to discredit me. I saw Lee lower his head and look at his hands._

' _Madame President,' Lampkin said, 'You said the sexual assault you experienced failed, how is that?' I heard Bill draw a sharp intake of breath; I did not look at him._

' _Is it really necessary to ask the witness to recount such traumatic experience?' Bill interjected._

 _Doyle Franks, captain of the Prometheus and head of the five judges of the trial, replied: 'If the witness brought this up during examination, it can be questioned during cross-examination. Overruled. Please proceed.'_

 _I became uncomfortable. I steadied myself and continued: 'one cylon, Cavil, attempted to rape me. The guards did not try to prevent him to do so. They let it happen. A cylon number Six model came and stopped it as it was happening.'_

' _So you are telling me that you were assaulted by cylons. Not humans. They did not assault you, the cylons did. Did you fight it?'_

' _Exception! What is this line of questioning?' Adama roared at Lampkin._

' _Withdrawn… Why did the number Six cylon rescue you?'_

 _I took a deep breath and another, trying to control my emotions._

' _The humans did not assault me, but they restrained me physically thus allowing Cavil to assault me. I defended myself and kicked one of them. I fell down and the human guards pinned me down on the floor. The number Six came because she heard me scream. I do not know why she chose to spare me.' I am certain my voice was shaking. I was ignoring the whispering of the audience._

' _Do you know who the guards were? Can we call them to testify and corroborate this?' Lampkin addressed the court._

' _One of the guards was Jammer, who was executed as retaliation after the liberation of New Caprica. The other guard, Buzzard, committed suicide.' The questioning of Lampkin took another turn._

' _You said you were beaten up. Do you have scars?'_

' _Yes' I whispered._

' _Did humans beat you up? I am wondering.'_

' _Doral and Cavil beat me up.'_

' _Again, the cylons tortured you and beat you up, not the New Caprica Police. It is very possible that Gaius Baltar did not even know you were in detention.' Lampkin concluded._

 _The prosecution asked me about my second detention and, of course, Lampkin jumped on the opportunity to show that Baltar indeed released me from jail. Finally, I was asked to recount the last time I was arrested and I detailed the fact that we were going to be executed on Baltar's order and that he signed a death list of about two hundred persons. I knew my testimony had made a certain impact on the jury; the crowd looked at me with respect. I'm aware that no-one knew about my detentions, except for the last one. It was late in the day and we all needed a break. The questioning certainly rattled me and I suddenly felt very tired. As we were dismissed, I waited a little bit for the crowd to disperse. I mostly wanted to avoid the journalists and any questions they probably would ask me about my detention. Tory went out to let the press know that I would not answer any question at this moment. I lingered in the little office next to the courtroom. The door was open and Bill joined me. I could tell that he was upset at the line of questioning I had experienced._

' _How are you?' he whispered, while putting his hand reassuringly on my arm. He was looking at me with emotion, definite tears pooling in his eyes._

' _I'll be fine.' I replied softly. He bent and kissed me on the cheek 'Get some rest…' and then he left as Tory entered the room to take me to my shuttle. As I turned to grab my jacket, I saw Lee starring at me. How long was he there for? Did he see that small exchange with his father? I had no time to wonder, as I was hushed out to shuttle bay."_

 **Thank you very much for reading. Please leave some comments... It really feeds my muse and helps me focus my work into some of the ideas you suggest.**


	39. Chapter 39

**Thank you everyone, especially those who have commented whether here on on twitter. Your feedback is very important to me, because it gives me ideas to continue the story and I can discuss some of these ideas with fans who have a very deep understanding of the story.**

 **I have spent a lot of time working on this chapter (and Chapter 40 which is not finished yet), because I believe that Baltar's trial is a real turning point in Laura's own psychology, her ideas and the way she sees life. It brings a real conflict in her and starts a change in her deeply held opinions. This is something I really want to address and explore in Chapters 40 and 41.**

 **I have done a lot of research for this chapter, going back over commentary from the stars of the show, podcasts and interviews.**

 **I am also progressing nicely on the present time story.**

 **Enjoy...**

 **Chapter 39**

Helena woke up several times during the night. She was anxious and kept on checking the progress of the back-up on the drive. The first couple of times, Takashi did not wake up when she did. She turned on the small lantern on low light just to prevent her from inadvertently bump into equipment and Takashi's bags. She looked at the progress bar on the computer screen, moving so incredibly slowly. It was barely half way done. Were they becoming completely paranoid or were they really sitting on the most powerful time bomb the world ever possess? A cultural time-bomb that is! But still one with incredible and powerful political and even economical ramifications. This potentially could unite all nations on earth, if it was handled well, or create a war for information with some nations using this to gain influence, trying to understand cylon technology, fighting over who had the right to possess it and use it, discriminating and dividing. She sighed. She was not very optimistic on which way this would go, just even looking at the poverty, hate and war tearing Africa, the political struggles all over the continent, and around the world. How far would they go to protect this discovery? She believed in the goodwill of most of the politicians involved so far, but this was an exceptional discovery, and once it climbed up the hierarchical ladder, which it would do without doubt, she was not sure anymore how it would be handled. The presence of cylon technology had changed the outcome considerably. Takashi was sleeping peacefully. Helena looked at him tenderly. How long had they known each other? Thirty years, just about. Their lives had brought them back together again and again. There was this familiarity that only years of collegial work and deep friendship brought. Archeological digs in the desert, academic work, writing and publishing together, attending conferences around the world, all of those had brought them closer. Respectful of their respective private lives, he had been happily married, she had dated here and there, and they never had crossed that invisible boundary into intimacy. And now this: sharing the exhilaration and the burden of the most important discovery of all times. Now she was free and he had lost his wife and son. Helena lowering the light even more, climbed back onto the cot by him. He sighed and unconsciously pulled her back into his arms. She closed her eyes. She woke up a few hours later and went back to check on the progress on the computer. It was still dark outside, but dawn would break soon. The back up was almost completed.

"How are you doing?" he whispered. She jumped in surprise, revealing her tension.

"I kept on waking up", she replied. "This is almost done", she added showing the computer.

"We need to make a second copy", he stated, "We need to put them in a place where they cannot be found."

"Takashi, we are stuck here, no mail, no safety box, no communications with the outside world. Where do you want to put it? Not in the village, that is the first place they would look. Large data transfers on out sat phones would attract attention."

"For the moment, nobody knows what we have found. I say we hide the drives temporarily in some of the caves; we can update them regularly when we get more data and when you finish translating Laura's diaries. When we go, I take one of them with me and I place it in a safe."

"What about the others?" Helena whispered, referring to the team members.

"I thought about this, I have most of their data here. John has some of the chemistry raw data, but I have all of the quantified results, ready for publication. Evelyne does not have much so far. It is going to change, of course, as soon as she starts gathering genetic information".

"We tell them?" Helena asked.

"They are not idiots; they probably already arrived at their own conclusion. We are all in the same boat. It's going to take all of us to protect this project."

He started the second transfer of the data on the other drive.

"We have a couple of more hours before the morning; we should get some rest, it will be a busy day." Helena snuggled back with him on the rather narrow cot.

They got up soon and headed immediately to the others' tents. John Evans had already started to back up his own computer.

"As soon as you mentioned that they had a Cylon head, I thought we better save all of our stuff" John said with a smirk.

"Our thoughts exactly…" Helena said. "The others?" She was referring to the rest of the team.

"They're with us." John said.

A few minutes later they were all sitting around the campfire with their coffee.

"We need to get more data." Takashi said to his team.

"I can go and start getting some more information about the village", the usually quiet Liang said. He was excited by the idea of exploring the caves.

"I will go with Liang and start interviewing the villagers and get some genetic samples. We will ask Sharon to go with us and she can help with the translation." Evelyne said.

"I will go with Helena and John to explore the back caves and take samples of the cylon remains." Takashi said, "We take our sat phones. We stay with our team and take careful notes. If we find something worth exploring, we make a note of it and we go back later. We do not separate from each other and we all reconvene by 15:00 hours the latest. That will give us nine hours worth of exploring. Document everything you see, take pictures, take notes. Be careful."

By the time they had eaten breakfast and packed all their equipment in sturdy backpacks, they saw Sharon and Elosha walk in their direction. The group climbed back into the caves. An enthusiastic crowd welcomed them in the village. Helena supposed they were not seeing strangers very often. Dr. John Evans was carrying some heavy battery operated portable Raman and mass spectrometers, which both cost a fortune due to their miniaturizations, but would be useful in identifying elements and molecules found. Evelyne and Liang set themselves to work in the village with Sharon as an interpreter and Takashi, Helena and John followed Elosha into the back caves. They set up several lanterns in the cave to illuminate it and Helena took detailed pictures of the writings on the wall. Then Elosha took them to the crate with the cylon's head. Takashi noted that the crate was in everyway similar to the one they found on the Lady's ridge. When Elosha opened the crate, Helena reached for Takashi's hand. She shivered looking at the dark metallic head, its V-shaped slit dark and threatening.

"Whoa..." whispered Takashi as they all leaned with their flashlights to look inside the crate.

"Can we move it?" John Evans said, ready to take some samples. Elosha nodded. John put some vinyl examination gloves and spread a waterproof tarp on the ground, and then he kneeled by the crate and carefully lifted the head out of the crate to lay it on the tarp. Helena took more pictures facing the front and also the back of the head. When they moved the head, a tarnished chain fell down. It had a hexagonal medal with inscriptions on it.

Helena also put some gloves examined the medal with her light and a magnification lens.

"Looks like brass…" she said. "There is a name engraving on it and what looks like a date."

"Can you read the name?" Takashi asked.

"Yes, it says, Sharon 'Athena' Agathon." She replied looking at Takashi.

Elosha had tears in her eyes. "Sharon Agathon as a big part in our history. Sharon is a favorite first name of our daughters, as we honor her memory. Sharon Agathon was the mother of Hera, our founder, the first village chief."

John was taking samples of the chain in little test tubes and biological swabs of the chain and tag. He also took several samples of what he thought was organic material on the inside part of the cylon's head. Then he took samples of the metal on every section of the head and inside the crate. When he was done, he respectfully handed the chain and tag to Elosha.

"You should have this, Elosha."

She took it with trembling hand and put it over her neck.

"Elosha may I take a small sample from your bracelet? It will barely be visible and we can take it from the inside part." She nodded and gave him the bracelet. John scraped a little flake of the metal into a test tube and handed back the bracelet to her quickly. He carefully labeled all of his samples. Continuing to examine carefully the cylon's head, he noticed some concealed opening on the back, which he could pry open with a small screwdriver. He had now access to the circuitry, electronic connections, very much looking like processors.

"I'm going to try something…" He said quietly and Elosha, Helena and Takashi looked at him in amazement, as he disconnected wires from the spectrometers power supply, and connected them to small electrodes.

"We will start with a very low voltage and current. No need to blow the whole thing." He set it and pressed the electrodes at various sections of the circuitry, and the wires of the neck. Nothing happened. John continued very slowly to increase the voltage. Suddenly a slight humming, like the fan of a computer, came out of the head. Helena grabbed Takashi's arm.

"Look!" She pointed to the V-slit on the front of the head and a very faint red light had appeared in the dark crease. John turned the power up. The light intensity increased and it started scanning its surroundings left to right and right to left with an ominous electronic sound.

"Stop" Elosha screamed. And John dropped the electrodes. Immediately, the light vanished.

Elosha was shaking. Helena immediately went to her side and comforted her, her arms around her shoulders. Elosha whispered, "What if we bring it back to life and it communicates to the others that we are still alive?"

"That is a very good point." Takashi said, nodding to Helena and John. John took pictures of the circuitry and more samples. While John was working, Takashi and Helena led Elosha to the other side of the cave. They pulled blankets out of their bags and sat down comfortably with her.

"Elosha," Helena took her hands in hers, "I brought you some of the pages of Laura's diary. I didn't know if you could read their script, so I brought both the original and the translation. But there is something you need to know." Helena looked at Takashi. He nodded his approval silently. "Sharon Agathon was a cylon. She had a baby with Karl Agathon, a human, and they were married. The baby was Hera."

Elosha looked at both of them, panicked.

"It's true" Takashi said. "It seems that the cylons had evolved and became androids with a biological form able to reproduce with humans, and they kept the ability to transfer their consciousness into new bodies."

"It's not possible. Our scriptures do not confirm this."

"I think that the cylons that came to earth with the humans were their friends. I think that they fought together against the other cylons and founded this colony. They escaped them together and they were allies. Sharon, her husband and their daughter Hera created this colony. They were good people and they probably were very united with the rest of the humans and maybe other biological cylons. They were not the enemy, Elosha." Helena said. "There were two kinds of cylons. And I am still working on Laura's diaries. But it is very clear that Sharon helped the humans. She was as human in spirit as any of the humans traveling with her. Maybe these early colonists decided that they would unite and accept those flesh and blood cylons as humans. The blood of Hera saved Laura. Laura had a bout with cancer. She went in remission after receiving a transfusion from Hera. But Laura's cancer returned some years later, and she died from it probably very soon after she reached Earth."

"Did Laura have children?" Elosha asked with a trembling voice, tears streaming on her face.

"No she did not. She was married to a man named William Adama, Bill, as she calls him. He was the Admiral of the fleet of vessels that arrived to Earth. He had a son from a previous marriage." Helena said.

"Elosha," Takashi said gently, "you do not have to believe us. We brought you Laura's diary. You take it and you take the time to read it. You can come to your own conclusions by yourself. Then we can talk about it and you can share your own information. You will decide if you want to share these pages with your people."

Elosha nodded, looking at the thick folder that Helena handed to her. She looked at them kindly. "I am grateful of what you have brought to me. You are both good people, I can tell. You are not lying. I will read and I will decide."

"Thank you for your trust" Helena whispered.

"I will stay here and read, while you work." Elosha said. Takashi took Helena's hand and helped her stand up. They looked at each other for a minute, silently communicating their emotion. Then Helena took her digital camera and her laptop and started to work on the wall inscriptions, while Takashi joined John Evans by the cylon's head; he was setting up his equipment for analysis. They kept checking quietly on Elosha who was reading, deeply focused on the pages.

" _I had a tormented night, full of detention flashbacks mixed with Chamalla induced visions. I kept on seeing Lee's look burying on me like a knife and upon waking from this nightmare, scared and shaken, I wondered if Lampkin would expose publicly my relationship with Bill. He had no proof, really; maybe Lee had just a feeling. I couldn't believe Lee would do such a thing. He always was my hero, the young captain Apollo, doing what was right. I went back to memories of the early days after the attacks. Commander Adama, not yet Admiral, was obnoxious with me right when I became president. He called me 'a school teacher' and refused my authority. He was programmed like the military: to win the war. But the war was over before it even had started. We had been annihilated, destroyed and there was no possibility of winning when the only remaining human survivors were just a little more than 50,000 souls. There was only one way to go: survival. I thought of Lee back then, when he was captain Apollo. A young man, already disagreeing with his father, was taking my side, faithful, loyal and deeply honest. He followed me and protected me. He was the only one, aside from Billy and Wally, who knew about my cancer. I confided in him. I trusted him. He was the one who did not hesitate to start a mutiny to follow me on Kobol. He fought with me with his life. What was I then for him? Another mother? Someone to anchor his still unresolved pain after the damaging divorce of his parents? Bill told me that his mother had been abusive and that he had not realized how alienated his two sons had become when he left. Lee had loved me in a sense, and I don't know if his anger now was also the reflection of his attachment for me. I kept professional with him; I did not become his mother or his friend. Did he feel betrayed by me? Did he have expectations I never knew existed? Did I miss something? I did not know how far he would go. Still, I couldn't brush away my apprehension. It took a while to fall back asleep."_

" _I knew my interrogation would continue the next day in the morning session. Before me, Zarek took the stand. He was asked to testify on his detention on New Caprica and how he was, with me, taken to be executed by the centurions. As I listened to his testimony, I remembered how much he suffered in the New Caprica's jails. As a terrorist, he had been in detention before and he had the unique perspective of being able to compare the two experiences. I could have loved him in this moment, as he recounted his own experience and his struggle, if I did not know that his agenda, not so hidden, was in priority his access to power. I recalled fondly of our conversation in the truck leading us to our death. Of course we did not know we were going to be executed, but we shared then perhaps the only genuine moment between us. He understood how I had tried to fix the elections and I did not hide this from him. It was a sincere moment; the only one we ever had. Zarek was an intense man, and I am one who likes intensity in men. But his attraction to power, such that he would use any mean to get it, was enough to prevent me from entertaining any further association with him, whether political or even personal. He never had any problem seeking the help of criminals to get what he wanted and I never would go that low. Adar liked power too and was also, just like Zarek, resorting to unethical moves to get it, especially after he became president and tried to maintain power and the status quo. That was when I stopped loving him. Well, did I even love him? The reasons why I never broke my relationship earlier with Adar were only due to my own weaknesses, a certain cowardice, and pure unabashed lust. I know now that I lost some valuable time with him, which could have been better used elsewhere in a real relationship. He was married. I had known him since high school and life took us separate ways; I became a teacher for a few years, right out of university, and coincidentally life brought us back together after I finished my doctorate in educational leadership, and took my position as head of the Caprica City schools, while he was the Mayor of Caprica City. My family was killed and, a few months later, I joined his campaign. We started having an affair quite late in his campaign after the primaries and during the general election, before he became president. Now I have some regrets; I suppose having cancer and witnessing the end of a civilization at the same time put things in perspective. When Zarek finished his testimony, he came to me and in a rare sign of respect, shook my hand, nodding to me."_

" _Then I was called to the stand. I was ready for anything, except what happened. Lampkin 'associate', Lee asked to be the one questioning me. I immediately knew that he was going to betray me and the night's terror and reflections came back to me. Immediately I remembered how his antagonism with his father had escalated and how he resented him. Years of guilt, miscommunication and anger created this moment when Lee decided to betray us. Lee felt his father had let him down when leaving him with his abusive mother. That anger was never resolved between them. Lee probably felt I betrayed him as well, by becoming close to his father. He started to ask me if I was alive because of Baltar, and immediately shifted his questioning to my first bout with cancer and how Baltar saved me by injecting me with the blood of the half-cylon child. I knew he was going to use my cancer against me. I could hide behind my glasses, deflecting his questioning as much as I could, his insisting questions on my treatment and his mention of Chamalla extract yielding visions were clearly meant to discredit me. As soon as I heard the word –Chamalla-, I knew then. I knew he knew. I knew where he was going. I hummed and half-smiled at him. I only felt pity for him. So that was it. I realized I had nothing left to loose. If he wanted to go down this way, then we would fall together. He, on the contrary, had a lot to loose, my trust, his self-respect, his father, and well, his integrity. The pain of his betrayal was acute, like being stabbed in the heart. Lee, whom I trusted, had decided to go for the kill. He had decided to use me against his father. He pointed out at the hallucinogenic effects of Chamalla and I reminded him how these hallucinations were foretold by the scriptures and enabled us to find the way to Earth. The prosecuting attorney tried to stop unsuccessfully this line of questioning. Lee asked for one more question. He approached me very close, facing me. Did he want to witness closely the pain he was about to inflict? Self-righteous Lee, thinking that he had discovered a great weakness of mine, an addiction maybe, did not even think of the consequence of his questioning. He wanted to hurt me, because he wanted to hurt his father. I was protecting Lee and his father as much as myself, when I whispered to him: 'please don't do this…please.'_

 _He continued, oblivious of the pit he was digging for himself._

' _Madame President, are you taking Chamalla at this time?'_

 _He broke my heart. I wanted him to know that. I swallowed my tears and looked at him in his eyes whispering my pain to him, my voice hitching and not even caring if anyone else was hearing me._

' _Captain Apollo, do you remember that? I always thought it had such a nice ring to it… I am so sorry, so sorry, for you now.' Captain Apollo, his call name, full of force, integrity and courage, which was lacking him so much at this moment._

 _He pressed: 'Chamalla, Madame President, perhaps dissolved in your tea to mask the bitterness.'_

 _Before I even had the time to reply, Bill interjected: 'Don't answer. I'm putting a stop to this now.'_

 _Lee yelled back at his father and at the judges. 'If she is on drugs, it goes to her credibility as a witness.'_

' _Witness is dismissed.' Bill said strongly. 'Bill, what are you doing?' I thought._

 _Lampkin stood defending Lee, 'your honors I have to strongly object he's obviously trying to cover something up here.'_

' _One more word from you and you'll both be held in contempt.' Bill said._

 _Doyle Franks intervened and another judge, the Gideon's commander, and said she wanted to hear the answer of the question. While I appreciated Bill's effort to protect me, I knew he could not stop what had been started. I had to answer, but I surely would not let Lee get away with it. I looked at Bill and saw how upset he was. He did not need to defend me. I could defend myself. I wanted him to stop implicating himself trying to protect me, clearly indicating publicly how close we were._

 _Judge Franks repeated the question: 'Madame President, are you taking Chamalla again?'_

' _Yes, I am.' I replied looking at her, softly._

 _Lee looked intensely at his father, then he said: 'No further questions'_

 _I was certainly not going to leave it at this._

' _Mr. Adama, are you going to ask me why?'_

 _He turned around 'I'm sorry?'_

' _Why… am I… taking… Chamalla again?' I said, as if I was talking to one of my elementary students, enunciating the words clearly for his understanding. I was ice cold with anger._

' _It's not strictly relevant.'_

' _Perhaps it's not relevant to you, but it's relevant to me.' I saw on his face that he suddenly understood. He had the expression of a little kid, scolded by his mother. I continued sharply, 'go ahead ask me why... Finish what you started.' Lee came for the kill; he should not leave his victim injured and turn away. No, Lee, why don't you have the guts to finish me!_

 _He approached the stand again, this time hesitant, trapped._

' _Why are you taking the Chamalla again, Madame President?' His voice was shaking. I felt his doubt wash over him. Take your responsibilities until the end, Lee, now that you decided to betray your father and me. I took off my glasses, baring my soul to him, and looked… at him and then at all of them._

' _I am taking Chamalla again because my cancer has returned.'_

 _I looked at Lee, watching my words make their way into his consciousness and triggering his shame."_

" _I left Galactica immediately. And I knew now that I had to face the press. I was fully expecting the type of questions I would get. Now that it was out, I felt relieved and I could put on a little show for the press. Tory did not handle this well at all. She completely lost it in front of the press, unable to face their questions. I had to send her away. I showed the face of optimism and, when Karen asked me how long I had to live, I could not prevent myself and turned back the question at her. Truth is I survived the first bout of cancer and so I did not know my future. In our dire circumstances, who could assume of what our future would be. We all could die tomorrow in a cylon attack. I had known a lot longer about the cancer than I pretended for the press and I did not let them know how much it had spread. It was all a great act to reaffirm my leadership, which could have been easily compromised by this news. I scolded Tory. She obviously had some issues; she had been unable to concentrate on her work. I had no time for her incompetence. She was here to help me and if she was unable to do so, I could not keep her working for me. I dismissed her and ordered some food. I wanted to have a quiet evening alone."_

" _I did not turn on the wireless; I knew the press would be replaying my testimony non-stop with various levels of commentary. I wanted silence. Lee's betrayal was painful. I knew it had been coming; still it was painful. I was tired. In the bathroom mirror, I looked at myself. My testimony was over. Tomorrow, I was scheduled to start the Doloxan treatments. My breath caught in my chest when I though about it. I quickly undressed and looked at my naked reflection in the mirror. Nobody could guess that my body was crawling with cancer. Dr. Cottle did not even consider taking my breasts out. The skin was even, the lump I felt was still there barely visible. My surgical scars on my lower abdomen were healed and still pink. The scars of my beating were almost completely erased, light white nacre lines, slightly raised. I looked healthy. Ah, the irony! I looked human; soon, I knew my body would start a slow decay towards death due to the chemotherapy. I saw my mother endure Doloxan treatment. Tears started to pool in my eyes and I scolded myself for my weakness and self-pity. I took a shower. Then, despite my best resolve, I could not stop my tears from flowing, as the walls and tight restrains I put during the day on my emotions started to crumble under the hot water spray. I banged against the tile in frustration and anger, making my fist red and sore. I knew the first treatment would not make me very sick. It tends to build up over time. I dried up and put pajamas. As I was pathetically feeling bad about myself, the phone started ringing._

' _Laura? I'm so sorry about Lee…' Bill said in the receiver. I smiled._

' _I know. You're not responsible, Bill. He is an adult. He chose to do this.'_

' _My fights with him did not particularly help,' he conceded, 'how are you?'_

' _Tired. I'm doing my first treatment early tomorrow morning; I'm not looking forward to that. And then I will head out to the courtroom.'_

' _So soon? I won't be able to accompany you.'_

' _It's nice you want to be there. Doc Cottle wants to start right away. He has been giving me hell about this, you know him! I will rest in sick bay.' We both remained silent for a minute._

' _Laura…'_

' _I know, Bill' I said, my voice breaking. I hung up with a sigh and went to bed."_

 **Please leave me some comments, I really appreciate them. Thank you**


	40. Chapter 40

**Thank you to the persons who commented on the previous chapters and to those who discussed this chapter with me on-line as I was writing it.**

 **Very long chapter for you today. This chapter is extremely important to me, because it reveals some of the Laura's darkness and some of her past. It also sets up for much of the psychological distress she will experience in Season 4, since she has so many hidden insecurities, guilt and shame over past events.**

 **I wrote it and rewrote it several times. First of all to make sure the timeline was correct and also to take into account many details of the show. I also used some (but not all) of the themes that were in an early draft of Epiphanies that circulated on line back in 2010, and was very much modified for the actual episode. While the chapter takes place at the conclusion of Baltar's trial, it has flashbacks from Epiphanies and Colonial Day mostly.**

 **I certainly know that some of you may object to some of the events I describe happening before the attacks. I do believe that Laura is very complicated and had some very deep insecurities. I wanted to reflect that.**

 **I would love to have your comments.**

 **Chapter 40**

By 15:00 hours, the team had reconvened at the base camp, with Elosha and Sharon in tow. Helena, Takashi and John could not wait to find out what Evelyne and Liang had found. John was still working on data on his laptop. Surely Evelyne would not have any genetic results ready in the hour, and her PCR analysis, performed in a makeshift lab in a tent, would take another couple of days. Still her observations were interesting.

"There is an incredible amount of genetic diversity in this population, much more that would be expected for an isolated population, which means that they must have started with quite a diverse population. Also there seem to be a very high rate of genetic recombination in the population, which would explain why you often find blue eyes with darker hair and skin, for instance, since hair color and eye color are linked. I started to do some calculations on some alleles and the population is in Hardy-Weinberg equilibrium for the alleles I looked at, which means that it is not evolving. It has probably the same genetic make up as the original population. But of course, I looked only at some very visible recessive allele, such as blonde hair. It is a very, very, crude estimation. This needs confirmation with several more alleles. Also, there is very high percentage of individuals with the blood type O, Rhesus negative. That is very striking, because O and Rhesus negative are recessive, and, well, homozygous recessive individuals O negative in the Kenyan population is about 1.5%, which is the closest frequency I have geographically. Here after testing everyone for their blood types, we are nearing 43%, which is incredibly high. So we have to wonder if the original settlers were all O negative or if there just was a very high proportion in the original population."

Takashi was pensive and everyone was thinking about what they had read in Laura's diaries, about the 'odd' properties of Hera's blood. They did not need to speak to realize that it very well could be that most of this population was descended from cylons.

Liang took over.

"The habitations inside the caves are made of carved stones and blocks of stones arranged together. Same rock as the surrounding caves! They look very old; they must have been carved centuries ago. Now I have no reference points to compare those structures with. They are very unique. Interestingly I found a number of artifacts, which are astonishing, in this location. I found Greek and Roman carvings in some of the habitations, and in a different locations, some Celts artifacts. I also found some artifacts, which I would place from North Africa. They did not get here on their own. They are ancient and originals. So it looks like someone brought them back here quite some time ago. These people travelled from here and back." He turned and looked at Elosha, "Do you have any indication that your ancestors explored regions outside of Africa?"

Elosha nodded.

"There are many stories about this. Our original ancestors, yes, traveled and explored the world around them. I had no idea how far they went."

Takashi added:

"The timeline does not work. Maybe the original settlers did expand on the planet. That was around 150,000 years ago. But the artifacts you found are a lot more recent than this. So they did explore, settled, and came back generations later? Provided they even remembered where they were coming from at the first place and that knowledge did not disappear many generations later. It seems very unlikely. There must be another explanation."

"At each generation, they shall return…" Sharon whispered.

"What did you say?" Helena replied to her in wonderment.

"At each generation, they shall return… that's in the book of Hera."

"The book of Hera?" Helena asked

"Yes, Hera wrote it. It is part of our scriptures. It tells the history of colonists. It is not very long, but the writings are on that cave you visited, Helena."

Helena moved to get her laptop and showed the photographs to Sharon.

"Where is it?"

Sharon pointed at some pictures.

"Barely readable!" Helena whispered.

"But that's alright, because we have copies."

"You do?"

Sharon nodded. "It is part of our scriptures, so we have handwritten copies."

"Can I read it?" Helena asked. Sharon turned to Elosha who agreed.

Elosha talked to her daughter as well. "We now have a new addition to our scriptures, the book of Laura. And from what I already read, it is incredibly interesting."

Helena and Takashi looked at each other surprised she would even mention it. Elosha addressed them.

"I have a responsibility towards my people. They ought to know the truth. Such decision is hard to take, knowing the content of Laura's writings, as you know. But, I do not want any more lies. I will call a Quorum meeting of the twelve villages. You will get to meet them."

Helena leaned forward and asked softly:

"Elosha, what happened to the thirteenth village?"

"It is Terra, Earth… and it's located at the edge of this mountain. The most isolated village and the most visible… It was inhabited for a while and then it got destroyed." She lowered her head.

Takashi and Helena exchanged a worried look.

"When did it get destroyed? And by whom?" Takashi asked.

"It was a long time ago…before modern civilization. The cylons destroyed it."

A heavy silence settled on the group.

" _I spent another difficult night, haunted by the same repeating nightmare, my anxiety spiking. When my alarm clock rang early in the morning, I had no desire to get up. I knew I had to go to sickbay and later attend the trial. I wanted to hide, disappear for the day under my covers and sleep. I picked up the phone._

' _Yell at me…' I said to Bill, 'I don't want to get out of bed'_

' _You called the wrong number. I was just thinking about going back to bed.'_

 _I immediately worried._

' _You're feeling okay?'_

' _Says the cancer patient… I'm fine, I just cut myself. How are you doing?'_

' _I don't want to face them. I don't want to face any of them; I just want to stay in bed all day and sleep.'_

' _I guess I stopped the bleeding. If you still need to be yelled at, I can give you some volume?'_

' _Good. Alright, give it your best shot.'_

' _Get out of that bed!'_

 _Not too convincing._

' _That's not your best shot.'_

' _Get your fat lazy ass out of that rack, Roslin!' There was some tenderness in his voice._

 _I laughed a little._

' _Yes, sir. Okay, sir. Anything you say, sir.' And then softly, 'thank you'. Thank you for so much. Thank you for being there on such hard days._

' _Don't let them see you sweat, Laura.' I nodded as he hung up. With a deep sigh, I pushed my covers back and got up."_

" _An hour later, I was in sickbay getting stuck by a needle, as Dr. Cottle was putting my IV on. I wish I could say it went well, but it didn't. I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes, letting the poison flow into my veins. A treatment worse than the cancer itself! Within minutes a nasty metallic taste had invaded my mouth and my skin was flushed. Cottle gave me damp clothes to refresh myself, and something to drink. Time was passing excruciatingly slow. Second after second, I watched the drops falling down. Nausea hit me in waves, but I did not throw up. I just was very uncomfortable, wishing the nausea away and trying my best to rest. I started meditating on the meaning of time, as it appeared so slow to me. Cottle offered me some crackers, but the very idea of food made my stomach heave. After a couple of very slow hours, it was over and Dr. Cottle went to bring me more water. He told me to bring something to read next time to take my mind away from the infusion. He said it would keep my blood pressure lower. The IV was now just for hydration and I closed my eyes, trying to relax. I must have fallen asleep, because I immediately went back into my Opera house dream, looking desperately for Hera, running on the side, anxious and worried, together with Athena, her mother. I finally saw Hera in Caprica Six's arms as she took them inside the theatre. Baltar was with her. I screamed and woke up. Then I realized that a couple of beds away from me in sickbay, Athena with Hera in her arms had screamed too. Cottle, alarmed, arrived yelling at us and I immediately knew that Athena had experienced the same thing I just did. This was not a coincidence. I urged Dr. Cottle to remove my IV so that I could talk to Athena about what just happened. She explained to me the concept of projection, that cylons could project some surroundings in their consciousness and navigate them freely as they please. The thing is, I'm not a cylon and I should not be able to do the same and certainly not to join her projection. Besides, I do not select to hallucinate; I have no conscious control over it. It happens despite myself, mostly when I am asleep. Once we both realized that we were in the same vision, together, we also knew that Caprica Six must have been there as well. We rushed to the brig where Caprica Six was kept. She was surprised to see us and most certainly could not hide her astonishment that we also had shared our vision. I believe she was truthful when she said that the only thing she knew was to keep Hera safe. But just like us, she was puzzled and could not offer any explanation why we would share the same vision and what it meant. I returned to sickbay with Sharon and Hera, in deep thoughts. What was happening to us? And what did it all mean? Did it have anything to do with the fact we were maybe couple jumps away from the Ionian nebula, where we would find the next clue to Earth? I had no time to dwell on this. I changed clothes and walked to the courtroom, still shaken by what we experienced."_

" _At the time I got there, Lieutenant Gaeta was starting to give his testimony and he confirmed that Baltar had indeed signed the death list for the execution of two hundred important people. Then Lampkin called for a mistrial, claiming that Adama had stated that Baltar did not even deserve a trial. I could see the final blow from Lee to his father, who was publicly accused by Lampkin's statement. Without a doubt, this information was coming from Lee. And to prove this and further humiliate Bill, Lampkin put Lee on the stand. There was a brief exchange where the validity of having one of the defense lawyers testify was called and rebutted. Lee protested loudly refusing to testify; now that he had to face his responsibilities, he couldn't. He refused to answer Lampkin's direct questions incriminating Bill. He was looking for a way out. I would never have thought he was so full of cowardice. I would like to say that I was shocked, but after the past three days, nothing was able to surprise me anymore. Lee uncovered his true colors. I knew then that unable to discredit me, they were going directly for the mistrial, implicating Bill's integrity. This could completely destroy the power structure of this fleet and also that would completely destroy him as a father. This infuriated me. As Lee avoided direct questions and refused to testify against his father, Lampkin changed his strategy, trying to get to Lee by using different tactics. When Lee started to talk, frustrated by the questions, I shuddered. He was sure of himself. He was brilliant. He made good points. I could not feel my legs; I felt I was going to pass out. He said Baltar made mistakes, but he also said there was nothing to be done. We were invaded on New Caprica, he said, Baltar could not do anything._

' _What could anyone have done? Ask yourself, what would you have done? What would you have done? If he had refused to surrender, the Cylons would have probably nuked the planet right then and there. So did he appear to cooperate with the Cylons? Sure. So did hundreds of others. What's the difference between him and them?' Lee claimed. No Lee, he did not appear to collaborate, he collaborated. He let the cylons in. And then Lee looked at me._

' _The President issued a blanket pardon. They were all forgiven, no questions asked.'_

 _I did, didn't I? I did when I thought Baltar was dead. Would I have issued this pardon, if I knew Baltar was still alive? I thought the pardon was the only way to reconcile the fleet and move it forward. I still do and I stand behind this decision. Baltar however is in a complete different category. He betrayed us. He was the president, not a simple citizen overwhelmed by circumstance. He never made an effort to help the resistance. He could have. He could have joined the effort, gotten the launch key for instance. But he didn't. He continued his self-preservation by not standing against the cylons, even in a concealed way._

' _Colonel Tigh used suicide bombers, killed dozens of people. Forgiven. Lieutenant Agathon and Chief Tyrol. They murdered an officer on the Pegasus. Forgiven.' Lee continued._

 _Tigh, who was the only one daring to organizing the resistance, was blamed for the suicide bombing. Yes, I disagreed about these as well. It was war. The cylons were guiltier of acts of wars than Tigh. I saw these mangled bodies, tortured, raped, killed and injured in the most terrible conditions. At least Tigh was trying to fight, Tigh who killed his wife. Tears came to my eyes. I swallowed them, my hands in front of my mouth, trying to control my emotions. And now, Lee was not even talking about New Caprica anymore. He was talking about all what happened before. He was talking about everything we did wrong, about everything I did wrong in these early days of my presidency. Going for what his father did wrong too, he added:_

' _The Admiral. The Admiral instigated a military coup d'état against the President. Forgiven.'_

 _Yes, Lee. He did. He was different then, and you know it, Lee._

' _And me? Well, where do I begin? I shot down a civilian passenger ship, the Olympic Carrier. Over a thousand people on board. Forgiven. I raised my weapon to a superior officer, committed an act of mutiny. Forgiven. And then on the very day when Baltar surrendered to those Cylons, I as commander of Pegasus jumped away. I left everybody on that planet, alone, undefended, for months. I even tried to persuade the Admiral never to return, to abandon you all there for good. If I'd had my way nobody would have made it off that planet. I'm the coward. I'm the traitor. I'm forgiven.'_

 _Gods, Lee, no! My Gods. The Olympic Carrier! I placed the order. I killed those people; he did not. We actually did not know what was happening on board. It was tracked by the cylons. The ship was armed, with nukes; it was aiming at us, on target for a suicide bombing. We had to take it down. We could not afford not too. I looked back at the person I was then, inexperienced, doing my best and making tough decisions. I let the ships without FTL get destroyed by the cylons, so that we could escape on time. Cami! I still think of her. So many were killed because of decisions that I made. So many. I put my hand in my pocket and touched the little piece of paper I always carried in my suits, it was all wrinkled and my handwriting was barely visible now. It said 'Olympic Carrier'. Richard Adar did this when he made a particularly hard decision, which killed many. He kept a small piece of paper with the names of the Aerilon colonists that were killed in an unfortunate decision he made. Oh Richard, we parted on a fight. We never had the time to mend our differences. He is dead. I'm alive. By which right am I alive? Why? He was not a horrible man. He became consumed by power; lost his ideals and he lost me. But he was the mayor of Caprica City for a long time; he made very good decisions as a mayor and then as a president. We had known each other for a very long time, since high school really. There always had been a very strong attraction between the two of us, right from the beginning. But I went to university and became a teacher. He went into politics. By then, I got my doctorate and became the superintendent of Caprica city schools, when he was mayor. At the end of the presidential campaign, we started seeing each other. I loved him once, or I think I did. Gods know what would have happened if the attacks did not occur? Would he have moved forward asking for my resignation or was he just talking out of anger, when we fought? Could I have made a case for him to listen to the teachers and end the strike? Maybe I could have won this fight. It doesn't matter anymore. They are all dead. And now Lee confessed he would not have come to rescue us on New Caprica, if it was not for his father. But this is not quite true. He left his father behind, yes, but then he came back later having changed his decision. Lee was carrying so much guilt. I understood now that this guilt and his anger was responsible for he way he was acting now. He was seeking some kind of forgiveness for his sins. It doesn't work that way, Lee. I hate to say it, but we have to carry our sins until the day we die. We may seek some kind of redemption, but it is just an illusion. I would know this better than anyone._

 _'We make our own laws now; our own justice. And we've been pretty creative in finding ways to let people off the hook for everything from theft to murder. And we've had to be, because...because we're not a civilization anymore. We are a gang, and we are on the run, and we have to fight to survive. We have to break rules. We have to bend laws. We have to improvise.'_

 _We had rules. Yes, they were imperfect but I had spent each day after the attacks making sure that we still had rules and that we were not falling into anarchy. Soon after the attacks, we reestablished a government, reinstated a currency, put in place a constitution and worked very hard to offer health care, some kind of educational program for the little ones, work a system and allow each one of us with a place to live and resources. As soon as it was physically possible to, we created a Quorum, representing each of the colonies. We knew it was not perfect and it clearly deteriorated, especially after New Caprica with so many lost and so much of our reserves abandoned on the surface, with resentment creeping everywhere and people executing other presumed collaborators. We had to work very hard to recreate these institutions for the survivors. On many occasions, yes, we did break rules, but we still kept a framework of law and institutions. But…we still are a civilization, Lee, to claim otherwise would just be a lie. Wallace Gray, Wally, was the one who worked with me to set the early institutions that kept us alive right after the attacks. He was gifted; he recreated a financial system, a currency, provided some healthcare and distributed resources. He was considered my right arm then and truly he was. He was. Wally, the only man left that I knew from before the attacks, was more than my friend. He was a good man. He was loyal, trustworthy, full of integrity, honest and… well, he loved me. I was not listening anymore to Lee's rambling about justice and how we hated Baltar and how we wanted to throw him out of an airlock, because of his cowardice and arrogance. I was thinking about Adar and then Wally…the two men who had once held me in their arms. I was still directing the Caprica City schools, when I met Wally. He was an economist, working for directly for Adar in City Hall. He used to bring me flowers every Mondays to decorate my desk, when I started working for Adar's campaign. 'Because I want to see your smile through the week radiant with happiness' he would say. I'm so ashamed of myself. Wally, who I used and abused, never stopped loving me. He took me out for dinner several times in the early days of the campaign. We dated. But, then I got bored. He wanted to marry me. He wanted a family. I did not want commitment. It is not that I did not like Wally, but I was scared to be bored. Wally never pushed me. He respected me and waited. I did not know really what love meant. I thought I knew love, but I didn't. I confused it with the attachment of the bodies. I could find an excuse by claiming I was still traumatized by the loss of my sisters, my unborn niece and my father, but it would be a lie. I could say I was scared of commitment, because I was scared of loss. I don't know if that would be the truth. I don't know. Those were my choices and my responsibility, however flawed. I broke up with Wally. I was seeking thrill like an addiction, short torrid relationships, no strings attached with smart discreet men who could carry a conversation on politics and policy, who did not agree with everything I said, who were challenging both intellectually and sexually. I asked myself what love was, and I doubted each time I started to feel something that resembled it. I soon fell for Adar, who was married, and I enjoyed that. We knew each other very well and our mutual attraction had been genuine and building up for years. I thought I loved Adar, and maybe I did. I loved the secrecy of our relationship, nights in hotel rooms or his office; they brought the thrill I sought. I loved his dedication, his passion. He was a brilliant orator; he had an incredible charisma. But our relationship degraded a few years into his presidency towards the end of his term, when power destroyed his ethics. I could have stopped it then, but I continued having sex with him, out of pure lust or maybe cowardice. Ironic, I would be bothered by the ethics on a man, who was cheating on his wife with me for years. I was as guilty as he was. I am convinced his wife knew and let it go. I did not represent a threat to his marriage. I was not trying to have him break up or marry me. I was just there. Maybe Barbara, his wife, tolerated it because she loved him. Maybe I was responsible for some great suffering she experienced. She had the grace and dignity to always consider me with kindness, to welcome me in their home with a smile when the cabinet would have holiday parties there, to treat me like her best friend, when I happened to meet her for formal occasions. Barbara was a much better person than I was. Richard used to say that she gave him hell at home; I had difficulty believing this. I found it more of an excuse to rationalize his cheating. I was the 'other woman', the mistress. There is no excuse for what I did. I think that Wally, who knew of my relationship with Adar, never really stopped loving me, despite the fact he must have been hurting so much. He ended up taking a high level position in the Colonial Reserve Bank, leaving the campaign, after we broke up. We didn't work together again. Eventually, Wally got engaged and married. His wife was lovely and caring. I was happy that he found someone he truly deserved and he built the family he dreamed of. They had a son. When the attacks happened and we regrouped thereafter, I soon realized that Wally, who was on a passenger flight, had survived. His wife and son, planet bound, had been killed. I was genuinely happy to see him again. Wally and Billy were the last two links to my past. I was happy Wally survived, because he was a good man. I knew him very well, personally and professionally with his incredible organizational skills, and I hired him to help me reorganize the government. He was the best person for the job. He complied generously, knowing that I needed him and happy to be part of our survival efforts. For this early government, he was a grounding presence, especially while I was struggling with the frustrating Adama and his preconceptions. Wally worked in the shadows, never seeking credit for what he accomplished. He worked with me until the Colonial Day celebrations. Somewhere in my heart, I knew he still loved me, even after all of this time, after the way I treated him, after Adar and after his marriage. In the early days after the attacks, when I needed someone he was there. We talked a lot. We talked about Adar and our past relationship. He talked about his wife and his son. We grieved together for those we lost. These were very difficult times for all of us, with barely any time to live, jumping away from the cylons chasing us. He was there through the trauma of losing our world. He was there to listen to me talk about my fears of dying, about my Chamalla induced visions, about my frustrations with Adama and the military he represented. I could tell him everything, because I trusted him. He was the oldest friend I had. They called him the prince of darkness because of his relationship with me, as an advisor, right hand and dear friend. He was there often to hold me through the night, when I was shivering from the Chamalla's side effects. If Billy noticed anything, he never mentioned it, probably too innocent to even imagine the ramifications of our past and to view me other than an ideal representation of ethics and integrity. Wally was always there, when I needed him. He lived on Cloud Nine, the wonderful luxury ship with pools, parks, simulated days and starry nights, and nice apartments. Each day he came to Colonial one. He was loyal to me. I was way too involved into my presidential role to even wonder about his feelings. We had no time and I was sick. And now I am dying of cancer again. With the loss of our world, our old relationship surfaced back. He still loved me, I knew. But I told him I did not have time for a personal relationship. And then Colonial Day happened. He had worked hard to set the first Quorum of the colonies, a parliament with representatives of each Colonies, the first attempt to re-establish a real solid government. When Zarek introduced, as a newly elected representative of Sagittaron, a motion to vote for a vice-president, I knew he was trying to get the job. Baltar seconded the motion. Zarek wanted the power; that much was clear since the mutiny on the Astral Queen. I needed my own candidate to block Zarek. I spent the evening with Wally on Colonial One working on the details of the busy next few days. I had asked him to be a candidate to become vice-president. It took some convincing, he was never a politician, rather a successful and gifted administrator. At first, he refused. I asked him to do it for me. It became personal. He reluctantly agreed to do it to avoid handing the vice-presidency to Zarek. Then Lee uncovered a plan to assassinate me, which would have handed the power to Zarek, if he were elected as vice-president. I was not going to let that happen. Lee and Kara Thrace arrested Valance, which we suspected worked for Zarek. We had no proof. Of course it all was a plot to get control of the government. The night before the second Quorum session, Wally and I flew together back to Cloud Nine. I was glad we had arrested the gunman and relieved our security had been effective. Security had been tightened and once we passed it, we were able to walk freely on the beautiful Cloud Nine ship. After a quiet dinner and a nice walk in the gardens in the simulated evening, I spent the night with him at his apartment. It was nice to be in a place with a park, grass and trees, even if this was in an artificial environment. The grass and trees were real and growing. He asked me what I missed most; I looked around and told him 'the color green'. We walked together barefoot in the grass, the pain of the past weeks receding for a few hours. It was lovely, like a little vacation. I let myself get caught in it. We ate and went back to his place. It was comfortable and looked like a real cozy apartment, with a real bed and not the cramped Colonial One quarters with a tiny cot. I do not have any interest in lying in these pages. We made love. I slept in his arms. It was deeply wrong of me. I never shared this to anyone. The next day during the Quorum sessions, I listened to Wally talk about his program for the vice-presidency. It was all well planned and logical. It was essentially boring. Wally had no charisma. He was right to say that he was really not a politician, but an economist. He was a terrible orator. I knew immediately he would not win, because he could not ignite passion in our constituents. In the mean time, Valance got murdered in his cell. He would never talk to implicate Zarek. I felt trapped. Zarek had a lot of following and power. He was using criminals to try to assassinate me. With no more obstructions, Zarek could win._

 _I focused again on what Lee was saying._

' _This case is built on emotion, on anger, bitterness, vengeance. But most of all, it is built on shame. It's about the shame of what we did to ourselves back on that planet. It's about the guilt of those of us who ran away. Who ran away… And we're trying to dump all that guilt and all that shame on one man and then flush him out the airlock, and hope that just gets rid of it all. So that we could live with ourselves. But that won't work. That won't work. That's not justice; not to me. Not to me.'_

 _Lee acknowledged his feelings, guilt, anger, bitterness, vengeance, and mostly shame. Shame has been my companion since the beginning of my presidency. We all were ashamed of what we had become under the pressure of war, with those hard decisions impossible to reconcile with ethics. The shame of those who were on New Caprica, the shame of those who ran, the shame of those who stayed, collaborated or participated to suicide bombing of the resistance. Nobody was untouched. I certainly had lost my innocence way before New Caprica. I lost my innocence right away. Power corrupts. It corrupted me. Making decisions that kill people do smear a soul._

 _When I heard Wally's speech back then, I knew he would not win, but then I heard Baltar on the wireless. He was charismatic, debating with all the right arguments on how Zarek should not be vice-president. Baltar was right. So I made my first real true mistake of my presidency. This mistake started everything. It essentially created a monster and eventually New Caprica. I asked Wally to withdraw his candidacy and asked Baltar to take his place and become my candidate against Zarek for vice-president. This decision was very a bad one: It may have saved me from Zarek and his plans to kill me, but it put Baltar in a position of power, and it placed him as the future candidate for the presidency. It was a real turning moment in my presidency. I thought I could manipulate Baltar and it is not until much later, when I was dying with the first bout with cancer that I had a vision of Baltar with the number Six cylon, a memory of seeing them on Caprica before the attacks and I knew he was involved in the genocide of humanity. I put Baltar there, because I feared Zarek. I feared that he would have me killed to get into power and the assassination plot we discovered validated it. Wally would certainly never have been elected. I had to break the news to him and ask him to withdraw his candidacy in favor of Baltar. I walked barefoot in the grass talking to Wally and he called me a 'back-stabbing politician'. As it was, Baltar ended up getting elected by a very small margin of the votes. Wally had been right to be angry. I had betrayed him on so many levels, both professional and personal. He talked to me honestly not hiding his pain, telling me his disappointment, saying that I changed. Yes, I had changed. I was not innocent anymore. At the time, I thought I was doing the best for the presidency by picking Baltar. I was frustrated that Wally could not see it. I hurt his pride, betrayed him and took advantage of him. He left. His words hurt me deeply, because I knew he was right, because I had hurt the only person who had truly and generously loved me, ever. I was not worthy of him. I am not sure I am worthy of anyone's love. My personal history is not very pretty. I was ashamed and I still am. No, Lee does not have exclusivity on shame._

 _Wally retired from my government. I heard he stayed on Cloud Nine and started an independent consultant business, sharing his incredible expertise with those seeking to start businesses on the fleet. I never saw Wally again. My cancer progressed. When I was on my deathbed, Wally was the only person from my government, who did not come to visit me to say goodbye. I had so many regrets. I would have liked to properly apologize to him. But Wally did not come. My feelings for Adama had grown into a close friendship and maybe something more, after all the events that brought us together. It really did not matter anymore, because I knew I was going to die. Just, I was saved by a transfusion from the cylon blood, containing stem cells. Weeks later and many crisis later, the presidential election was scheduled and eventually Baltar won, when I decided with Bill not to fix the elections, as I had planned. I had put Baltar in the position of president to start with, really, well… since Colonial Day. We found New Caprica at the same time. And a terrorist attack destroyed Cloud Nine with a nuclear blast. Wally died in the explosion. Upset with having lost the election and overwhelmed by departing Colonial One to move down on New Caprica, I barely grieved those we lost of Cloud Nine. Only now, I realize I am guilty of what happened under Baltar's presidency. My actions have led us to this point. But unlike Baltar, it all sprung from the true desire to lead and save my people. I lost Wally, the only true friend I had for years. I buried his memory until today. Don't talk to me about shame, Lee."_

" _As the trial ended and the jury retired to deliberate, I refused to talk with anyone. I left swiftly with one bodyguard and went to the observation deck. He stood guard outside. The room was empty, as everyone was more interested in the riveting trial. I sat in front of the large window and stared out into space. I could see some of the fleet vessels nearby. Could Nine was destroyed. Months, years, later my sins stayed with me. I sat down. I hoped that the jury would have enough good sense to convict Baltar. I trusted Bill to convince the other members of the jury to convict him. We all knew what he had done. Baltar! He had conspired to destruct the colonies; I knew it. He had collaborated with the cylons on New Caprica with so many tortured and killed. I needed closure from the horrors that happened to us. I thought back of Wally. My situation had changed again. I had a relationship that I did not dare to define with Bill. It was easier on New Caprica, when I was not president anymore: dreams of cabin by a lake and retirement with a loved one. Just a dream! Now we were both tied again by our respective duties. A real relationship would not be possible. It was bad enough that he made it publicly clear yesterday how much he cared about me, when he tried to defend me from Lee's attacks. Looking out at the starry space sky, I allowed myself to ask this question, which had been lurking in the back of my mind: Did I love him? Was I even capable of love? I did not even know. Laura Roslin had dated several men, and had never said those three words. I am not even sure I was capable of love. I felt a strong attachment to Bill, tenderness yes, I grieved his absence under the cylon occupation on New Caprica, and I had missed him so strongly it was painful in more ways, than I can even explain. I enjoyed the three times we made love and they were not just about sex, but we connected emotionally very deeply. The word that came to my mind when I was thinking of him was love. I was just scared of saying it, of admitting it. I was scared of hurting him, like I hurt others._

' _Wally…' I whispered, 'I'm not worthy… I'm not worthy of anyone's love, not yours, not Bill's.' I lowered my head and allowed myself to cry unabashedly facing the universe. 'I'm so sorry, Wally.' I whispered between sobs, 'if you can hear me, please forgive me.' And I waited for what seemed to be hours until I was called back by my guard to return to the trial and listen to the sentence."_

 **Thank you for reading. Please leave comments. They are motivating.**

 **It will take probably two weeks for the next update (so that you know), since it is graduation week.**

 **Until then, all the best...**


	41. Chapter 41

**As usual, I do not own the Battlestar Galactica (2003) story or its characters. This story is not written for profit. The characters in the modern story are mine.**

 **With the end of the academic year, the graduations of my two daughters (four years apart) and the graduation of my students, I did not have a lot of free time to write. I take this seriously, so I'd rather take my time and deliver a long and interesting chapter to you, rather than something shorter. It may not seem like it, but this takes some effort and research.**

 **I really appreciate the comments and want to thank the persons who commented. This motivates me even more.**

 **Chapter 41**

The team spent another two weeks doing scientific evaluations on the new discoveries in the caves and village. The cylon head dated the same as the remains on top of the Lady's Ridge, around 150,000 ago. Considering its age, it was simply incredible that John was able to power it up. Interestingly the metallic alloys used for the shell of the head, titanium alloys and circuits, were close in composition to the crate containing the books, and thus were able to prevent the damages of time and the resulting oxidation. He was able to detect semi-conductors as well, which were chemically stable. Of course there was no telling if there was any location device inside and John simply did not have the engineering skills and equipment to reverse engineer the cylon and figure out its electronic components, or even detect any broadcasting from the electronic circuits. Clearly this was out of his abilities. While everyone would have liked an answer, they all agreed that it was premature to release this information and bring out another scientist or engineer on the team.

Evelyne had collected DNA from all the villagers and had started to process the samples. She also collected organic material from the cylon head and from Sharon's tags.

Early results showed a high similarity between the organic remains in the cylon head and Sharon's tags. Yet the DNA found in the head was incomplete, somehow truncated and missing key genes. The first suspicion of this came, as Evelyne could not get any results with standards primers on this sample. She did not have the equipment to sequence the full DNA sample, yet she could already tell that this DNA had been altered and this suggested genetic engineering very strongly. That made the similarity between the cylon head and the sample on the tag more striking. And there was only one answer to this, that they both had cylon origin. The DNA samples of the village population showed incredible genetic diversity, with clearly different ethnic groups from varied origins and in some of them the cylon DNA sequences were showing up, although very altered and incomplete, making it difficult to know if the humans were at the origin of the cylon DNA or if cylons had bred with the original population. A full DNA sequence would probably help, but would not be processed until they were back at the lady's ridge camp. Evelyne had spent quite some time showing BLAST alignment data to her colleagues from partial sequences of certain genes and scrutinizing electrophoresis gels. It was clear however that these humans were related to each other and further away from the rest of the human population. Comparison with Laura's DNA put her in that population, which they started to call the 'Caprica population', although it became clear that none of the survivors were directly related to her. The amount of data to analyze would keep them busy for weeks.

Helena was making progress on the diaries translation and she also got hold of Hera's book. The short book described the life of the early colonists. It was a hard life. They had tremendous loses in the early years, due to various natural disasters, difficult adaptations to the terrain, wild life and conflicts with the native human species. After some brutal and difficult years, they decided to regroup in the mountains, which offered protection and shelter. Hera recounted how right at the onset the original settlers had pledged to abandon technology and return to a more natural life. She explained how that decision was motivated by fear of recreating cylons and mostly by years spent in space away from the natural world. Helena was delighted to read familiar names in Hera's writings, Lee Adama, Colonel Tigh and Helen, Sharon and Karl Agathon, Romo Lampkin, Baltar and Caprica Six; she was very interested to find out what happened to them. Helena was surprised to hear that discord had created frictions within the group after some particularly tough years, where many colonists died. Unfortunately, Hera stated how the decision to abandon technology based on an idealist idea turned out deadly for a lot of the population, without tools to work the ground, protect themselves and build structures to live. As they finally returned to the mountains, having lost many lives and in need of shelter, they regrouped their belongings and established the villages. They also went back to retrieve and shared their technology amongst the various groups, including raptors to fly and survey the terrain.

"Technology? Raptors?" exclaimed Takashi as he was listening to Helena read the book of Hera aloud. Helena looked up to him. The team was sitting around the campfire late in the evening sharing the day's discoveries, as they had started to do systematically every night after Elosha and her daughter Sharon departed. It was akin to story telling, with Helena reading aloud from the translations. The characters in the book had become their family and they were anxious to find out what happened to all of them.

"This could explain how the villages were created; clearly some of the houses were not carved by hand and the caves have been adapted and enlarged." Dr. Liang Hsu agreed.

"The question is, how much technology did they have and where did it go?" Helena whispered.

"Clearly they had a lot, according to this. And most certainly it got destroyed with time. That was a really long time ago." John Evans interjected.

"But it's not all destroyed! We found a titanium crate and a cylon head!" Helena replied, "if the rest of the equipment was manufactured in the same alloys, then some of it still could be somewhere around here."

"We need to find out if they have anything left at all." Takashi concluded, getting up.

The group dispersed. Helena and Takashi remained behind. They walked in silence towards the pond and sat next to each other by the water. Takashi wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her against him.

"You know, they are going to come back soon." He whispered.

"Yeah, I know." She agreed. She did not ask who 'they' meant, they both knew that the helicopter of the UN would soon come back, bringing supplies and they would have to hand in reports of their discoveries. Then, they did not know what their future would be.

"Do we know when?" She asked.

"Probably next week." He replied, somber.

"Elosha will have the quorum meeting before then; I'm sure we will get tons of information when that happens. I think meeting the other village representatives will be very important and give us a lot of information," she added, "what is going to happen, Takashi?"

He nodded. "The village chiefs signed an agreement, where they would receive protection and medical supplies in exchange for that research."

"Do you really think that this agreement will be honored once there is a military and strategic interest?" She replied, bitter, nudging her head in the crook of his neck.

Their world had become quieter in this community. They had been meeting with the villagers, sharing their meals, chatting, laughing. They had an open exchange of ideas and they had been welcomed by each one of the members of the Caprica village. They had worked hard and felt free to share their knowledge with each person. Evelyne had explained to them how the DNA testing worked and Helena, under the supervision of Elosha, had started to share part of Laura's diary. Until the quorum meeting took place, they made the decision not to share the very likely possibility, if not certitude, that some of the colonists had been biological cylons. Their culture was rich in traditions. They had flags, which Helena recognized from the picture of Laura and Bill they had retrieved inside the book. They had rituals; ball games she never heard of, and even a hexagonal deck of cards, which some of the elders played with in the evening, screaming and laughing at who won or lost. This bubble of peace would disappear quickly when inspectors, engineers and politicians would start pouring in this place. The discovery of a cylon and possibly other advanced technological equipment would trigger a bidding war on who would benefit from this knowledge. Was humanity ready to handle peacefully such a discovery?

Helena looked at the starry sky in between the high branches.

"I don't want to ever leave…" she whispered in a sigh, barely audible. His thumb wiped off the lonely tear that made it to her temple.

"I don't want to leave either." He replied.

"This life they are having… you know, it is simple, open, honest. They're peaceful and have shared years of wisdom and reflection. We're going to go out there and this thing… here… will be all over the news, with journalists coming here. If we are unlucky, there will be a confidential stamp put on it and we will have a legal gag order preventing us to share anything. In the worse case scenario, we'll get eliminated so we don't talk, or they will destroy this place to protect its secret."

"You're watching to many movies, Helena…"

Am I, Takashi?" She looked at him, "you're the one who is hiding our back-up hard drives in a different place every night." He avoided her gaze.

"Takashi, this is special. This place is special. You know it. We need to protect it. This is the most important project of my life. This… is my life. I have been entrusted with Laura's voice. She cannot be lost now. It's too important." Her voice was breaking from the emotion.

"Yes, it is" He replied.

"My life had no meaning before. Now, I want to live… for this." She was quiet for several minutes resting her head on his shoulder. He kept on gently caressing her arm. She closed her eyes, overwhelmed by fatigue.

"We need to sleep." He whispered, as he helped her stand up and they walked back slowly to the tents. In the darkness, by the tents, they stopped and looked at each other.

"Do you promise?" she said.

"What?"

"…to protect this civilization? This village? Their knowledge?"

"Yes." He replied.

"To protect us? You and me?"

"Yes."

They were standing facing each other in the darkness and, gently, he lifted her chin and kissed her on the lips. She smiled and leaned into the kiss. Then she turned around and went inside her tent.

" _I washed my face in the restroom, and soon I was back in the courtroom to hear the sentence. I was tense and I had a bad premonition. Judge Franks delivered a speech about justice not being perfect. Then she pronounced Baltar not guilty, three votes to two. The room exploded in protest and screams. I was not sure my legs would support me. I looked at Lee. In that moment, I hated him. I would have spit on the floor, if I hadn't been the president. He betrayed me. He betrayed his father. I left because I couldn't stomach to be in the same room as him and Baltar. I wanted to throw up. My blood was boiling. Anger, rage even. They let Baltar walk after everything we endured on New Caprica. After tortures! After rapes! After everything that happened and hurt our people! They let Baltar walk after the fact he probably betrayed us to the cylons at the first place by letting then into the defense mainframe. They let Baltar walk! I hated this! I hated myself for letting Baltar be vice-president at the first place. All those people who died… and for what? So that this piece of trash walks free? I wanted to hit something, bang my fists into the metallic hull of the ship until my knuckles bled. I wanted to scream. But I didn't. I was still the president and I had to remain presidential. I was breathing fast and shallow. I was starting to feel dizzy. It was an unbearable feeling, as if I could feel the humiliation of my assault again. I was as if I could feel the pain of the scars in my flesh again. How could they do this?_

 _I walked briskly to CIC followed by Tory. I wanted to see Bill. I needed to talk with him after days of not being able to talk about the trial. He would understand._

 _Bill looked tired. I am sure this entire ordeal had been tough on him. I finally got a moment with him to discuss this._

' _Gaius Baltar is innocent! Just the sound of that makes my skin crawl' I whispered out of breath, anger caught in my throat, barely able to speak._

' _Not guilty is not the same as innocent' Bill replied to me, grave, looking into my eyes. His body so close to mine, I could feel his heat without touching him. Then I saw it, as if I could read his mind like an open book. I saw it in his eyes. I saw it in the way he spoke to me. I saw it and it tore my heart open._

' _It must have been particularly difficult for you' Bile rose in my throat. Tears stung my eyes. 'What… you…' I barely could breathe 'You couldn't get other guys to budge?'_

 _He avoided my gaze, swallowed hard, and then he looked at me again. His eyes answered me before he even spoke. I nodded, as he confirmed by his silence my worse suspicions._

' _You voted for his acquittal, didn't you?'_

' _I hate to say it, the defense made their case. The prosecution didn't' He answered, looking at me. I felt his words rather than heard them. I felt his words whipping my flesh, tearing my heart. It was physical. They hurt. I leaned towards him, held his shoulder in a tight painful grip and looked at him in his eyes. Look at me Bill, I thought. Look at what you did to me._

' _Gaius Baltar is a traitor, we both know that…' I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. 'Regardless of the outcome of this trial' I almost spit the word 'trial' at him. This was not a trial; this was a travesty! This was a mockery of justice! I let go of him and pushed him back, turning around so he would not see the bitter tears pooling in my eyes._

 _He spoke softly, almost tenderly as if he could understand my pain. 'No one is asking anyone to forget…or to forgive.' I turned around at the tone of his voice, letting him see the tears in my eyes and my distress. I was in shock, my heart pounding. His betrayal was painful._

' _But we have to look to the future' He looked at me gently. 'Mr. Gaeta, commence jump prep. We're going to the Ionian nebula.' We looked at each other while a torrent of feelings threatened to overcome me. Lee betrayed me. Bill voted for Baltar's acquittal. I was upset. It was not the first time Bill and I disagreed on something. We both had very strong ideas and always respected each other, but this was different. I had suffered from the events on New Caprica in the flesh. It was personal to me. I was numb with the shock. He took away from me the closure I needed since New Caprica. Now, I knew what he was doing, effectively breaking my anger with an outlook towards our quest to Earth, putting the trial behind us. He did not try to convince me or make me change my mind. He knew I was hurt by his decision. As the crew initiated jump prep, he whispered 'Come with me' and we both walked down the stairs to the center of CIC._

 _These FTL jumps always made me a little dizzy. I have gotten used to it by now. But this one was different. Within seconds after the jump, I felt faint. I was overcome with the worse kind of migraine, a loud buzzing in my ears and flashing lights behind my eyes. I took my glasses off, holding my head, and leaned forward, moaning in pain. Flashes of the opera house invaded my consciousness. This wasn't a side effect of Doloxan. It was linked to the jump and the feeling of dread that invaded me made me forget my anger at Bill. He was there immediately reaching out to me, concerned. I leaned on the CIC table, trying to get my bearings feeling as if my head was going to explode. Then, we experienced major power fluctuations, all of us, each and every vessel of the fleet. Lights flickering, the oxygen airflow stopping and restarting. All the crew was in high alert, checking statuses and trying frantically to reestablish the power and isolate the source of the disruption. Then we completely lost power and life support systems went on batteries only, the auxiliary power not even working. I felt very weak, leaning on the table to bear my weight and avoiding falling down. I was seeing flashes of lights coming from the stage in the opera house, as it was closing on Caprica Six and Baltar, who was carrying Hera. The buzzing in my ears never stopped. Bill was screaming orders to his crew. The power came back. My headache lifted as the power returned and the buzzing in my ears subsided. I immediately felt better._

' _Admiral, what's going on?' I asked._

' _Some kind of power surge' he replied. Dualla confirmed that the power was restored to all ship simultaneously. I saw them before they did: cylons ships appearing on our dradis. Hardly a coincidence, I would say. Of course with the power loss, we were unable to jump again until the FTL drives were restarted, which would take a while. We were completely exposed, facing a huge numbers of cylons and no ability to evade the fight. I looked at Bill. We knew that was it. Tigh, who had been on leave since his testimony, joined us in CIC. Tory came back and said: 'I'm here if you need me Madame President.' I was grateful for her presence. Lee put back his fighter uniform and joined the fight as the attack vipers were deployed._

 _Then we heard her, on the wireless. We heard her, Kara! Telling Lee she had been to Earth… She was dead. This could not be happening. People recognized her voice. This could not be real. It was a hallucination or it was a cylon trick. Gods know they have been using everything they could to destroy us. No. This could not be real. There was footage of her ship exploding. We all saw it after the incident. The power fluctuation and then this… We were under attack and Kara showed up. No. One way to distract us… to drag us into a trap. I looked at Bill 'Admiral, this is a cylon trick'. I knew of his love for Kara and his pain when he lost her. He looked at me nodding, sending each and every viper out. The attack was brutal. There were hundreds of cylon raiders against our vipers. We were going to suffer major losses. We were doomed. The Pixis was hit, a ship with 600 passengers, which exploded. I couldn't believe they found us. We made the decision to protect the ships of the fleet first. The Galactica could handle direct hits for a while, not all vessels could. We were bombarded and the ship was shaking, making us fall, threatening to create a breach at any moment. I don't remember being scared. Looking back, as I write these lines, I realized I should have been. I wasn't. We were going to die and I was not scared. Ironic, how I worried I had been about the cancer, but facing this surprise attack I was fine. And then it happened. We still do not know why. All of a sudden, as the cylons could destroy us –they had the upper hand in the battle-, they retreated. They just left and their baseships jumped away. They could have annihilated us, but they didn't. They left. Why?_

' _Maybe something's changed' Tory said._

' _Like what?' I replied._

 _Bill decided to take advantage of the cylons' retreat to gather everyone and jump away._

 _A security detail welcomed Kara in hanger bay. Bill, Tigh, Lee and Anders, her husband, went as well as some of the pilots. In case, there was a trap, Bill did not want me there."_

" _I waited in his quarters with Tory. It allowed me to lie down and close my eyes, recovering from my migraine and the terribly emotional events of the day. I felt exhausted. My mind was blank. I felt waves of shivers and heat, as my stomach started to act up. We were only early in the afternoon and the effects of the chemotherapy session from early in the morning were starting to manifest themselves. Tory brought me a bit of food, which I took but my nausea persisted. Reclining on Bill's rack, I just gathered my strength for what I knew would be a tough rest of the day. Kara would be brought to us, but the plan was to have her examined first by Dr. Cottle to verify she was human. Well, of course, the cylons models were looking exactly human and so that would not give us many clues of her identity. It was devious. Of course, Sharon, Boomer, did not know she was a cylon until she was ordered to shoot Adama. It is very possible that Kara did not even know she was a cylon and she had been programmed to think, behave and have the memories of Kara. A DNA test would not show us anything if they intercepted Kara's body and rebuilt her. It would be the same DNA. There was no way that we could know what was going on, other than the fact that Lee saw her ship explode, and that this was recorded by his ship video camera. She would not have survived such an impact. This was impossible. She was dead. I closed my eyes, sighing deeply, turning my head into the pillow infused by the unique scent of Bill and I realized how painful this was going to be for him. No matter how rational he would be, he was attached to Kara and, if she were indeed a cylon (how could she not be?), it would be a tear in his soul."_

" _This short hour rest was somewhat helpful. I was feeling better, when Bill and Tigh brought Kara back to his quarters with Cottle's report, and I got to interrogate her. I looked at her: it was Kara, the same exact woman I had come to know. She was perfect. She was Kara. Except that was impossible. Or maybe not, if she had been a cylon right from the start! Kara, who was fierce and unruly! Kara, who could have been my friend, if we had not been separated by age and by our respective roles and functions! Kara who put her life on the line for me, to go retrieve the arrow of Apollo! Kara, which I let down too! The medical report indicated that her DNA matched Kara's, which was not really a surprise. And no matter how long I interrogated her she kept on repeating the same story: that she went to Earth after passing out; that she did not remember how she got back. She described the star system, where Earth is, perfectly. And showed us pictures she took with her viper's camera. The pictures checked out. She couldn't remember how she found us back. For her, the entire trip took six hours, when she had been missing for over two months. She did not take very well being interrogated. She did not understand why we did not trust her. She became defiant when we continued the interrogation. Our suspicion made her enraged. I was frustrated. I wanted more and she seemed unable to give any other information. Kara was a fine officer, one of the best. Could she lie? Probably. And she also could be convinced of what happened. After all Boomer did not know she was a cylon until she was programmed to kill. If Kara was indeed a cylon, it's very possible that she didn't know it. She would be just the same, with the same memories and behaving… well exactly like herself… This Kara was defiant, and disrespectful. She did not understand our worries. And she clearly had a gap in time. She seemed desperate to grab our attention and to convince us. And the more she tried, the more we worried."_

" _This crisis needed immediate attention. It did not matter how tired we all were, and how sick I was. Even the trial seemed to be way back in the past, when it only happened in the morning. It was quite late in the afternoon when we all went in hangar bay to examine Kara's ship. Kara remained under guard in Bill's quarters. Chief Tyrol had completed a full check-up of her ship only to find out it was completely new, as of 'right out of the factory' new. Unlike Kara's original ship, which had been into many battles, this one –while identical- did not have a scratch. Her on-board computer had no data in memory. Absolutely empty. No navigation records, nothing. This didn't make sense. We were not experiencing a collective vision. The ship was real and completely new. It was not Kara's original ship, despite the same serial number. Kara was not really Kara. Something was wrong. Only cylons had the technology to replicate a body. This was unheard of. Cylons had come back, but they never came back with brand new ships._

' _Put her in the brig' I said._

 _Lee got upset. He believed her. Of course, he had loved her. I had no patience to indulge in the tantrums of Lee at this moment. I quite had it with him. He behaved like a baby. I glanced at him and ignored his protests. He talked about Cottle's test, but we knew that cylons could create a perfect biological programmed replica. The reality was that if the cylons replicated her, maybe she was a cylon all along. We just never knew about it, just like we never knew that Boomer was a cylon, back before she attacked Bill. The fact is we knew that there were five models of unidentified cylons and they could be right among us. Bill loved her like a daughter. I could sense his hesitation, his struggle. He would never destroy her. He would never accept she was a cylon._

' _I know how you feel about her, Bill, but that is exactly what the cylons could be counting on here.' I said softly to him._

 _We both knew that we had no way to detect cylons, if there were any among us, we would not know it. We had been in a battle about to lose earlier today. We were defeated in that moment in every sense of the world, where we could not jump away and they were in high numbers, and they ran off! They had a certain victory and could have simply destroyed us, and they let us go. And all of a sudden, Kara reappeared with our promise of Earth. That seemed too good to be true. Such coincidences did not happen by miracle. It seemed perfectly orchestrated with Kara claiming a way to earth that would lead us off course, the course that took us to the Ionian Nebula and further in the direction of earth, as we followed the holographic map of the Tomb of Athena and then the direction pointed to by the Eye of Jupiter. Lee, who did not miss an opportunity to disagree publicly with me, intervened saying the nebula was supposed to give us another clue, but indeed it was just a signpost. I could not even look at him. I asserted my authority on him, refuting his argument, as if he was a beetle on the floor, which he was to me. I had lost my respect for him during the trial and he knew it._

' _What if Kara is the clue we were supposed to find?' he managed to tell me._

' _And what if she is playing you?' I said looking at him with disdain and turned to Bill, 'What if she is playing you?' and looked at all around me, Tigh, Tyrol, Tory, 'and all of us?'_

 _Bill issued the order to have Kara escorted by armed soldiers wherever she went. I did not want to talk with him. Everything I wanted to say I had already! I needed to focus on the tasks ahead. I had no time to start a discussion with Bill or anyone about the validity of Kara's claims or of her status. They did not have any more answers than I did. I turned to the only one, who could give me answers, Caprica Six. I needed to know. I needed to know what she knew. I could not live with it. I went down immediately to the brig to talk to her. We experienced visions together. When the power was disrupted, it was likely she was with me in that vision. I just saw lights, but she went inside. I saw her going inside the stage. For a few seconds, I was with Caprica Six, and I knew she might have experienced the same thing I did. She must have seen more that I. I needed to know. I asked her directly. We shared those visions and they brought us closer to each other. Whether I liked it or not, there was a bond between us, brought by our common experience. Bill and Lee wanted Kara to be real. In a sense, I wanted this too. But my logic and everything I knew about the cylons told me otherwise. I was hoping that Caprica Six would help me. I wanted to know about the five remaining cylons. I wanted to know if Kara was one of them. Caprica Six was not surprised to see me. Maybe she even was expecting me. Interesting that after all of this, fighting the cylons -she was the enemy- I would find an ally in her. I convinced her to talk to me. She told me: 'The Five are close… I can feel them'. I was shocked. I certainly did not expect that answer. I knew she was not lying to me. Considering what she said, it just told me that probably Kara was a cylon. But she did not know who they were. And it told me there were others present close to us. This was truly a terrifying thought. I thanked Caprica Six and we promised to share any new information with each other. "_

" _I went back to Bill's quarters. He was not there; I suppose he was still down in CIC on duty. I was tired. It was getting really late. What a day! I sat down on a chair. I was numb with disbelief; it was as if we were back at stage one, not knowing who the cylons were and with unidentified enemies among us. Thoughts kept coming and going in my mind; I wanted some clarity. My body felt weak. I had not eaten anything and the mere thought of food was making me sick. I tried slow breaths to push the nausea away and clear my head. A sharp headache was rising behind my eyes. Suddenly my stomach contracted, and I stumbled to the head, my hand in front of my mouth trying to hold it in. I barely made it to the toilet, where I vomited. Gods, it hurt so much. I was not even done that it happened again, and again. I had not eaten anything, what was left to puke? Liquid kept on coming up. Kneeling by the toilet, I braced myself on the wall, as I was violently sick. After a few minutes the spasms subsided and I just sat on the floor by the toilet, not daring to move. I guess Cottle would have to give me something for nausea. My head was hurting; my muscles felt sore from the cramping; my throat was raw. I closed my eyes and rested, my head cradled in the corner formed by the walls. It took another frame of time before I felt comfortable enough to move and I went to the sink to drink and remove the bitter taste from my mouth. I brushed my teeth and washed my face._

 _So, this is it; I would be sick from the treatments. I took a washcloth and wet it. The lights were pure pain to my head. I turned off most of the lights, walked and lay down on Bill's bed, my eyes covered by the wet washcloth, hoping this migraine would pass. I must have fallen asleep._

 _I woke up to the loud thud of the hatch opening. I thought Bill was coming back, but it felt wrong. I slowly rose, still half asleep and took of the washcloth from my eyes. The searing headache immediately returned and I saw Kara facing me pointing a gun at me. I did not have my glasses and my vision was blurry. The headache was pulsing behind my eyes._

' _Move' she screamed at me. 'Come on, move… come on… over by the coach.' I was waiting for the bullets to hit me. I was just paralyzed. Her voice and the absence of the death I was fully expecting, pulled me into motion and I slowly walked in the darkened room, trying not to make any sudden movement that would trigger her to shoot. Kara closed the hatch while keeping me at gunpoint._

' _I want to hate you so much… so much' She said and I looked at her, my initial panic receding. We never could hate each other, despite our disagreements over the years. And now pointing a gun to my head, angry and disturbed, she still could not hate me. Was she a cylon? We didn't know what she was and I am sure she didn't know either. Struggling with her own identity, she was trying to make me change my mind at gunpoint. I knew she probably would not hesitate to kill me, because she was completely irrational, and thus represented a threat to all of us, aside from the high probability she had been programmed to destroy us. I was breathing low, trying to remain calm, avoiding provoking her._

' _You had a vision, remember? The arrow, the temple…' She said coming closer to me. I nodded._

' _I went down to that planet with you and it was a frakking toaster party…a lot of good people died, remember?'_

' _Yes, I do' I replied, while looking at her in her eyes. Kara had put her life in danger to retrieve the arrow. I sent her there. She betrayed her Admiral on my order and went back. On the planet, she had to fight; she was taken and witnessed horrible tortures by cylons attempting to reproduce biologically. They harvested her ovaries. She was detained in a hospital where horrible experiments were performed. When she escaped, and eventually returned, she told me that there were some humans left, a resistance, mostly a team of pyramid players with Sam Anders, who would become her husband later, at their head. I didn't send a rescue mission to get them out right away. She promised to return and I prevented her. I truly could have been more understanding of her. So many people gave everything they had for me. What did I do with all of this? Maybe, I deserved that gun pointed at me. Only a few hours ago, I was thinking about Wally and now, I was reminded of the injustice I had done to Kara._

' _I trusted you, on a vision.' She added, 'that's it… a vision. I saw earth. I saw it with my own eyes and it's calling me back.' She claimed strongly then, 'We're going the wrong way!'_

 _She was trying to explain some irrational experience. She was trying to convince me._

' _Why don't you trust me?' She took her gun, turned it around to me._

' _Shoot me' she said. 'If you think I'm a cylon, then I'm your enemy. Shoot your enemy!' And as I refused to the take the gun, she put it on the low table by the coach, screaming 'take it'._

 _I was paralyzed. She seemed to have deducted that I did not believe she was a cylon from my silence and my inaction. It could not be further from the truth._

' _I'm no more a cylon than you are.' She said and turned around, 'and you know it.'_

 _Oh, Kara, I wished so much that you were not a cylon. I wished so much that I would know for sure. Clearly, she did not even know herself. She was lost. She was irrational, her mind tricked into believing what was unbelievable. When she heard me speak she turned around facing me again._

' _I put my life on the line for this frakking ship. I have ate, slept and fought next to the people that I've loved. I have pissed off my friends. I have broken more rules that I've followed. I frakked up... okay! I messed up!' she was shouting now. I never doubted she was sincere. I never doubted she believe what she was saying. She just did not know what she was and could not even imagine she was anything but Kara Thrace. I felt sorry for her. I had this moment of clarity, which I was craving earlier. I felt so deeply sad and sorry for this woman, which I deeply liked. I felt sorry for who she had been, fierce and uncompromising and for her spirit. I knew she was unable to process the reality of her stolen identity._

' _But it's all that I have.' She quieted down. 'Those people are my family.'_

 _She looked at me and started shouting again:_

' _Shoot me. If I'm a cylon, shoot me.' I knew she was not really Kara. She was but she wasn't. I wished there was another way. I wished she wasn't anything but the original Kara._

' _They made you perfect, didn't they?' I managed to say as I grabbed the gun from the low table and shot at her. With my headache still pounding and my absence of glasses, I missed and the bullet lodged into the far wall, in the frame containing a picture of Admiral Adama and me. I never really was good with guns. My hand was shaking. At the same time the hatch was forced and soldiers entered with Colonel Tigh. They pushed and restrained Kara on the floor. She was screaming. Tigh took the gun out of my shaking hand. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, repeating 'we're going the wrong way'. She sounded insane, but I think that her feelings were genuine, her mind disconnected, caught in a conflict between who she knew she was, but indeed wasn't. Admiral Adama was by me in a second, putting a comforting hand on my back. Kara tried one more time to convince us. She was exasperated, near tears. Her distress was genuine._

' _Listen to me, please. I'm losing it… the ringing…the way to earth…it's getting weaker. Don't you understand? Don't any of you understand? It was so… it was so clear, like it was coming from the next room. Stop looking at me like that! I can feel it slipping away, even without jumping, as we move. It's half what it was when I got here, half. If we keep jumping, it'll be gone and we'll never find it again. I thought that's what we wanted… a way to earth! Do you hear me?' Tigh gave orders to take her out. Kara could have killed me and she didn't. Yet, she sounded insane, trying to make a case, trying to lead us to follow her. She was desperate. I would have pitied her, if only I was sure she was human. But she was dangerous and determined. She could assault any of us._

 _She looked at me again. 'You better work at your aim, because I'm not gonna stop! You're gonna have to kill me! One more jump and it'll be gone! Admiral!' She called Bill as they were dragging her out. They put her in the brig. Bill closed the door after everyone had left."_

" _I had not moved. I did not want to talk with him, but I knew I eventually would have to get debriefed about my conversation with Kara and how I ended up shooting at her. He came back to me and looked at me gravely._

' _How are you Laura?'_

' _I'm alright' I whispered. This was not quite true. I was sick, weak and quite tired. It had been a hell of a long day. He looked at me for a long moment silent, evaluating my lie. Then he walked closer to me and pulled me in his arms. As I let my head rest on his chest, I felt his hands run gently in my hair. I was threatened by overwhelming emotions. I pulled gently away and walked to the chair where I sat down, exhausted. Bill poured himself a glass of alcohol and handed me water. Without being prompted to do so, I started to tell him the events of the evening with Kara, what she said and how she asked to shoot her. I did not comment on my thoughts, I kept strictly to the evidence. He was the Admiral; he had a report to fill._

' _Thank you, Laura' he said after I stopped talking. We were sitting in front of each other. I was supposed to stay the night, as I was continuing my treatments in the morning. Tory had brought my bag over. The events of the day were weighing heavily on us. Part of me was still angry with him for voting for Baltar's acquittal and I was filled with dread at the idea that Kara had gotten to him. I could see it in his eyes, how much he loved her and how he could not let go. I was scared. I was not scared of Kara, no. I was scared at how her presence would undo us, how the doubt was going to eat slowly our confidence, like a cancer, insidious, destroying us from the inside. We were silent. Our silence was heavy from the emotions of the day. We did not need to talk to know each other's thoughts. Bill was relaxing with his glass of Ambrosia. I got up and said 'I'm going to go take a shower'. He sighed heavily and nodded, continuing to look inside his glass as if the golden yellow liquid was holding the answer to our predicament. I sighted and made my way to the head, the bathroom, grabbing my duffel bag on the way. Water always had a way to calm me down and exorcize my feelings. I removed my clothes and stepped under the hot spray welcoming the relief of the water. I could not even cry; I was numb. I washed my hair carefully, rinsed, and stepped out a bit later, to find a towel and wrapped myself in it. A wave of nausea took me by surprise. This could not happen at a worse time. 'No' I whispered to my body. I reached the toilet and vomited again, like in the afternoon, water only coming up. And again._

' _Laura, are you okay?'_

 _I could only respond weakly, 'yes, please don't come' and a silence, broken soon by the inescapable noise of my retching and the fiddling of the lock being picked. I knew he opened the door by the wave of cold air reaching my damp skin. I was sitting on the floor by the toilet, wrapped in a towel and shivering._

' _Oh Laura…' He said gently and grabbed more dry towels to wrap my wet hair and drape over my shivering shoulders and arms. He handed me a warm wet washcloth and I wiped my face._

' _Is it over?' he whispered. I nodded. 'Come on, let's get you in bed.' He helped me up and I had to hold him not to fall. He stayed by me, while I brushed my teeth, his arm around my waist. I did not want to look at him in the mirror. I did not want to look at myself, my hair wet, my face pale, sick. I kept my head lowered, my hands clasped on the edge of the sink, as my tears dripped down on my cheeks and down the sink._

' _Shh… it's going to be ok' He said as he turned me and pulled me against his chest, wrapping me in his arms. -No it's not going to be ok. I'm dying and we both know it- but I said nothing and I continued crying against him. He led me to his rack and I changed into my pajamas._

 _After taking medication with water, I finally lay in bed. I saw him going to the head to wash and change. Then he made his way to the sofa._

' _Bill, you can sleep with me. It's alright.'_

' _I didn't think you would be comfortable' He replied and I did not know if he was referring about the trial or my illness._

' _You can come.' I said with a sigh. He climbed in the rack and lay down on the far side of the rack. He dropped a light kiss on my cheek and turned off the light. He was soon asleep."_

 **Thank you for reading. Hopefully the next chapter will be in two weeks or so.**

 **Please comment, comment, comment... as it keeps my muse going :)**


	42. Chapter 42

**First a huge apology for not posting in so long. There was an end of the semester hustle at the end of Spring and in July a surgery, which recovery should have taken one week, but, because of severe and life-threatening complications, has lasted now over a month. I was on bed rest for an insane 20 days, and way too tired and weak to even think about what I would write.**

 **I am starting only to be better this past week and, of course, time did not stop for me, and I had various important tasks which needed my immediate attention as soon as I was well enough.**

 **I have only a few days now to take my daughter to college and get ready for the new academic year! Hopefully I will be able to get some more writing done. Where has the summer gone? Vacation? Did anyone say vacation?**

 **As always I do not own BSG 2003, and I am just playing with the characters, as creative writing. The contemporary story is mine only.**

 **The good thing is that you are getting a really long chapter, and it was worth the wait. It is possible I missed some mistakes, if you point them to me I will fix them, thank you.**

 **Please leave me some comments, they are very motivating.**

 **Chapter 42**

A few days later, the researchers got invited into the villages of the colonies in preparation for the Quorum meeting, and Elosha announced to them that they would first hike to Gemenon village and meet the elders there. Evelyne and Liang decided to stay behind at the camp, as Evelyne wanted to process more DNA samples and Liang was mapping the various houses in the village and the caves nearby. The goal was to get an accurate map of the passages and to document cultural artifacts found in the village. He already had evidence of many interactions with other cultures dating often over a thousand years ago. The Caprican population had accumulated objects, statues and pottery from world wide ancient civilizations. For any archeologist, it was a real treasure as those were kept in pristine conditions. Liang had made an extensive photographic catalogue. Evelyne and he had established very good relationship with the population. With the help of Sharon, who was translating, they collected stories and visited homes. Helena had noticed that Evelyne and Liang had become quite close and she was happy for them. Liang was an avid photographer and he took beautiful pictures of the population and the stone carved houses in the caves. Helena reflected on the beauty of this place, the old carved stones, hand woven baskets, woolen rugs and animal skins lining the floors, and transforming each house into comfortable homes. The people had books, which had been hand written and passed from generation to generation. They were in the original language and Helena could not wait until she could read one of them. Their culture was rich and untouched by the modern world. Their level of literacy was very high, as each child was taught to read and write in their language; traditions were passed from generation to generation. As they packed, Helena took the spare digital camera to take pictures of the Gemenon village, promising Liang to thoroughly document their trip in his absence. Evelyne gave her a set of DNA collecting kits, where she would be able to use on the Gemenese population, provided they were allowed to. After packing other supplies, and sleeping bags, as well as their charged computers, John, Takashi and Helena, guided by Elosha started the long hike towards Gemenon. They made their ways through tunnels in the caves, some of them clearly natural others seemed to have been carved. There were many branches and various intersecting tunnels. Takashi looked at Helena, and they both knew that they would never find their ways back through such a labyrinth; the possibilities of hidden caves and passages were endless. It would take years to explore every single passage and possibly find new artifacts. Indeed, as they progressed, the researchers realized that such a complex tunnel system, very much like an underground giant city with subways, had taken centuries in the making. Helena kept on taking pictures of each tunnel and intersection. There were no markings on any of the walls and they wondered how the people didn't get lost. It was a burning question that Helena asked a little while into the hike.

"How do you find your way among so many tunnels?"

Elosha turned to her with a smile and her blue eyes sparkling.

"Well, observe carefully! Each tunnel is different, the rock changes, the moss and water running on the stone changes. They have a different shapes." She claimed showing the roof of the long corridor they were in. Light was filtering through cracks, indicating they were along the edge of the mountain.

"Where do the other tunnels lead to?" Takashi asked.

"We do have dry storage for grains and some of our foods. We also have access to our underwater river. Some tunnels go to clearings where we cultivate rice, beans, yams, barley, cassava and other plants."

"Do you share the cultivation with other villages?" Helena inquired.

"Yes, we have to. We are cooperating for our survival and exchange goods." Elosha replied as she continued walking forward.

"Some of the writings did mention that the early colonists suffered from widespread death in the early days. What happened?" Helena asked.

"They had created the cylons. They were war machines, programmed to kill and destruct." Elosha shook her head, tears in her eyes. "They used them to spread hate and violence against other people, against other colonies. But the cylon rebelled and there was a bloody war. They signed an armistice and peace came back. But the Caprican government continued spreading hate. The cylons came back, they decided that humanity was not worth surviving and they destroyed all twelve colonies. The thirteenth colony was far away. Nobody knew exactly where it was anymore. When the colonists finally found earth, the thirteen colony, one of the earliest decision had been to discard all of the science and technology that produced the cylons, for fear that civilization once again would develop hate and war." Elosha sighed. "As you know the prophecy says that all of this would happen again. Unfortunately, without science and technology the colonists, who had spread in small groups over the planet, encountered rough times. Unable to predict the weather patterns, their early agriculture failed. They succumbed to famine, disease and natural disasters. They fought with native populations. After terrible few years and lots of deaths, whole groups of the original colonists took their belongings and came back here where they originally landed. They regrouped all of their resources and founded these villages, which kept on growing as centuries went by. That is all in the book of Hera. Hera became the head of the quorum and reinstituted some laws and rules based on those of the original colonies. She was the architect of our recovery."

"Cylons came back?" Takashi inquired.

"They did, once, very early on. Their attack on the thirteenth village left only a few survivors who joined the other colonies and stayed there. It was a brief attack. Once the village was destroyed, they withdrew. We moved then into the caves and made them hospitable."

"Have you retrieved and kept the original technology of the colonists? You said they returned to their landing point…" John intervened, eager to learn more. Elosha turned sharply to him, studying the younger man as she was pondering her reply.

"We have kept some. It is secure. Only the village chiefs know about it. We are not interested in using it for aggressive endeavors. We are people of peace." Helena laced her hand to Takashi and they looked at each other, understanding the wisdom of Elosha. So much unsaid meaning was carried in their concerned gaze. John continued to walk deep in reflection.

After what seemed hours, stepping through forest clearings and entering other tunnels, they arrived in another village, also located within the mountain. The village was much smaller than Caprica and there were fewer inhabitants. At first glance, the population also seemed less diverse than in Caprica. The chief of Gemenon, Rya, greeted them; she was an older woman, short and heavier set. Her skin was dark and her curly hair was kept very short. She was wearing heaving brass jewelry. She had a welcoming warm smile. Elosha and the Gemenese chief, Rya, exchanged some greetings in their language. Although Helena was getting more and more familiar with the pronunciation of the words she had spent so much time decrypting and working on, she had trouble understanding the Gemenese woman, because of what seemed like a heavy accent. As the day drew to an end, the group was welcome around a nice campfire for an evening meal with selected members of the village. The cave was engineered such that the smoke was vertically pulled through an opening at the roof of the cave. As they were eating, Elosha informed Rya of some of the researcher's discoveries, the grave of Laura Roslin and books, she said, one of them written by Laura. Rya brought her hands to her mouth in a prayer sign when she heard the name of Laura, as tears pooled in her eyes. When Elosha mentioned that Helena was able to understand the language and had successfully translated the book, Helena felt immediately the surprised and inquisitive look that Rya gave her, turning in her direction with focus and interest. Helena, as Elosha introduced her, was Laura's messenger coming back to them after so many millenia. Elosha mentioned that Helena was close to Takashi, just like Laura had been close to the Admiral. It was said in her language and Helena felt a slow blush rise to her face. She did not translate the pointed comment to Takashi. Rya observed Helena, who smiled shyly at this unusual description. After their meal, Elosha explained the Caprica and Gemenon used to be twin colonies close to one another. Gemenese were a very religious community, Elosha explained. They worshiped the polytheistic faith, which originated on Kobol and the old scriptures. And both women explained that the whole population was coming from the planet Kobol, and separated into twelve colonies. Helena already had read about this in Laura's diary. She was fascinated by these stories. Twelve colonies were all in the same star system, which contained several stars. Caprica and Gemenon revolved around the same star as a binary system of twin planets sharing the same orbit.

"What about the thirteenth colony. You mentioned that nobody knew where it was?" Helena asked.

Strained looks were exchanged between the two chiefs and several members of the community.

Elosha replied gently. "This is a topic of discussion we avoid talking about. But you do not know our customs, so I will explain that the thirteenth colony was the last one to leave Kobol and they moved into a different star system. According to the scriptures, you are on it, it is Earth.

Rya added, "According to our history, when the cylons destroyed the twelve colonies, the survivors of the human civilization searched for the thirteenth colony. The book of Pythia gave clues how to find it. Laura was the Dying Leader who led us to it. And now her voice has returned."

Takashi nodded, looking at Helena. Another set of strained looks was exchanged between members of the community and Helena could not prevent herself from thinking that there was more to the story that they were recounting. They decided not to push for information. Instead Helena started to question them about their religion. Rya, relieved by the change in the conversation, explained in details all of their mythology.

"We have found in our research some writings in a book, which seemed older. I have not been able to translate it. I was hoping you would be able to help me. The book looks like a prayer book." Helena stated and she passed a set of pictures to Rya. Rya's face illuminated with the brightest smile.

"This is written in ancient Gemenese! This is the book of Pythia!" Rya looked astonished. "I have not seen such an old Gemenese book ever. The ones we have are copies and also translations".

"Can you read it?" Helena asked, excited.

"Well, this is a very old language and I can read some of it. But I don't possess a full fluency in this language. We do have translations, which you are welcome to read. I think it will help you with the ancient text."

Helena was beaming with excitement and plans were made for the following day to study these old texts.

As the evening progressed, the guests were led to two carved stone houses inside the large cave. The villagers bowed respectfully to Helena and Takashi and gave them private accommodations in one of the houses. John was offered a room nearby. The old house was carved in the face of the cave; it had a door and opened windows, and more rooms were carved inside stonewalls. Fabrics were lining the ground and walls, adding a sense of comfort. The air was cool and did not bear the humidity of the atmosphere outside of the caves. Oil lamps were burning in small niches in the walls, projecting a soft light. Elosha led Takashi and Helena to a room. The room was so comfortable that they hardly needed their sleeping bags. There were woven blankets on top of a mattress filled with straw and leaves. The colors of the blankets were beautiful with intricate patterns they had seen in other houses in the Caprica village. Elosha retired for the night and Takashi and Helena were left alone.

"What did they say before? By the campfire?" Takashi inquired softly. "I sensed you were somehow uncomfortable."

Helena sat on the mattress, and hummed at its softness.

"They suggested we are a couple, like Laura and Bill. That is probably why we earned such a beautiful room." She whispered looking down.

"Oh!" he replied softly. "What are we really?" She looked up at him. He was pensive. "Are we just very close friends, who have known each other over thirty years and who occasionally kiss?" he added.

"I don't know" she replied, as tears filled her eyes.

"You know, Helena, when my wife and son died, I thought I would never survive. I had no desire to. I isolated myself from the world. I moved in a small village in Hokkaido Island, in the mountains. I stayed two years there. The winters were dreadful and life was very tough. I collected my mail only once a week. I painted. I meditated. I walked long hikes in the mountains. I was waiting for death. It never came. And slowly, the nature around me brought me solace. It made me realize how beautiful our world was, how important it was that we keep it that way. Then my university called me with this project. They said I was the only one who could undertake such a study. I was needed. And I decided to come out of my retreat."

"I cannot compete with such a love, Takashi. I am… not like your wife used to be." She stumbled a little bit.

"Of course not. You are different. You are you. One love doesn't prevent another. They both can exist. One is in the past. It is just a very tender and soft memory. One is in the present."

She looked in his eyes at this declaration of love, unable to speak. She opened her mouth, hesitant to reply, unsure of what she should say.

"There is no rush. Just think about it…" He said as he kissed her on the cheek and lay on the bed next to her. Helena had trouble falling asleep. She got up and blew two of the three lanterns and lay back next to him. Sighing deeply, she finally closed her eyes.

" _The next day was another treatment and I went in early. I was surprised to wake up alone. Apparently Bill was already gone to CIC when I got up and I had not heard him at all. It was unusual for him to leave without saying goodbye, I could not be sure if he just wanted to let me sleep or if he was avoiding me. We had not really talked after the events of the day, yesterday and that, in itself, was unusual. I arrived in sickbay alone, without having heard from Bill. Upon hearing how I had been sick the day before, Dr. Cottle immediately prescribed an antiemetic to prevent vomiting. He was sure to let me know that it probably would lessen it but may not stop it completely. Once in a while, I wished he would lie to me. This time I took some work with me, but I was so tired by the previous day that I just closed my eyes and rested as the poison was slowly dripping in to my vein. The Doloxan infusion itself was quite painful and several times Ishay had to lower the speed of the infusion as the vein was getting irritated and was throbbing with pain. Ishay confirm that the smaller vein of the wrist was more sensitive to the irritating liquid._

' _That's what happens' she said, 'when you have to stick in a region filled with nerves.' A warm compress over my hand relieved some of the pain._

' _Keep it there, as long as you can!' Ishay said, as she retreated. Holding the warm cloth over my left wrist prevented me to read or write. Nausea crept back into my throat and I eyed the basin left on the side table for that purpose. Fortunately, I did not vomit, but the wave of discomfort remained in my upper body as I was struggling to regain my breath and let it pass, blowing slowly through my tight lips. When I reopened my eyes, only five minutes had passed on the clock hanging on the farther wall. Five minutes! Time stood still. I was feeling alternating rushes of heat and cold. I took on observing the environment of sickbay with its old blue green walls, maybe a dull kind of grey, so dirty the color could not be determined. Paint was peeling in places. The curtain giving me a pretense of privacy was made from old yellowing plastic, which was fraying where it had been folded so many times. The place was starting to disintegrate, like my body. The Galactica was old, falling apart truly. How long would we be able to survive on these old ships? I did not even want to raise the question, since there was no other alternative. Only finding Earth. Earth! Kara claimed to know the way. How could we be sure it was not a cylon trap? How could we know if she was right? Could I be wrong, when I was simply following the signs all along? I closed my eyes. Another wave of nausea! I tried to breathe slowly, focusing on my breath. In, hold, out, repeat. Not again. No. I blindly reached for the basin, when I felt a soft, but strong, hand supporting my back. Dr. Cottle held my hair out of the way. He promptly offered me some water._

' _So much for that antiemetic!' I scolded him gently, in a strangled whisper._

 _He grumbled, 'I could give you a stronger dose, but then you will get really drowsy.'_

 _I lay back on the bed with a sigh and I was fully expecting him to be gone soon to tend to other patients. When I reopened my eyes, I was shocked to see he had stayed, sitting down on a nearby chair and reading my chart._

' _How are you doing?'_

' _Well, Doctor, as you could see, I was doing just fine throwing up a few minutes ago.' I replied my voice dripping with exasperated sarcasm._

' _Yesterday, Kara pointed a gun on you and then you attempted to shot her. That was after the trial and Gods know that took a toll on you. You are alone today here, getting treatment. So I repeat, how are you doing?'_

 _I lowered my head._

' _As good as I can be.' I replied softly, defeated, unwilling to put up a fight with him._

 _Then I looked at him again. 'Kara's exam? Could you tell anything? I mean, you have had plenty of opportunities to examine cylons in the past few months, and even on New Caprica.'_

 _He sighed, pensive for a moment, closed the chart and put it back down._

' _Madame President, on New Caprica, when someone arrived at my hospital bleeding from a gun shot to the abdomen and screaming in pain, I did not look at whether they were cylons or humans. I put my gloves on and got their blood on me, and tried to save their frakking lives. All of them wanted to live. Nobody wanted to suffer.'_

' _The cylons are out to destroy us. You saw what they did on New Caprica.'_

' _Yes, I did. And I also saw sentient beings, who suffered and didn't want to. If Kara is a cylon, then she was one from the beginning. Nothing has changed. She could have destroyed us a long time ago; Gods know she had many opportunities to do so and we would never have known the difference.'_

' _What are you saying, Doctor?'_

' _They called me down to the brig and I injected her with some narcotics. She was agitated. She was screaming. She is Kara. The question is who is Kara?' He said, lifting an eyebrow in my direction._

' _I can't take the chance that she will betray us. I can't take that chance!' I repeated, stubborn._

' _You're the President!' He grumbled, raising from the chair and leaving my side of the bed. Clearly my answer did not satisfy him and I was not in the mood to play games. What was I supposed to do? We all saw the original Kara die in the explosion of her ship. She came back in a brand new ship! Forget about being alive, the ship did not have a scratch. The computer memory was blank! That was physical and material evidence that the ship was duplicated. The only beings capable of doing such a task were cylons. Although I do have to admit that it is unusual and that we never saw anything like it before. But cylons have shown us over the years that they can come with more and more devious plans. What am I supposed to do, nothing? Just sit there waiting for her to act? She came into Bill's quarters armed, and pointed a gun at me. All of those who had been close to Kara and mourned her deeply are now just on her side, regardless of the evidence. And the evidence is glaring. They rather have her back, acting on faith. Indeed the cylons had a very efficient and devious plan, to divide us on the inside, over a beloved woman, a fierce fighter. We keep her alive; she can betray us and strike. We airlock her and resentment will build in our ranks and trigger disquiet. We put her in the brig and she becomes a martyr. There is no solution to this problem. We are stuck. We are divided. This is brilliant strategy. A lose-lose strategy! After all of these years, we will be reduced to self-destruct for Kara! Ishay interrupted my thoughts to take my blood pressure._

' _Wow, quite high! You have to relax Madame President!' she said with a smile. She retreated quickly at the look I gave her. Relax?!"_

" _The infusion lasted another hour and, quite weak, I was escorted by my guard back to Bill's quarters. It looked like he had not come back. Everything was as I left it. The guard told me he would bring some lunch a bit later and I thanked him for his help. The silence was deafening. The background noise of the ship echoed within the room. It was dark. I turned on a couple of lights. Then I saw it: the model ship, that Bill destroyed the night Kara had been killed. The broken model had moved from the shelf to Bill's desk. The little statue of Aurora, which Kara gave her, lay on the table by the ship like an afterthought. So, I was wrong, Bill came back after all, even if he didn't move anything around or simply leave a note, like he sometimes would. He was there long enough to sit and contemplate the little statue she gave him. I sighed. Bill was going through his own crisis. His reluctance to speak with me about it was telling, since he probably knew what my opinion was already. He avoided me, clearly. I kept on thinking about the conversation with Dr. Cottle. He wanted to tell me something and I was growing frustrated at the puzzle. He did not understand that I had to consider the safety of the fleet first! I picked a book in the shelf and tried to read. I was distracted by my own thoughts. I put the book back. I hated to doubt myself. I have been doing a lot of that lately. It seemed everything had been torn and shaken to its core. My certitude, what I believed to be true, took a life on its own, became twisted, deformed by the recent events. Baltar found not guilty, Kara coming back from the death, cylon? Not cylon? And this shadow crawling in my mind that was telling me that I was missing something important, that I didn't understand my vision anymore, that maybe I never understood it. Doubt… and death. The death inside my body. Looking around in the empty room, dimly lit, I felt suddenly alone. All of these years, I had been busy trying to save the human race. Decision after decision, I was surrounded by friends and helpers: at the beginning, Wally, Lee and of course Billy, my poor Billy. On New Caprica, Maya confided in me, Dr. Cottle was always there. Wally, Billy and Maya were dead. I didn't understand Cottle anymore… And then Bill, Bill was not there today, when I needed him. I was alone. Bill had not shared his ideas since the trial. A shift in our relationship, a fault, a crack. Bill could not get over Kara's death. He had betrayed me, and it hurt. He voted for Baltar's acquittal and he was ready to take Kara's side. I could tell it in his eyes, in the way he was looking at her, unable to let go of the young woman who was by all means his daughter. She was dead. This was the ultimate torture. It would tear us apart. It hurt like a blade in my heart. I had opened up to him. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in his presence. A soft knock on the hatch brought me back to reality. I assumed it was lunch when I said 'Come in' without moving from the couch._

' _Madame President?'_

 _I turned swiftly to the voice, Lee Adama. Lee had betrayed me too. It must be a family trait. I lost my balance trying to get up and defeated sat back down. He moved inside the quarters, turning on more lights. I saw him take in the room, assessing it, evaluating it: my jacket thrown carelessly on the back of a chair, my shoes abandoned in the middle of the sleeping area, the bed undone, his father's tanks and shorts on the dresser, my pajamas on the bed covers, a book left opened on the side table, sheets rumpled, pillow tousled. All were indications of a domestic life between his father and I, sharing the same bed. A slow blush crept on his cheeks. He cleared his throat. I could read his disdain on his face._

' _Madame President, I wanted to inform you that I am seeking the Caprica delegate's vacant position on the Quorum. Mr. Zarek nominated me. I will be leaving permanently the military. I feel my skills will be better used in politics.'_

 _It was a well rehearsed little speech._

' _Oh, I have no doubt about that' I replied not without sarcasm. Zarek, of course, played the politics of dividing us even more; Lee was used again against his father and me. I looked at him; he was cold and distant. I could feel the weight of his disapproval in his demeanor, maybe even a hint of jealousy. I had become the enemy, the woman who took his father away from him. I did not believe this to be true, but I surely thought that was how he perceived it._

' _Very well, Mr. Adama, thank you for letting me know.' It was a cold dismissal._

' _Madam President…' a hesitation, guilt maybe? Embarrassment? A poorly attempted excuse?_

 _I looked at him, piercing through his soul, my voice as sharp as a knife._

' _No, Mr. Adama, you made your choice.' He turned around and left, bumping into the guard who was bringing lunch in. Lunch for one._

 _The noodles in the broth immediately brought back nausea. I'd better not continue eating, not sure my stomach would tolerate it…It didn't. There was something incredibly isolating by being alone in the head, retching. I knew Bill would not come. He had not called. I would have liked him to be there. Gods, I was being so needy, pathetic, indeed. I hated this disease that made us be so dependent on others, looking endlessly for support. I hated that I needed him. He had voted for Baltar; he was ready to absolve Kara. And I needed him still._

 _I lay down finally on the inviting bed and fell asleep. The loud buzzer of the phone woke me up suddenly. I was disoriented. The clock indicated the evening._

' _Madame President, would you like some dinner?'_

' _No, thank you. I'm fine'_

 _Dinner? When I could not even finish my lunch without throwing up. I got up, adjusted my blouse and, a bit stronger, I went to get my work. There was a lot of reports to be read and signed, a lot of documents to be edited, and so… so many papers. The thing about being sick and president is that time did not stop for me. My duties were still there whether I was able to perform or not. Work was piling up. How long would I be able to do this? A couple of days in treatment only, and the pile was already getting huge. Well I had two choices only, fret about it or dig in and start working. That is what I did, because ultimately this problem would not go away. I spread my files on the large dining room table, turned on the light and started working. I was so focused on my work, that I did not even see how much time had passed, when I heard the hatch open. It was quite late now. I heard Bill stumble through the dark living room section, his heavy step unmistakable. The pungent smell of alcohol reached me immediately, dangerously close to trigger a new wave of nausea. He was very drunk. He did not even say hello, or ask me how things went today. No, not a personal word. He went right to the alcohol cart to pour himself more liquor. He downed the amber liquid as fast as he had filled the glass, walked around and went right back for a second. As if he did not have enough! I had an immediate flashback to my family. I did not want to think about it, but I did. A drunk driver killed them in a car accident. An alcoholic, not unlike Bill, was a middle age man, which ended up in jail for killing my father, my two sisters and her unborn baby. Since then, I had the strongest repulsion for those who drink excessively. I was hurt. I could not believe that after all of our struggles Bill would let himself go like this._

' _You're enjoying that more than usual!' I stated, reproaching._

' _Hair of the dog, Lee's party!' he claimed while refilling his glass. I had to snort at that, remembering the little display of Lee earlier in the day and of course his actions at the trial. Now they were throwing him a party? Less than two days and everything was forgotten? Forgiven? Well then…_

' _What do we do now? Put her on trial? Find Romo Lampkin? Take a show of hands?' I was sarcastic, spitting the name of the lawyer with disdain. He had manipulated Lee. He had manipulated all of them, including Bill._

' _I don't know' He replied._

' _Follow her into an ambush?' I added, making clear where I stood, because that would undoubtedly happen._

' _She's driven' and he continued stumbling around the room, walking aimlessly as confusingly as his thoughts._

' _Yeah!' I did agree with the fact that Kara would not stop at anything to get what she wanted and that made her even more dangerous in our current situation. He kept on walking around with his glass of alcohol restlessly. I knew he wanted to talk. He knew I would not agree with his ideas._

' _Are you going to keep waltzing? Or are you going to sit down and talk.' I was getting increasingly irritated with him. 'What's going on? Sit' I ordered sharply. He stopped in his tracks and sat next to the table by me, cradling his glass, which he placed on the table. I drank some water, waiting for him to talk._

' _What if she is telling the truth?' He mumbled. 'She was supposed to die out there. She didn't. I can't explain it. What if she was meant to help us? And this was a…' He hesitated and sighed heavily. His eyes were glassy from drunkenness. So here it was. Did he dare to wave some metaphysical bullshit in front of me? Despite all of the evidence? When he was the one who declared his atheism in face of my visions, way back when I started having them?_

' _A what? A miracle?' I answered with sarcasm. He looked at me his gaze cloudy._

' _Is that what you want to call this?' I added cynical. 'Go ahead and say it. Grab your piece of the golden arrow. I want to hear Admiral atheist say that a miracle happened…'_

' _You shot at her and missed at close range.' That was his only rationale? His explanation?_

' _Doloxan fraks with your aim.' I said, sighing._

' _So does doubt!' He replied._

 _I had been feeling so sick when she came into Bill's quarter. My glasses had been off; my vision had been blurry. I was suffering then from a splitting headache and nausea. Yes, I missed. How could he blame it on doubt, when I barely could stand? He was drinking more out of his half empty glass._

' _I pulled the trigger and I'd do it again. She put her life in front of a bullet like it had no meaning. You drop an egg, you reach for another.' I was cynical and I was determined. If Kara was a danger to us, she needed to go. As a president, I had to make the tough and unpopular choices, and this one was certainly a difficult one. Seeing how Bill was entranced by her, and how it would undermine our unity, tearing us apart, made me even more determined to silence her. I was seeing clearly how her presence would instill doubt, mistrust and division. To see Bill suffer so hopelessly in front of this woman was more than enough to anger me. I was angry with him for falling so easily into this trap._

' _Maybe, convincing you meant to her more than her own life.' So, now, he was looking for excuses._

' _Is that your miracle? You want to talk about miracles?' I replied, incensed._

' _On the very same day that a very pale doctor informed me that I had terminal cancer, most of humanity was annihilated and I survived, and by some mathematical absurdity I became president, and then my cancer disappeared long enough for us to find a way to Earth. You can call it whatever you want.' I said to him, as my anger was flaring up. So many things had happened and we could not even explain how we survived that long under such conditions. It was all so ironic. It was all so senseless. We were a handful of humans surviving in deplorable conditions. I had survived longer that I was meant to, and for what?_

' _And now, I'm dying.' I added, simply, just because it was the truth. We both knew that there would be no recovery this time. We knew that the Doloxan was just a bandage. My cancer was terminal; it was crawling inside my body. I knew it. Dr. Cottle knew it. Doloxan was just here to gain time, a few precious days maybe, and for what? Really for what? For hope… for Bill. Because that night, when I found out about the cancer and he held me in his arms, I promised him to seek treatment. I promised him, because I wanted him to hope. I knew it was hopeless._

' _Don't talk that way.' He mumbled._

 _I was in no mood to spare his feelings anymore. What was he thinking? Was he deluding himself into believing that there would be a happy ending? A miracle? A cured and healthy Laura that he could have next to him on Earth to become old by his side, in a cabin by a lake? Like a gushy romantic fairy tale, our own private little corner of paradise? I had bile rise to my mouth and my eyes were filling with tears. He needed to understand that this would not happen. I was just a dream. I was dying and there would be no miracles for me. Just like there had not been any miracles for Kara. No, it was not a miracle, there was a logical explanation and we just had not found it yet. Of course the most obvious and logical explanation was that somehow the cylons were involved. But Bill… Bill wanted to believe I would survive. Bill wanted to believe Kara was real. Bill was losing everyone. All of his lifelines were of a sudden sinking. His hopes were destroyed; they were just an emptiness growing inside him, which he was drowning in the amber liquid at the bottom of his glass._

' _Bill, you gotta face this. My life is coming to an end soon enough and I'm not going to apologize to you for not trusting her. And I'm not...I'm not gonna trust her with the fate of this fleet.' My voice was strong and determined._

 _I sighed and looked at the distraught man in front of me, drunk, miserable, heartbroken. 'You are so buckled up inside. You can't take any more loss. Your son's leaving, this, me, I know it.' I pointed at the bandage on my wrist, where the IV had been placed. I would leave him. I was going to die. Kara was a mirage. Lee had changed and showed his true colors, betraying the image his father had of him, betraying him, betraying me, betraying his own destiny. Lee was not who we thought he was. He had molded himself over the years on his father's expectations, indeed a well-rehearsed show of the perfect son, but this wasn't who he was. He finally had broken free and become his own person._

' _No one's going anywhere.' Bill stubbornly refused to see the reality, refusing to let go. He was pathetic, just like a child clinging on his fairy tale. I had to laugh at this, not because I wanted to make fun of him, no, just because I found him so innocent, so puerile, and so terribly sad. He had to understand. I could not let him get away with his irrational beliefs. I was blinking away tears, as my defenses crumbled._

 _A couple of tears spilled on the side of my nose. I did not even bother wiping them off. I added: 'Okay. Here's the truth. This is what's going on. You want to believe Kara. You would rather be wrong about her and face your own demise than risk losing her again.'_

 _He looked at me long and hard, as my words made their way into his inebriated consciousness, slowly like a knife. He knew I was right. His shocked look told me so._

' _You can stay in the room, but...get out of my head.' He stood up and poured himself another drink, alcohol, to numb his feelings and the emptiness he felt. I knew I had touched the core of his despair. I could not let go._

' _You're so afraid to live alone.' I simply reflected, almost for myself. He had not moved, still standing by the alcohol cart._

 _He replied_ _ **'**_ _And you're afraid to die that way.' I nodded slightly. Yes, I was afraid of death and the loneliness we all face when it happens. There would not be anyone for me. There would be nobody left to remember me. He continued, his voice low, treacherous and unforgiving. He was conscious enough to formulate his thoughts clearly, and maybe too drunk to realize how hurtful they were._

' _You're afraid you may not be the dying leader you thought you were. Or that your death may be as meaningless as everyone else's.' It was cruel and it was true. I had probed rightly his mind and he was destroying my own reality. With two sentences he had ripped my soul raw. And it hurt. It hurt so much. I heard the hatch slamming as he left. I had no one. I was alone, completely alone. He was gone. My throat was tight and my chest heaving under the pain he inflicted me, trying to impossibly control the sobs rising inside my body and my eyes burning with tears. I pretended to go back and read my work again, put on my glasses, but I just could not focus on the written pages. No. I just could think of what he had said. 'Your death may be as meaningless as everyone else's.' Meaningless, just like blimp in the universe, nothing important. All of these efforts to stay alive, to save humanity, to find Earth… reduced to nothing in one simple word: meaningless… I bit my lips. I did not want to break down. It would be too easy. I wanted to hide, disappear like a little kid, under the covers. Was I really a fraud? The Dying Leader, like Elosha had said, who would lead the path to Earth. I never had been religious. Then I had those visions, enabled by the Chamalla extract, and I believed those visions. Maybe after all I really wasn't the Dying Leader and I had misled the people into believing so. Yes, maybe my life and my death had been meaningless. Maybe, I was nothing more than a very sick woman, who had betrayed so many around her, from my personal relationships to my leadership. That is what Bill had said in one word, didn't he? I was shaking inside from the pain he inflicted me. It hurt more than physical pain. I felt the walls constricting around me, as I was breathing shallow. Unconsciously, I started to twist strands of my hair in my fingers, just like I used to do when I was a kid, when I needed comfort. The hair came loose. For a second, I did not understand, shocked to find strands of hair in my hand. Then I realized that my hair had started falling. As I looked stunned at the hair in my hand, my throat contracted painfully. I put down my glasses and I let myself cry, sobbing without control, feeling completely alone. Yes, I would die alone and before that my body would dissolve piece after piece. Alone, meaningless and irrelevant. Bill made sure I knew that. I wept loudly and without restrain until I was exhausted and only raw pain was left behind a pounding headache. I was empty. I ran my hands in my hair and gathered more loose strands, which I gathered in a little pile on top of my files. I used to love my hair, its wonderful warm brown with powerful red highlights. In the sun, it used to glow like fire. I would never feel the sun in my hair again. I couldn't believe how vain I was. A handful of human survivors were slowly dying inside worn out ships and I was crying about my hair. I discarded my clothes on the floor and put my pajamas. I thought laying down would bring me some relief, but, as soon as I smelled Bill's scent in the pillow, fresh tears started to flow. I did not try to stop them."_

" _I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up later to a loud clatter of shattering glass and Bill swearing 'Frak'. Completely drunk, he had fallen down, probably tripped on my clothes, and knocked down the water carafe he had on the table. I saw his shadow in the darkness as he painfully picked himself up and staggered to the side lamp, which he turned on. I had no intention to go and help him. He did not attempt to clean the mess as the rug was slowly soaking in water. He sat heavily on the seat I occupied in the evening by the table. And then there was only silence. His clumsy fingers grabbed my strands of hair, hesitant, wondering. He slowly turned them in his fingers, caressing them and brought them to his cheek, his nose, smelling them. He stayed that way, holding my hair, until I saw his shoulders starting to shake lightly, then more violently and I realized he was crying. I did not move and closed my eyes again, breathing evenly, trying to ignore him and fall asleep again. I couldn't. I was hearing his sobs. Despite the harsh words of the evening and my anger, my heart was breaking for him. He was suffering. I was suffering. I got up, silently, and make my way carefully avoiding the shards of glass across the room. I stood behind him. Hunched down, he was holding my hair close to his face and tears were running onto it. I slid my hand around his neck gently. He turned to look at me, his face devastated by grief, and pulled me against him, burying his face in my stomach._

' _Laura…'_

' _Don't say anything.' I whispered. 'Let's go to sleep.'_

 _I held him as we made our way slowly to the rack. I helped him with his clothes, as he was too inebriated to undo his own buttons. In the dim light, sitting on the bed, he looked at me and wiped off my cheeks, stained by tears and remnants of the very precious and rare mascara I had applied that day. Gently kissing my lips, he lay down and fell asleep immediately. I fought nausea as the smell of the alcohol invaded me, and finally fell asleep as well."_

 **Thank you for reading. Do not forget to comment! Reviews and comments help me fine tune this story and motivate me! It is nice to know someone is reading!**


	43. Chapter 43

**Thank you for all of those who are still there and all of those who have messaged me. I have not stopped writing and I will not drop this story. So no worries. I am just very busy with the start of the semester and various issues in real life.**

 **Writing cancer from Laura's point of view is very difficult emotionally, yet it is also very rewarding as it allows me to understand her better. You do know the story and thus, there will be some difficult moments ahead.**

 **Chapter 43**

Helena woke up very early the next morning. Takashi was snoring softly next to her. She studied him. His face was peaceful, slight wrinkles were already showing on his face. He was only one year older than her. His black hair was graying at his temples. Did she love him? She didn't know. She avoided that question. It was too complicated. Certainly in the current circumstances, a relationship could happen, yet, when this would be over, once they would return to their academic positions, then she was not sure it would continue. But would they ever return to their academic positions? She longed for the comfort, both physical and psychological, to be with someone. She longed to be held, kissed and she longed to make love. She longed for the company and the exchange of ideas, for the moment where no words needed to be exchanged for their mutual understanding. He had shared some of his feelings with her and she knew he would wait until she was ready. She sighed and got up. She was feeling tired; her back was hurting. They really had no time to relax, as surprising discoveries kept on coming, and the team of scientists spent every moment studying, cataloguing and performing analyses. The hike through the tunnels of the day before had exhausted her. She started coughing. Her throat was bothering her, a nagging little itch, which begged to be coughed away. She moved in the house in search of water to drink, trying to prevent herself from coughing anymore and make noise that would wake Takashi. She barely had time to look in the house the night before, but now she wanted to explore it a bit more. It was carved in the rock face, with blind rooms extending in the back, where their bedroom was. The front had an open door way, without door, and round gaps which served as windows towards the inside of the cave. As she looked through the opening, she saw that most of the houses were built that way, facing the center of the large and tall cave, where light was filtering from cracks in the cave ceiling. The Caprica village had the same infrastructure, houses facing the center of the cave, where there was an underground pond surrounded by tall grasses, which grew only from the sunlight filtering above. Gemenon was just a bit smaller. Helena had visited many troglodyte houses during her archeological trips in the Middle East, the most famous ones were in Turkey, and she also had traveled to Pakistan and Iran. They all had the same characteristic, which was to open outside on the face of a mountain, where light entered. Here, the houses opened towards the inside of a main large cave. Absolutely nothing would show on the outside of the mountain. It was the perfect hiding place. She suspected that the forest was completely concealing any outside entrance. The main room had wooden chairs and a table and some blankets and pillows. There were alcoves in the wall for oil lamps and larger niches for storage. She saw nicely folded blankets, and various pieces of clothing in bright colors of red and orange. Dried and hollowed gourds were handing on nails, presumably for water storage. Various pottery and clay bowls were stored on shelves and alcoves. She was expecting a hearth or some kind of fireplace, but there was none. And of course, she realized that there could not be any chimney in such a setting. She was walking barefoot on a thick hand-knotted rug made of natural plant fibers. The house was comfortable and radiated warmth and coziness. In the main room, she found food, which was clearly left there for them. A clay pitcher contained water. The cool water immediately helped her throat and refreshed her. There was a sort of bread, flat and golden, which tasted delicious and some fruits. She felt better after drinking and eating.

"How are you?" She turned to see Takashi joining her. He softly kissed her cheek and sat by her.

"I'm good. Look, they left us some breakfast." She said smiling, showing the table to him.

He took some bread and ate in silence.

"Helena… I'm sorry about last night… I…"

Helena put her hand on his.

"It's ok, Takashi. It is good that we talked."

He nodded and took her hand in his. They looked at each other for a moment. They were interrupted by Elosha, which arrived with more fruits.

"Good morning," she said cheerily, " villages' delegations are starting to arrive for the preparation of our quorum meeting." Both Helena and Takashi stood together and went back to the bedroom to change into day clothes.

When they came out of the house, John was waiting for them near the center of the cave by the wood fire burning, where everyone had gathered. Groups of people, carrying flags, Helena had never seen, were waiting and chatting. When they saw Helena, all became quiet observing her. Helena counted twelve groups including Elosha. Most were women from various ethnicities, some were tall with blonde hair, others looked Asian, and all of them had various shades of skin from very light to very dark. Helena was looking forward to sample and enter their DNA in Evelyne's database. She knew it could hold the answer to understanding if cylons were part of this lineage. She suspected they were. Following Elosha, they moved in rows to the back of the cave and sat in a circle around a large and flat circular rock formation. The flagpoles were set up straight behind each delegation in holes, Helena had not noticed before on the ground. It created a spectacular effect, a colorful display of the flags in a perfect circle. Helena, John and Takashi sat by the Caprica flag. Elosha stood tall on the rock at the circle's center. A young woman brought some tall pillar candles, which Elosha lit at the center of the rock.

" _Lords of Kobol, hear my prayers…_ " she started in their language, which Helena translated for Takashi and John. One by one, each woman from the delegations got up and lit a smaller candle she was carrying and returned to her seat placing the candle in front of her on a small flat rock marking the periphery of the circle. Helena noticed they all were wearing a silver bracelet on their left wrist, with designs slightly different than the one Elosha and Laura wore. When Caprica's turn arrived, someone placed a candle in Helena's hand and motioned her to get up. She did go to light it. Then, a large round bread was passed from each delegation to the other and each member broke a small piece to eat it. It was followed by an ornate brass pot, and each person drank water from it. Helena, Takashi and John took a piece of the bread and drank the water, as it was passed to them.

Elosha continued speaking and Helena caught her name several times as well as Laura's name. She observed how each delegate looked at her. Helena heard Elosha mention the book of Laura and delegates reacted in surprise, and started talking all at once. Rya from Gemenon, which had learned about the book and the grave the night before, was very active, animatedly speaking to the others.

"What happened?" Takashi whispered in her ear.

"Elosha just mentioned that I have the book of Laura and that we have found her remains."

Elosha answered many questions patiently in a measured tone, as if to calm the delegates. She came finally and asked Helena to join her with her bag.

"Please, could you pass around the pictures of the book that you have showed me?" she asked and Helena passed her folder from delegate to delegate. Some became very emotional when they looked at the photographs of the pages. Rya was crying. Everyone wanted to talk with Helena, but she had trouble understanding each delegate, as they had accents she was not accustomed to hear. She relied on Elosha for the translation. They all wanted to read the book, asked for details and carried a lot of excitement. Helena tried her best to answer questions. She avoided going into the details of the text, especially when it came to the human appearance of cylons. It was all very overwhelming and all she could see were faces talking, and questions coming from everyone. Their talking was loud; the smell of the candles and the smoke was making her suddenly dizzy. The flags seemed to be dancing around her, in their red and orange and white colors. Was someone beating a fast drum? Or was she hearing her own blood rushing in her ears? The ceiling of the cave extended so high, multicolored light seemed to be beaming down on her from a fissure in the rock. Faces were so close to her, talking louder and louder. She looked up trying to breathe and broke down into a cough. She was loosing her strength, and each of her limbs seemed to be made of lead, so heavy. She felt Takashi's strong arms enveloping her, as she collapsed, and saw his worried face above hers.

"Helena, Helena..." He called; his voice seemed so far away. She looked into his eyes and passed out.

" _I do not know when he left, but Bill was not there when I woke up. Just like the previous day, he had not left a note for me. I had to go back to Colonial One later in the morning, and so I packed up my work and clothes. Before I left, I had to attend the farewell ceremony of Lee. As I understood it, it was supposed to be a surprise and we all assembled in hangar bay to present recognition to Lee Adama for his service. All of the pilots assembled and honored him. I was very presidential. I shook his hand and smiled. I could tell that he was emotional as he hugged his father and his friends. I sincerely hoped that both father and son would be able to reconcile and overcome their differences. For me, it would take some time. He had hurt me deeply and quiet civility is all I could handle at the present moment. Nothing more! I had no intent to engage with him further. As soon as he started to talk with his father and the other officers, I left with Tory to take my shuttle back to Colonial One._

 _My first task on board was to ask Tory to find a wig for me and pass a request to all ships for one. I had found more hair falling and getting caught in my hairbrush, such that I barely dared to run it through my hair anymore. It would be only a matter of time before I would lose it completely or would have to shave. I knew it was over, my hair, my life and the comfort of my body. It just was over. And in the morning back on Colonial One, sitting at my desk, I made the decision to just accept my fate. This is it, I said to myself, determined to move forward. I had to let it go. If anything, the past few days with their loads of emotions had taught me that much. There was too much pain associated with clinging to the past, my hair, my life and the hopes of a normal life with a man who loved me just enough to say it while drunk, but not enough to stop drinking in the face of adversity."_

" _A bit later on the day, I was informed that the Demetrius, one of the fleet ships, had left to an unknown destination. I picked up the phone._

' _Admiral, what is going on with the Demetrius? Has something happened?'_

 _He hesitated before replying. A pause! I knew, then._

' _I gave the ship to Kara with a small crew so she can go back and look for Earth the way she wants to'_

' _I see!' My reply was sharp, slicing like a knife._

' _Madame President, when she told me that she would die trying, I have to believe her. We are not changing course. I believe you are right following the markers that the Eye of Jupiter pointed to. Kara would not stop trying. I have to give her the chance to follow her impulse. I cannot lose her again.'_

' _Well, I certainly hope you are right, Admiral Adama, and that your crew will come back alive.'_

 _I was ice cold. I hung up the phone. I had no idea how we would spin this with the government and the press, which would smell a conspiracy. Bill was following his heart with Kara. He could not bear losing her and just admitted to me that my assessment of his feelings was right. At least, by sending her on her way, he was temporarily removing this danger from the Galactica and the fleet. I just hated that he would put in danger a crew, just because he trusted her. How would he feel if she betrayed all of us? We had disagreed deeply on this. Bill was following his emotions and not logic. This was one of the reasons why we should not have a relationship. He was the Admiral; I was the President. There was no escaping of this and we were bound to have deep disagreements on policy and decisions to be made. We were both too involved in the survival of this fleet. This is not something we could just leave at the door of his quarters. I could not stay there anymore. I picked up the phone and requested some guest quarters on the Galactica. It had become too painful to stay with him. It was tearing me apart. I needed to face this alone. I could not depend on him. I could not have expectations that would not be met. Lt. Dualla told me it would take a few days to find some accommodations for me, but she was on this task and I was confident she would be very efficient. Without emotions, I went back to my workload and prepared for meetings that would take place in the next few days."_

" _I had not heard from Bill in a few days, when I made my way to sickbay for another treatment. He was not there to greet me at my shuttle. I guess he had heard I requested my own quarters by then. I still had no news if Dualla had found a place to put me. Dr. Cottle gave me an antiemetic and put the IV in._

' _The nausea should go away in about a hour." As soon as the Doloxan started to run in my veins, the metallic taste came back in my mouth and almost immediately my stomach painfully contracted, bringing this wave of nausea to my throat. I removed my glasses and laid back on the pillows, not moving for fear that any motion of my body would make me vomit. I started to breathe slowly, exhaling through my lips to dispel the dizziness that invaded me, closing my eyes and trying to relax. Then I heard him, heavily walking and sitting down on the chair next to me. He started to read, his warm voice soothing me, as it always did._

' _Love and Bullets,_

 _by Nick Taylo._

 _Chapter one._

 _It started like it always did. With a body._

 _This one was in the river. I could tell she had once been beautiful. But this bullet and a fast current had taken that away from her.'_

 _His low and slow voice brought shivers to me. It was like a gentle caress. It was like an apology. I could not prevent myself from being overwhelmed with emotion, as goose bumps rose on my arms. His voice soft and warm reminded me of the tenderness in which he had murmured gentle words to me in our most intimate moments, the few times we made love. Tears were burning under my eyelids, as emotion was settling, tight, in my throat. He was here, still here and again giving me the simplest comfort. He chose the book carefully. A crime novel, like those, I confessed to him I used to read, back when I had a real home and when we could breathe real air, feel the breeze on our skin and sun in our hair._

' _All we are, all that we think we are, all that we're certain about is taken away from us. When you've worked the streets and seen what I've seen, you become more and more convinced of it everyday.'_

 _Yes, Bill, all was taken away from us. I was holding to his life and I was holding to his voice like an anchor. And my nausea was still there and tears were pooling in my eyes. They were tears of pain and tears of joy._

' _Caprica City had been my teacher. My Mistress. From the moment I open my eyes, she's in my blood, like cheap wine, bitter and sweet, tinged with regret._

 _I'll never be afraid of her. Nor do I want to be. For she is what I am, all that is and should always be.'_

 _He had lifted his head to look at me with this last sentence and I knew he meant it for me, and gave it to me, as a present and a declaration. A strangled sob escaped from my throat as tears rolled on my temple, but I smiled anyway. I had missed him. I smiled to tell him how much I appreciated his presence. I was still angry with him for many reasons and I had missed him dearly. He stopped reading and bent forward to kiss my tears tenderly on my temple. Gods, why was our relationship so complicated? Then, he sat back down and continued reading. A couple of hours were a lot shorter with his voice accompanying me. I relaxed, listening to the slow rhythm of the words, like a lullaby. It was intimate like a caress. When the infusion was over, he had read several chapters._

' _We'll finish next time' he said gently. Dr. Cottle switched the bag to a saline bag to keep me hydrated. A few minutes later, disconnected from the IV, Bill was helping me up from the bed._

' _Thank you' I whispered. I gave him a light kiss on the lips._

' _Are you going back?'_

' _Yes, I have to be on Colonial One. I have to prepare for a big day tomorrow. Lee will be introduced to the quorum as a Caprica representative. They will vote. There will be a press conference. And then over the next few days, we will have full quorum sessions and arrive to a vote on a number of initiatives.'_

' _I'll be there for the press conference' he added._

 _I nodded and we walked in silence back to my shuttle, his hand securely holding me on my lower back."_

" _I don't know if it was his presence or the relaxing rhythm of his voice, but I felt a lot less sick with this treatment. Back to my little bedroom, I allowed myself to sleep for a few hours before diving into my work, ahead of the heavy agenda of the next day. Despite his soothing presence, I still thought it would be better for both of us not to live together when I visited the Galactica."_

" _The next day went by like a tornado. First at the press conference, Lee made a wonderful completely political acceptance speech, at the summit of his hypocrisy. The speech of a real politician! He had a gift for it. I would have been almost proud of him, if he had not betrayed me. After Lee's acceptance speech, the press went and asked me if I was having hard feelings about the role that Lee had during Baltar's trial._

 _I replied as amicably as possible:_

' _Mr. Adama took on a cause he felt was important and I fully trust he will continue to bring. I dismissed the question saying that I was sure that Lee would continue to bring the same passion and clear-mindedness in representing his constituents.'_

 _It was a political answer that meant nothing and nobody fell for it. Immediately after they focused on the Demetrius. Just like I predicted, they had smelled a conspiracy and as we did not give them any details, attacked me like sharks, which had smelled blood. My frustration at Bill returned, as he did not give any details to the press and, well, they kept on going. There is nothing more attractive to a journalist than a nice story, which is being covered up. I predicted they would soon be back on this, asking more questions, as the rumor that Kara had been put in charge spread. As Bill and I retired to my office, I told him I would be covering for him on the Demetrius for a long time. I was not pleased. He knew it. I had not hidden from him how upset I was at his decision with Kara. Clearly, this is something that would continue to haunt us for a while. I went back to work without casting Bill a look, as I heard him leave. After he left, I let out a deep sigh. This was going to be tough."_

" _The evening came and I felt more alone than ever. I was nauseous and I took some of the pills that Cottle gave me. They worked enough to prevent me from vomiting; yet, I still was feeling sick and dizzy. I also was continuing to suffer from the lack of estrogen. Hot spells, where my body was burning and I immediately had to shed my nightclothes to cool off, only to find myself freezing minutes later. I tried to read but could not focus on the book. So I lay there looking at the ceiling and thinking. I was dying and I was pathetic. That much was certain. I did not dare to brush my hair, just fluffing it up with my fingers, as I found more and more strands on my pillow each morning. I knew the illness and my fatigue contributed to my state of mind. I was deeply sad. I wanted to let myself slide in the comfort of self-pity. To cry. To sob. To call the universe out on its perverse actions. I had been in remission just to experience the briefest moments of happiness, enough to let myself dream of love and a quiet retirement in a cabin by a lake. And then, the cylons came back. And then the cancer came back. And then Baltar got tossed back at us and we had the trial. And then Kara reappeared. Enough to bring us down to our knees. Enough to draw us apart, Bill and I. If I had any hope or dream of a simple life, those were certainly gone. Tomorrow, after a night of sleep, I would raise and put the mask of the president in place. I would act presidential. I sneered. Presidential! Laura, carefully hidden back inside her pitiful closet not to be let out, had no place in my life. I could only be pathetic in private and in this diary, with no one to witness it. Right now, the only thing I could be was presidential."_

" _The Quorum meeting in the afternoon was quite agitated. Again when was the last peaceful Quorum meeting? Those delegates had a gift for splitting hair over non-sense and their bickering made me very tired. More often than not, after all the debating we were back to square one. By the end of the day, I was feeling the side effects of the treatment from the day before. I knew I could not allow anyone to see how weary I had become and so I took a deep breath and went on with the meeting. Of course, the quorum went on after the Demetrius. They had smelled a conspiracy and nothing would take them away from it. They were arguing again with attempt to pressure me to release more information. Irritated, I had no intention to give them anything. Of course, Lee found a 'great' opportunity to intervene. Did he really think he was the great savior? He told them that we were exploring 'all possible routes to earth'. Surely it did put them to rest. I did not ask for his help. I was not feeling threatened by the quorum. I am sure Lee was very proud of himself for this little stunt. I could not let him get away with this._

' _Mr. Adama, we are all anxious to receive the benefit of your experience, but I personally don't feel the need to have a junior delegate appoint himself my spokesman. Let's move on...' I did not know if it was in retaliation, but Lee stood and moved to interrupt the speaking delegate, Jacob Cantrell from Sagittaron. His disruption created a bit of chaos, as he interrupted the order of the meeting to bring this up. Zarek kept on banging the wooden hammer down, screaming 'Order'. The noise of their non-stop shouting at each other and the banging of the hammer was burning like a hot iron in my head and I could only lean back and close my eyes until they finished arguing. When Jacob yield the floor to Lee, he finally brought out a proposal, 112, which I had been working on in the past few weeks and that involved a reform of our judicial system. In an accusatory tone, Lee mentioned tribunal judges that I would select only, and a court of appeals, which judges I would also chose. He accused me directly of seeking control of the legislative branch and concentrating power of executive branch._

' _It would actually damage the very idea of justice.' He said, his implications very clear. It certainly had been my idea to reform the judicial system after Baltar's trial. That such a man would be exonerated, in itself and in my opinion, already had damaged our very idea of justice. And so, a reform had become necessary. Of course, this proposal 112 was still in draft, far from being complete and certainly was not ready to be debated. Lee, reading a proposal in draft, had failed to mention that these changes were provisional and he also had failed to mention that they were a first step in the reform of the entire judicial system. I said that much to the delegates and offered to put this proposal on the agenda for next month's full quorum session. I agreed readily to discuss this proposal once it would be ready, which is what I was going to do anyway. It became abundantly clear that, again, Lee had been manipulated to undermine me. I could only see the hand of Zarek in this. I knew that I had to perform and that any weakness I displayed would be used to weaken me. Any. Cancer or not. As a president, I could not afford to show any emotion, any display of sickness. Anything would be preyed on to destabilize me. I smiled at Lee as we concluded the session, just to let him know that his attempt had failed."_

" _The next morning, Tory brought me a wig. What a horrible thing! That was, she said, the only wig she could find in all of the fleet. Dark hair, so dark brown, it looked almost black, with a straight cut and bangs. It made me think of Admiral Cain severe hair cut. It was not even made of real hair, but synthetic fibers, which felt so hard to the touch. Tory said it had belonged to a woman who died of cancer. Oh well. I knew that we had no resources and we often passed belongings of people who had died to others. We had grown accustomed to share clothing that way. It was unsettling at first, and after years of having no supplies, it just had become the norm. It was for me a new way to descend into the hell of cancer. This wig was awful. It didn't even matter. From the moment my hair was gone, I felt I already had lost part of my identity. I would not be the same person. Tory was also the one who broke to me the news of the suicide of Cally, the wife of chief Tyrol and how she had found their son in front of the launching tube, that Cally opened to airlock herself. Tory was very shaken. I allowed her to take the afternoon off. Cally had slowly descended into depression and her suicide was surprising, but not totally unexpected. I didn't think she would have left behind her son. Maybe she intended to kill him too and at the last minute decided to spare him. This life in those ships for a few years now had claimed the best of us. I shook my head, trying to clear the tears, which were threatening to flow. Cally… I remembered her on New Caprica, pregnant and then when the baby was born. I remembered how she supported the resistance despite the dangers to her family. Chief Tyrol must be devastated. I spent the rest of the day working on proposition 112, to make sure it was ready for the next Quorum meeting. My heart was heavy. I really did not want to see anyone, focusing on work to push away my dark feelings."_

" _I packed up a bag the next day, as I was staying overnight on Galactica. I had a treatment in sickbay in the morning and, scheduled the next day, very early, was the funeral of Cally. It made no sense to go back to Colonial One. Bill greeted me in sickbay with a kiss on the cheek and settled in a chair next to me with a deep sigh. I could read his pain in the heaviness of his body._

' _So sorry about Cally' I whispered._

' _Yeah!' he said, nodding, his voice low. There was nothing to say. Both of us felt the pain of loss._

' _I'll be going to see the chief later.' I continued._

' _He's not well' Bill replied._

' _Who would be?' I said softly. We all had experienced tragedy over and over again. The measure of our pain, in many ways, was indescribable. Feeling was important. The danger was in getting numb, in getting accustomed to the death of those around us, in becoming indifferent._

 _Dr. Cottle had to stick me a couple of times, before finding a vein. They had started to collapse. I had refused to have a central line placed. Dr. Cottle gave me the anti-emetic pills to prevent vomiting. Finally as the Doloxan infusion started, I reclined on the bed and Bill, sitting down next to me, started reading. The familiar metallic taste of the Doloxan invaded my mouth and the nausea crept in. Bill continued to read 'Love and Bullets' from where we had left it off. The rhythm of his voice anchored me in the present moment. It was soothing and comforting. As I was listening to his voice, I started to let go of my anger. It would be consuming me, destroying me on the inside. I needed to be strong, not angry. We knew that we would disagree. We knew that our roles as Admiral and President would put us from time to time against each other. And we still were friends. We still had this strong bond, this intimacy. The expectation of a normal life was unrealistic. There would not be any normal life. Normal had no meaning in our world. Nothing mattered anymore. We were just a group of survivors. And I was dying. I needed Bill. I needed him to be there for me, right now. After a couple of chapters, I whispered, interrupting him._

' _Bill…' I was fighting tears and my voice hitched up with the emotion. This was going to be hard. I knew I had to do it._

' _What?' he said softly, taking my hand._

' _I have a favor to ask you.' I turned my head to look at him. 'I really would like… if you could help me shave my head. My hair is falling too much now… I…can't keep it that way.' I let the tears run on my temples. He sighed and his eyes filled with tears too._

' _Of course.' He replied and he bent to kiss me lightly on the lips. His kiss threatened to overwhelm me. I could not break down. Not yet, not now!"_

" _We walked silently back to his quarters. There was only silence. I had made up my mind. It was time to do this. After he locked the hatch, I went directly to the head and removed my shirt. I took a last look in the mirror. My face was drawn and my hair was hanging dull, thinning with patches of scalp already showing. Bill came behind me and placed both hands on my shoulders._

' _Ready?' He whispered with emotion._

 _I nodded. I took my brush and brushed aggressively the dying hair to remove as much as possible. Quite a lot got caught in the bristles. I continued to look at myself in the mirror. A ghost, with thin hair!_

' _I cannot really shave it like this,' he said looking at me over my shoulder, grabbing my eyes in the reflection of the mirror, 'I need to cut it short first'. We both had tears in our eyes. Without waiting for my answer, he took a pair of scissors and cut short the strands remaining, until there maybe was only the thickness of a finger left. I continued to look at myself, holding the sink with both hands, gripping it, as the hair fell on the floor and the sink. I let tears fall silently, as felt his hands gently grabbing the strands and cutting them. He met my gaze a couple of times and kissed my temple, without interrupting his task. The sound of the scissors was threatening to break me. He was concentrated on his job, frowning. When he took the shaving cream and spread it gently on my head, I shivered._

' _Shhhh' he said, softly caressing my arm and he dropped a kiss on my shoulder. My head was white. I smiled at the reflection through my tears. A weird woman covered with white foam. This was ridiculous. I started to laugh at the absurdity of this. The shaver was tickling me. He smiled at me warmly in the mirror, while softly drawing the blade on my skin, like a caress. He kept on rinsing it under warm water, as he was slowly shaving the thin layer of hair. My small laugh broke the last of my tight control. Bill was done quickly and his warm washcloth rinsed away the leftover foam. He dried me carefully and let me look at myself in the mirror his arms around my waist, holding me from behind. My vision blurred with tears, as I leaned back against his chest. I cried. Without my hair, I felt naked. Strand of reddish brown hair lay on the floor, on the sink, on my shoulders. Bill gently turned me around and pulled me in his arms, holding my head on his chest and caressing my bare scalp gently, while I broke into sobs. He leaned over and turned on the shower._

' _Come' He simply said and helped me finish undressing, and brushed away a few loose strands caught on my skin. I needed to rinse of the left over hair, little pieces that fell in my neck or it would itch so badly. I suddenly felt self-conscious, knowing my body would show the marks of the cancer progressing, scars on my abdomen, my ribs already showing under my skin, the complete absence of body hair. I knew I had lost weight already. I couldn't keep any food down. I was naked in front of him, completely. I was waiting for the water to warm up, facing away from him. I remembered how I used to feel worried he would see the scars of my abuse on New Caprica on my back and buttocks and now I was scared to show him my whole body. Funny how my perspective had changed!_

' _You're beautiful' he said softly, as I looked down, avoiding his eyes._

' _Laura, look at me,' he added, turning me around and lifting my chin with a touch of his fingers._

 _I looked into his blue eyes full of tears, 'You're beautiful', he repeated._

 _I shook my head, 'It doesn't matter anymore. It's not about beauty.' I stepped in the shower promptly to avoid crying again. The water was incredibly strong on my scalp. I would have to get used to that. The shower calmed me down and when I came out Bill was waiting for me with a large towel, which he wrapped around my body. Back in his room I put a t-shirt, underwear and sweat pants. I was exhausted and the day was not even over. He had ordered lunch; I saw the tray on the table. I could not even think of food. He probably had eaten a bit, as I knew he would have to return to duty in CIC later. Then, I noticed that he had placed carefully on his desk the strands of my hair that he probably picked off the floor when I was taking my shower. He saw me looking at them._

' _Do you want to keep it?' He said._

' _No', I said in a strangled cry. He got up, slowly gathered the dark reddish brown hair and slid the strands inside an envelope, which he placed inside his desk drawer._

' _I do.'_

 _He came back to me and led me to the rack._

' _You are exhausted, Laura, why don't you rest a little?' I nodded, as new tears came again and again. It was embarrassing. He sat next to me and kissed me gently, taking the time to explore my lips and mouth in a way that left me breathless and deeply moved._

 _He lowered off the lights and joined me, wrapping me in his arms. My emotions were overwhelming me. He did not try to talk me out of my pain. He just held me against his chest and kissed my head, my cheeks, my tears and my lips, until tiredness won over and I closed my eyes breathing his scent in. I fell asleep."_

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **Please leave me some comments and feedback. It really motivates me to continue writing despite my insanely busy schedule. Your feedback is deeply appreciated. Thank you to those who take the time to share their feelings, comments and suggestions.**


	44. Chapter 44

**Hello everyone. I know it has been a while and some persons have been asking me if I am still alive. I had a surgery with serious complications over the summer, and then the return of work for the fall semester. A very successful and busy semester. My daughter got married around Christmas and then the Spring semester with barely any time to breathe, yet alone write fanfiction.**

 **I have had tremendous professional success with my students becoming national finalists and semi-finalists, interesting volunteer projects going on in education, and I am writing now freelance for a professional publication.**

 **I have not forgotten you and I have been writing whenever I could in the middle of deadlines and other excitement.**

 **Please take a moment to reacquaint yourself to the story. I have chapter 45 underway, so hopefully it will not be 6 months before I post next.**

 **I appreciate all of the persons who have make the effort to contact me. I read you and I understood your concerns. I always thrive to deliver the best possible work for you.**

 **Enjoy this latest installment and please do not forget to give me some comments and send me notes.**

 **Chapter** **44**

When Helena regained consciousness, she had no idea where she was. It was dark and she was lying on a bed. She felt very cold and was shivering. A cool wet cloth was on her forehead. She felt someone tucking blankets around her body.

"Takashi?"

"Shhh…" He whispered.

"I'm cold"

"You have a fever" he replied, sitting down next to her, with a cup containing water. "You need to drink plenty of fluids." He removed the cloth on her forehead and helped her up, his arm supporting her back while he brought the cup to her lips. He put the cup down and gave her a couple of pills to swallow.

"What is that?"

"Ibuprofen"

She took the pills, drank more water, and then she rested down again.

"How long was I out?"

"Just a few minutes, we brought you back in the house. I heard you coughing this morning. You probably caught an infection. Try to sleep."

She nodded, closing her eyes. Her head was throbbing. Takashi got up and put aside the medical kit that he had. Going through his backpack, he took the SAT phone and turned it on. He walked out of the house and down to the center of the cave, trying to find some signal through the opening in the ceiling of the cave. Poor signal, but it would do. After a brief hesitation, he dialed the base camp.

"Evelyne? Helena is sick. She has a high fever and she passed out this morning. Please grab your medical bag and come over here with Liang. Sharon will guide you." He hung up and came back to the house. He was worried. It was not like Helena to faint. He knew that it would take a few hours for Evelyne, Liang and Sharon to arrive. All he could hope that the few medications he carried would be enough to lower her fever until they got there. Evelyne had been trained to deal with medical emergencies for the expedition. And while her task was to perform the biological and genetic analyses of research samples, she was well aware of various tropical infections and was carrying extensive supplies to attend to all kinds of emergencies. Takashi worried that his phone call, using the satellite network, would precipitate a visit from the UN forces. He would have liked more time to go to the villages and was dreading to share the cylon technology they had uncovered. He did not want this mission to become militarized. He walked back to the house, passing on his way the quorum delegates sitting by the fire and talking. John was with Elosha, who was translating. He waved at them and rushed back to Helena's side. She was asleep. Her forehead was beaded with sweat. He hated how fast the infection had progressed. She was fine the night before and only slightly coughing earlier in the morning and yet she developed a fever in only a few hours. He wiped gently her damp skin and lay down next to her on the bed. He did not want to leave her alone.

A burst of coughing woke him up an hour later. Helena was violently coughing and spitting dark mucus. She was absolutely soaked with sweat. Takashi was on his feet immediately, rummaging through her bag for a dry t-shirt and sweat pants. He helped her out of her wet shirt and pants, and she put dry ones on. He hung her wet clothes to dry on an alcove.

"All of this to see me naked," she whispered with a smile, barely catching her breath, her chest rasping.

"Ha, you must feel better!" He replied with a small smile, barely masking his worry.

"That must be so attractive" she rolled her eyes at him.

"You are lovely, even sick" he said back attempting to joke and lighten the mood. It did not last long as she sat up and started coughing again, vomiting and shaking. Takashi found a towel in her bag and handed it to her. Immediately, he was there with more water for her to drink.

"Tell me where the pain is?" he asked as he rubbed her back gently, attempting to soothe her shivering.

"My chest and throat… my back… I have a headache too."

"I called Evelyne. She is coming over."

"With the SAT phone?"

"Yeah!"

"They will have intercepted the call." Her voice was just a whisper.

"Let's hope they didn't"

Helena closed her eyes defeated and worried.

"Takashi?"

He turned to her.

"I dreamt of Laura. She told me time is getting short… She told me to share her diary with the tribes."

Takashi silently held her, as she reclined back in the bed and rested.

Helena continued, barely a whisper,

"Takashi…"

"Yeah"

"Time… you know, time doesn't exist. It is just an illusion. Laura is getting very sick. Me, too."

Takashi looked at her in the darkness, searching for an answer in her eyes.

"What do you mean? It's the fever talking, Helena… You have a very high fever."

"No… I'm not delirious." She took a sharp breath. "Time has no meaning. All of this has happened before, and will happen again."

"Helena, no…" Takashi whispered back at her, tears in his eyes as he gently caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes, drifting into a dark agitated sleep.

" _When I woke up, I thought it all was a bad dream. But the sensation of air against my scalp, the absence of hair, this lack of heaviness and my neck exposed, reminded me that I was now a full cancer patient. I was physically weak. My limbs seemed to be made out of lead, heavy and stiff. Bill had gotten up and probably left to CIC. I got up and put my presidential clothes, and I took the wig out of my bag. With a deep sigh, I placed it on my scalp and look at myself in the mirror of the head. I hated it. I could not recognize myself. Straight stiff strands of fake hair, so unlike my hair, my real hair! The wig was terribly itchy. I supposed I would have to get used to that too. I felt so drained, that I realized that naps would not be enough anymore to replenish my energy. I hate to be pessimistic, but I'm afraid it's going to be downhill from here. I don't even have the luxury to complain; there is no rescue coming, no cure, no sick leave, no replacement._

' _Pathetic' I whispered to myself."_

" _Resolved, I made my way to find the chief and present my condolences to him. I was told he was at Joe's bar and I went there. When I entered the noisy place, all conversations shut down and the deep silence, only broken by music from radio, unsettled me, as all heads turned to me, staring. It was immediately followed by whispers. I realized nobody had seen me with that wig on, an acute reminder of my cancer. Very straight, I crossed the room with all looks on me. While everyone knew, it was a completely different perception to acutely witness it. There was no more hiding from cancer. I found the chief, drunk, folded in stupor by the bar. My guard shook him awake. He jumped when he saw me, his eyes red and swollen. He tried to straighten his appearance, quite unsuccessfully. I felt terrible for him. I never quite had the time to get to know him as much as I would have liked. I remembered New Caprica and when they had their son. We all bonded then on New Caprica. The resistance. The occupation. I did not know Cally very personally either. On New Caprica, we did talk once in a while, after she had the baby and I visited her. I gently talked to him, telling him how sorry I was for the loss of his wife. And because I did not want to embarrass him further, I just left him and walked back to Bill's quarters._

 _People stopped on my passage, looking at me in silence, moving aside, opening a clear path for me in the crowded corridors. I tried not to notice. It was strange. I felt as if I was watching myself from outside my body. This woman that did look like me, but had different hair, a transformation noticeable enough for everyone to see."_

" _I am getting sicker. In fact, I'm dying."_

" _I could pretend that I will not die. But the ache is in my muscles, in my bones. Cottle does a good job pretending. But we know. We both know; the treatment is not working. It's a mere distraction, some hope… to live some few hours longer. For Bill."_

" _Two days! Today, I went to see Cottle. It was not a treatment. He just put me in the MRI, as part of my assessment halfway through the treatment. His silence, the shadow in his eyes… Cottle never really could lie to me. We understood each other like old friends, like warriors in the same battle. It was always simple between us. There never was shame, or complicated feelings, just simple understandings. There was no need for syrupy bedside manners, for half-truths, for semi-lies. No. I thought I would be more upset than this. The first time I had cancer, and then when it came back, it was hard. Now, I was strangely detached. I had even managed to be surprised at myself. Knowing that my death was approaching was freeing in a way. It was liberating. Was I scared? Not really. I had seen death up close before. As a president, I had unfinished work, however. Likely, as the prophecy went, I would not see Earth. If I was indeed the Dying Leader, that was it; I was comforted to know that my death would come, and then my people would finally be free. Admiral atheist would probably disagree with me. He would tell me, just like he did when we fought, that I was probably deluding myself. The irony! To think that I may be the one prone to delusions, when he was the one drinking himself to sleep to avoid looking at me, when everything about my physical appearance was a reminder of my death. It was easier, when I had hair, to be able to forget it. We knew. He knew. When I had hair, he could still work with me and pretend everything would be okay. He could still look at me and see me… me… not the cancer inside me. And in his look, there was tenderness, sometimes love, and sometimes even desire. But there never was pity. Now, it was implacable. I could see it when he looked at me. I would put the ugly wig away as soon as I got in his quarters far from public eye. He saw the absence of hair. The absence of eyebrows. The absence of hair everywhere on my body. I got undressed in the bathroom to shower. His eyes drifted to my lower abdomen, as a slow blush crept up his cheeks. He averted his look. His eyes searched on my chest for my ribs protruding, as more evidence of my weight loss. And his eyes filled with pain._

' _Please, leave.' I said sharply._

 _He turned around and I heard the tell-tale noise of his alcohol carafe hitting the border of a glass. I turned the shower on, in a rage, slamming my fist against the wall. I saw my cancer move into his heart, his soul. It was eating him alive. He refused still to consider my death. He fought it. I did not want to fight it anymore. Yet, each time he looked at me, that was the only thing he saw. When he looked at me, his soul was torn apart. I stepped in the shower. When I got out a few minutes later, he had left."_

" _When he came back in the late evening, I was sitting in my pajamas at his desk attempting to work as my body was rebelling against my self-imposed discipline, and I was feeling each one of my muscle shaking and aching. I could feel the bones of my hips and pelvis aching against the wood of the chair I was sitting down on. As I lost weight I also lost some of the comfortable padding of my buttocks. I never thought bones could hurt as much. I'd have to find a pillow to sit on. It took strength to push the ball point pen against the paper. Incredible! Such a supposedly easy task: writing. I was so weak, that I would have to consider using an ink pen, as the ink would flow effortlessly onto the paper. He looked into my eyes, as if he was looking at me for the first time. And he bent to kiss me. When he kissed me, and touched me, he did it carefully, as if he was making a memory. I let his lips brush against mine. I let my eyes close and I lost myself in his touch, his hand cupping my cheek, sliding down on my neck. I opened up to him, letting him taste me. It was soft and loving. When I looked in his eyes, I saw tears. And it undid me._

' _No,' I said, shaking my head, 'don't'. My voice rose one octave, as I was fighting my own emotions. 'Don't pity me, please.'_

 _He looked at me, "Laura…'_

' _You can't look at me like this… I have had cancer since you've known me. You have not known me without it. It was always… there! New Caprica was just a pause. Just now… Now, you can see it on my body. Now, it has become real!' I pointed at my wig. 'Now you are thinking you will lose me. I've seen this look before. I've seen it on people visiting my mother when she was dying. Bill… I'm still there. And I will die. I want to be ready for it. I need you to help me be ready for it.' He was shaking his head, looking down._

' _Look at me, Bill.' I said softly, lifting his head with my fingers on his chin, until his eyes met mine. 'I'm still there. And I need you. I need you to help me get ready. I have a lot of work to do. I need you to be there with me. Can you?'_

' _Yeah…' He whispered, unconvinced. I knew that, paradoxically, he was also in complete denial about my death. He knew it, but then he also refused to see it in reality. He was in pain. I could feel his pain. I took his hand and moved next to him on the sofa, where I let him lay his head on my chest._

' _Bill, we have to –learn- each other.'_

' _What do you mean?'_

' _I mean, we do not know each other, really. We have shared a life on the run, in these ships. I don't know what kind of food you like. I don't know what you would wear aside from those uniforms, what you would do on your time off. There are so many things, I do not know about you.' I felt him smile against the fabric of my shirt._

' _It's true' he admitted._

' _I used to like to sleep late on weekends. I'd forget everything. Turned off the radio and the television, and I would sleep. I used to spend the day slowly, enjoying the time off. No rush. No appointments. It was sacred to me. Just peace. A late brunch and long walks by the river or the ocean. Sometimes, I would paint. I used to have such busy week days, with meetings and meetings non-stop. Saturdays were often busy too. In politics, it never seems to stop. I used to hate that. Whenever I could, I would take the Sunday off. My staff knew not to try and reach me, unless something really bad happened. I used to leave for the whole weekend too, sometimes. Step in my car and disappear!' I laughed and he did too._

' _Where did you go?'_

' _There was a little guest house by the sea, a bed and breakfast, right on the beach! It was lovely, by the town of Ionia, on the Thessalia peninsula. Do you know it?'_

' _I've never been there, but I heard it was very pretty.'_

' _I loved the sea, even in winter. I would escape for the day or maybe two. I turned off my cell phone and just walked on the beach, collected shells, or settled for the day with a good book, a nice mystery novel.'_

' _Alone?' He whispered._

 _I smiled._

' _Most of the time, yes' I giggled at the memories of those other times, 'sometime, not.'_

 _I looked up to him, 'what about you'_

 _He sighed 'I had a pretty quiet life, you know. Going home after duty tours. My wife hated when I was away.'_

 _I could tell that he did not want to talk about it._

' _Sleep?' he asked._

 _He helped me stand up and wrapped me in his arms. He led me to the rack and we lay down together. I was very weak and tired. He held me against his chest, as I fell asleep."_

" _The next day was an early start with Cally's memorial service at dawn, which, as the ritual called, took place in the earliest hours of the morning. I put my wig on and a formal suit. Bill led me by the arm, walking slowly through the corridors of Galactica to the chapel. There were only a few close friends of Chief Tyrol. They placed traditional statues of the Gods. It was very simple and dignified, with the chief saying a few heartfelt words about the woman he loved, the mother of his child. I sat next to Bill. I thought about our conversation from the night before, how we decided to –learn—_

 _each other. I loved the simplicity of this service. No pedantic readings of the scriptures. Just friends and family sending back Cally to the universe; a simple return to our origins. We belonged to the universe and returned to it, as each one of our atoms made the universe. Our energy never dying, just its manifestation changing._

' _I like this service,' I whispered to Bill._

' _It's not for me, I'll tell you that,' he answered back, missing my point completely. It was not a discussion of his atheism or my spirituality. It was a discussion of my death._

' _I know,' I replied, 'But I want you to know what I like.' I saw him move to look at me. He did not reply. When everyone started moving, we got up and he avoided my eyes. I was the president again, followed by Tory, and I gave my condolences to the chief, who was shocked in grief. Bill led me without a word out of the chapel and back to his quarters. His silence was telling. He needed to get used to the idea of my death and my last wishes. I needed to teach him about me, about the Laura Roslin, which he never got a chance to know."_

" _There was an accident later that day, when the chief, distracted, forgot to change some part on a raptor. I would not be able to explain what the problem was, as I'm not an engineer. Truth is all of us have been asked to perform in the most difficult circumstances. On Caprica, he would have been granted leave of absence for the death of his wife. Here it was relentless. We had to go back to work and pretend we were alright. He was not. We were not."_

" _Bill was on CIC, when I heard that Baltar refuge had been attacked by some men from Dogsville, a group of religious fanatics called the Sons of Ares. Dogsville is this village made from all kinds of colonists, who had lost their ships after New Caprica. They were just staying in lower parts of the ship, having created some sort of small town. A lot of violence was brewing among these groups. They were living in horrendous conditions and there was so little I could do. Rotate people in various jobs, try to keep everyone invested in our future. Which future? What kind of future could all of these people expect inside those ships? We had to find earth; yes, that was the only way. Baltar now lived in some part of the ship taken over by his religious cult, women for the most part, who elevated him to the state of a God, a deity, performing sex with him (what a surprise) and venerating a single God, away from the traditional religion of the twelve colonies. The Sons of Ares were religious extremists sworn to protect the old religion, the Gods, and they attacked Baltar's group, destroying his refuge. We. Could. Not. have a religious war aboard this ship. Baltar, of course, retaliated, taking some of his acolytes and destroying the chapel, the same temple where we had Cally's memorial service as a matter of fact, and to add to the offense: during a service. Fantastic! I heard all of this from Dr. Cottle, who had called me in for a blood test. He was grumbling his way around, upset at the whole situation. What could we do? We could not park guards around Baltar's groupies around the clock. Now of course, they arrested Baltar for desecrating a temple, and having him in the brig was somewhat of a relief._

 _I was surprised to see Bill in sickbay, as I was about to leave. He thought I had a doloxan session and was ready to come and read to me. A new book from his library: 'Searider Falcon'! A classic! I had not read this in a very long time and flows of memories associated with reading the book as a student came to my mind. 'Searider Falcon'! I had read this in Caprican literature class in school, poetry in prose, analyzing the rhythm of the lines, the rich and colorful vocabulary, down to its punctuation. I enjoyed it so much. If only I still had the paper I wrote on this book for that class! I would love to read that again. As I recalled my assignment on the first part of the book, I realized I surprisingly could not remember the end. When I asked, Bill told me it was his favorite and that he never read the end. He did not want the book to be over; he liked it too much. So, he said he was saving it. That was so sweet, really. I would love to read it again with him. I loved this idea of this book, forever suspended in time, eternal… Its ending never to be known by either of us, the journey more important than the destination._

' _Maybe I should do that' I said, but then, I caught his look, his gaze full of meaning, knowing I was dying. I could see his love and his sadness. The book, for me, would have an end. I looked down, awkward at this sudden change of mood._

' _That's a bad idea, maybe not.' Seeing my embarrassment, Bill changed the conversation, picked up my bag and we discussed Baltar and his arrest on the way to Bill's quarters._

 _Maybe the end was not important anymore. Maybe just the journey had a meaning."_

 **Thank you for reading and thank you for your patience.**

 **Please leave me some feedback 3**


	45. Chapter 45

**Thank you to all of those who left comments.**

 **I wanted to finish Chapter 45, which is a transition chapter before much more difficult and emotionally heavy chapters. As a friend mentioned with foresight, 'we are close to the end'.**

 **Chapter 45**

Helena was deeply asleep, when a noise by the entrance of the house alerted him. He rose carefully not to wake her. He found Elosha in the main room. The tall old woman sat at the table, quietly as in prayer. Takashi sat across from her in the same quiet manner.

"How is she?" Elosha whispered, her piercing blue eyes looking at him in the darkness. It was the evening and not a lot of light was filtering through the caves. Takashi enjoyed the quietness of these troglodytes' houses.

"She is very sick, feverish. She says that Laura is speaking to her in dreams. That time has no meaning." He shook his head.

"She is connected with her, like in our history. Laura will come back as a guide, and a leader. She is her."

Takashi looked up to Elosha

"Laura died from cancer. I'm a scientist, Elosha. I don't believe that Helena is connected with her. And I don't want to believe it. She has pneumonia, clearly."

Elosha smiled gently at Takashi.

"You may be a scientist, full of knowledge, but there are many things you don't know about the universe. Your reality is just an illusion. Time is just another dimension and we all are connected in the universe. We're connected beyond our illusions of time and space. Our civilization is much older than yours. Our knowledge is deeper. Yes, all of this has happened before and will happen again."

"I'm so sick of this sentence! What does it mean anyway?" he whispered frustrated.

"It means that history does repeat itself. And that woman, back there, you love her more than you're willing to admit to yourself and to her. You cannot change the future, Takashi, any more than you can change the past. You have to live the moment."

They both turned to the entrance of the house, when they heard steps and muffled voices approaching. Takashi rose quickly and saw Evelyn, Liang and Sharon walking up briskly to the house.

"Thank God you're here" he said relieved. Evelyn put down her back and quickly took out her medical equipment, stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, a pressurized canister of oxygen and a mask and a couple of bacterial culture plates which were sealed in individual bags.

"How is she?"

"Not well, I think it may be pneumonia." Takashi answered to a worried Evelyn. She took a couple of wrapped syringes and an IV bag, full of saline out of her bag. Takashi led her to the bedroom where Helena was sleeping.

"Helena, wake up, Evelyn is here." Takashi whispered shaking her shoulder softly. She turned around, her eyelids fluttering, eyes rolled back in her head.

"Laura is dying." She said in a weak breath.

Evelyn immediately went down on her knees by her, lifted her shirt and listened to her lungs. She took her temperature. Without talking, she sprang into action with a sense of urgency that scared Takashi. She attached the mask to a tube, in a connected plastic chamber she emptied a dose of albuterol, and connected the tube to the oxygen canister, which she opened slowly, making the liquid bubble. She lifted Helena's head and placed the mask on her face. Without waiting, she took Helena's arm and placed a catheter in her vein to start an IV. Helena took a deep raspy breath and opened her eyes.

"Welcome back" Takashi said, as she looked for his eyes. When she started to cough, Evelyn was there immediately with a sterile gauze to collect a culture, lifting her oxygen mask quickly. She left with her sample. Conditions were certainly not the best for a sterile culture, but she swiped the culture dish with a sterile cotton tip coated with Helena's phlegm, barely opening the sterile bag for a few seconds and resealing it immediately.

"What are those?" Elosha asked.

"They're culture dishes coated with several types of the most common antibiotics. I placed her sample in each section of the dish and we will see which antibiotics kills the bacteria that may infect her. One section of the dish does not have antibiotics and it's a control. It will assure me that bacteria are indeed growing in this dish. These dishes are made for emergencies and they can grow outside of an incubator for 24 hours to give me an answer. Not as precise or efficient as what you would get in a hospital, but it will do here. When I have an answer, I'll give her the antibiotic, which will kill the specific bacteria that make her sick. Meanwhile, I'll treat her with broad-spectrum antibiotics, which are likely to help her. Time is of the essence here. She's very sick and I cannot wait."

Evelyn returned to the bedroom. Helena was conscious now and she was sitting up against pillows that Takashi had placed behind her back. She emptied a syringe in the IV bag.

"A nice little antibiotic cocktail for you," she smiled at Helena, "you rest, my friend, you will feel better soon." Helena's blood pressure was low. And Evelyn shot a worried look to Takashi, "stay here with her. Anything happens, call me."

Takashi sat next to Helena. "You are going to be alright." He said to her gently, as he draped his arm around her shoulders and allowed her to rest against his chest.

"Then why are you crying?' Helena answered lifting her head weakly to look in his eyes. Takashi brushed her damp blonde hair with his fingers, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. He bent to kiss her forehead.

"Because, I love you."

" _Bill and I walked the corridors sharing our worries about Baltar and how his religious crusade would destabilize the fleet. By the time I reached his quarters, I had decided to go see Baltar. Bill was surprised._

' _You want to see him?'_

' _I want him to see me.' I replied, mischievous. I had quite enough with him. It seems that he really had not understood yet how lucky he was to simply be alive. By all means, Baltar should have been executed for his crimes and treason on New Caprica._

 _He looked so weak and pathetic in his prison cell. I wanted him to understand how I was just so done with him. He was arrogant as usual. I was determined not to let him go under my skin. Truth is, I really didn't care anymore. I was emotionless. Baltar always stirred deep emotions inside me, anger, hatred, frustration. When I realized that did not care about his role anymore, that he could not reach me, when my anger morphed into contempt, I could look at him without emotion. I could just consider him no higher than a simple beetle on the floor. He had lost his power over me. He was surprised by my indifference; it unsettled him._

' _I want you to look at me, Gaius, just look at me.' I was close to him. He looked up._

' _This is a wig… I'm dying.' He looked at me, silent. I could see my words penetrating his consciousness and slowly instilling doubt._

' _Now if you look in my eyes', I removed my glasses and leaned closer to him, 'go ahead, look…you can probably see it.' Destabilized, he was not sure where this was going. He whispered: 'I'm very sorry'. For a moment, his admission, sincere, almost brought tears in my eyes. I fought them back._

' _No, no, no, no, I don't want your pity. I'm still doing my job. In fact, I'm going to aggressively pursue the men that attacked you and I am going to restrict the size of public assemblies to protect your people…' he nodded in agreement. I continued softly._

' _But… I'm going to be slipping away from this life very soon and I've gotten kind of curious as to what that's going to be like, and so I did some research. And there are some people who say that, when people are getting closer to their death, they just don't care as much about rules and laws, and conventional morality.'_

 _Baltar started to understand my point. My calm demeanor, my soft voice, scared him. I was cold. He knew then that I would act ruthlessly with him and his cult._

' _Are you threatening me?' he asked, a cold sweat beading on his forehead. Fear._

' _No, no, I'm just saying… have a quiet life and I'll die a quiet little death. And everyone will be happy. It's just that I am not in the mood any longer to indulge you. And that's…all' I looked at him deeply in his eyes. There was fear there. I rose._

' _And you are being released, so stay safe' I left the cell, Baltar stunned and silent on his cot. This was really priceless."_

" _The next few days were busy. We had some quorum sessions. I wanted to move quickly and the quorum members were dragging their feet. Time was running short for me and, as my body became weaker, my resolve to pass a number of laws became stronger. Why did we need to debate absolutely everything? I was not going to let a bunch of insecure representatives slow me down. My frustration grew. I had a lot of work to do before my body failed me. I signed an executive order to limit public assemblies in an attempt to limit Baltar's cult and the Sons of Ares as well. Then, I went back to sick bay for another long doloxan treatment. Bill was there. As the poison ran into my veins, he started to read 'Searider Falcon'. I loved it. His low voice reading the poetry was bringing me back to a peaceful state. Those, I knew, were precious minutes. They were full of tenderness and his voice was lulling me to sleep. When I was done and Doc Cottle came to remove my IV, I felt pretty weak. Cottle told us that he would have my blood test back in a day and I had to come back for another session tomorrow. I was tired. No… exhausted. My whole body was aching. It's hard to explain the type of fatigue I experienced. Carrying my body weight was tiresome and I am not that heavy. But I have to stop complaining. This does not help me. I have to stop this self-pity._

 _Bill had to support me for the walk back to his quarter. I grabbed his arm like a lifeline, as I walked the corridors. He did not say anything and, when we got back, he just led me to the rack and allowed me to rest._

 _I whispered 'Thank you' and he moved by his desk, where he started to write in his log. A bit later, he served himself a drink. I had no strength to fight him. I knew it was hard for him. The devastation of seeing those you care about in the process of dying. I experienced that with my mother. I did not drink then. But occasionally I would light up a cigarette. I would have lovers and lots of sex. And I was forgetting my pain in the arms of men who did not love me. Most of them anyway, except maybe for Wally. Lust. Because I could not face the impending death of my mother and her ultimate torture. I had no right to judge Bill on his alcoholism. I had no right. I closed my eyes. Why did it have to be so difficult? If this treatment was not going to work, then what was the point? Really? What was the point? Delusion? Denial? A farce? Something Bill can say to others ultimately? That she tried everything, but the cancer was too widespread? That there was no hope of survival? There was no hope of survival! Not a question! A fact! The doloxan was robbing me of my body, even before death would reach me. To live a few more precious hours, which I would not be able to enjoy, because I would be so sick. No… I knew why I agreed to this ultimate torture. I knew that I wanted to bring my people to Earth. The dying leader shall lead the way to Earth… but not survive to see it. That was a little flame of hope. The very thing that gave me the strength to continue bearing this treatment, despite the pain, despite the fatigue. I would die, but not before bringing my people to Earth. I was so… so tired._

 _After I slept somewhat, I knew I had to return to Colonial One. We had quorum sessions tomorrow in the morning. I would be back in the afternoon for another treatment."_

" _Well this quorum session made me so upset that I don't even know where to start. My executive order to forbid public gatherings was challenged by no other than Lee Adama! Surprised? He could not understand really what a crowd control measure was. I was dripping with sarcasm. Of course! Because Lee Adama was not present on New Caprica to see the suffering of my people in the hands of Gaius Baltar! He was comfortably nested on board of the Pegasus, while we were dying down there, while people were tortured in prisons, while we lacked food and supplies… No, he would never understand what we experienced! All of this, because of Baltar collaborating with the cylons. I cannot even imagine what Baltar would do with blind religious faith, with a group of people following him irrationally into a cult. He had to be stopped. Lee was, of course, telling us that this measure could be used against religious minorities and was therefore against religious freedom. I had no intention to target anyone else, but Baltar's cult._

' _My job, Mr. Adama, is and always will be to keep the people safe!' I said to him, making a point that Baltar was dangerous. But, it was too late, as soon as Lee started to speak, he opened up the door to a debate and other delegates jumped at the occasion to discuss repercussions of my decision. It did not matter how many times I repeated that Baltar was dangerous and reminded them what happened on New Caprica. They would not hear it._

' _Everyone in this room experienced tragedy at New Caprica! Have we forgotten?'_

 _They demanded a vote and I refused. Lee said that they would override me._

' _You can override and you cannot let this stand Mr. Adama, then you open it up to a vote! And if you strike this down, you can all go back to your constituents and you can tell them what you've done and –we the people- will have triumphed! But think about what it's going to cost you, because every single one of you remembers what it was like when Gaius Baltar had political power.'_

 _I remembered suddenly the tortures and the prison, like images flashing in my head, those who suffered, those who were killed. I still bore some of the scars on my flesh. And I was so angry and disappointed at them that my throat closed, as tears rose to my eyes. And, I had to hold myself together not to break down._

' _And you should be terrified about what this man will do with blind religious devotion… So go ahead. VOTE!'_

 _I turned around and left. Tory followed me. I was boiling with anger. Back in my quarters, I asked to be left alone and sent Tory away. I knew they would vote to remove this executive order. Our constitution allowed this. I cried tears of rage and disappointment. There would be one day a reckoning, a moment where the quorum would have to be much more careful. Sometimes, we had to make hard decisions, which were not popular, but necessary to avoid immediate danger."_

" _I needed to go back on Galactica and soon I boarded a shuttle to make my afternoon appointment with Dr. Cottle. On sickbay, Cottle had tough news for me. It looked like my day was going to get worse. The treatment was not working well enough, he said. Cancer markers were still raised in my blood test and, to compound this, my white blood cell count was low. He wanted to bring up the treatment to a higher dosage for a few days, and also give me immunoglobulins to boost my immune system. This would require me to stay a few days in sickbay. Bill arrived as Dr. Cottle was giving me the news. He immediately told me that he would help with the logistics of having me in sickbay for a bit longer and I could get my work brought up to me. Tory could organize my absence and honestly I was a bit relieved not to have to deal with the quorum delegates any longer._

' _Think of it as a vacation' Cottle said._

' _Really?' I replied as he secured the IV line and started the doloxan infusion._

 _Bill had heard about my burst of anger in the quorum meeting. The quorum, in my absence had voted in emergency to veto my executive order and, immediately, Lee had stopped the guards from preventing Baltar to re-enter his lair, letting him know that he could assemble again. He went down there personally. I was still agitated from this, still upset, especially now that I was aware that Lee had intervened to allow Baltar to go back into his cult._

 _Bill started to read Searider Falcon, but I could not focus on his voice. After one chapter, he stopped._

' _Lee has no idea. He really has no idea…' I whispered._

' _Have you heard anything I've said?' Bill replied, as I was continuing on my rant. No, I had not heard one word from Bill. He had stopped reading and talked about Lee. Some kind of justification for Lee's acts? No, I had not heard, nor did I want to hear. I was angry, a deep anger, a cold anger._

' _There are pragmatic realities he refuses to face.'_

 _Sighing, Bill took off his glasses._

' _Well, that's a problem of course. He's doing what he thinks is right.'_

' _Well, yeah, he's Lee.' Lee, captain Apollo, righteous and fair warrior. Lee, which I loved like a son, but had betrayed me in the name of his righteousness, protection of the law and the constitution, when he was the one who admitted publicly that we were a band on the run, and that our legal framework would have to be thrown out and rebuilt to fit our new way of life. I shook my head._

' _Thing is, it probably is the right thing, but sometimes the right thing is a luxury. And it can have profoundly dangerous consequences. And yet, it's almost as if he doesn't want that to be true.' I took a deep breath in._

' _Okay I've got to stop this. I'm not supposed to get upset during treatment.' I exhaled and closed my eyes for a second, in an attempt to clear my thoughts and my anger._

' _Will you read the next chapter?' I asked Bill with a small smile._

' _I must warn you that I'm getting into the part that I haven't read yet.'_

' _Oh dear! Are you going to be able to continue?' I teased him gently, smiling. He put back his glasses on and I shifted on the bed to make myself comfortable, facing him, my head prompted on a pillow. I closed my eyes, when I heard his voice._

' _Chapter Seven. The raft was not as seaworthy as I had hoped.' I started to relax with his voice, breathing deeply._

' _The waves repeatedly threatened to swamp it. I wasn't afraid to die,' He paused._

' _I was afraid of the emptiness I felt inside.' I heard his body shift, the subtle movement of his jacket as he lowered the book and he turned his head towards me. I did not need to open my eyes to know he had stopped reading._

' _I couldn't feel anything. That's what scared me.' These words never were in the book._

' _You came into my thoughts. You filled them. It felt good.' I could feel his gaze on me. I opened my eyes and we silently looked at each other, unabashed, our emotions intense. We had spent years together fighting for survival. We had shared pain, hard times and tender moments. Yet, we were still there, together, as I was fighting for my life. I extended my hand to him and he shifted to take my hand in his. He cleared his throat and reopened the book and continued reading. I closed my eyes again, feeling his hand holding mine."_

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **Please leave me some comments, that would be greatly appreciated.**


	46. Chapter 46

**Note: I updated this chapter because of a continuity error in the modern story! All good now.**

 **Thank you for all of those who have reviewed chapter 45. It really motivates me to continue, so please leave me some notes and comments.**

 **We are now starting to slide down into difficult time, with Laura's cancer progressing. You know where it leads and I want to make it as realistic as possible, having seen my mother (just like Laura in Faith) endure breast cancer and very fortunately survive it. She is 90 now and well.**

 **Chapter 46**

Helena slept for a few hours. Reassured that she was resting, Takashi left to find food and stretch his legs, while Evelyne took his place nearby Helena, disconnecting the now empty saline bag, but leaving the catheter in case she needed to have another infusion. Takashi walked down to the center of the cave and sat by the fire. He was cold. The humidity had increased in the cave. He knew that these mountains were pretty high in altitude and located facing east, where clouds rising from the Indian Ocean were bringing frequent rains. Spending hours at Helena's side he had lost track of time. A full day had passed and it was late into the night. He ate slowly out of a wooden bowl a kind of porridge made of various grains and vegetables, which was filling and delicious. The fire was warming up. Little rodents were scurrying in the far side of the cave; he could hear their chatter. He heard a shuffling and out of the shadows he recognized John, who came to sit next to him.

"Hey…'

"What's up, John?"

"How's Helena?"

"She is resting now. It's too early to know if the antibiotics will make her feel better." He took a long drink of water out of his portable container, staring in the darkness.

"That really sucks…" John continued. "Look, while you were up there, I continued the conversation with Elosha and the members of the quorum. Now, I have talked more with Sharon. They believe Helena is carrying the message of Laura; that she is kind of an embodiment of her."

"In a sense, she is. She has translated Laura's diaries; she has her knowledge and somehow has connected with her… That is my feeling as well. I'm not too surprised, they are saying this. Embodiment? I do not think so."

"When I was talking to the colonists…"

"Is this what we are calling them? Colonists?" Takashi smiled at John.

"Well, they are hardly natives, if you think about it!" John joked. He continued, "so when I was talking with them, Elosha told me that she agreed to show us some of the technology from their distant past. Elosha was going to have Sharon show me the location of the caves. I am just worried that I am going to discover more cylons."

Takashi nodded, deep in reflection. He was silent for a while. He already knew that they must have had more technology, especially after it was revealed that the colonists had gathered back to regroup after hard years, as Elosha had revealed in their previous conversations. He was not sure however if any was left in working conditions after millennia. Finally, he answered.

"Understood… I am going to ask you to wait before you explore further."

John started protesting, Takashi held his hand up.

"Think, John. I have used the SAT phone to call Evelyne and it is very likely that it would have been picked up. We are overdue for a visit by the UN and UNESCO forces in order to report our findings. You know that it is only a matter of time before we are asked to report and, truth is, we should have done that already. There was never any question: we should report our findings. This is a heavily funded mission. That is what we do. Some briefings will be required. We have this great excuse that signal is very poor in these mountains and in these caves, if anyone asks. True is, uploading a lot of data via satellite link would just not work. If Helena doesn't get better, she will have to get evacuated to the nearest hospital, which is at the UN base in Nairobi, hundreds of miles from here. I am pretty sure, they wouldn't put her in Dar es Salaam, for security reasons; they will have to come and get her by helicopter." Takashi paused worried, looking at John. "Evelyne and I made the assumption that she has some kind of bacterial infection. There is no evidence yet that this is the case"

"Evelyne tested her, no?" John asked.

"Yep, it'll take another day to find out." Takashi continued, "I held her in my arms, while she was sick; we were all together, all of us. Whatever she has, we all have been exposed to it. In the worst-case scenario, the place could be swarming with UN troops, maybe some medical doctors and some of our mission directors, investigating why she is sick and checking our data. They could scrap the mission entirely, if they worry about any kind of contagion. In the best-case scenario, they will just ask us for our information and reports, check on us for signs of illness. If Helena gets better, they probably will let her stay on, but I am quite certain they will send someone to investigate and make sure we're alright, which they should be. Thing is, John, I'd rather not know of any 'new' ancient technology. We cannot lie about something that we do not know. We may be able to prevent the cylon head to be discovered. We have to wait until this whole thing is over… and then we can explore more. Do you agree?"

"Yeah… This whole mountain is like Swiss cheese. There are tunnels everywhere. Our job is not finished here. I wonder how many more secret these hidden caves and galleries hold."

"We'll get to it, John. We should use that time to clean up our data, organize our files and write our reports."

Takashi smiled at John. John was young, he thought. He was excited by this expedition; he was not ready to give it up yet. Neither was Takashi, but Helena was now his priority.

They spent some time chatting by the fire. Sharon joined them and Takashi realized that Sharon and John were very attached to each other. He excused himself, leaving them some privacy and walked back up to the house. There he met Evelyne and Liang who were going over some of the data and pictures Liang had gathered in the Caprica village. Elosha had brought some food for them and water. The couple was eating and discussing their findings.

"How's Helena?" he asked Evelyne.

"She is quietly sleeping. Her fever has dropped."

"How are the cultures?"

"Well, nothing seems to be growing. Of course, it doesn't mean anything. It could be viral or it may be a bit too cold for bacteria to grow. We do not have an incubator here. I will keep her on the same antibiotics cocktail tomorrow. She seems to be a bit better." Takashi nodded and turned to Liang.

"What do you have here?"

Liang turned his laptop so that Takashi could look at the pictures. Liang had photographed the village and numerous artifacts that he found, which were very old and seemed to be coming from all civilizations on earth.

"This is fascinating. An absolute gold mine!" He said. "I cannot wait until I explore Gemenon and maybe the other villages. I certainly would like to go to the thirteenth colony, which, they said, was destroyed very early on by a wave of cylon attacks. There is so much material to process. But I think that the thirteenth colony may give us some interesting clues, since nobody has lived there for centuries."

Takashi replied, "I agree with you. There seems to be an aura of mystery regarding the thirteenth colony. Elosha and the others clearly do not want to talk about it." He sighed.

"I still think that the diaries of Laura will give us a lot of information."

"How far has she gone?" Evelyne asked.

"She is pretty close to the end of her translation. I have been reviewing her work and her early drafts from the last tablets translations."

Evelyne nodded and handed Takashi two ancient looking books.

"Elosha dropped a couple of books earlier today, when you were having your dinner. She told me that Rya, the chief of Gemenon had given them to Helena."

"Yeah, we had that discussion right when we got here. Helena showed the old prayer book to Rya and she recognized it. She mentioned translations." Takashi explained. Evelyne continued, "She said that the soft leather covered book was the translation of the Book of Pythia, their prayer book. It was translated from Gemenese into Caprican, and was copied over and over through centuries. The other, the thinner book, is the Book of Hera, which was passed and copied through generations. But, Elosha mentioned that Helena should have this version, which was kept in the Gemenon village; apparently, an earlier transcript of the writings on the cave walls. When Helena gets better, she will have a lot of work to do."

Takashi took the old books, smiling. Clearly they were old, but certainly not thousands of years old. They had been copied from ancient sources and they were written by hand in the same language that Helena had been translating all along. He would have to tediously photograph and catalog each page to make them available in their database. With this information, they now knew that the language of Laura's diaries was Caprican and that other colonies had different languages. Rya had mentioned ancient Gemenese before, but it was not an extinct language. He wondered if the other colonies also had their own language and if there were other books to be discovered. It was opening a realm of opportunities to study this ancient civilization with a life time of work, if more documents were discovered."

Evelyne and Liang retired together to their quarters for the night. Takashi took the books with him and walked into the bedroom. Helena was asleep, breathing evenly. He quietly changed into shorts and t-shirt, and grabbed their sleeping bags which he unzipped and spread over them like a blanket. The temperature had dropped and he did not want Helena to get too cold. He looked at her in the dim light of his pocket light, her relaxed oval face, a little pale, her blond hair which had grown a bit, now neck length, disheveled and sticky from her earlier fever. Abandoned in sleep, she looked vulnerable, younger than her 54 years. She hummed and turned towards him, a slight smile on her lips. Worried the light was bothering her, he switched it off. And she snuggled against him, her arm draped around his waist, without waking up.

"I'm starving" she whispered.

Takashi opened his eyes and turned to look at her. She was right next to him in bed, wrapped in blankets, her head resting on a pillow next to him.

"How are you?" he replied with a big smile, happy to see she was better enough to think about food.

"Hungry, tired and cold," she smiled softly, "happy to be here with you."

He looked at her, her deep green eyes, her tired features from the fever she had, her dried parched lips. He knew he loved her; he had loved her for months. She looked at him back, held his gaze, serious, intense. When his hand caressed her cheek, she closed her eyes, choked by emotion. He leaned over to kiss her, his lips brushing hers lightly.

"You'll be sick too." She whispered in a breath, barely audible, her voice breaking.

"Then, I will" he murmured, kissing her again, deeper. She opened her lips to him, kissing him back, letting his passion overcome her. His hands were in her hair and on her back, holding her close to him under the covers. Then, he just held her, so happy to see her better, alive. He had been so scared to lose her. She felt comfortable in the cocoon of his arms.

"I've been wanting to give you a proper kiss for a while." He said almost shyly. She smiled tenderly running her hand in his hair, just looking up at him with wonder. He could tell she was still very tired. "I'll go get you something to eat? Okay?"

"I think I would like to try and walk a little. I'm tired to be in bed."

He nodded, getting up and helping her out of the bed slowly. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"You should not get cold."

She was a bit lightheaded and he steadied her to help her walk to the latrines and then to the common room. Sun from the opening in the ceiling of the cave was filtering through. Helena was happy to see the bright light. They were greeted by Evelyne and Liang, John and Sharon, who cheered and clapped when they saw Helena. They gave her tea and sweet bread, and she happily ate while chatting with everyone.

"Elosha brought a Caprican translation of the Book of Pythia and an earlier transcript of the Book of Hera yesterday," Evelyne said, "I think you will have plenty to read while you recover."

"I have to go back to work," Helena replied, "There is not much time."

Takashi nodded, knowing she was referring to the probable visit of their hierarchical superiors. After she ate, he could tell she still was feeling weak. Her shoulders had slumped and she was growing paler. She wanted to wash and Evelyne helped her.

"I will bring your laptop over, but I think you should rest a bit more." Takashi said.

Evelyne got up, and went to her medical supplies.

"I would like to treat you more with that antibiotic mix. It worked well on you, and I do not want to take any chances."

"The cultures?"

"Negative." Evelyne answered. "Nothing grew. Of course, it does not mean anything."

Evelyne helped Helena back in the bedroom, let her lay back in bed, prompted up with pillows and reattached the IV with antibiotics to the line in her arm. Her fever was gone, but Evelyne could still hear congestion in her chest.

" _I had to go back on Colonial One, organize my papers and pack up work and clothes for a few days in sickbay. I already had called Tory a bit earlier and she was on it. I guess they would have to deal with their president being absent for a while. Bill was silent. I smiled at him and gently kissed him on the cheek._

' _Thank you for reading to me tonight.' It was more than reading. It was a thank you for speaking with his heart and soul, for soothing me like nobody else could. It was a thank you for his presence. He gave me a soft hug and I left._

 _I grabbed my bag and headed to the shuttle. Late through the night, I was still organizing my leave of absence. I was tired. And I was getting confused between the files. Was it possible that my cognition would just go that quickly? Did my cancer move to my brain? I tried to relax. It had to be just fatigue. I should sleep. My anxiety was building. The physical pain was one thing. Now, I was starting to doubt myself. I had misplaced some files, forgotten even that they were there. Gods! My throat tightened and my heart started to race. I got lightheaded. Pounding… my heart was pounding. I looked around me. Colonial One… My office seemed constricted, its walls, a few centimeters of metal and insulation separating me from the void of space, were closing down on me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, counting on inhale. I remembered these moments of panic from New Caprica, how I taught myself to breathe to dissipate them. One breath in, slow on five counts, holding the breath on three counts and exhaling on seven counts. Two count before inhaling again. Break, one more time. I moved to my quarters, forgetting work and got ready for bed."_

" _How long did I sleep? I was back in the Opera house, chasing Hera. Athena was running too on the other balcony. We both ran downstairs and we lost her. I screamed. I've had this vision for the past few days, weeks even, incessant. I picked the phone, getting a direct line to Bill._

' _Did I wake you?'_

' _No, I was not sleeping. How are you?'_

' _I'm scared, I think.' He was the only person I would confess this to._

' _It's just a few days. You will get treated. It will get better.'_

' _Bill, it won't get better.' I whispered, my voice breaking. He stayed silent. I didn't want to argue with him. Not tonight. Not now. I just wanted tenderness._

' _Try to sleep. You'll be alright.' He added. Was he drunk? His speech was slurred a little. I hung up, feeling most utterly alone. I lay in bed looking at the ceiling, surrounded by silence. I did not even notice my tears, until I turned and my pillow was wet. I was alone and I was dying. I did not want to play games anymore."_

" _Tory helped me sort through the files I was leaving for her. For some weeks, she had been distracted. Now, it seemed she was back, more like her old self. I needed her help. I feel I unjustly blamed her for being different than Billy. She was not Billy and I resented that. She needed to watch over me. I asked her. I was distressed. I needed to be able to trust her. For this moment, these few minutes, I was scared not to be able to rule anymore and I asked Tory to guard me against the mistakes I could inadvertently make. She was gracious and helpful. She helped me pack up, and, with a bag of clothes and a bag of work, I traveled over to Galactica's sickbay._

 _Bill was on duty in CIC and Dr. Cottle gave me a bed, which had a bit of privacy, in a far corner. He scheduled me for a series of tests, another MRI, a full physical and they placed an IV in my arm. I felt there were so few good veins left; I was full of bruises. But I had only myself to blame, since I refused a central line. I went through the motions. Letting them examine me, detached in my fear. I was smiling back at them. I was pleasant. I was acting. I wanted to scream."_

" _I hated being stuck on sickbay. Hooked up to a line delivering doloxan or immunoglobulins, I felt trapped. Hell of a vacation, Cottle! With a higher dosage of doloxan, I was too sick to work. The anti-emetics were not working well anymore and I was throwing up non-stop. I kept a basin near me at all times. I could not keep anything in my stomach. I was pathetic. I was turned into a body with a malfunctioning digestive system and cancer growing. All I could do was lay back down and stare at the ceiling or the curtains around my bed. I would say I was bored, but the doloxan didn't let me get bored. There was nothing left to puke. But I still did. Water mostly. Bill had to be on CIC. He couldn't be with me at all times. I was not even sure I wanted him to be there. To make things worse, when I closed my eyes, I was instantly transported back to the opera house, running, running non-stop looking for Hera. In sickbay, time stood still. The seconds were so so so slow. Cottle was busy treating other patients. Ishay came to check on me once in a while. After the doloxan treatment, she hooked me to saline to rehydrate me, since I was throwing up so much. And twice a day, they gave me a nutritive infusion. I must have lost more weight. That infusion was supposed to keep my blood sugar stable and give me food, since my stomach couldn't tolerate anything without rebelling. I was not hungry. Everything was so still. There were a few nurses walking around._

 _I was looking at the curtain moving back and forth, when people were passing by. I was hearing bits of conversation here and there. I felt bereft. Left aside from normal life… Ah! Normal life! What the hell did that even mean? I was here in this bed on my way to death while the rest of our world was continuing along its miserable destiny. I wondered who was the luckiest, me who would disappear from this life soon enough, or them, who would remain trapped on these ships, for Gods know how long?_

 _There was this woman on the other side of sick bay, who turned on Baltar's sermon on the wireless all the time. That piece of garbage was broadcasting them every day now. If only the quorum had listened to me. He would not hesitate at anything to get power. Now, he was turning his movement into a cult. He was truly despicable. Cottle told me she was a cancer patient, very advanced, terminal. She will not survive. Neither will I. He was treating her anyway. She was in pain. I heard her cry sometimes, when she thought she was alone. Other times, she got angry at the nurses, she cursed them out. In our relative misery, I was in better shape than her. I could still walk. I could still get up to use the toilet. I threw up every half an hour, but I was not yet a mass of flesh in a bed, shaking, sweating and screaming in pain. I just heard her and I knew clearly that she was at that stage where nothing could help anymore. I will be where she was soon enough. They catheterized her bladder earlier today. It meant she will never get up again. She screamed at the nurse. She was aware enough, it seemed, to know that this was the end."_

" _I walked over to her. She was listening to Baltar. She just had yelled at the young nurse, who had to stick me three times today to find a functioning vein. Not that I necessarily blamed her. It had to be hard to place an IV line in such conditions. I did not know why I chose to walk to her. Maybe, it was to find out who she was, or maybe, it was to shut off Baltar on the wireless. She was in terrible shape and we talked a bit until I tried to turn off the radio. Then, she got mad at me._

' _Who do you think you are?' she screamed. 'Leave me alone!'_

 _I retreated, ashamed of myself. I had no right. I had not right to reach out to turn off her radio, if that was the only thing that kept her company. She was dying. Yes, it was Baltar and I hated him. I hated him for what he had done to us on New Caprica. I could not stand to hear his voice. But I had no right to intrude in her life like this, that little bit of life she had left, barely a few days maybe. Had I become so selfish, so self-centered that I could not even see her pain? That I had to impose my opinions on her? Had I become so self-involved in my pain that I could not see others'? I could still walk. I could still get up and use a bathroom. No, I had no right. Next to her, I seemed healthy. I went back to my bed."_

" _My path to the bathroom would lead me right by her bed. She was asleep when I walked by. The nurse helped me disconnect the IV line temporarily so that I could shower. The water was refreshing. I changed pajamas. It felt wonderful to be in fresh clothes. The nurse reconnected me to the IV line and helped me walk back. On my way, I walked by her bed again and she called me over. She was apologetic, saying she had good and bad moments. No, I should have been the one to apologize. I attempted to lighten up the mood; no need to apologize. In the middle of her pain, she had taken the time to look for a present for me, a scarf. I retrieved it from the drawer where she kept it. That was so sweet. The silk of the scarf was so soft. I held it in my hands. I loved the color, a pale green with a flower print._

' _This is beautiful' I said to her. I sat by her, holding the scarf in my hands, rubbing it softly under my fingers, like a blessing. Two women, who knew they were going to die…_

' _What color are you hoping for?' She said, 'when it grows back in?' I didn't want to think about it. I knew it would never grow back in. She knew it too. But there was no need. There was no need to say anything._

' _Well, I was thinking, maybe blue, nice royal blue, change of pace!' I wanted to make her laugh. I had heard her cry for hours in the past days. She was there talking with me and smiling. She was alive, for now, just for now. And I had to listen, because time was precious. Was there anyone left on this fleet to listen to her?_

' _Oh my hair used to be… Now look at it! Feel it!' I tentatively placed my hand on her head, feeling the dry and damaged hair under my fingers. She was craving for the touch, for the human contact. Maybe I was too. She placed her hand on top of mine, keeping it there, while she said, 'it's gonna get a lot worse. Be prepared for that.'_

 _Could she see how afraid I was? Was it so visible in my eyes? I nodded. There was no point in pretending otherwise. She was preparing me. I had to listen. Baltar started his broadcast on the wireless. I stayed there and when I moved my hand she held it in hers for a minute. I stood up and bent over the bed to give her a hug, as gently as I could without hurting her. When was the last time someone held her? When was the last time someone kissed her forehead? We all needed this simple love, tenderness, compassion. I sat back._

' _Thank you' she whispered._

' _No, I should thank you. You taught me a lesson. I had no right to criticize you for listening to Baltar. I'm just angry because of New Caprica.' I replied._

' _I'd had thought you'd be ok there, being the previous president and all. I heard what happened to you there. I'm sorry.' She said softly. 'For all it's worth, I voted for you in the last election. And I don't like the way Baltar keeps ragging on you. That is not why I listen to him.'_

' _Why do you listen to him?'_

' _I had an experience that made me rethink all my preconceptions.'_

' _What kind of experience?' I replied._

' _It happened the night after Cottle told me that my cancer had spread to my liver and I'd never be leaving this place. I was on a ferry crossing a river. And as we were approaching the other side, I saw all these people standing on the bank. And we got closer and I recognized them, my parents, my sister Katy who died when I was 12, my husband, my girls. I was scared for a moment. You know, how is this happening? But then, I felt it… this… this presence, hovering all around me, warm, loving and it said –don't be scared, Emily, I'm with you. Hold my hand and we will cross over together'_

 _I was looking for a rational explanation._

' _But a lot of people in our predicament have dreams like that, Emily'_

' _No. I was there. I felt the cool breeze coming from the water,' she closed her eyes, reliving the moment, 'the spray from the bow. Maybe he stumbled onto something, you know. He talks about the river that separates our world from the next. That there's more to this existence that we can see with our naked eye. There's a power that we can't begin to understand.'_

 _We talked through the night. I was arguing that Baltar's God was the cylons' God. That it was different from ours. The river, just like our Gods, were metaphors. I never thought they were real. They did not really exist. They were ideas, representations that the ancient people put in images to share ideas. But Emily believed that Baltar's God was the one and true God and that it did not belong to the cylons only, but to all of us. How do we believe in those Gods, when they seem so unfair to all of us: killing humanity, destroying us, parking us on those ship, so that we suffer and die slowly and in pain? Emily had a point. The Lords of Kobol were not real. They were ridiculous really. But did it mean Baltar's God was real? I didn't think so. What was left for Emily? What kind of hope? If not for the hope of an afterlife?_

' _Your family's gonna get evaporated on an attack on the Colonies, but you'll survive three more years on a moldy compartment on a freighter till your body starts eating itself up alive…Those are the Gods that you worship? Capricious, vindictive?' She said. I nodded in shame almost. I nodded for having believed this. Me, the dying leader. What if that all was a fraud? What if Emily was right and there was nothing there! What if Baltar, ironically, the worst human being still alive, had stumbled on a truth. Surely by accident!_

' _But they're not meant to be taken literally. They're metaphors, Emily'_

' _I don't need metaphors. I need answers.' She replied, determined. Answers and quickly at that, because she was dying. Emily was a strong woman. Did it matter at the end? We would all die, no matter what our convictions were. The only thing it changed maybe was the level of peace we would feel, when approaching death. How much fear we would experience. How much distress. Emily was a strong woman with her convictions. I would not convince her otherwise and that was perfectly fine. I was not trying to change her mind, no. I was just trying to understand. I didn't know. I was oscillating between the atheism of Bill and the beliefs I grew up in. I was never really religious. But I had these visions. I had them and they corresponded to what the scriptures said. I believed what I saw. Emily reminded me of my mother. She was strong enough that her will alone would defy the old religion and demand answers. My mother, who died of cancer, like Emily will, like I will._

' _you're like my mother. She wasn't satisfied with metaphors either. She was convinced that Aphrodite herself was going to swoop her away when she died. And she believed it.' My mother, whose beliefs were so strong, who was invincible. But she died anyway. And she suffered. She suffered horribly. I continued, 'even after the doloxan and the radiation failed to stop her cancer. She was a teacher. She was a… oh she was something to behold in- at the head of a classroom. And her students…' I stumbled, remembering her, her strength and her pain. A wave of tears overwhelmed me._

' _Her students loved her. They'd walk through fire for her. And then you see this woman who seemed so eternal, oh, she withered away and…' I broke down in tears 'I find myself having to change her diapers because she couldn't even… and at the moment she died, there were no gleaming fields of Elysium stretching before her. There was this dark, black abyss. And she was just terrified. She was so scared.' I let myself cry, 'I'm sorry.'_

' _Laura,' She held her hand out to me. I took it. 'Laura, you were terrified. You saw only darkness. You can't possibly know what your mother experienced. You're…you're still searching. You're…' She started to cough violently, her whole body arching in pain. I called Cottle, screaming, holding Emily up. She was retching, grabbing my hand. He came right away, asking the nurse to bring him some morpha. She was moaning and screaming in pain, as Cottle quickly emptied a syringe in her IV line. I held her, hiding my tears in her shirt. She lost consciousness as soon as the morpha started to act. It was a large dose._

' _All we can do for her now, is to try to make her comfortable' Cottle said somber. I looked at him, questioning._

' _That's all?' I prayed, knowing the answer, hoping for a different one._

' _I'm sorry, that's it.' He said calmly. She was going to die. This vibrant woman, who had a full conversation minutes ago was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it._

' _All right.' I said. Cottle left quietly, leaving me with her. She was resting now, her steady heartbeat on the monitor the only indication she was still alive. I leaned against her, my forehead touching hers as I cried without restrain. And I kissed her cheek tenderly. I held the silk scarf in my hands, as I cried and prayed. I do not know how long I stayed there, my body shaking with sobs. A terrible pain ripping my soul. Cottle came back later during the night. We were alone. She was going to die alone. At that moment, she was alone. At that moment, I will alone. And that terrified me._

' _Laura,' he said gently, 'time to go.' He took my arm and led me to my bed. I fell asleep holding the scarf in my hand, tears running on my temples._

 _I dreamt of the boat, the ferry of Emily. She was standing there and I was with her. She was so happy and healthy, with her beautiful face, glowing with joy and looking ahead. Her smile was the most beautiful smile I ever saw._

' _We're here.' She said, looking at people waiting on the other shore. I could feel the wind on my face, and like she had said, the spray of the water. When I turned to her, she had disappeared and a second later I saw her running on the shore and hugging her family, her daughters. She was so happy. I was so happy for her. The wind caught in my hair. I loved the feeling of my hair, brushing my face. That is when I saw them, my mother, my father, my sisters and a child holding my oldest sister's hand. She was eight months pregnant when she died. 'Mother' I whispered. I knew I was dying. Maybe I even was already dead. I cried looking at my mother. She was beautiful, lively and strong._

' _You're okay.' I said to the wind. She smiled at me a warm welcoming smile. I shook my head, crying._

' _I'm not ready.' I whispered. No, I am not. I have a job to finish. I have to bring my people to earth. I waved to her, shaking, losing my grip on the boat banister. And I woke up. The wireless radio was on and Baltar was talking about the river. I stood up on my bed looking over, got up and walked by Emily's bed. The radio was on and Baltar was talking about the shore and how there was more to reality than what we could see with our naked eyes. Just like what Emily had said earlier. Emily was dead. Her bed was empty, sheets cleared. I never heard her die, I never heard them take the body away or clear the bed. I was with her all along on the boat, crossing the river. I felt warmth and love surrounding me on that boat. And now… now that she was dead, I did not feel sad or distressed. I was fully expecting my tears to return. I was expecting to grieve. I didn't. I knew she was well. I knew she was okay. It filled me with joy and hope. She was happy now and I could feel it."_

 **Thank you for reading... please let me know what you think. Faith is a heartbreaking episode and It was incredibly acted both my Mary and Nana Visitor. I cannot watch it without crying. I will finish the episode next time with Laura's talk with Bill.**

 **Until then, keep me motivated :) and leave your suggestions, comments and notes. They are deeply appreciated.**


	47. Chapter 47

**Thank you for everyone who have commented on previous chapters. I really appreciate your feedback.**

 **We are going into dark times and this chapter has a turning point for the modern times story.**

 **Chapter 47**

Takashi walked alone to the center of the cave. The fire was dying, just red embers glowing in the darkness. A group of colonists were talking to John and Sharon a bit further ahead. He sat down on a flat rock and put his head in his hands. He had experienced such joy during this mission and now he was feeling such anguish. Discovering these ancient people and their long forgotten history had been a delight. The whole team had stepped into their world, their mythology, and their humanity. Now they had to face the burden of knowledge, knowing what the rest of the world did not know, knowing their origins, and not being able to share it. Their lives would be forever changed by it. He sighed. They were already transformed by this discovery. John was in love with Sharon and she loved him back; they were spending all of their time together. Would they ever want to go back to the outside world? Sharon's world was here with these people. She belonged there. Evelyne and Liang had become a couple too. How would their lives change now? Would he want also to go back to modern civilization? He loved Helena. She did not need to say anything back. He could tell her feelings just by looking in her eyes. But time was slipping dangerously away. She was sick. While she had seemed better after a couple of days of treatment, her lungs had not cleared up. Moreover, she had started vomiting and unable to keep food in her stomach. She was still coughing and she was going through brutal weakness spells, such that she had to lay down, exhausted. She likely would refuse to be removed temporarily from the team to be hospitalized. While the closest city was Dar es Salaam and he knew, she should be taken to the nearest hospital, he was sure that the UN would bring her to Nairobi in Kenya, much further away, where the African headquarters were, because of the sensitive nature of their mission. Takashi was worried. The story of Laura and her people had inserted itself in their consciousness. It had become theirs too. He thought about the strangeness of it all, how they had connected, him, Helena, Evelyne, Liang and John to this old civilization and what it represented for the history of Earth. He thought how their personal relationships had become entwined to this old history, once forgotten, to become known again after thousands of years. The knowledge they possessed could also destroy this old civilization. The discovery at the Lady's Ridge, in itself, was already earth-shattering, but knowing that the original population descendants remained hidden in secret villages, gathering millennia of cultural artifacts, ancient texts about their origins and possibly functioning -literally- prehistoric technology could potentially destabilize the world. If it was not creating an identity crisis for humanity, it would certainly perk special interests, including the military. Takashi knew they were playing with fire, with the possibility that reactivating colonial or cylon technology could alert the cylons to come back. Certainly, that probability was low, but not insignificant. Takashi had been for years the most loyal researcher, he hated lies and manipulation. Was the world ready to receive that knowledge? Was the world ready to find out about the true origins of human civilization? Should he lie, conceal their discoveries to save these people or was there hope that this newly found history of mankind would instead bring back peace to modern civilization? Lying was so much against everything he believed in. He believed in honesty, openness, and loyalty. What was the right decision? He was the scientist in charge, directing the mission. Ultimately, it was his call. The quietness of the village was unsettling. The air felt heavy, as if something dark was coming. He shivered, even if it was not cold. He rubbed his eyes and turned around when he heard footsteps behind him.

Helena, wearing long sleeves and wrapped in a blanket, sat next to him.

"You should be in bed," he said gently. She hummed in response and in agreement, and he opened his arms to allow her to settle there. She rested her head on his shoulder. He dropped a kiss on her blonde hair.

"What are we going to do?" She whispered.

"We are going to take care of you." He rubbed her back lightly.

"No, you can't. Don't worry about me. This is bigger than us. I will be alright. I'm getting better anyway" She answered, but started violently coughing.

"Irony!" She whispered between two coughing fits. She put a hand to her mouth and immediately stilled.

"Helena?"

She looked at him, distressed, and opened her hand where a bit of mucus marred with bright red blood had gathered. He gave her a tissue to wipe it off and immediately grabbed his water bottle and gave her to drink. Her coughing subsided after a minute, but she held his hand tightly.

"Does your chest hurt?"

She nodded, unable to catch her breath.

"Lift your face up" he ordered, leaning to get his flashlight out of his bag.

He brought the light up to her eyes, "look up" he said, carefully bending to examine them.

"Open your mouth" and he looked at her gums and throat. His demeanor changed from worried to alarmed, and he got up suddenly, his heart beating so fast that he thought it was going to jump out of his chest. He took a couple of stabilizing breaths, his adrenaline surging.

'Okay. You're going to go back in bed right now. You feel very warm." He said softly, trying not to convey his sudden panic.

He helped her stand up and they took a few steps together before her legs buckled and she collapsed.

His scream alerted the others who came up running. Takashi picked up Helena in his arms and carried her back to the house, running as fast as he could.

"Broken blood vessel in eyes, bleeding gums, bleeding sores in the mouth." He whispered, out of breath, to Evelyne. Evelyne's face paled suddenly.

"Oh my God!"

She was busy immediately, placing a mask of oxygen on her face and hooking her up to an IV.

"Hydration" Evelyne said, shooting a worried look to Takashi. She added, whispering to Takashi, "Some kind of hemorrhagic fever." She added, "she was doing so much better this past couple of days. I didn't know why she had gotten worse. Now, we know. She has a fever again. I'll give her albuterol to open up her airways, until we get her out of here." She emptied a dose of the medication in the chamber attached to the oxygen mask. A barely conscious Helena grabbed Takashi's hand and held it tight.

"We are going to start running out of meds. I don't know how long I can keep her alive" Evelyne whispered to Takashi, as she turned around. Takashi took one long look at the pale face of Helena, who had closed her eyes.

Evelyne shook gently her shoulder.

"Helena, have you been bitten by an animal? Were you in contact with animals?"

She shook her head, no.

"Mosquitoes?" Takashi asked.

"Arms" she murmured.

Takashi moved her sleeves up to look at her arms to see a few mosquito bites there.

He abruptly stood up, letting go of Helena's hand, grabbed his bag and left the house. He ran down by the cave and called Sharon.

"Lead me to the nearest exit," he asked her. Sharon, seeing his determined look, did not argue. And she waved him towards the far end corridor in the rock shelf. They walked for a few minutes at fast pace, almost running, until they reached a natural balcony in the mountain edge. The light was intense. The rainforest, facing east, was a dark green canopy below, with a deep valley, which seemed inaccessible. The entrance of the labyrinth of caves was impossible to see, concealed in the rocks. There was no flat space to land a helicopter in the rugged landscape.

"We'll have to airlift her. I don't know how long she has." He pondered nervously, emotional.

"What are we talking about?" Sharon answered.

"Hemorrhagic fever." Takashi told her quietly.

"They need to airlift her!" John shouted, as he arrived behind them quickly, having heard his reply.

"For them to come here, we'll have to disclose the location of the village." Liang interjected, out of breath as he was running behind to catch the group. He had not heard the earlier part of the conversation.

"Well, they probably know it already if they traced your call to Evelyne a few days ago. We all are at risk here. We cannot let this disease spread" John replied.

"We all have been exposed to it. Me and Evelyne mostly." Takashi replied, looking at Liang, whispering.

"What do you mean?" Liang replied worried, unaware of the latest development.

"She has hemorrhagic fever of some sort… I kissed her," he admitted unabashed, "I may be incubating the virus. Evelyne took care of her for a few days; so, she has been exposed too."

"Then I have it too," Liang replied, pale.

"No, not you, Liang, Evelyne probably won't be contagious until symptoms show, if anything. It transmits through body fluids." John replied. "Only Takashi and Evelyne have been directly exposed, because they took care of her."

Sharon looked at the group of men, so worried about their colleagues and friend.

"We never had cases of this illness here. When people are sick, they get better quickly. Maybe we are all immune to it. Save Helena. Call now, there is no time. She is the voice of Laura… When we discussed this expedition with your leaders, we knew that the location of our villages would be disclosed. We knew the risks, but we accepted them, because we need access to modern technology, medications and education. We signed papers that the villages would be protected, remember? It is foolish to risk her life and your lives too. The location of our villages will be known eventually. Maybe it already is. We cannot change the outcome of time. Save her life."

"Let's call them up!" Takashi told his team solemnly. "We know what the consequences may be"

"Yes." John answered strongly.

Everyone nodded their assent.

Liang added, "You go take care of her. John and I will go, upload and protect our data." The team had started to encrypt and save data on multiple drives after the discovery of the cylon head, and the certitude that cylons were part of the genetic pool of the colonials.

Takashi picked up the SAT phone and called up the base camp on the Lady's Ridge, requesting an emergency airlift for a case of hemorrhagic fever. He broadcasted their GPS position for the helicopter.

When he returned by Helena, she was still resting, breathing slowly the oxygen, and getting hydrated from the IV line. She was conscious but very fatigued. Evelyne had given her Tylenol to reduce her fever.

"They are sending a team of doctors. It will take about five hours for them to get here. They will airlift you and take you to the UN base in Nairobi, in Kenya, which has a hospital and a confinement unit."

"No…" she murmured, "Takashi, no."

"This is not negotiable, Helena, I won't take a chance with your life. You need serious medical care." He said decisively.

"I exposed you… and you… no… no!" She said in a breath looking at Takashi and then Evelyne.

She turned her face away, hiding tears of frustration, her fist punching the pillow next to her, albeit weakly. He let her weep, knowing how close she was to this mission, knowing how upset she was, being forced to leave, putting her friends in danger. He kept on rubbing gentle circles on her back, as she was shaken by sobs.

"If I'm going to die, I'd like at least to choose where…I want to be here with you." She said through her tears, barely audible.

Takashi took her face in her hands, wiping her tears.

"Look at me," he said firmly. Her reddened eyes lifted to his. "Nobody is going to die. Not you, not me… not now!"

She nodded weakly. He gently caressed her cheek, as she laid back and closed her eyes, exhausted.

He took a deep breath and swallowed his anguish, trying his best to calm his mind. He had to practically get her organized for her departure.

"Look, Helena, there is not a lot of time; I have to back up your files on a drive before you go. What do you want to do with Laura's diary? With your laptop?"

She lifted her head slowly, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes under the pain she felt in her chest.

"Upload all the new files to the drives… Then, wipe it off. I finished translating the text… just needs to be revised and corrected."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah!... I know it by heart anyway." She closed her eyes for a moment, her vision blurred. She wanted this mission to finish differently. She did not want to leave. She looked at him again.

"Give the diary's and my research files to Elosha… She needs to have them, for their own history. It's their history." She closed her eyes. "She has read a large part of the text already. She'll get over knowing the whole cylon story. She needs to know the complete truth." She was whispering so low that Takashi had to bend to hear her speak.

Takashi already was working on her laptop, saving files.

Evelyne came around to check on Helena.

"What are you bringing with you?" She referred to Helena's belongings.

"Clothes. My passport, my ID papers, my cell phone, wallet." Helena answered softly, "everything else stays."

She turned her head to Takashi, "my bag with my keys and everything else was left at the Lady's Ridge camp… You have to secure that."

Evelyne and Takashi were extremely efficient in packing Helena's bag and saving the data, as quickly as possible, and then erasing the files from Helena's UN encrypted laptop. Takashi took Evelyne aside to the other room under the pretense to pack a bag for Helena. They were alone in the room, out of earshot. As he was folding her clothes in her bag, he questioned Evelyne.

"Okay… Let's be real, here. You're a biologist. What are we dealing with? Ebola? Marburg?"

"Well, they both are hemorrhagic fevers, but unlikely here. They're found in Uganda, and mostly West Africa. Latest outbreak was in Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia, a thousand of kilometers from here. No case ever found in Tanzania. It's very unlikely that we are dealing with those. Helena is still alive, which is a good sign, by the way. None of us show any indications that we are developing the disease so far."

"So which virus is it?"

"I can't be sure, without access to the internet and databases. But, there may be some isolated cases of other types of hemorrhagic fever in this region. I'm sure that the doctors coming will have answers for us."

Takashi sighed.

"Understood."

And then, they just waited in heavy silence, Takashi just holding Helena's hand, simply silent and present in each other's company. They knew that there was a chance they would never see each other again. They knew that any hemorrhagic fever had a high probability of fatality, regardless of the virus causing it.

"I wish…we had not wasted all of this time" she said, "I wish…"

She looked away, overwhelmed by emotion.

"No, Helena. You are not going to do this… Don't you dare saying goodbye."

"I wanted to tell you…"

"I know…me too… you'll tell me, when you're better" He smiled gently at her.

They heard the approaching sound of helicopters.

"You... be safe! Get treated too." she whispered to him, her throat tight by emotion. He nodded.

A medical doctor, protected by a biosafety suit and a mask, from the UN special ops group was descended in a harness from one helicopter to the stone ledge marking the entrance of one tunnel, while the second one was circling above. Liang and John were waving a red shirt to indicate their position and ended up grabbing him to pull him on the ledge. They ushered him to Helena, where he took her vitals and got all of the information from Evelyne, including the failed bacterial cultures. He questioned at length Evelyne and Takashi to get information on Helena and the onset of her symptoms. They gave him all the information they had, while he took notes. He recorded it as a hemorrhagic fever outbreak and relayed the information immediately by phone to the World Health Organization. He informed them that a team of two doctors was going to be dispatched from the second helicopter to survey the population, record all of the persons who have had contact with Helena, take blood samples and issue instructions to confine the outbreak. They were instructed not to leave their current location until they were found free of infection, a quarantine.

"Ready?" The doctor acknowledged she could be transported. He assembled a light portable stretcher, where Helena laid down and got strapped. Takashi and the doctor carried her to the opening in the mountain side. He talked to the helicopter pilot on his radio and the first helicopter circled adjusting its position again above them, lowering again its line.

Takashi looked into Helena's eyes, deeply, putting all his love and reassurance in one look, unabashed. Without breaking his gaze, he took her hand and she felt a rectangle being placed discreetly in her palm. She closed her hand on it. He bent to hug her and drop kisses along her cheek right up to her ear, holding her head against his. She could feel his tears and she choked on hers.

He softly whispered in her ear, "just in case, keep one jump drive. It's encrypted… Helena… No matter what, I'll be with you… Always."

She mouthed "I love you" so softly that he barely heard it, but felt her lips move against his cheek.

He looked at her one more time, an unspoken tearful message passing between them, and said with a small reassuring smile, that did not fool her, "I'll be waiting for you at the Lady's Ridge, when you're better." She held his gaze, until they hooked the stretcher to the line and she was unable to see him anymore as she was airlifted to the helicopter. And then, she was gone.

" _I knew I wouldn't fall back asleep. I was stunned by my dream, this dream so close to a vision. Maybe for the first time, I felt there was something else. I felt that my fate was not random; that there was really something on the other side. I was shaken deeply in my core. Was it a vision, or did I really travel there, at the edge of life, and asked for more time? 'I'm not ready' I said. No, I did not want to die now. Not yet! I had not finished my work in the fleet. I had to take my people to Earth. Was I granted a reprieve? I needed to talk with Bill. I needed to share this with him. I just wrapped myself in a robe and I walked over Bill's quarters. He clearly had been asleep, but he did not question my presence. We were, before and above all, friends, and I needed him. In the low light of his quarters, we sat together on the sofa, with a glass of water and I shared with him the events of the past few days. He listened patiently, quietly. I told him about Emily's death, and what I felt… I told him about my distress, and our common dream. My faith was shaken or maybe renewed. I explained to him how I felt the spray on my face, how the wind caressed my hair… my hair, which was back… I felt my hair blow in the breeze... Oh Gods! I missed my hair so much! We were whispering. It was a quiet conversation. He listened, drank little sips of water. The thing is I never really thought our Gods were real. I was not even particularly religious before. I just followed the traditions; I went to temple and followed the ritual without thinking much about it. When my mother died, I felt the absence of the Gods even more acutely, in the pain and yes –Emily was right- the fear I experienced. And, then, at the destruction of the Colonies, I was shaken by my visions. I was shaken, because they linked me to the book of Pythia, they told me I was the Dying Leader. I knew I was not going crazy. I knew I was not imagining things. It was real. And now... I had met my death and I had the power to ask to be granted more time. And… I was granted this time.  
'You really believe that there is something in this horse manure that Baltar is peddling?'_

' _I don't know', I replied sighing, 'something is happening here and I don't really understand it, Bill.' My visions, Baltar, and now this. Baltar describing a dream on his wireless that we both, Emily and I, had. My visions of the Opera House, shared with the cylon women, Sharon and Caprica Six. The vision of Baltar entering the Opera House with Caprica Six, while holding Hera in their arms. It was puzzling. I did not understand it. It was like the old and the new religion getting mixed up. I was sharing visions with the cylons. I was dreaming of words, said by Baltar… Baltar, out of all people!_

' _You both had the same dream means…' Bill shook his head, a wave of sadness and doubt invading him. I sensed his distress. He turned his head away from me._

' _What? Talk to me' I asked. Now it was him… Bill, who was drinking alcohol most of the time to avoid seeing me dying, was suddenly so fragile, so vulnerable. I could feel his emotions, right under his skin, ready to pour, like an uncontrollable wave._

' _What's going on?' I asked._

' _Kara comes back from the dead. I let her go off chasing her vision of Earth.' He looked at me, remembering the fights we had about this. It was time for us to make amends. I was facing my fate. The Demetrius had disappeared and had not come back._

' _Well, she's overdue.' He continued, acknowledging his mistake, doubt invading him._

' _Lee turns in his wings, and Helo, Athena, Gaeta…Will I ever see those kids again?' His voice was thick with pain and regret. I knew he was omitting my name; I was to depart from this life soon enough._

 _I put my right arm around his back, rubbing him gently, and held his arm in my left hand._

' _Bill… look at me.' He turned his head, swallowing hard._

' _I'm right here.' I whispered._

 _I held his gaze, reassuring. Our faces were close; I was holding him._

' _Right here'_

 _He looked at me, unwavering and I could read his soul like an open book, genuine, unguarded, loving. I could see his pain._

' _We're going to find it' I was sure now. I knew that I had been given a reprieve, because I had to find Earth. I wanted to infuse my faith to him, to share my certitude, my hope._

' _Earth?' he replied._

' _Yes'_

" _I used to think it was such a pipe dream.' I giggled at his words. He continued, 'I used to use it as a carrot for the fleet.' I found his admission very sweet, funny and just honest. How he was made to believe something he invented… Earth._

' _What made you change?' I whispered._

' _You' he replied with a little laugh and so much tenderness in his eyes._

' _You made me believe.' He confessed. We smiled at each other, happy, loving, with tears in our eyes._

' _I'll be forever grateful to you… for the hope.' He added. Bill opened his mouth to continue, looking deep in my eyes, emotional, ready to say more... maybe an admission of his love for me. He did not need to say it. His look told me as much; his intensity made my heart flutter and my skin flush. It may have been the most genuine conversation we ever had, the real acknowledgement of our feelings._

 _The transmission of the wireless started and I heard, low in the background, the voice of Baltar and, in a heartbeat, our mood changed. Bill wanted to turn it off. He tried to stand up brushing my arms gently._

' _No, no, no,' I said holding him back, 'let it be… I don't mind it so much now. I'll keep track.' Baltar, ironically, was my last connection to Emily. His voice reminded me of her journey. I folded my hands and bend my head listening to the wireless transmission. Bill took a drink of water and moved closer to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. The transmission was rather short, fifteen minutes maybe. We held each other. I had hope again. I had found a purpose. Yes, I was dying, but I was also leading my people to Earth to our future, for the human race to survive. And I had experienced doubts and fear. But now, I was not scared. I had seen death. I had seen my mother, sisters and niece waiting for me on the other side. I had felt the breeze and such a powerful presence of love surrounding me. I was not scared anymore._

 _When the transmission stopped, we did not move. We were comfortable in each other's presence. His arms around me, our friendship, our love. I was happy. I was open to him as he had been open to me. It was as if, finally, time had stopped for us, had granted us this moment of sweetness, this moment of tenderness, where we could be ourselves._

' _I want to do this.' I murmured to him and I bent to kiss him on the lips. It was chaste, but slow, letting my all of tenderness for him show. It was soothing and healing. We smiled at each other for a few seconds, so close I could feel his breath on my lips. We were tired. I was still weak from the treatments. I yawned deeply, stretching… that made him giggle._

' _Do you want to stay here for the night?' He asked with a smile, getting up._

' _Yes' I said and I walked to the rack. He turned off the lights, removed his robe, and laid down in his tanks and shorts on the bed. I also removed my robe and, in my pajamas, I laid down next to him, cuddling in his arms. I took a deep breath, inhaling his scent, and rested my cheek on his chest, listening to the slow rumble of his heart._

' _Warm enough? He whispered, rubbing my bare back under the white cotton of my pajama shirt. I hummed. He pulled the covers over us. We both fell asleep after a little while, in the comfort of our embrace._

 **Please leave me some feedback. It does feed my muse! Thank you so much for reading! Love to all!**


	48. Chapter 48

**Note; I know it has been a really long time. I have not forgotten this story. I was diagnosed with grade 2 brain cancer in July and the tumor was partially (unfortunately they had to leave some in there due to its location) removed in August after a very long surgery. I went back to work almost immediately in September to take care of my students. It is hard, but I feel much more valuable being with my students. I did not want to let them down. Before I started chemotherapy, I wanted to take care of some very important and special projects and I am happy to say that this was quite successful. I just finished the first round of chemotherapy, experiencing the whole gamut of side effects. You can be sure that my description of Laura's ordeal is medically accurate.**

 **Please pardon any mistakes. If I catch them I will fix them later. I wanted to post this... It has been way too long. Sending love to all. Keep me going with some positive reinforcement... Thanks...**

 **Chapter 48**

Takashi watched the stretcher lift slowly to the helicopter, Helena's blond hair floating in the wind. Two pairs of strong arms, gowned in biosafety suits, grabbed the stretcher and pulled it into the helicopter, and Takashi watched Helena disappear inside. The line was lowered again and the medical doctor put the harness on, and hooked the line.

"Take care of her. I'll be calling" Takashi said to him gravely and the doctor nodded, right before being lifted up also. They watched the helicopter, carrying Helena, fly fast north. Takashi stayed looking up long after the helicopter had disappeared on the horizon. His eyes were stinging from unshed tears.

A few minutes later, the second helicopter took its position and one after the other, two doctors were lowered to the edge. They both were wearing biosafety suits, two women. They waved to the helicopter, which left.

Takashi walked back to the center of the cave, followed by John and Liang, who patted him on the back sympathetically and the team of doctors. Everything all of a sudden was going so fast.

The doctors introduced themselves as tropical infectious disease specialists from the World Health Organization, who happened to be visiting the United Nations headquarters in Nairobi. Joanne Caspar was French and had been visiting from Geneva, where she studied rare tropical diseases, and Nathalia Kamau was a Kenyan specialist affiliated to the United Nations in Nairobi. Both women were in their late forties and had tremendous experience with infectious diseases from Africa. Their first order of business was to dispose of all contaminated blankets, bedding, fabric and clothes that Helena had touched or slept in. They pulled everything in red bags. Then they interviewed everyone who had been in contact with Helena very carefully. Takashi and Evelyne repeated to them all of the information that they already had given to the first doctor. Evelyne and Takashi were the most directly endangered individuals as they had been exposed to the virus. They were told to avoid direct physical contact with the other members of the group, since the virus seemed to spread only through body fluids and was not airborne, but they did not have to be isolated unless they developed fever and symptoms. There were about 300 villagers living in the Gemenon village and it was taking time for the doctors to talk with everyone. They were very well organized. They recruited some of the villagers to pre-screen their friends and family, and establish a list of all the members of the community and redirect possible cases to further investigation. Both Joanne and Nathalia also took blood samples from everyone in the team and gave strict instructions to all of the population. If any of them would start being symptomatic, they would have to immediately call the headquarters and isolate themselves. After thorough checks of all of the villagers, making sure nobody else was displaying any symptoms and collection of blood specimens, the doctors had removed their biohazard suits, as they felt there was no more risk of contamination. They informed them that the incubation could be up to 10 days and that in this region, they knew only of the Rift Valley virus a mild form of hemorrhagic fever, spreading from livestock. However, Helena's illness had started with respiratory symptoms, which were not typical of the Rift valley virus and so both doctors wondered if she had caught a mutated form of the virus in this remote region. Without further characterization, they remained very cautious. For Helena, they said, it would not change the outcome, as they could only provide support to her condition, hydration, control of the fever, in the absence any known cure or immunization. When Takashi asked, they told him that fatalities were over 50% with hemorrhagic fever.

It had been a hard day. Helena was gone and Takashi knew he would not have news for a few days at least, maybe more. After her departure, he had been answering questions from everyone, gathering members of the cave village and had Sharon translate the doctors' instructions to the population. He had been busy at first. But as the afternoon progressed, and everyone was involved in screening and receiving instructions from the doctors, there was nothing left to do but wait. Food was brought up by the villagers for the group. Joanne and Nathalia were welcomed in the village and sat around the campfire with everyone. They would stay for the night.

Emotionally exhausted, Takashi escaped from the group and walked alone to the entrance of the cave, by the ledge overlooking the rainforest. He stood there, looking at the stunning landscape, the hundreds different shades of green from different tree species, the sharp rocks plunging below. The sky was starting to turn orange as the sun was setting. He let emptiness invade him. He sat slowly cross-legged on the rock, breathing evenly to soothe the pain he was feeling, taking in the beauty of the landscape. He pulled his beads out of his pocket, a simple old Japanese mala, hundred and eight beads of black onyx, terminated by a simple red guru coral bead. It was worn and had been rethreaded many times. The smooth stone under his fingers comforted him, as it had comforted him when he lost his wife and son. Whispering, he started to recite a mantra, moving each one of the hundred and eight beads with each recitation. "Teyata _,_ Om bekanze bekanze maha bekanze radza samudgate soha". He continued bead after bead, becoming with recitation part of the forest, part of the landscape and part of the universe. The sky plunged into dusk, its deep indigo color filling him.

When tears came, he did not try to stop them. Birds were calling in the dusk, the forest was waking up with cries of animals, and the loud singing of crickets. Takashi, his hands closed in prayer in front of him, wept without shame or restrain, while praying. He did not try to avoid his pain; he felt it. There was no escape, nor did he want to find one. He breathed slow, focusing on the present moment, feeling his fear for Helena and his love for her. He bowed slightly, having reached the hundred and eighth bead, dedicating his recitation to her and all who suffered. It was almost completely dark outside, when he perceived a presence and turned his head, to see Elosha walking slowly towards him. He wiped his face and wrapped the mala around his left wrist. She sat next to him, looking into the abyss in front of them in the darkness of the night, which had fallen onto the mountains and the rain forest. Cries of animals could be heard in the distance. The trees were lit by a faint moonlight.

"You were praying."

He nodded and whispered: "Meditating and praying, yes. The Medicine Buddha mantra, to heal all."

"I see." She replied softly. They both relaxed in the darkness, listening to the life of the forest in the valley beneath them, silent for a while, enjoying each other's company just like old friends.

"The quorum met and I have decided to release Laura's diary to all of the villages. It is our history. We all have the right to know, even what you have tried so hard to conceal from us." Elosha said quietly. Takashi smiled.

"The cylons?"

"Yes, that we are in part cylons. That Hera was born from cylon and human. We needed to know. It is who we are. It is part of our ancestry. We cannot be afraid of it." She sighed. "Our history makes a lot more sense now. Some parts of the book of Hera and the later writers have been clarified by this knowledge. We have to get a fresh reading of our history books and maybe a re-write." She smiled and looked at him.

"It is good," he said, "I prefer honesty."

Elosha stood up and motioned him to come with her. He stood up as well and started to walk beside the old woman.

"Our people do not catch these diseases." She said to him slowly. Takashi looked at her, wondering what she meant.

"They do not get sick." Elosha insisted, smiling.

"Oh my God!" he exclaimed. "Thank you. Elosha." And he turned around, running back into the cave. He went back to the house where he found Evelyne in discussion with Nathalia.

"They do not get sick! They are immune." He told them, panting.

"Yes," Evelyne replied, "Sharon said so… They…" She interrupted herself and looked at Nathalia. "We need to get their blood and just make an anti-serum, for Helena… and for us."

Nathalia got up immediately and went to find Joanne. They pulled out their phone and called up the headquarters, requesting additional high volume blood collection material.

"We will collect blood from the villagers. But it needs to be sent to a lab and screened for HIV and Hepatitis, which will take only a few hours with a quick test protocol. We are not sending this to the hospital without the proper screening. They will come in the morning." Joanne explained, already planning ahead.

 _"The morning agenda was almost finished already on Colonial One, when I received the visit of Lee Adama. I was still tired with my treatments and I was not really in the mood to indulge his self-righteousness._

 _'Madame President, it has come to the attention of the press that you have been spending nights in the Admiral's quarters.' He said, his tone of voice, sharp and incisive, dripping with contempt._

 _'This is nobody's business.' I replied without stopping reading the document I was holding in my hands._

 _'It is the press' business, Madame President, if you are having an affair…'_

 _I snorted, 'an affair?' And removed slowly my glasses and looked at him._

 _'This is not a joke, Madame President. Tom Zarek is saying that the presidency is in bed with the military. He is undermining your credibility by circulating rumors about you. Are they even rumors?' Lee was raising his voice in anger._

 _'I am getting treatments in sickbay. I cannot always travel back the same day to Colonial One.' I replied strongly._

 _'Madame President, I can't even tell you how much your authority will be compromised if you're sleeping with my father…'_

 _'Oh, is that what it is about? Your unresolved issues with your father?' I looked at him, ice cold anger washing over me, 'I suggest, Mr. Adama, that you cool your head and do not bring your personal problems with your father into this office. I have and always will have in mind only the best interest of the people.' I put my glasses back on._

 _'Is that all, Mr. Adama?'_

 _'No, it's not. I have a recording from the latest Baltar broadcast.' He put a tape recorder on my desk and turned it on. We heard Baltar claiming that I shared visions with the cylons, from unimpeachable sources he claimed. My stomach turned over; I closed my eyes and leaned back on my chair. I remained determined not to show any emotion to Lee. I needed to know who this was coming from. Nobody knew about this. I had not shared my vision with anyone. Not just this, Baltar also knew that I was sharing vision with Sharon Agathon and Caprica Six. Disgusted, I shut down the tape player._

 _'Oh No… That's not that easy, Madame President.' He said._

 _'No? You should try it sometime.' I replied._

 _'Most of the population heard that broadcast.'_

 _'I would assume that's the point' I looked at him._

 _'Look, I take no pleasure in putting this before you. In fact, they practically had to push me through that door.' His temper was rising, in frustration, again. The irony of his statement was not lost on me._

 _'Well, I'm sure you're quite happy to stay' I replied, sarcastic._

 _'I cannot put one foot in front of the other without someone blocking my path asking me what the hell is going on!' He screamed at me. This, of course, had also something to do with my alleged 'affair' with his father, no doubt._

 _'For the welfare of the fleet…' He continued, angry. I wonder if he ever got it. Did he even know what the fleet meant to me? How I was willing to sacrifice my own life for the survival of this group of people, what was left of humanity?_

 _'Excuse me' I said firmly without raising my voice. 'As long as I am in this office, the welfare of the fleet is not something you need to worry about.'_

 _'You owe the people a response!' He stated. The people! The same people, who followed Baltar, who rallied behind his acquittal. The same people who were delighted in a nice piece of gossip upon learning I had spent a few nights in company of Bill. The ones who were measuring how many weeks I would live with cancer… My body did not belong to the people. My life belonged to me! To me!_

 _'I owe the people?'_

 _'That's what I believe' he replied._

 _'What if suddenly all your beliefs were called into question?' I asked him._

 _'Madame President…'_

 _'Up is down. Black is white. Scripture is fiction. Home is thin air instead of solid ground. Etc.' I was trying to make a point. Nothing is as we believe. Our world has been turned around. Lee did not understand. No, he did not get it. Not yet._

 _'You know, I'm really sorry for everything you've had to endure. I really am.'_

 _I looked at him. He was so young. Just a child really. Acting from his righteousness, he completely was missing the point._

 _'But the people, they deserve a response.' He continued._

 _'Do they?' I replied._

 _'Is there any truth to this broadcast?'_

 _'And what would you do if I told you the truth?' I said. I saw him waver. I pushed further. 'what if it were you instead of me and all that's left of humanity had just been told that you are sharing visions with the enemy. What would you do Mr. Adama? Would you think that the Gods were testing you?'_

 _He leaned forward stunned, pursuing his interrogation nevertheless._

 _'So Baltar is telling the truth?' I did not reply. He already knew the answer. 'Is it true?' He pressed._

 _'Yes!' I replied. He looked at me… There was almost fear in his look. I could see the questions formulating in his mind, his anger suddenly dropped. I, Laura Roslin, human, was sharing dreams with the cylons, hallucinations with a common theme. Almost every night and sometimes even during the day, I shared the same dream, running after Hera in the Opera House, along her mother, only to find the child in the arms of Caprica Six about to enter the theatre, with Baltar. I was sharing visions with the cylons. What to make of that? I could not explain it and now Baltar knew. Baltar… who told him? Part of me wondered if he was experiencing the same visions… after all, all of the actors of these dreams did! I needed to find out. Lee having obtained what he wanted, some answer from me, left promptly and returned to Galactica._

 _I remained alone at my desk, wondering. I felt a shift inside me, as if the universe had somehow moved. I could not explain why, but that feeling that something was about to happen. I had felt it on New Caprica, and the cylons had come back. I was not sure it was about danger or darkness, rather about a change, a shift in the energy surrounding me. Something deep and strange, that I could not explain and yet I felt it was connected to my vision. I picked up the phone and asked to be connected to Bill._

 _'I just had a lovely visit from Lee. There are apparently rumors in the fleet about you and I sharing quarters.'_

 _'What do you want to do?' He replied._

 _'I need to move into my own quarters on Galactica. Cottle is starting a new round of Doloxan today. Let's put these rumors to an end right now.' He agreed and, immediately after hanging up, I called in Tory to prepare for my temporary move. We selected files that needed immediate attention, projects I was currently working on, some stationary, some office supplies. In my room, I packed a few days' clothes. I had so few clothes left anyway. I was due to Cottle for another round of treatment in late afternoon._

 _By midafternoon, we were ready and we had packed up a shuttle to go to Galactica. Most of our little trips from Colonial One to Galactica and back always were uneventful, except this one. We were half way between the two ships, when a cylon basestar jumped in the middle of the fleet. Our pilot panicked as he saw the fleet activate the rendezvous coordinates and jump away. It was the usual protocol, whenever we were under attack. Preset coordinates were distributed for everyone to meet after a FTL jump and get away from the attack. Our pilot had seen the basestar and was cursing. Our tension immediately increased, as we saw our fleet disappear. Galactica was waiting for us to land and our pilot accelerated, hoping that we would not be hit before we landed into safety. We were an absolute naked target, with limited FTL capacity and no weapons. We saw vipers zooming past us towards the basestar. When we finally reached the Galactica, I was able to release the breath I was holding. Tory was pale. There was no sign of battle, however. Clearly, this was very unusual. We nearly ran to CIC following the guard, as we heard the vipers being recalled. Moving to a temporary new office would have to wait._

 _'It's the Demetrius, Kara and the others. They brought back a cylon basestar. They are claiming that these cylons are on our side.' Bill announced as soon as he saw me, a frown on his face. He added, 'they're coming over'. Immediately, Bill sent colonel Tigh and troops to secure the basestar and bring back Kara, Athena, Helo and all of the others. Lieutenant Gaeta had been shot and they transported him from the Demetrius to sick bay. I heard he was in bad shape. We would have to find out what happened exactly. Was he shot by cylons? Was there a fight? Now it even looked like Cottle would have to perform surgery on him immediately. My treatment would have to wait. Bill increased security measures throughout the ship, as they were waiting to the shuttle from the basestar to land. And we moved to the conference room, the war room as they liked to call it, to wait for them. We were tense, all of us._

 _A Six cylon model came to talk with us. It is incredible how they all look alike and at the same time manage to each be somewhat different. This one had darker hair and a much more open demeanor. She seemed sincere, but with cylons it is hard to tell. They are expert manipulators. She narrated a tale of civil war among the cylons, divided in between models. And for the first time she talked about the final five cylons. Final five cylons? We knew of seven models. The first one was Cavil, we knew of Leoben, the number two model, Sharon was model number eight. D'Anna was model number three. The model number four, Simon, and five, Doral, sided with Cavil, according to her. Nobody ever mentioned of the model number seven, which remained a mystery to all of us. She was talking about five additional models. If this was true, this news was indeed frightening. To think that all of this time another five cylons were pretending to be human was a danger to our security. These models, the Sixes, Twos and the Eights, had broken from the other cylons in their quest to find the final five cylons. We learned that the Threes, D'Anna, were boxed after the fight on the algae planet, because they had been able to see the identity of the Five through the Eye of Jupiter, but never had the time to share their identities with anyone. The D'Annas consciousness had been stored and their bodies deactivated. According to this Six's testimony, this was a taboo subject among the cylons. She said that the Five were coming from Earth and knew the way there. That really, now, had my attention. There had been so much manipulation of information with the cylons that it was very difficult to know if what she was saying was true, or if she had a hidden agenda. That Six model's goal was to go and unbox the D'Anna's cylon line, to revive one model and make her reveal the identity of the Five. The Six was asking for our help, having their fighters destroyed, claiming to be hunted by the other group of cylons. In turn, these cylons offered to lead us to their resurrection facility, a ship that they call the resurrection hub. It was coordinating resurrection and download of all of the cylons. It was where the D'Annas were stored and, if we destroyed it, no cylons could ever be able to resurrect. They would become mortal enemies. Their advantage erased finally. The Six was convincing, appealing to me, talking about vengeance. It was hard to believe that any cylon would be willing to trade their resurrection ability for this. But what that number six model was saying made logical sense. They were hunted, they had nowhere to go. By destroying that hub, they also were winning that civil war of theirs. Yes, it made sense, but we knew that the power of the six model to convince us was very strong. That model had seduction gifts that were out of the ordinary. We could listen and needed to take that information without losing our critical ability to protect ourselves. It was all about strategy. Was she telling the truth or was it another trick to fight us? Bill asked her for the coordinate of the hub. She refused, saying that she would take us there. That was it. If they were unwilling to yield the information, there was no more negotiations. It was over and Bill ordered her to be removed. As the guards were escorting her out, she called 'Wait' and asked him if he was true to his word._

 _'You have my word' Adama said, strongly. She wanted to find the Five and she told us that they were among us in the fleet. She said that it was the reason why the cylon raiders turned around in the nebula and spared us. They would have had to be there all of this time. It really did not make sense. Why now? Still, imagine… five cylons in our fleet, their identity concealed. They could be reactivated at any moment and destroy us. Maybe they knew they were cylons, or maybe they were dormant agents, in all appearance human, indistinguishable from us. Maybe they did not even know they were cylons. A complete nightmare. I felt we were inside a complete nightmare."_

 _"I needed to be seen by Cottle. I was very tired and cold. I started to shiver and Bill took me to his quarters. I was hoping that I was not getting a fever. That is all we would need right now! I could not get sick in the middle of this crisis. I sat on the couch wrapped in a blanket and sipping steaming hot tea. We heard that the quorum had an emergency meeting called by Tom Zarek. They had heard rumors and demanded answers. We had kept Lee Adama in the dark, so he would not disclose any negotiations with the cylons. Yes, I knew the quorum would be going insane. We had no time to take care of their extra sensitive feelings. We were in a unique crisis. There was no time to play the political game. This was a military operation. We had a strategy meeting in Bill's office. We had no way to know if that Six was telling the truth. Bill sent a raptor to the hub coordinates and verified its presence. They jumped back before they were detected. That part at least was true. They wanted the Five cylons. They wanted to find Earth. So did we. Tight, Helo and even Bill were basing their thinking on the fact that she was telling the truth, going along with the plan. Tigh was just interested in destroying the hub without even bothering looking for D'Anna. I was more cautious. We needed to talk with D'Anna, but there is nothing that even guaranteed that she would tell us who the Five were, especially if we just had destroyed their only way to resurrect and be alive. There were no guarantees about anything really, because we did not even know if the Six was telling the truth. We didn't know if the D'Anna knew truly who the Five were and if I remember well her personality, when we encountered her before, even back on New Caprica, she was a very arrogant and difficult model. I seriously doubt she would even begin to cooperate. We left our meeting with no good resolution, more a wait and see approach, based on a mutual distrust of the cylon. And for good reasons! But certainly, we needed to identify who the Five were, we needed the information on how to go to Earth. Maybe we could even take them and keep them, instead of releasing them to the cylons. The fact they had not been identified before was indeed scary. It meant they were likely sleeper agents."_

 _"I rested a bit more after Bill dismissed Tigh and Helo. When everyone was gone, Bill sat next to me. He looked at me gravely._

 _'I may not have the best of news for you, Laura' he said softly. I looked at him, surprised. What else could possibly go wrong?_

 _'Your assistant, Tory, has been spotted by my crew spending significant amount of time in Baltar's lair, down where he has his group of followers. I heard that she goes there each time you are on Galactica.'_

 _I nodded silently. Tory had been disappearing for hours when we came on board. That did explain a lot of things. I imagined she would pass a lot of information to him, probably sleeping with him. She did not know, however, about my dreams. She was not responsible for the information leak. It occurred to me that Baltar could be a cylon, after all he was in the dream too. Could I be one too? Oh, Gods, no! No I wouldn't be. I could not let my mind even go there. Someone else was sharing the confidential information about my dreams. I needed to find out who it was. I lowered my head, for a moment, grieving the loss of Billy. I could not trust Tory. I never really had a complete confidence in her. I always held back with her. Bill put gently his hand on my arm._

 _'Are you okay?'_

 _I shook my head and took another sip of the tea in my mug._

 _'What do you need?' He asked gently._

 _'I don't know, Bill. Everything has gotten so complicated. And, I feel tired. I do not know what to think. If there are five cylons in the fleet, this is a nightmare. Gods, Bill, it could be anyone.' My hands were shaking and I was cold._

 _'It's getting late, are you hungry?' He said._

 _'No. I really can't think of eating right now.' I knew I had to set my quarters before the night hours and sleep there. I did not want to wait until I was too tired to even function. I certainly was feeling it._

 _'Would you help me set up my office?' I asked him._

 _'Certainly' he replied getting up and offering his arm for support._

 _He led me to the place and his crew delivered my document boxes and personal belongings. Another soldier brought some linens for the bed and blankets, which Bill immediately started to set, while I was going through files. It was an officer's typical quarters, with a desk and a rack, well a bed (I never have grown accustomed to their terminology). It is really all I needed. Bill helped me unpacking my files. I felt my anger toward Tory growing slowly and settle at the pit of my stomach. My disappointment was so deep it became physical. I tried to focus on the simple task of setting up my temporary office. One step at a time. Breathe… to contain the anger, the hurt, the anxiety. I had put my bag by the sleeping area. And I organized my office with Bill. We worked well together almost in silence. Bill was unpacking boxes and passing folders to me, which I would file according to topic and urgency. We set up a nice working area. In the sleeping area, I put a few clothes in the drawers under the sleeping rack and set up my very sparse toiletries in the bathroom. I was grateful Bill had dressed the bed. I set up a few pillar candles and several books, most of them coming from Bill's library. The events of the day were weighing heavy on me. I was not well. The fatigue, side effect of the Doloxan, was pulling on my bones as if my limbs weighted a ton. I felt as if I was made of lead. The day had brought severe anxiety of top of this. The thought of food was making my stomach churn, yet I knew I eventually needed to eat something. I was losing weight rapidly, according to Cottle. My thoughts and fears were pulling my restless mind in all directions. I sat on the bed with a deep sigh._

 _'Why don't you remove your wig and your suit, and put something more comfortable' I looked up at Bill. I was so caught up in my own inner turmoil, I almost had forgotten he was there. He was observing me gently, his head tilted to the side with a smile._

 _'Yes… you're right… I should do that.' I whispered._

 _'Let me help you.' He stepped forward and softly lifted the wig from my head. He pulled a drawer, placed the wig in it, and took a scarf and my pajamas out._

 _'Here.' His hands were soft on my scalp as he placed the fabric on my skin, focused on tying the knot properly. I do not know what did it, the gentle caress of his fingers on my neck or his kiss on my forehead, I looked up into his eyes and barely chocked a sob._

 _'I'm sorry' I whispered putting a hand to cover my mouth and then to wipe the tears that had started to roll. I slipped off my jacket and walked off quickly to the bathroom to change. Once alone and changed in my pajamas, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Doubts. We had five cylons in the fleet, hidden. My assistant Tory was lying to me. No, she betrayed me with Baltar. It was hard not to take it personally. I had to reconsider everything I had told her, even if I was careful from the onset. Loyalty was always first in my book. Disagreements are normal and to be expected. But betrayal… no. There had been too much of this lately. I was oscillating between shock and anger. Wiping off more tears, I finally came out of the bathroom and proceeded to lay my suit pants flat on a chair. I was finding comfort in every day little motions, folding the pants nicely, setting the jacket on the back of the chair… In my apartment, back on Caprica, I used to water the plants and straighten out the place when I was upset, picking up every piece of junk mail to recycle, arranging pillows on the sofa until they were perfectly straight, cleaning up the kitchen. When the place was clean, I would only then allow myself to think about whatever problem was bothering me._

 _Bill approached me._

 _'Laura, it was a very hard day.' In his tone of voice, I heard tenderness, understanding and compassion. He pulled me up and wrapped me in his arms. I held him tight, burying my face in the fabric of his uniform. I let the tears fall, while his hands rubbed my back. I felt defeated, sick, incapable of holding food in my stomach and so so tremendously tired. Without letting go of me, he led me to the bed. There was no shame and there was no judgment. His fingers wiped my tears and he slowly lifted my chin to kiss me. I melted into this kiss. For that moment, there was nothing else, but the feeling of his lips on mine, his taste, the connection of our two bodies, the connection of our two souls. I could allow myself to show weakness in his presence. I could allow myself to feel honestly the emotions going through me, good and bad, terrifying or elating. I kept my eyes closed, when we broke the kiss, our lips still barely touching, my hands on his cheeks, breathing in unison._

 _'Thank you,' I whispered in one breath, our forehead leaning against each other's._

 _'You should sleep,' he whispered back. I nodded slightly. 'It is going to be…'_

 _'No' I replied, kissing lightly his lips, 'I don't want to talk about this or anything else.'_

 _He moved and turned off the lights, and helped me lay down. With only the side lamp on, he picked up 'Searider Falcon', sat next to me and started reading, while stroking my arm and back lightly with his right hand. I listened to his low voice, soothing and eased into his soft caresses. Sometime later, I felt a blanket pulled over my shoulders and a kiss on my forehead. I smiled._

 _'Goodnight, Laura' he murmured as he put the book on the shelf._

 _'Night' I whispered back. He walked slowly out and I head the soft click of the hatch closing._


End file.
